A Laugh at the USA - Because We Can.

[Bluey]

This made me laugh:
http://www.dailyjokes.com.au/gallery/voting_for_dummies.htm

Though take a look at www.michaelmoore.com for his view on the fact that thousands of people were let down by an unfair system.

 

[McKenna for PM]

Florida is home to older people than the other states since most people go there to retire, so I bet a lot of people who did vote have passed on now, which could swing it Gore's way....

It was only 500 or so votes that decided it....

In fact, people over 80 years old shouldn't even be allowed to vote - only a handful are gonna make it through that particular MP's term.....

That's the line of argument Gore's lawyers should take!

 

[Stealth bomber]

I think people over 60 here shouldn't be allowed to vote anyway cause they're all Republicans

(Well, except for the Jewish ones)

The utter absurdity of this situation is embarrassing. Both of these clowns bought their nominations. George W. Bush scares the absolutely daylights out of me. Be afraid world, be very afraid.

Good thing I'm defecting.




[This message has been edited by Stealth bomber (edited 30 November 2000).]

 

[Aussie_Roo]

Whilst on the subject of the USA, I found this humourous blurb on my email this morning from a friend in London:

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your

independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The rt. hon.Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following

rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The

Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.

It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing

full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.

The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for

your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

 

[Stealth bomber]

Except Utah, which she does not fancy"

Bloody polygamous Mormons. While we're at it, please take Texas too.

You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard."

I don't have any trouble

You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen"

But we already have that as a patriotic song. We just changed the title to "My Country Tis of Thee". Besides, we like having a national anthem that's impossible to sing and 70% of us forget the words to.

Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Those are perfectly cromulent words

All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good.

Well mine is. Wanna buy it?

Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

The CIA.


Oh, and SOCCER SUCKS.




[This message has been edited by Stealth bomber (edited 30 November 2000).]

 

[Aussie_Roo]

Stealth Bomber,

You are the exception, sorry if I offended you in anyway, you've got to admit it is funny.

 

[Stealth bomber]

Offended? Bah. Au contraire mate, I laughed myself silly.

 

[Pessimistic]

What's the big deal about their system. They have a president, He's called Bill Clinton

 

[GoEagles]

Hey Stealth, just a question for you:

I read somewhere that the new President can only move into the white house from the 20th January 2000. So does that mean Bill Clinton gets to stay there over Christmas and New Year or when the new president is elected they have to kick the old one out and clean it in time for the new president?

 

[Stealth bomber]

Yeah, that's correct; by constitutional law the presidential terms end on January 20 after the previous election at noon, not a minute later. So Clinton remains over the holidays.

There was an outside possibility that if this election hadn't been decided by then that someone else would have to be sworn in as acting president (because by law Clinton's term would have to end on January 20 no matter what). It's interesting because second in line for the presidency is the vice president, which just so happens to be none other than Al Gore.

Anyway, little gets done in the government during this period (well, nothing does anyway, but even less than usual). Clinton is what we refer to as a "lame duck"; i.e. someone serving the last days of a term after a replacement has been elected.

Because of the closeness of this election, Bush Lite's term will probably go down as a failure and his opponent in 2004 will crush him. Which is fine with me.