Pie 4 Life
Hall of Famer
So ladies, gentlemen and Deddy, it is time once again for the month that separates the best from the rest, or at least the team that just happens to have four good weeks after scraping into the finals.
Of the 12 teams that started the season, we have eight remaining and it will be the first season without the Mozzie Bites in the finals. What a sad day it is... for amos. No-one else could give a rat’s arse to be honest.
But let’s investigate who actually did enough to make the finals:
QF1: City Oval Plovers vs. American Rednecks
Just as we all thought the Plovers might not actually finish on top of the ladder, they bloody well did.
As if they hadn’t won enough already, I mean come on, give someone else a shot.
Luckily for the other seven teams, the Plovers proved beatable this year (unlike last year) and were slain by the might of the 10-man Armadillos and the preliminary final-bound Ladyboys.
In the first final they play the Rednecks however, and it will be interesting to see how this game goes down.
None of us know what Redneck outfit will come out on the park, not even Deddy.
But if they lose, you can be sure Deddy will use the power of hindsight to declare it was at the selection table where he lost – I wonder if that would work for Damien Hardwick now?
Looking through their team lists, the Plovers have had their fair share of injuries this season, including some bloke called Nat Fyfe gone for pretty much the year, and Tom Rockliff off and on.
And yet they still keep winning, this is why they will probably become the new Mozzie Bites as the team everyone loves to hate.
Except the Plovers will actually have some recent success to back it up rather than referring to some cup they won before their opposition coach was born and a bunch of pre-season flags.
Can the Rednecks win this match? They physically can, but it is going to be a tough game.
Well, that’s enough hard discussion, let’s go back to the sledging.
The biggest disappointing thing would be if the Rednecks won, they would not play The Ladyboys and we know how much those sides love to make finals, briefly make an appearance and then lose.
However this year, the Rednecks arguably have their best chance, because they actually finished top four, which is hard to type without chuckling.
They are usually top four six weeks out from finals then lose the last five games and are eliminated in the first week.
I guess we will have to wait until semi-finals for the Rednecks to bow out.
The Plovers on the other hand, they would probably win the premiership from ninth, because they can win anything.
A tough call, but the Plovers pretty comfortably here.
But you can be warned if the Rednecks win, Deddy will remind me of the fact I tipped against them, and I don’t even need the power of hindsight for that.
QF2: Draconian Knights vs. Animals run wild
In the other qualifying final, we have... wait is that the Knights? How the flying hell did they get there?
Somehow they have flown under the radar all season despite amassing a large amount of wins.
I think most coaches were just waiting for the wheels on the bandwagon to fall off, but in fairness to them, they haven’t and now they head into the finals series with a double chance.
As they only have one finals loss to their name, it’s hard to gauge the Knights’ form in the biggest month of the year.
Their rise to fame this season has been nothing short of amazing, but I guess when you have Nathan Fyfe 2016 edition aka. Paddy Dangerfield, you can pretty much win anything.
Looking through their list they do not have too many “elite” stars, but consistent players who score highly enough each week to get the job done.
I do worry for them if Danger and Shaw both get tagged in the same week however, because that could really spell danger.
Their opponents Animals run wild are seasoned finalists, having made finals every single year and seemingly at the pointy end of things.
They also won a premiership against me when I farewelled The Repeaters, so clearly I’m all for spoiling their show.
Unlike the Knights, they seem to have stars on every line, expect in defence, but that’s okay because they still score a 30-odd per person score each week.
I mean, how does a team with Goldy, Franklin, Treloar and Hannebury not actually dominate the league?
It really all comes back to the coach and clearly Drew23 is just waiting to unleash his side on his opponents in the finals.
These guys are right up there in premiership contention and they are the side I would not want to play in finals. Except the Plovers because in case we haven’t mentioned yet, they always win.
But the Animals have one flag to their name and could have two by the end of the month.
That’s right, they have more flags than their opponent has finals victories.
If we’re tipping on experience and paper talent, it has to be the Animals, but if we’re tipping on season form, the Knights get the nod.
As much as I hate to say it, I think the Animals are likely to cause an upset here and move one win away from a grand final.
EF1: The Ladyboys vs. Holiday Armadillos
Wow there are so many good jokes for this match-up, let me tell you.
The Ladyboys are clearly going to win this one on their way to another preliminary final, so there’s not much point analysing this game.
However for the sake of it, I think betting agencies should close down the head-to-head markets and open up a market just to see if gym4life can correctly name a team for once.
I’m yet to be convinced he understands the basics of AFL team selection, how to name a captain and vice-captain, and how to name emergencies.
The most annoying thing is the side has still bloody won more than four other sides – two of them active.
I mean, I dunno about fightingfury_88, but it sucks when we’re posting full teams and still can’t get near a team that happens to have nine players, no captain or just forgets to name a ruck.
Imagine The Ladyboys jokes if they lost this, it would certainly be a long off-season for them but also a change of pace from their usual straight-sets exit after a double chance or preliminary final loss.
