The story thus far ...
(1) Collingwood have had problems with players taking illicit drugs then turning up to their doctor's office in the morning and saying "Ooops, I made a boo boo last night, sorry!

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(2) Essendon, acting on some hitherto unknown information, asked ASADA to drop down to the bowling club at Windy Hill for a beer and a chat. Essendon didn't really understand why, because they didn't think they'd done anything wrong, but they figured ASADA might have a better idea. Hird is shocked. "The weapon" has been stood down. Some bloke called "Dank" who was sacked at the end of last year has been horribly defamed in the media without a shred of evidence is inconsolable and has been receiving councilling by his lawyers.
(3) The ACC (with the coercive powers of a standing Royal Commission) released a report that was the result of a 12 month top secret investigation (where they had the coercive powers of a standing Royal Commission). They they found out (with the help of coercive powers equivalent to a standing Royal Commission) that there were huge numbers of teams and players employing organised criminals to administer illegal image enhancement drugs that had not yet been tested on humans. Takeaway message: "We don't care if you didn't inhale, 'fess up before we kick your front door down."
(4) A very brief period of hand wringing was followed by hand washing (credit to ABC's Offsiders for that line). ASADA's vast Indian call centre was filled with the sound of crickets for three days. Nobody, it seems, called in to 'fess up. The AFL grew frustrated that its brand was being trashed and called a press conference to admit that there were only two separate cases of PED usage in the AFL. Or is that two cases of using illegal anti-aging facial cream? Don't know, but after this crazy week nothing would surprise us. We do know Essendon are one of the accused. Oh, and separate to all of this, there could still be a whole bunch of clubs involved in illicit drug taking or organised crime.
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode ...