Am I the jerk here?

[revo333]

Are second choice invitations a thing?

In my case I got the call up 3-4 days before the event, Mate said his Mum pressured him to invite these relatives so he did. It sounds like they couldn't be bothered to turn up.

I was happy to attend as I was going to know about a dozen people there but I didn't feel like I had to buy a wedding present.

I have been to weddings I thought I wouldn't get invited too and have missed out on a few I thought I would of got invited.

After hearing a few peoples experience I understand how hard it can be to do an invite list and usually some people you want there are probably going to miss out.

 

[Shell]

We had a rather small wedding and had someone bail on the day (which is pretty sh*t) I called a mate from work I knew was home alone that weekend and said “free booze and food and good company” he suited up and had a whale of a time, I also made explicitly clear there he was not to bring a present so it was completely free and clear.

Obviously honesty + being clear re. the reason why they're getting the late invite is important here.

 

[the_interloper]

We had a rather small wedding and had someone bail on the day (which is pretty sh*t) I called a mate from work I knew was home alone that weekend and said “free booze and food and good company” he suited up and had a whale of a time, I also made explicitly clear there he was not to bring a present so it was completely free and clear.

I had someone bail from our wedding, only found out after the ceremony. A mate of mine and his missus came along to the church, was already a man down so in hindsight I should have told them to come along to the reception, wasn't thinking at the time.

 

[Gough]

I had someone bail from our wedding, only found out after the ceremony. A mate of mine and his missus came along to the church, was already a man down so in hindsight I should have told them to come along to the reception, wasn't thinking at the time.

My folks got married in their lunch hour and had a reception at the pub. The half arsed nature of the whole thing set the tone for their marriage.

 

[The hands of stone]

We thought we would try to do the right thing and offered 2 of my wifes single friends from her UNI group a plus one if they wanted it.

One declined, said she was just excited to get an invite and was going to have a great time.
One said yep thats great Ive just started seeing a guy so Ill bring him along .

Said guy at the wedding clearly wasnt keen and we have the photographic evidence to prove it !
3 weeks post wedding they had broken up .

Same girl got married 5 years later and pulled the ' we are doing a family only wedding ' ( which was garbage )
So we didnt get an invite and either did a few others of the group .

Was an easy choice for my wife and a few friends to move on from that friendship.

 

[craigos]

I've attended weddings of people that I would not invite to my own. I wouldn't think I'm alone here.

 

[phantom13]

I've attended weddings of people that I would not invite to my own. I wouldn't think I'm alone here.

Had people at ours that didn’t invite us to theirs too Not something I’d pack the friendship in over.

 

[Run n Spread]

Never really been on the end of a weird wedding invite or snub. Find the whole drama strange when 50% will end in divorce anyway.
Plus 1 or not is a bit tricky. I guess if you invite someone you invite the partner by default. Or at least give the option. (At the same time if numbers are tight the guest should bring a genuine partner not the latest tinder pick up).
Service v no reception??? Invite someone or not.

 

[Sinjin Smith]

Dinner conversation about everyone's favourite pandemic and the topic was specifically about vaccine mandates and Supreme Leader McGowan saying "If you, for some reason, have not had your first dose yet my advice would be to make a booking today, otherwise life is about to get very difficult for you.”. Couple of people are discussing mutual friends not present who aren't vaccinated (by choice) and how they are struggling with mental health etc.

Am I the jerk here for not really caring? The last two years have been hard on everyone almost exclusively through no fault of their own, for a whole raft of reasons that I don't need to re-hash. Not even a covid specific thing, but I find it hard to muster sympathy for people who are in a position of their own choosing.

 

[Scotland]

Had people at ours that didn’t invite us to theirs too Not something I’d pack the friendship in over.

How much is time related?

I was a groomsman at a wedding so long ago I can't even be certain of the year, 2005 I think but perhaps 2004. Haven't seen anyone that attended the wedding let alone the groom for a decade so I wouldn't feel bad not inviting him to my wedding as just a guest now. Meanwhile a guy I've never been super close mates with invited me to his wedding recently so I would feel bad not inviting him.

Sometimes it runs the other way too. I am good friends with people now that I would be surprised if they didn't invite me to their (fictional) wedding, but when they got married 2, 5, 10 years ago I wouldn't have thought anything of it.