Am I the jerk here?

[Exe Gesis]

Fair point.

If not because of that is very campaigner thing to do.

agreed. but worth finding out the other side first before judging.

 

[Shell]

agreed. but worth finding out the other side first before judging.

Agree.

 

[Exe Gesis]

Agree.

 

[Shell]

Man gg u trying to break the world record for fastest reply on bf..

/k obviously not.

 

[Exe Gesis]

Man gg u trying to break the world record for fastest reply on bf..

/k obviously not.

not this time

 

[edgie]

I still don't understand the fuss. Why is it important to keep EVERYBODY in your social circle? Who really cares?

'How dare this former work mate acquaintance not catch up with me regularly!'

 

[Hawk Dork]

I moved to the middle of nowhere so I didnt have to come up with an excuse to raincheck
Now I see my friends a few times a decade and its just great.
Catching up soon and looking forward to it.

 

[FRUMPY]

Na not a jerk.

 

[the_interloper]

Friendship is a two way street, if someone keeps cancelling you’ll eventually give up.

Sort of related there was a guy who I used to work with, hadn’t seen him for 3 years and when my 21st came up I didn’t invite him, got an angry message from him after that, haven’t spoken since. Ah * him he kind of annoyed me anyway.

 

[Shell]

Friendship is a two way street, if someone keeps cancelling you’ll eventually give up.

Sort of related there was a guy who I used to work with, hadn’t seen him for 3 years and when my 21st came up I didn’t invite him, got an angry message from him after that, haven’t spoken since. Ah fu** him he kind of annoyed me anyway.

Oh i got a "face to face" break up from a friend last year- a mate here at school.

Heard he had resigned- sent him a nice message about how i was really sad to hear he was going. I get back "thank you".


Yeah fk off.

 

[edgie]

I often can't be rooted for regular 'catch ups', at all. Between home life and work I am too wrecked and broke. I'll talk to mates when I see them or on facebook and like to believe the lack of physical hanging out doesn't negatively affect the way they feel about me, but at the same time, if it does, * em.

I also have a real good mate... who is quite fat and smelly, for lack of a better way to put it. It is genuinely difficult to share space with him.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Oh i got a "face to face" break up from a friend last year- a mate here at school.

Heard he had resigned- sent him a nice message about how i was really sad to hear he was going. I get back "thank you".


Yeah fk off.

He thanked you for the message and you want him to * off?

 

[perthblue]

another thing i forgot to include....

a reason people rain check too is because they just dont find the person interesting or fun when they used to hang out with you, or you perhaps were always subtly putting them down, or other friends of yours would tag along and put him down, or you liked doing things he didnt like doing but you were often the leader of the two making all the plans/locations, or when you picked up women you were always getting the girl not him, or he felt inadequate in the looks department compared to you....etc.

there are reasons why someone would raincheck. and maybe the OP can elaborate on all this in better detail, more honesty...perhaps theres a side of the story not being shown here, not a clesr cut case of the other guy being the jerk here.

I am kind of boring and negative. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that somebody wouldn't enjoy my company. But as I said, we were good friends for years before drifting apart, and even then when we caught up it was generally a good time.

IMO constant rainchecking is just a roundabout version of doing what I did ie. killing the friendship.

Yeh I've been there before when I was younger.
I withdrew slighty for a period due to social anxieties and depression and my friends kept taking it personally, even after trying to explain, and which ends up feeding a bit of a viscous cycle of negative thought.
It can be hard for people to empathize if they have never been in that Headspace.

I have been there too, and can empathise.
I do not believe this to be the case here though.

I still don't understand the fuss. Why is it important to keep EVERYBODY in your social circle? Who really cares?

'How dare this former work mate acquaintance not catch up with me regularly!'

That isn't really the case here. We were good friends for years and then drifted apart, and then when we caught up intermittently it was good fun.
However the gap between catch ups gets longer and longer, and organising something gets harder and harder and I know you're only getting my side, but it is basically his fault that it became so difficult. Hence me deciding to just let it go.

 

[edgie]

...

That isn't really the case here. We were good friends for years and then drifted apart, and then when we caught up intermittently it was good fun.
However the gap between catch ups gets longer and longer, and organising something gets harder and harder and I know you're only getting my side, but it is basically his fault that it became so difficult. Hence me deciding to just let it go.

Are you sure it isn't anxiety on his behalf? Are you sure his excuses aren't legit?

 

[FRUMPY]

I don't see my mates as often I used to, just with families tend to drift away into your own lives. But we do make the effort to have a group catchup once every 2-3 months, either for a meal or a session on the beers. It is good when we do catchup though and the fact we may not have seen each other or spoken for months doesn't matter, its like we saw each other yesterday.

There are times I say no to going to my brothers for a fire and few beers (either cbf'd or do have something on) and if I say no a couple of times in a row, the invites tend to dry up. Fully understand he is probably thinking 'whats the point' and I try to make sure I say yes the next time I am asked.

 

[FRUMPY]

Are you sure it isn't anxiety on his behalf? Are you sure his excuses aren't legit?

Even if it is social anxiety or depression or something like that, doesn't mean it cant have a negative impact on the person who want to catch up and they keep cancelling. How many times do you try before you give up?

 

[perthblue]

Are you sure it isn't anxiety on his behalf? Are you sure his excuses aren't legit?

Yes and yes.

 

[edgie]

Even if it is social anxiety or depression or something like that, doesn't mean it cant have a negative impact on the person who want to catch up and they keep cancelling. How many times do you try before you give up?

'I don't care if you are battling mental illness, socialise with me god dammit!'

 

[edgie]

Yes and yes.

I dunno, I have been that guy. Even minor excuses to the other side are a big deal to me. Not many of my mates like footy so I would stay in to watch football. Sounds like a s**t excuse to them but it's a real thing to me. Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I stay in because I have a T-Bone needing to be cooked before it goes out of date and I don't wanna chuck it in the bin and lose money I can't afford to be throwing away. Sometimes my partner is exhausted from being the full time parent and needs a friday or satdy night off.

 

[Shell]

He thanked you for the message and you want him to fu** off?

Yeah it really dm.

 

[Shell]

Yes and yes.

Come to Melb i will meet up with you pb

 

[FRUMPY]

'I don't care if you are battling mental illness, socialise with me god dammit!'

yeah that's what I meant.......

 

[craigos]

Come to Melb i will meet up with you pb

So will I!


Then cancel at the last minute

 

[perthblue]

I dunno, I have been that guy. Even minor excuses to the other side are a big deal to me. Not many of my mates like footy so I would stay in to watch football. Sounds like a s**t excuse to them but it's a real thing to me. Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I stay in because I have a T-Bone needing to be cooked before it goes out of date and I don't wanna chuck it in the bin and lose money I can't afford to be throwing away. Sometimes my partner is exhausted from being the full time parent and needs a friday or satdy night off.

I am not some sort of Friendship Tyrant who demands constant attention. We are peripheral friends and so we are mutually low on each other's draft order of who to hang out with, which is an arrangement I was fine with. What I'm not fine with is being jerked around constantly.

FWIW, I have also had periods in my life where I have withdrawn socially, left my phone at home so nobody could contact me, cancelled or refused plans out of sheer dread. It's not something that I can't empathise with. It's not what is happening here though.

 

[Shell]

So will I!


Then cancel at the last minute

get ****ed