Media And Now For Something Completely Different
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Kilroy
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The Dead Poster Sketch
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The Banned Poster Sketch
WaynesWorld: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(MWPP does not respond.)
WaynesWorld: 'Ello, Sir?
MWPP: What do you mean "sir"?
WaynesWorld: (pause) I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
MWPP: We're closin' for lunch.
WaynesWorld: Never mind that, my lass. I wish to complain about this poster what I signed not half an hour ago from this very club.
MWPP: Oh yes, the, uh, the JoshWoodenSpoon...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
WaynesWorld: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lass. 'E's banned, that's what's wrong with it!
MWPP: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
WaynesWorld: Look, matey, I know a banned poster when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
MWPP: No no he's not banned, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable poster, the JoshWoodenSpoon, idn'it, ay? Beautiful gif usage!
WaynesWorld: The gif usage don't enter into it. It's stone banned.
MWPP: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
WaynesWorld: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Wooden Spoony! I've got a lovely fresh rookie for you if you show...
(MWPP hits the cage)
MWPP: There, he posted!
WaynesWorld: No, he didn't, that was you making a fake account!
MWPP: I never!!
WaynesWorld: Yes, you did!
MWPP: I never, never did anything...
WaynesWorld: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO JOSHY!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes JWS out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
WaynesWorld: Now that's what I call a banned poster.
MWPP: No, no.....No, 'e's offended!
WaynesWorld: OFFENDED?!?
MWPP: Yeah! You offended him, just as he was wakin' up! JoshWoodenSpoons offend easily, major.
WaynesWorld: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That poster is definitely banned, and when I signed it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of posting was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged captaincy.
MWPP: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Las Vegas.
WaynesWorld: PININ' for LAS VEGAS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he become inactive the moment I got 'im home?
MWPP: JoshWoodenSpoon prefers being inactive! Remarkable pooster, id'nit, squire? Lovely gif usage!
WaynesWorld: Look, I took the liberty of examining this poster when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
MWPP: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that poster down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its acerbic wit, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
WaynesWorld: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this poster wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
MWPP: No no! 'E's pining!
WaynesWorld: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This poster is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-POSTER!!!
(pause)
MWPP: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (she takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of posters.
WaynesWorld: I see. I see, I get the picture.
MWPP: (pause) I got a reggie.
(pause)
WaynesWorld: Pray, does it post?
MWPP: Nnnnot really.
WaynesWorld: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
MWPP: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at her feet)
WaynesWorld: Well.
(pause)
MWPP: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
WaynesWorld: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
WaynesWorld: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(MWPP does not respond.)
WaynesWorld: 'Ello, Sir?
MWPP: What do you mean "sir"?
WaynesWorld: (pause) I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
MWPP: We're closin' for lunch.
WaynesWorld: Never mind that, my lass. I wish to complain about this poster what I signed not half an hour ago from this very club.
MWPP: Oh yes, the, uh, the JoshWoodenSpoon...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
WaynesWorld: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lass. 'E's banned, that's what's wrong with it!
MWPP: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
WaynesWorld: Look, matey, I know a banned poster when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
MWPP: No no he's not banned, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable poster, the JoshWoodenSpoon, idn'it, ay? Beautiful gif usage!
WaynesWorld: The gif usage don't enter into it. It's stone banned.
MWPP: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
WaynesWorld: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Wooden Spoony! I've got a lovely fresh rookie for you if you show...
(MWPP hits the cage)
MWPP: There, he posted!
WaynesWorld: No, he didn't, that was you making a fake account!
MWPP: I never!!
WaynesWorld: Yes, you did!
MWPP: I never, never did anything...
WaynesWorld: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO JOSHY!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes JWS out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
WaynesWorld: Now that's what I call a banned poster.
MWPP: No, no.....No, 'e's offended!
WaynesWorld: OFFENDED?!?
MWPP: Yeah! You offended him, just as he was wakin' up! JoshWoodenSpoons offend easily, major.
WaynesWorld: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That poster is definitely banned, and when I signed it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of posting was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged captaincy.
MWPP: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Las Vegas.
WaynesWorld: PININ' for LAS VEGAS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he become inactive the moment I got 'im home?
MWPP: JoshWoodenSpoon prefers being inactive! Remarkable pooster, id'nit, squire? Lovely gif usage!
WaynesWorld: Look, I took the liberty of examining this poster when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
MWPP: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that poster down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its acerbic wit, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
WaynesWorld: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this poster wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
MWPP: No no! 'E's pining!
WaynesWorld: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This poster is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-POSTER!!!
(pause)
MWPP: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (she takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of posters.
WaynesWorld: I see. I see, I get the picture.
MWPP: (pause) I got a reggie.
(pause)
WaynesWorld: Pray, does it post?
MWPP: Nnnnot really.
WaynesWorld: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
MWPP: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at her feet)
WaynesWorld: Well.
(pause)
MWPP: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
WaynesWorld: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
Last edited:
Elton Johns Wig
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Kilroy
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