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Please don't do Dome - Halfbaked was clearly half baked when he posted that. But his Tony Ales call was spot on.
I'm on it. I've already pre prepared this report precisely for that niche group...Now a reminder to the esteemed training reporters...don't be too positive. There are some who prefer the ol' compliment sandwich in their reports to keep a lid on things.
Coffee at tony ales is very bad unfortunately
I'm on it. I've already pre prepared this report precisely for that niche group...
Pre Season Training Day 1
---------------------------------
Looks like they've beefed up Walters to play more midfield over the off season, unfortunately the extra weight seems to have been mostly applied around his lower torso. Clearly a few too many goodbye drinks with Mr Hill.
Fyfe seems unmotivated, looks to have spent his holidays polishing his Brownlows and ordering UberEats. But his shoulders look ready to carry this team another season.
Signs are it is Mundy's last season as he has rocked up to his first training session riding a mobility scooter. Fremantle aren't confident the AFL will allow it on field
Stephen Hill has been pumping out the laps most of the pre season... on crutches.
News is Nathan Wilson's partner is due with their second child come round 1 so he should be well rested next season and get back to his best.
Luke Ryan has greatly improved his run but apparently at the expense of his elite kicking.
Joel Hamling appears to have had personal tutoring from Zac "Golden Fist" Dawson as he now refuses to intercept, focussed only on spoiling the ball at every opportunity, including short kicks from his teammates.
Alex Pearce is looking good... in the rehab group.
The coaches were really impressed by Darcy Tucker's work on the inside alongside Fyfe so they've thrown him to half back.
Jesse Hogan isn't wearing a moon boot but now everything except his head is surrounded by plaster. The S&C team said they weren't taking any chances of reinjury this pre-season. They've said they'll cut him out of it the a couple of days before the Rd 1 game. They looked pretty happy with their cleverness.
No-one was over the moon more with their 2019 performance more than Brandon Matera, so he treated himself to a pie... every day since the end of season.
Big Tabs looked switched on today. I mean literally it was like he was switched on from hibernating throughout the off season. Highlight: He took a mark.
Travis Colyer was there.
Rory Lobb chose to come to Freo for more opportunity to play as a key forward. So in match sims we had him lined up in the back pocket.
Sean Darcy has trimmed down... to only eating 4 hamburgers a day.
Everyone was pretty excited to catch up with new recruit Blake Acres. Unfortunately he went to Lathlain by accident and missed the session.
Connor Blakely was all smiles at training. Apparently he'd had a good weekend hooking up with one of his teammate's ex's.
No-one does cuddles better than Reece Conca. Apparently he maybe squeezed too hard and was in court defending an AVO by PB. Bell thinks the hard stance is what stakeholders would want.
Andrew Brayshaw can still run and tackle.
Everyone was inspired by Bailey Banfield's hard work trying to improve his disposal in recent months. It hasn't worked.
Brennan Cox has taken a step up since last pre-season. He was awake.
There was a massive cheer when a Jason Carter, sporting a bunch of new tattoos, walked through the doors at training. They thought Brad Hill was back.
James Aish rocked up sporting sleeves. Quite the nostalgic moment for JLo until he took it off in the change room revealing his arms were both attached only by strapping tape.
Guess who's still at half back. Yep, Adam Cerra. Yay!
S&C have panicked with the mass KPFs on the injury last season and have transformed Cam McCarthy into more of a KPF shape. So now he's slower, can't jump at all, and got the turning circle of a aircraft carrier on top of his other weaknesses.
Chris Masten made an appearance. We're assuming it was a joke
A bunch of other guys ran around without showing much and all looking below average. Half of them will be best 22 come round 1.
Liam Henry made an appearance before the draft, streaking across the oval wearing Carlton socks, Melbourne shorts, a Hawthorn jersey and a North Melbourne cap.
Must admit I did crack up typing that. Was hoping the dead-pan intention carried through.
In my defense Joose never asked for good coffee. Actually I don't drink coffee (which by sound of it is obvious).
Taylor your inability to moderate an obviously fictitious and fraudulent training report above diminishes us all.I'm on it. I've already pre prepared this report precisely for that niche group...
Pre Season Training Day 1
---------------------------------
Looks like they've beefed up Walters to play more midfield over the off season, unfortunately the extra weight seems to have been mostly applied around his lower torso. Clearly a few too many goodbye drinks with Mr Hill.
Fyfe seems unmotivated, looks to have spent his holidays polishing his Brownlows and ordering UberEats. But his shoulders look ready to carry this team another season.
Signs are it is Mundy's last season as he has rocked up to his first training session riding a mobility scooter. Fremantle aren't confident the AFL will allow it on field
Stephen Hill has been pumping out the laps most of the pre season... on crutches.
News is Nathan Wilson's partner is due with their second child come round 1 so he should be well rested next season and get back to his best.
Luke Ryan has greatly improved his run but apparently at the expense of his elite kicking.
Joel Hamling appears to have had personal tutoring from Zac "Golden Fist" Dawson as he now refuses to intercept, focussed only on spoiling the ball at every opportunity, including short kicks from his teammates.
Alex Pearce is looking good... in the rehab group.
The coaches were really impressed by Darcy Tucker's work on the inside alongside Fyfe so they've thrown him to half back.
Jesse Hogan isn't wearing a moon boot but now everything except his head is surrounded by plaster. The S&C team said they weren't taking any chances of reinjury this pre-season. They've said they'll cut him out of it the a couple of days before the Rd 1 game. They looked pretty happy with their cleverness.
No-one was over the moon more with their 2019 performance more than Brandon Matera, so he treated himself to a pie... every day since the end of season.
Big Tabs looked switched on today. I mean literally it was like he was switched on from hibernating throughout the off season. Highlight: He took a mark.
Travis Colyer was there.
Rory Lobb chose to come to Freo for more opportunity to play as a key forward. So in match sims we had him lined up in the back pocket.
Sean Darcy has trimmed down... to only eating 4 hamburgers a day.
Everyone was pretty excited to catch up with new recruit Blake Acres. Unfortunately he went to Lathlain by accident and missed the session.
Connor Blakely was all smiles at training. Apparently he'd had a good weekend hooking up with one of his teammate's ex's.
No-one does cuddles better than Reece Conca. Apparently he maybe squeezed too hard and was in court defending an AVO by PB. Bell thinks the hard stance is what stakeholders would want.
Andrew Brayshaw can still run and tackle.
Everyone was inspired by Bailey Banfield's hard work trying to improve his disposal in recent months. It hasn't worked.
Brennan Cox has taken a step up since last pre-season. He was awake.
There was a massive cheer when a Jason Carter, sporting a bunch of new tattoos, walked through the doors at training. They thought Brad Hill was back.
James Aish rocked up sporting sleeves. Quite the nostalgic moment for JLo until he took it off in the change room revealing his arms were both attached only by strapping tape.
Guess who's still at half back. Yep, Adam Cerra. Yay!
S&C have panicked with the mass KPFs on the injury last season and have transformed Cam McCarthy into more of a KPF shape. So now he's slower, can't jump at all, and got the turning circle of a aircraft carrier on top of his other weaknesses.
Chris Masten made an appearance. We're assuming it was a joke
A bunch of other guys ran around without showing much and all looking below average. Half of them will be best 22 come round 1.
Liam Henry made an appearance before the draft, streaking across the oval wearing Carlton socks, Melbourne shorts, a Hawthorn jersey and a North Melbourne cap.
After re-reading I have self reported.
