Health ADHD Discussions & Supporting Group Thread

[GremioPower]

 

[DemurePrincess]

This seems very ADHDer. I do it a lot. My son does it a lot.

I need to have more patience with him, by the way. It’s look like staring at a mirror. I should be the understanding one, and yet…

I’m exactly the same with my daughter. She’s only 10 and I want her to feel valued and not dumb herself down like I have all my life bc there is enough internal beating that will last her a bloody life time!

 

[GremioPower]

The Physc said he knew within 5 minutes.

I did a bit of my own research and knew i ticked all the boxes, but just did the male thing of putting it off.

on the happy pills vyvance (30mg)

Wife and I went to a psychopedagogue (learning specialist) in order to help the older son with school. In the interview, the first question was: “what have brought you here?” Wife began answering: “The boy is ADHD and…”
— Oh! I know. He inherited it from HIM!
And pointed straight at me. I had done nothing. I was there for three minutes, tops. She said she knew the moment I entered the room.

—

I take Vyvanse 70mg.

 

[GremioPower]

Maybe that's my issue though, I care about the world than I do myself so I really be kinder to myself

That’s a struggle. My current priest told me not long ago that we can’t have “usefulness” as a measure of worth.

ADHDers don’t value their accomplishments and overvalue their shortcomings. It’s unhealthy; very unhealthy. We all seem to not have much self love.

My wife said to me a few days ago, when I was in middle of a crisis: “You are a good person, and sometimes you pay a price for that; but, please, never change this.” It took a while for the chip to fall (I’m still not sleeping well), but her words made wonders for me.

 

[GremioPower]

I’ve even started setting timers and shit to keep me focused and on track and I am constantly talking to myself - focus focus focus!! lol

I did it until I began ignoring the timers.

 

[GremioPower]

you could speak to her and she will not answer for five minutes or so and she will respond like she just heard it .

I can hear my wife saying: “GP, the conversation has moved on for a while already.”

 

[Tadpole]

I did it until I began ignoring the timers.

I do the same with reminders on my phone. A notification pops up, I briefly glance at it, swipe it away, and then promptly forget what it says.

 

[GremioPower]

My wife and daughter have had their podcast on ADHD released if anyone wants a listen

Just learned that my ADHD symptoms are girly.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I can here my wife saying: “GP, the conversation has moved on for a while already.”

I’ll be talking with my gal pals when we catch up and mid convo… one of the girls will say ‘oops we’ve lost her’ and everyone turns and looks at me and there I am looking out the window or staring into space.

Probably haven’t heard the last five minutes of the conversation then we all burst into laughter

Thankfully some of the others have ADHD too so it’s common

 

[Tadpole]

 

[GremioPower]

My wife and daughter have had their podcast on ADHD released if anyone wants a listen

I needed a few breaks, but I’ve finished the podcast! ADHDers can listen to podcasts. It’s tricky, but it can be done.

It reached country Brazil. How about that?!

 

[GremioPower]

Two ADHDers in the gym (me and the older son) earlier today. I was listening to the podcast…

 

[jb04]

I always used to think ADHD inattentive was someone bouncing off the walls, and unable to sit still, and that's more often than not not me. Lately though I've read that it's not necessarily a racing body, it can also be racing thoughts.

Thank you for sharing, I thought the same as this for decades! I’ve had wonderful conversations with people who had adult diagnoses of ADHD and went away thinking “huh I have some of those symptoms” but waved it off as just negative traits instead of a disorder you can get help with.

I was one of those people who masked well, until I couldn’t any more. It was not a pleasant experience having most of my coping mechanisms fail at once. I have a diagnosis now and I’m in the early stages of medicating and approaching life in a different way. Things are getting better slowly.

 

[MP_]

Genuine question to you adhd’ers, how are your relationships with your husbands/wife? We’ve been married 25 years and I’m finding now since my wife’s diagnosis that her symptoms have become more apparent because she isn’t masking anymore. It’s been really hard for me to adjust too. The hyperfocus probably is one thing, you can talk to her and she simply doesn’t hear , especially frustrating when the kids ask her something and they get no response so I end up answering it. I get very little attention at home, she is that I focused on her her work that she seems to completely forget I exist and do things . Can’t remember the last time she asked how my back injury was going. We now sleep in different bedrooms as the noise of my cpap machine was triggering her adhd. I almost feel as if our relationship was better when she was masking. I’m probably overthinking it all as my own mental health is not good at the moment but I’m curious to know how other peoples relationships are given the symptoms of adhd can affect partners alot.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I didn’t know I had ADHD until I got my daughter diagnosed 2 years ago and the penny dropped big time bc when I filled out the ADHD questionnaire, I swear the questions were being asked about me. It blew me away!

