An Introduction
Tonga Bob
I had a good run
- Oct 26, 2013
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- SFFC, LFC, ADO, CI Warriors
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- #1
Picture this.
You’re sitting in front of a screen, reading comments from people you barely know on an online discussion about a virtual football competition you recently signed up to whilst drunk. Admittedly it wasn’t the worst decision you made that night, as you ruefully gaze at the tattoo on your forearm of Bart Simpson on a skateboard telling you not to “have a cow, man”. Turning back to the screen, you see they’re engaged in some insular conversation you know very little about. In-jokes are flying thick and fast, there are some unknown acronyms being mentioned, and way too many words that begin with the letter Q used. You recognise many of the other words, but not together in the same sentences.
As you scratch your head in confusion, suddenly there’s a blinding flash! Once your eyes recover from the searing light, you notice a figure standing next to you. They look remarkably familiar, yet completely alien. They’re wearing loose-fitting protective clothing, their hair is all over the shop, they haven’t seen sunlight for a long time. The smell is a mixture of latex, coffee, disinfectant, not-quite-baked sourdough, and loneliness. Ska music plays in the background as the figure greets you with a voice that’s instantly recognisable… it’s your voice!
“G’day rook” he says.
You start to mumble a reply, but he cuts you off before you can ask who he is. “I’m Future You, ya flog. Now shut your pie hole ‘cause I don’t have all day. I’ve been in self isolation for months now and I need to get out to the pub. Any pub, I don’t f**ken care anymore”. So I get dressed and take him to the local pub, the Shitposter's Arms.
After downing the first of many pints, complaining of having ‘hollow legs’ and emitting a belch so loud it stops traffic outside, Future You turns to you and starts talking. “So you’ve joined the SFA have ya rook? How are ya going? Killin’ it yet?” You tell him that you don’t understand how it works, you don’t know who is who, everybody is in on some secret except for you, and someone called you ‘campaignery’ for no reason whatsoever. It’s all a bit hard, you tell Future You.
Future You leans in close, the smell of strong ale fresh on his breath. “Righto son. Time to serve the cement, harden you up and set you straight. You wanna know about the SFA? How she works?” He has a weird glint in his eye and some distinct Captain Ahab vibes as he starts with a fervent whisper. “You wanna tame her, do ya boy?” Before I can say "no not really" he leans back and says “Well strap yourself in you beautiful sack of harvestable organs as I give you some advice on what to expect in your SFA career”.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazy picture, huh?
Welcome everybody to my sophomore media thread, which I like to call:
This is a continuation of the theme which began with my previous thread ‘Trust The Process – A Rookie’s Guide For What To Expect When Joining The SFA’. Figuring out how this beautifully bizarre world of the Sweet FA works is something that everybody must grapple with at some point, and with the potential of up to two new teams being admitted next season this theme is more pertinent than ever.
One of the great things of the Sweet FA is the rich history that it has built up over 29 seasons. Worlds have been created, folklore has been passed down from player to player, dialects have been developed over time. The work that’s been put in by Mobbs and co over the journey is some elite Tolkienian areas! A lot of people have been a part of this World, so rather than me telling you (again) how to suck eggs, I’ve extended the invitation out to the SFA community asking them to suck their own eggs.
So here’s the premise of this thread. Inspired by the AFLPA’s ‘Letters To My Younger Self’ series of articles, notable people from the SFA both past and present have reached back in time to their rookie season and sent a message to their younger selves, giving them some advice on what to expect over the course of their Qooty careers. It may be something to do better, something (or someone) to avoid, a post they wish they’d sent but didn’t, a post they wish they didn’t send but did, anything at all. The responses have been overwhelmingly positive, both honest and humorous, both succinct and verbose. People have embraced the concept and made it their own. And the number of responses has meant that instead of a couple of posts, I have enough to have a separate post for every team plus a couple of extra ‘special’ posts thrown in at the end.
“What should I expect from the advice that I’m giving myself?” I hear you ask yourself. As a teaser, please enjoy a sample answer from an anonymous poster:
“I suppose a few things I would tell myself is:
Just because you are smarter than 90% of the population, doesn’t mean you can go around telling everyone that.
You don’t need to respond if you don’t want to.
Ant Bear is a good bloke.
Gumbies aren’t broken prophylactics.
Wonders don’t wonder much, if at all.
Roys are old. Like s**t ya nappy, dribbling tomato soup whilst watching Matlock old.
Furies aren’t a bad bunch. Quite the opposite.
There are many alts floating around on this board, be careful who you PM.
Don’t send nudes to strangers on a footy forum.
The only person as weird as you is a Rat.
Not all Richmond supporters are flogs.
Not all Adelaide supporters are flogs.”
To those who have provided advice so far, you have humbled me with your generosity. I hope to do justice to your words. If providing advice to your rookie self is something you would like to do, please PM me and I can include it in this thread which will be handed down over the seasons to serve not only as a reference guide for those looking to join the SFA, but a time capsule reflecting the echoes of the past and the thoughts of the present.
Stay tuned as over the next couple of weeks I’ll be running through the advice provided by members of each SFA team to their rookie selves, and perhaps in some cases providing some commentary in an effort to provide insights on what characteristics to look for when choosing a team. Many of you may not be ready for those insights yet.
