another etiquette question

[Caesar]

That's terrible. Not only did he not mention any cost initially, but he's also created the impression in the past that the tickets are always provided on a free basis. So if there was a cost attached he had double the reason to be clear about it upfront. Definitely sounds like a misunderstanding between him and his dad, and now he's trying to get out of trouble.

He's pretty clearly in the wrong but unfortunately situations like this have no real answer. You're definitely under no obligation to give him anything, but if you tell him to get stuffed (politely or otherwise) he's still going to be pissed that now he has to find $300 out of his own pocket to give his dad. If the relationship matters then you're probably going to have to at least offer to split the costs as a gesture of goodwill, as much as it galls you.

Regardless of what you do, I'd be telling him a few home truths.

 

[Cruyff14]

If he said you can have them, he's given them away.

And considering he didn't ask for money to begin with, you are obliged to give him nothing.

 

[Sanders]

Why not ask for the money at the time?

Why would you only mention it later

 

[Caesar]

I would guess the mate thought the tickets were free initially too, and then after he got back from his holiday his dad was all "where's my money bitch?"

Now he's trying to get the cash out of the OP to cover for his own mistake.

 

[Snatch Adams]

Go full s00z on him. A barrage of insults plus calling him immature, mention how there's no mutual respect, pretend you're talking as Brad Scott and finish by calling him a 'cun+'.

 

[Gasometer]

What is Fb?





















Only joking.

What was the event? I detect a sense of regret that it was not what you hoped for and this has added insult to injury?

 

[bunsen burner]

What was the event? I detect a sense of regret that it was not what you hoped for and this has added insult to injury?

Shane Warne, the musical.

 

[Gasometer]

Shane Warne, the musical.

 

[Black Diamond]

From watching countless hours of Seinfeld you have a few options: Option 1, offer to pay half the sum of the tickets with friend 1 paying the other half as a compromise for the misunderstanding. Option 2, offer to take friend out for a meal a gesture of goodwill over the misunderstanding. Option 3 offer to be friend 1's butler.

Does soup count as a meal?

 

[CrippsonBlue]

He's pretty clearly in the wrong but unfortunately situations like this have no real answer

If friend 1 is getting pressured from his dad, then he too is in a difficult position and I wouldn't be too quick to judge him. For instance, if the OP does decide to pay up he too faces the dilemma of whether to cover the cost for friend 2 or ask him to contribute. If he does ask for money, friend 2 could then make a similar thread and the OP would come off sounding akin to friend 1.

You need to find out if anyone is actually out of pocket, and if so whether it's friend 1 or the dad. If no one is out of pocket, expecting a profit given the circumstances is pretty shitty whether he is getting pressured from the old man or not, and I wouldn't be paying a cent.

If someone is out of pocket, that person needs to wear some of the costs for the poor way they handled it. As such, I'd probably offer half for your own ticket considering you had a good time and offer to ask friend 2 if he is willing to do the same (but explain if not, you will not cover any of his ticket). It is then between the dad and friend 1 to work out covering whatever costs remain.

If no one is out of pocket or it's friend 1 that is, I'd be re-evaluating my friendship with him because his actions are not that of a mate.

 

[Caesar]

If friend 1 is getting pressured from his dad, then he too is in a difficult position and I wouldn't be too quick to judge him.

If that's the case, IMO he should be up-front about it.

If I was in the OP's position and my mate came to me and said "look - I'm sorry to do this to you but when I gave you the tickets I thought they were free, and now I'm getting chased for the money" then I would definitely help him out. If he approached it the way described in the OP - just pretending that payment was always assumed - it comes across more as trying to pull a swifty, and I'd be loathe to give him anything.

 

[Ghostwriter]

Another option is to pay for the tickets but pay directly to the business that the old man works for and let them know that they were given to you but as an act of goodwill you decided to pay the company for the tickets because it was the right thing to do, could result in some egg on some ppls faces.
Another thing to add is I never understand why ppl go to events that they otherwise can't afford, a bloke at work always offers his mcg members tickets to ppl and a few of us always reject the offer, there is always strings attached, if now you realise you can't afford to pay the money why go at all, can't believe ppl are so poor when they are asked to pony up they don't have the readies, its like the saying don't go to the pub if you can't afford a beer.

 

[checkraiseulite]

Friend 1 is a girl.

I'm 95% sure that there was no malicious intent and she genuinely thought I was expecting to pay so it is a legit misunderstanding.