So I probably would have to say WHEN I was married - I must have masked it bc it wasn’t exactly pleasant so I’m just going to assume I had a lot more shit to worry about then how my brain was reacting to life.

Plus I smoked a shit load of weed back then to probably numb the world around me

But I can see how you feel like you do. ADHD’ers are oblivious to how selfish they can be with their emotions. I know for a fact I am but it’s not intentional

 

[MP_]

I didn’t know I had ADHD until I got my daughter diagnosed 2 years ago and the penny dropped big time bc when I filled out the ADHD questionnaire, I swear the questions were being asked about me. It blew me away!

So I probably would have to say WHEN I was married - I must have masked it bc it wasn’t exactly pleasant so I’m just going to assume I had a lot more shit to worry about then how my brain was reacting to life.

Plus I smoked a shit load of weed back then to probably numb the world around me

But I can see how you feel like you do. ADHD’ers are oblivious to how selfish they can be with their emotions. I know for a fact I am but it’s not intentional

Thanks for that, I don’t think she’s being selfish as that would tend to be the case if she was aware of what she’s doing, I think as you said she’s probably oblivious to my needs because of her hyperfocus and mind racing. She doesn’t medicate either unless she’s going to be in a stressful situation so we have to deal with all aspects of her condition. She chooses not to medicate because it raises her heartbeat too much. It’s hard to bring this stuff up because she also has rejection sensitivity dysphoria so would likely take any negativity on board too much. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place .

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

Genuine question to you adhd’ers, how are your relationships with your husbands/wife? We’ve been married 25 years and I’m finding now since my wife’s diagnosis that her symptoms have become more apparent because she isn’t masking anymore. It’s been really hard for me to adjust too. The hyperfocus probably is one thing, you can talk to her and she simply doesn’t hear , especially frustrating when the kids ask her something and they get no response so I end up answering it. I get very little attention at home, she is that I focused on her her work that she seems to completely forget I exist and do things . Can’t remember the last time she asked how my back injury was going. We now sleep in different bedrooms as the noise of my cpap machine was triggering her adhd. I almost feel as if our relationship was better when she was masking. I’m probably overthinking it all as my own mental health is not good at the moment but I’m curious to know how other peoples relationships are given the symptoms of adhd can affect partners alot.

Now that I'm exploring this side of myself more I'm realising that it definitely contributed to the breakdown of my marriage, and previous relationships too. It's so shit because I didn't even notice it was happening, it's only in hindsight now that I'm learning about how my brain works (and doesn't work) that I'm putting all the pieces together. It's not that I want to be messy or lazy or forgetful, it's that it requires so much effort to even see what I'm doing wrong.

There's a lot of shame attached and it's hard to talk about unemotionallly.

 

[MP_]

Now that I'm exploring this side of myself more I'm realising that it definitely contributed to the breakdown of my marriage, and previous relationships too. It's so shit because I didn't even notice it was happening, it's only in hindsight now that I'm learning about how my brain works (and doesn't work) that I'm putting all the pieces together. It's not that I want to be messy or lazy or forgetful, it's that it requires so much effort to even see what I'm doing wrong.

There's a lot of shame attached and it's hard to talk about unemotionallly.

Thanks mebby and this is why I’m not giving up on the relationship as I know she can’t help the things that are starting to irritate me. I just have to take a deep breath and adjust how I deal with the situations that occur. I know she feels guilty for have piles of stuff around the house because she’s too overwhelmed to actually deal with them. I always end up finishing the washing, or dishwasher because she’s too overwhelmed got sidetracked and I’m ok with that. It just gets hard on me at times and she just doesn’t see it unfortunately.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

Thanks mebby and this is why I’m not giving up on the relationship as I know she can’t help the things that are starting to irritate me. I just have to take a deep breath and adjust how I deal with the situations that occur. I know she feels guilty for have piles of stuff around the house because she’s too overwhelmed to actually deal with them. I always end up finishing the washing, or dishwasher because she’s too overwhelmed got sidetracked and I’m ok with that. It just gets hard on me at times and she just doesn’t see it unfortunately.

