AFL Team 2018

[RupieDupie]

After years of resisting I decided to buy a pack of AFL Trading cards after filling up the car, and just so’s I wasn’t too embarrassed I put the pack of trading cards under a box of dingers and a granny-pr0n magazine.

Anywho when I opened it up there were silver, gold, and holographic cards coming out the whazoo, I felt like Charlie must have felt like when he saw the golden ticket. Then it dawned on me... football cards are now like children’s birthday parties, where everyone wins.

They’re definitely not like the cards that were around when I was a boy, I remember having the card of Billy Brownless taking a piss on the field, and a holographic Justin Charles card juicing himself up before a game.

But anywho I got a flash looking Shaun Higgins card, I’m going to bury this one in a time capsule and dig it up in 50 years time, when the world goes Fallout IV AFL trading cards will be used as currency.

 

[RupieDupie]

I remember in the first packet of footy cards I got the lazy card some smartarse designer decided to create a “lights out at Waverley” card. It was just a picture of black

 

[RupieDupie]

I had the Gold card of Jackovich giving his brother a kiss



Yep they don’t make trading cards like they used to

 

[RupieDupie]

“There’s a pig on the field!”

In an almost heretical move I had to trade my extra Nicky Winmar lifting his shirt for this one



Cue that pommie coppers chasing people music and a kazoo!

 

[RupieDupie]

Buddha Hocking’s photobomb, everyone was all like “Gary this and Gary that after he jumped off the ground”, but this moment is immortalised by Buddha Hocking standing mouth agape in the background



Watching that again and Pert must have got a mouthful of Ablett’s nutsac

 

[RupieDupie]

Oh. My. Fooking. God!

Garry Hocking
Gary Pert
Gary Ablett

I solved the Holy Trinity!

And look what’s left H.P.A.
H - one letter = G
P - one letter = O
A - one letter = Z...

 

[RupieDupie]

Let me set the scene for the Scanlens Card of the Year 1988. The Brisbane Bears hadn’t won a game... ever [citation needed], and after the football games in those days they would have a cartoon mascot of the winning team dance across the screen. Everyone had seen every teams mascot, but no one even knew what the Brisbane Bear looked like. 6 seconds remaining and Brisbane is up by less than a goal, yet more than a point up at the Gabba. “My God! Simon Beasley of the Footscray Bulldogs has taken a mark, 3 metres out on a 90 degree angle!”

Back in those days, at any slightly significant moment the crowds were allowed to invade the pitch (just like at Waverley see above), so on they came including a half naked indigenous American. Simon Beasley still had the presence of mind to take his kick...

 

[RupieDupie]

Ah yes here’s one for the ages Michael Tuck setting the all time games played record. I never got this card but a fat fooker friend of mine did and showed it to me with a smug look on his face. Bastard.

 

[Frank Gallagher]

There's 2 different sets, one's a red packet and the other silvery/white, the silvery one has 2 AFLW cards in each pack so in the bin they went and the boy only collects the red packet now, i've brought him about 30+ packs so far over 6 weeks or so, haven't got a wildcard yet (which are the rare ones, 1 in every 360 packs).

 

[RupieDupie]

There's 2 different sets, one's a red packet and the other silvery/white, the silvery one has 2 AFLW cards in each pack so in the bin they went and the boy only collects the red packet now, i've brought him about 30+ packs so far over 6 weeks or so, haven't got a wildcard yet (which are the rare ones, 1 in every 360 packs).

I got a pack which has Harry Taylor from Geelong going nuts in a holographic image; turn the card one way and Harry’s handballing an invisible football, turn it another way and he’s got two heads, one head is focused on spoiling a footy and the other head is focussing on banging through a goal from 35m out on a 52 degree angle at Kardinia Park.

 

[RupieDupie]

I got a pack which has Harry Taylor from Geelong going nuts, in a holographic image; turn the card one way and Harry’s handballing an invisible football turn it another way and he’s got two heads, one head is focused on spoiling a footy and the other head is focussing on banging through a goal from 35m out on a 52 degree angle at Kardinia Park.

Another card I got was Tex Walker with his pornstache looking like he’s about to kiss the footy flying into his lap. He’s one sexy dude with that ‘mo, he just needs his mullet back.

Has anyone got the Buckley card with him sporting his beard? I need this on my wall enshrined like a guru.

If truth be told I brought myself a second packet, I drove to a service station well off my normal route, so no one would recognise me, and brought the packet along with a Dora the explorer colouring book, and then made some comment like, “kids huh?” when I was at the counter. But the Pakistani guy behind the counter couldn’t care less because he had been made to work a 23 hour shift for $7.00. I might go back there and get a third packet, I’m trying to get the Kevin Sheedy AFL Legend card.

 

[RupieDupie]

I’m going to have to get a folder with the plastic protective pockets, the cards I bought are just sitting on the table exposed to the elements. I think they are oxidising. Those hardcore collectors can smell that s**t a mile off and the cards will have zero value in 70 years time. That’s going to be a mission trying to buy one of those folders, they need to create protective footy card folders for adults like the Harry Potter book series did, so weird old fat guys with beards could buy the books and just look like old fat guys with beards sans the weirdness.

I got the Isaiah Rider rookie card and a whole heap of his other basketball cards when I was a kid, I was hoping he’d be the next Michael Jordan, and play a part in a Bugs Bunny movie. But nah, apparently he was arrested and sent to prison for 7 months in 2012 for cocaine possession, battery, and evading the police. I checked out the card online and it’s worth about 34 cents... it could be US cents though.

 

[gordo2016]

I got this as a footy card when I was a kid.

 

[RupieDupie]

I got this as a footy card when I was a kid.

You’re an absolute legend!

 

[RupieDupie]

Motlop’s goal during training, the only AFL commemorative card to showcase a player during training



If he did this during a game he would’ve “clocked” AFL. Nothing else could’ve been done in the sport. Game Over.

 

[RupieDupie]

Another card I got was Tex Walker with his pornstache looking like he’s about to kiss the footy flying into his lap. He’s one sexy dude with that ‘mo, he just needs his mullet back.

Has anyone got the Buckley card with him sporting his beard? I need this on my wall enshrined like a guru.

If truth be told I brought myself a second packet, I drove to a service station well off my normal route, so no one would recognise me, and brought the packet along with a Dora the explorer colouring book, and then made some comment like, “kids huh?” when I was at the counter. But the Pakistani guy behind the counter couldn’t care less because he had been made to work a 23 hour shift for $7.00. I might go back there and get a third packet, I’m trying to get the Kevin Sheedy AFL Legend card.

I’ve turned my Taylor Walker card over so I cannot see his picture after his sling tackle on Josh Kelly. I’m planning on moving his card slightly away from the rest of the cards I’ve got as well.

 

[RupieDupie]

The most significant facial hair in an AFL Premiership Season - instrumental in Collingwood making the top 4

 

[RupieDupie]

Toby “The Rottweiler” Greene lifts his leg.