But your kids are gonna love it.
You’re sitting in front of a screen, reading comments from people you barely know on an online discussion about a virtual football competition you recently signed up to whilst drunk. Admittedly it wasn’t the worst decision you made that night, as you ruefully gaze at the tattoo on your forearm of Bart Simpson on a skateboard telling you not to “have a cow, man”. Turning back to the screen, you see they’re engaged in some insular conversation you know very little about. In-jokes are flying thick and fast, there are some unknown acronyms being mentioned, and way too many words that begin with the letter Q used. You recognise many of the other words, but not together in the same sentences.
As you scratch your head in confusion, suddenly there’s a blinding flash! Once your eyes recover from the searing light, you notice a figure standing next to you. They look remarkably familiar, yet completely alien. They’re wearing loose-fitting protective clothing, their hair is all over the shop, they haven’t seen sunlight for a long time. The smell is a mixture of latex, coffee, disinfectant, not-quite-baked sourdough, and loneliness. Ska music plays in the background as the figure greets you with a voice that’s instantly recognisable… it’s your voice!
“G’day rook” he says.
You start to mumble a reply, but he cuts you off before you can ask who he is. “I’m Future You, ya flog. Now shut your pie hole ‘cause I don’t have all day. I’ve been in self isolation for months now and I need to get out to the pub. Any pub, I don’t f**ken care anymore”. So I get dressed and take him to the local pub, the Shitposter's Arms.
After downing the first of many pints, complaining of having ‘hollow legs’ and emitting a belch so loud it stops traffic outside, Future You turns to you and starts talking. “So you’ve joined the SFA have ya rook? How are ya going? Killin’ it yet?” You tell him that you don’t understand how it works, you don’t know who is who, everybody is in on some secret except for you, and someone called you ‘campaignery’ for no reason whatsoever. It’s all a bit hard, you tell Future You.
Future You leans in close, the smell of strong ale fresh on his breath. “Righto son. Time to serve the cement, harden you up and set you straight. You wanna know about the SFA? How she works?” He has a weird glint in his eye and some distinct Captain Ahab vibes as he starts with a fervent whisper. “You wanna tame her, do ya boy?” Before I can say "no not really" he leans back and says “Well strap yourself in you beautiful sack of harvestable organs as I give you some advice on what to expect in your SFA career”.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crazy picture, huh?
Welcome everybody to my sophomore media thread, which I like to call:
This is a continuation of the theme which began with my previous thread ‘Trust The Process – A Rookie’s Guide For What To Expect When Joining The SFA’. Figuring out how this beautifully bizarre world of the Sweet FA works is something that everybody must grapple with at some point, and with the potential of up to two new teams being admitted next season this theme is more pertinent than ever.
One of the great things of the Sweet FA is the rich history that it has built up over 29 seasons. Worlds have been created, folklore has been passed down from player to player, dialects have been developed over time. The work that’s been put in by Mobbs and co over the journey is some elite Tolkienian areas! A lot of people have been a part of this World, so rather than me telling you (again) how to suck eggs, I’ve extended the invitation out to the SFA community asking them to suck their own eggs.
So here’s the premise of this thread. Inspired by the AFLPA’s ‘Letters To My Younger Self’ series of articles, notable people from the SFA both past and present have reached back in time to their rookie season and sent a message to their younger selves, giving them some advice on what to expect over the course of their Qooty careers. It may be something to do better, something (or someone) to avoid, a post they wish they’d sent but didn’t, a post they wish they didn’t send but did, anything at all. The responses have been overwhelmingly positive, both honest and humorous, both succinct and verbose. People have embraced the concept and made it their own. And the number of responses has meant that instead of a couple of posts, I have enough to have a separate post for every team plus a couple of extra ‘special’ posts thrown in at the end.
“What should I expect from the advice that I’m giving myself?” I hear you ask yourself. As a teaser, please enjoy a sample answer from an anonymous poster:
“I suppose a few things I would tell myself is:
Just because you are smarter than 90% of the population, doesn’t mean you can go around telling everyone that.
You don’t need to respond if you don’t want to.
Ant Bear is a good bloke.
Gumbies aren’t broken prophylactics.
Wonders don’t wonder much, if at all.
Roys are old. Like s**t ya nappy, dribbling tomato soup whilst watching Matlock old.
Furies aren’t a bad bunch. Quite the opposite.
There are many alts floating around on this board, be careful who you PM.
Don’t send nudes to strangers on a footy forum.
The only person as weird as you is a Rat.
Not all Richmond supporters are flogs.
Not all Adelaide supporters are flogs.”
To those who have provided advice so far, you have humbled me with your generosity. I hope to do justice to your words. If providing advice to your rookie self is something you would like to do, please PM me and I can include it in this thread which will be handed down over the seasons to serve not only as a reference guide for those looking to join the SFA, but a time capsule reflecting the echoes of the past and the thoughts of the present.
Stay tuned as over the next couple of weeks I’ll be running through the advice provided by members of each SFA team to their rookie selves, and perhaps in some cases providing some commentary in an effort to provide insights on what characteristics to look for when choosing a team. Many of you may not be ready for those insights yet.
But your kids are gonna love it.
Last edited:
Ophidian Old Boys