In all seriousness though, WAG is the ultimate professional when it comes to coaches and if you cut 0.5 points off his score, he will make sure everyone knows about it.
WAG has a monkey fetish and for some reason my monkeys are less productive after he’s paid me a visit.
But he also makes the big calls, dumping Gary Ablett Jnr last year and Dayne Beams this year, so no-one can blame him for rolling the dice.
I say this honestly all jokes aside, if there was a team that deserved a flag ahead of all others, it would have to be The Ladyboys.
They will have to do it the hard way after missing out on the double chance, but they should move past the Armadillos and face the Rednecks in the semi-final.
Knowing gym4life though, we will probably still see a team named next week even if they lose, but at least we can be safe in knowing it won’t be filled correctly.
In this match, I’m tipping the monkey fetish man and his band of willing Ladyboys.
EF2: South-Eastern Polar Bears vs. Classy Gentlemen
In the final match of the round, we have an elimination final between the Polar Bears and Classy Gentlemen.
The Polar Bears are like the upgraded version of The Ladyboys.
Instead of losing in the preliminary final, they go one better and decide to lose in the grand final.
Imagine if they can make it to the big dance and then go down. It would be madness.
With two grand finals in four seasons, the Polar Bears will be keen to make number three.
Standing in their way are the “surprise” packets Classy Gentlemen. For the purpose of this entire finals series I’m going to call them “surprising” because Gentlemen told me how much he loves it when I refer to his side as such.
Last year he finished fifth and then made a preliminary final, and for the entire league that was surprising.
Not because the side wasn’t capable, it’s just we all got so used to seeing them score 500 plus points one week and then 250 the next.
I’m not even kidding, if you graphed his score each week it would resemble WAG’s lie detector test when I question him about my monkey’s welfare.
But if I were sr20 I’d be concerned about Classy Gentlemen.
Not because they are the better side, but because they quite literally pull an amazing game out of their arses and make us think they are the next big thing, then fall back and swiftly lose the next week.
On paper, the Polar Bears should win this as they generally go alright in finals... well until the grand final of course.
But Classy Gentlemen could cause an upset and make it back-to-back preliminary finals.
Or not. I’m guessing not, but who actually knows because it’s a bloody fantasy game based on stats so it’s not like anyone can actually predict the future. Except Deddy but he only says he knew about the future once it is in the future and that he should have used that knowledge to name a team.
Anyway back on track, I’m tipping the Polar Bears with no confidence.
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Name your teams this week. As it's finals, 10% score penalty regardless of players after Friday nights bounce, 20% after the first bounce on Saturday and 50% if it's after Saturday night's first bounce.
Good luck everyone
Of the 12 teams that started the season, we have eight remaining and it will be the first season without the Mozzie Bites in the finals. What a sad day it is... for amos. No-one else could give a rat’s arse to be honest.
But let’s investigate who actually did enough to make the finals:
QF1: City Oval Plovers vs. American Rednecks
Just as we all thought the Plovers might not actually finish on top of the ladder, they bloody well did.
As if they hadn’t won enough already, I mean come on, give someone else a shot.
Luckily for the other seven teams, the Plovers proved beatable this year (unlike last year) and were slain by the might of the 10-man Armadillos and the preliminary final-bound Ladyboys.
In the first final they play the Rednecks however, and it will be interesting to see how this game goes down.
None of us know what Redneck outfit will come out on the park, not even Deddy.
But if they lose, you can be sure Deddy will use the power of hindsight to declare it was at the selection table where he lost – I wonder if that would work for Damien Hardwick now?
Looking through their team lists, the Plovers have had their fair share of injuries this season, including some bloke called Nat Fyfe gone for pretty much the year, and Tom Rockliff off and on.
And yet they still keep winning, this is why they will probably become the new Mozzie Bites as the team everyone loves to hate.
Except the Plovers will actually have some recent success to back it up rather than referring to some cup they won before their opposition coach was born and a bunch of pre-season flags.
Can the Rednecks win this match? They physically can, but it is going to be a tough game.
Well, that’s enough hard discussion, let’s go back to the sledging.
The biggest disappointing thing would be if the Rednecks won, they would not play The Ladyboys and we know how much those sides love to make finals, briefly make an appearance and then lose.
However this year, the Rednecks arguably have their best chance, because they actually finished top four, which is hard to type without chuckling.
They are usually top four six weeks out from finals then lose the last five games and are eliminated in the first week.
I guess we will have to wait until semi-finals for the Rednecks to bow out.
The Plovers on the other hand, they would probably win the premiership from ninth, because they can win anything.
A tough call, but the Plovers pretty comfortably here.
But you can be warned if the Rednecks win, Deddy will remind me of the fact I tipped against them, and I don’t even need the power of hindsight for that.
QF2: Draconian Knights vs. Animals run wild
In the other qualifying final, we have... wait is that the Knights? How the flying hell did they get there?
Somehow they have flown under the radar all season despite amassing a large amount of wins.
I think most coaches were just waiting for the wheels on the bandwagon to fall off, but in fairness to them, they haven’t and now they head into the finals series with a double chance.