That's really rough MP the only trick I've found that works for my brain is to gamify everything. It sounds ridiculous for a woman in her (late) thirties but I'm trying to beat the kettle boiling while I empty the dishwasher etc. The 20-minute rule has also helped a bit.

 

[DemurePrincess]

That's really rough MP the only trick I've found that works for my brain is to gamify everything. It sounds ridiculous for a woman in her (late) thirties but I'm trying to beat the kettle boiling while I empty the dishwasher etc. The 20-minute rule has also helped a bit.

This

 

[MP_]

That's really rough MP the only trick I've found that works for my brain is to gamify everything. It sounds ridiculous for a woman in her (late) thirties but I'm trying to beat the kettle boiling while I empty the dishwasher etc. The 20-minute rule has also helped a bit.

I haven’t heard of gamify, looks interesting, she’s a huge fan of writing lists of jobs and then ticking them off so I guess that’s a similar thing.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I haven’t heard of gamify, looks interesting, she’s a huge fan of writing lists of jobs and then ticking them off so I guess that’s a similar thing.

Basically, ADHDers are dopamine chasers. So if there's no little 'zing' of dopamine attached to a task, it falls all the way off the bottom of the priority list. Gamifying is literally making a game out of tasks so we feel the win of achieving it.

 

[DemurePrincess]

Basically, ADHDers are dopamine chasers. So if there's no little 'zing' of dopamine attached to a task, it falls all the way off the bottom of the priority list. Gamifying is literally making a game out of tasks so we feel the win of achieving it.

Only way I get through my work. I always make sure I know I have a reward at the end of each day, might be the smallest thing… a fave show or I’m making a yum dinner but anything that will keep me focused and driven to end the day!

But the gamify thing! It’s very legit! I make a game out of everything I do. That’s why shit gets done lol

 

[GremioPower]

Genuine question to you adhd’ers, how are your relationships with your husbands/wife? We’ve been married 25 years and I’m finding now since my wife’s diagnosis that her symptoms have become more apparent because she isn’t masking anymore. It’s been really hard for me to adjust too. The hyperfocus probably is one thing, you can talk to her and she simply doesn’t hear , especially frustrating when the kids ask her something and they get no response so I end up answering it. I get very little attention at home, she is that I focused on her her work that she seems to completely forget I exist and do things . Can’t remember the last time she asked how my back injury was going. We now sleep in different bedrooms as the noise of my cpap machine was triggering her adhd. I almost feel as if our relationship was better when she was masking. I’m probably overthinking it all as my own mental health is not good at the moment but I’m curious to know how other peoples relationships are given the symptoms of adhd can affect partners alot.

You came to the right place. We are usually the ones who overthink things.

Relationships are hard for everyone. It doesn’t matter whether you are normal or handicapped. We are all growing together as individuals and partners.

The key is dialogue. If it’s bothering you, you talk. If you aren’t intimate enough for that with your own spouse, there’s something really wrong. That’s not your case. You were mentioned on the podcast. You are part of the team.

Can’t remember the last time she asked how my back injury was going.

We can be that stupid and self-absorbed. When I travel, wife calls asking half-jokingly if I don’t miss the family.

The truth is that I lose all my references when I’m away. I miss them every single second. Yet, since they are far, I can totally forget to call. It doesn’t even cross my mind.

It’s not that we don’t worry. The feeling is concealed. We can go from oblivious to “oh, my God!” in an instant. We can restart a friendship after years, as if no time had passed.

So, if you talk about your back to her, I believe she might reveal her hidden concern. Then, next time it happens, and it will happen, both of you will take it as something natural.

I almost feel as if our relationship was better when she was masking.

I’ve never masked. I was diagnosed when I was 34, but it was obvious since ever. I completely understood how Thales of Miletus was able to fall in a well because he was distracted thinking. My greatest fear when the boys were kids was forgetting them locked inside the car, because I knew I was totally capable of doing it.

I wish I were able to mask the symptoms, but it seems that they get stronger with time. I couldn’t then, imagine it now. She could be feeling similar effects.

 

[GremioPower]

Plus I smoked a shit load of weed back then to probably numb the world around me

I did it once. It was the worst experience ever. It felt like doubling the ADHD. Why would anyone want that?!

Truth is stoned is my default condition. I was born like that. The meds help me to unstone.