Review 2021 West Coast Eagles Year Book

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Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
West Coast Eagles Year Book
-- 2021 --
"IN CLADE COMPLICARE BIGAS"
CONTENTS
1. Liam Ryan2. Jake Waterman3. Andrew Gaff4. Dom Sheed5. Brad Sheppard6. Elliot Yeo7. Zac Langdon8. Jack Redden9. Nic Naitanui10. Jarrod Brander
11. Tim Kelly12. Oscar Allen13. Luke Shuey14. Liam Duggan15. Jamie Cripps16. Luke Edwards17. Josh Kennedy18. Daniel Venables19. Nathan Vardy20. Jeremy McGovern
21. Jack Petruccelle22. Isiah Winder23. Alex Witherden24. Xavier O'Neill25. Shannon Hurn26. Zane Trew27. Jack Darling28. Tom Cole29. Luke Foley30. Jackson Nelson
31. Jamaine Jones32. Bailey Williams33. Brayden Ainsworth34. Mark Hutchings35. Josh Rotham36. Connor West37. Tom Barrass38. Ben Johnson39. Jarrod Cameron40. Callum Jamieson
41. Brendon Ah Chee42. Harry Edwards43. Will Collins44. Willie Rioli
 
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Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
A Message From the CEO For Life
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West Coast CEO Trevor Nisbett or Mark McGowan in 15 years

Comrades! Fear not! The mighty lion that is the West Coast Eagles Football Club merely feigns cowlike sleep to better destroy its enemies in the future like the savage cobra! Once the imperialist Victorian bias is removed from the ladder, it is apparent that the glorious Eagles were the rightful premiers in season 2021 and will be again in 2022!! Our staff are the most excellent in their fields and the envy of the non-Eagles world! Our training ground's turf is softer than the impotent penises of our foes! We will rain bombs down on the enemy defence for our tall forwards to mark!! The dotards at Geelong will regret their crimes in the Great Kelly Trade more than ever! As your Great Eternal CEO I promise to eliminate rain from the football season! We will corral the opposition into recognising our superiority! Our nuclear weapons programme continues uninterrupted by the petty boycotts of the dogs at AFL House!! The only thing on earth that will ever rival our success in 2021 is our even more success in 2022!! And, as always, our thanks to our sponsors for all the great work they do.

END COMMUNICATION
 

Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
A Message From the Coach Your Friend
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Just chillaxin' or whatever lol

Hi guys, it's Adam here but hey, call me Simmo. So glad to have you along as companions in the crazy ride we call life. Look, I'm not going to lay down any rule trip on you or anything. I get it, we didn't have a great year and it's totally my bad. I know you're angry. I get angry too sometimes, like when I see someone crossing the street without waiting for the little green man to tell them it's safe. That's not copacetic.

But anger is totally toxic, you know? Like another little green dude once said, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering. And if we could all just chill for a sec and really get to understand one another as human beings then I know tackling would cease league-wide. I've been doing my bit to encourage the players to share the ball around, both with each other and the so-called 'opposition'. So far only Fremantle and Carlton have reciprocated but from little things big things grow. I've also used my one-on-one time with Gil this year to corral the big issue: some team nicknames are just flat-out violent, you know? Imagine there's no Bombers, instead there's the Essendon Respectful Dialogues. Or the Port Adelaide Smiles. The continued existence of Jeff Kennett also seems an act of pointless aggression, but I'll save that for next season's chat. And why do we have to kick the ball? What did the ball ever do to us apart from the occasional accidental falcon? Anyway, it's time for the mandatory team book club meeting. We're halfway through Angela's Ashes. It's such a beautiful story.

So if you're still caught up on 'results' or if you just want to rap with me, I was never the bass player for The Pretenders. Peace out, legalise it and love yourself.

Simmo
 

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Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
#1 - Liam Ryan
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Nickname: Space X, Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic, Ryan Liam
Loves: Slow defenders
Hates: Umpires who don't pay blocks, umpires who pay 50m against you when you ask why they didn't pay the ******* block
Most Likely to be Burned by Jamie Cripps
Most Likely to be Called Willie Rioli by Brian Taylor
Fun fact: His name anagrams to 'Manly Air'
"One small jump for Nic Naitanui, one giant leap for Liam Ryan."
 

Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
#20 - Jeremy McGovern
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Activities: None
Sports: None
Honours: None
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
 

Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
Fun fact, you can anagram Jeremy McGovern to "Jeremyn McGover"
 

Ambrose Burnside

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 8, 2006
5,083
9,780
WA
AFL Club
West Coast
#20 - Jeremy McGovern

Activities: None
Sports: None
Honours: None
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
:tearsofjoy: Snorted my Coke ... Unfortunately it was the soft drink :straining:
 

Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
#25 - Shannon Hurn
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Nickname: The Bald Eagle, Captain Bodyhair
Loves: Wine, whiskey, cheese, traditional balsamic vinegar, country ham
Hates: Two-minute noodles, fast food, Jamie Oliver's 15 Minute Meals
Most Likely to Be Secretly an Immortal
Least Likely to Succeed At Raising Money By Cutting His Hair for Charity
Fun fact: By this point, Shannon is at least 42% fish
"I'm a man of few words. [long pause] Any questions?"
 

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Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
#7 - Zac Langdon
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Nickname: Not-Karl
Loves: Salary cap constraints that make it hard to pay out contracts that were too long in retrospect
Hates: The club tradition of taking a shot from 50m at training on your birthday
Most Likely to Be Embarrassed At Auskick
Most Likely to Be Wearing a Cursed Number
Fun Fact: Zac is not Karl. Please stop dumpsacking him.

"I'm going to make it! I'm going to make it! This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Woo hoo! Woo hoo! I - *screaming*"
 
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Truckosaurus

Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 19, 2009
8,808
20,528
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
#9 - Nic Naitanui
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Nic-name: The Messiah, Emmanuel, King of Kings
Loves: Putting the fear of himself into the opposition
Hates: Weight differentials
Most Likely to Everything
Least Likely to Nothing
Fun fact: Has raised his teammates from the dead on more than one occasion

"I always wondered if there was a god and now I know. There is. And it's me."
 

The Dodger

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 12, 2010
7,006
6,458
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
Ahhh the old letter from the CEO just helps me come to terms with the off season.

I also heard him say:

"we're tackling the lack of tackling but we've also expanded into other important areas. Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world domination..."
 

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