As they only have one finals loss to their name, it’s hard to gauge the Knights’ form in the biggest month of the year.
Their rise to fame this season has been nothing short of amazing, but I guess when you have Nathan Fyfe 2016 edition aka. Paddy Dangerfield, you can pretty much win anything.
Looking through their list they do not have too many “elite” stars, but consistent players who score highly enough each week to get the job done.
I do worry for them if Danger and Shaw both get tagged in the same week however, because that could really spell danger.
Their opponents Animals run wild are seasoned finalists, having made finals every single year and seemingly at the pointy end of things.
They also won a premiership against me when I farewelled The Repeaters, so clearly I’m all for spoiling their show.
Unlike the Knights, they seem to have stars on every line, expect in defence, but that’s okay because they still score a 30-odd per person score each week.
I mean, how does a team with Goldy, Franklin, Treloar and Hannebury not actually dominate the league?
It really all comes back to the coach and clearly Drew23 is just waiting to unleash his side on his opponents in the finals.
These guys are right up there in premiership contention and they are the side I would not want to play in finals. Except the Plovers because in case we haven’t mentioned yet, they always win.
But the Animals have one flag to their name and could have two by the end of the month.
That’s right, they have more flags than their opponent has finals victories.
If we’re tipping on experience and paper talent, it has to be the Animals, but if we’re tipping on season form, the Knights get the nod.
As much as I hate to say it, I think the Animals are likely to cause an upset here and move one win away from a grand final.
EF1: The Ladyboys vs. Holiday Armadillos
Wow there are so many good jokes for this match-up, let me tell you.
The Ladyboys are clearly going to win this one on their way to another preliminary final, so there’s not much point analysing this game.
However for the sake of it, I think betting agencies should close down the head-to-head markets and open up a market just to see if gym4life can correctly name a team for once.
I’m yet to be convinced he understands the basics of AFL team selection, how to name a captain and vice-captain, and how to name emergencies.
The most annoying thing is the side has still bloody won more than four other sides – two of them active.
I mean, I dunno about fightingfury_88, but it sucks when we’re posting full teams and still can’t get near a team that happens to have nine players, no captain or just forgets to name a ruck.
Imagine The Ladyboys jokes if they lost this, it would certainly be a long off-season for them but also a change of pace from their usual straight-sets exit after a double chance or preliminary final loss.
In all seriousness though, WAG is the ultimate professional when it comes to coaches and if you cut 0.5 points off his score, he will make sure everyone knows about it.
WAG has a monkey fetish and for some reason my monkeys are less productive after he’s paid me a visit.
But he also makes the big calls, dumping Gary Ablett Jnr last year and Dayne Beams this year, so no-one can blame him for rolling the dice.
I say this honestly all jokes aside, if there was a team that deserved a flag ahead of all others, it would have to be The Ladyboys.
They will have to do it the hard way after missing out on the double chance, but they should move past the Armadillos and face the Rednecks in the semi-final.
Knowing gym4life though, we will probably still see a team named next week even if they lose, but at least we can be safe in knowing it won’t be filled correctly.
In this match, I’m tipping the monkey fetish man and his band of willing Ladyboys.
EF2: South-Eastern Polar Bears vs. Classy Gentlemen
In the final match of the round, we have an elimination final between the Polar Bears and Classy Gentlemen.
The Polar Bears are like the upgraded version of The Ladyboys.
Instead of losing in the preliminary final, they go one better and decide to lose in the grand final.
Imagine if they can make it to the big dance and then go down. It would be madness.
With two grand finals in four seasons, the Polar Bears will be keen to make number three.
Standing in their way are the “surprise” packets Classy Gentlemen. For the purpose of this entire finals series I’m going to call them “surprising” because Gentlemen told me how much he loves it when I refer to his side as such.
Last year he finished fifth and then made a preliminary final, and for the entire league that was surprising.
Not because the side wasn’t capable, it’s just we all got so used to seeing them score 500 plus points one week and then 250 the next.
I’m not even kidding, if you graphed his score each week it would resemble WAG’s lie detector test when I question him about my monkey’s welfare.
But if I were sr20 I’d be concerned about Classy Gentlemen.
Not because they are the better side, but because they quite literally pull an amazing game out of their arses and make us think they are the next big thing, then fall back and swiftly lose the next week.
On paper, the Polar Bears should win this as they generally go alright in finals... well until the grand final of course.
But Classy Gentlemen could cause an upset and make it back-to-back preliminary finals.
Or not. I’m guessing not, but who actually knows because it’s a bloody fantasy game based on stats so it’s not like anyone can actually predict the future. Except Deddy but he only says he knew about the future once it is in the future and that he should have used that knowledge to name a team.
Anyway back on track, I’m tipping the Polar Bears with no confidence.
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Name your teams this week. As it's finals, 10% score penalty regardless of players after Friday nights bounce, 20% after the first bounce on Saturday and 50% if it's after Saturday night's first bounce.
Good luck everyone