The dad's business has paid for the tickets so the dad is out of pocket ~$600. The price is on the ticket.

I 100% said to friend 2 that the tickets were free. So there is no way I am asking him for the money especially given i know he is close to broke and he is one of my closest friends.

As far as I'm concerned it's between me, friend 1 and friend 1's dad who covers what part of the $600 total.

 

[Sanders]

If friend 1 is getting pressured from his dad, then he too is in a difficult position and I wouldn't be too quick to judge him.

Its his old man not a loan shark

 

[Caesar]

The dad's business has paid for the tickets so the dad is out of pocket ~$600.

I'm sure he's writing it off pre-tax, so it's more like $520 (or less, if there's GST involved).

 

[CrippsonBlue]

If that's the case, IMO he should be up-front about it

it comes across more as trying to pull a swifty, and I'd be loathe to give him anything

I don't disagree with either of these statements, which is why I suggested the OP needs to get to the bottom of this and potentially re-evaluate the friendship.

But if friend 1 is facing a similar dilemma as OP, I would not be unwilling to come to an arrangement due to him not articulating the situation to my liking.

 

[CrippsonBlue]

Given this new information, I'd offer $200 and expect friend 1 and the dad to do the same.

Id also add, I'd be personally having a chat with her dad to explain the situation.

 

[Sanders]

Friend 1 is a girl.

I'm 95% sure that there was no malicious intent and she genuinely thought I was expecting to pay so it is a legit misunderstanding.

The dad's business has paid for the tickets so the dad is out of pocket ~$600. The price is on the ticket.

I 100% said to friend 2 that the tickets were free. So there is no way I am asking him for the money especially given i know he is close to broke and he is one of my closest friends.

As far as I'm concerned it's between me, friend 1 and friend 1's dad who covers what part of the $600 total.

At that price you would not assume that someone could or would want to pay for those tickets so you would be explicit about what they cost and what you want for them

After all if you wanted to pay $300 per ticket you would already have done so.

And of course the tickets are already purchased and are going to waste - there is fair reason for believing this may have motivated them

I think you are being had - and I wonder why you are even thinking this your problem to fix? how much of a "friend" is this girl or would you like them to be?

Consider 2 scenarios

A) hey we've bought tickets to XYZ and now we can't use them. Don't want them going to waste - you want them?

B) hey we've bought tickets to XYZ and we're gonna need to sell them on as we can't use them. thought i'd if see you wanted them, face value is $300?

There is every chance you say no in B) but are denied the opportunity under A)
That's my issue, you can't haggle or refuse if you haven't been given the chance

Just say to her "look i'm not going to lie to you, this has put me in an awkward situation. You hadn't mentioned a price and I thought you didn't want them going to waste. I can't afford 300 and neither can friend 2, and to tell the truth I wouldn't have used them if I'd known that was the deal. I am sorry but i just can't help you"

They bought the tickets, then couldn't use them - they are already in the shitter for $600, and then didn't mention it to you. This is their problem not yours.

 

[Caesar]

Agree with all that, but offering to help cover some of the costs is probably a minimum if you want to salvage the friendship.

 

[Ghostwriter]

Fair to say whoever pays the friendship between you and friend 1 (the girl) is finished.

Could also be that friend 1's father didn't like you and set a trap, you fell for it now you are paying, doubtful that he would ever had to pay for the tickets, they were given to him, if he wanted to go he would've paid for them himself, maybe he doesn't want you hanging around his daughter and he used this as a trick to get you out of the picture, have you ever been intimate with her, had sex etc? Fathers can be very protective of their daughters.

 

[DrVanNostrand]

Ignore all phone calls, texts and emails. Don't pay a cent. Problem solved.

 

[checkraiseulite]

Just say to her "look i'm not going to lie to you, this has put me in an awkward situation. You hadn't mentioned a price and I thought you didn't want them going to waste. I can't afford 300 and neither can friend 2, and to tell the truth I wouldn't have used them if I'd known that was the deal. I am sorry but i just can't help you"

She could have sold them on eBay easily for ~face, so it's not like she was in a panic to get rid of them through such deceptive means.

The money is not a huge deal although no-one likes getting an unexpected $600 bill. I've been friends with this girl for years and have met her dad multiple times when I was younger. Neither are going to screw me for $600.

We also have a large amount of mutual friends so i think reaching a compromise is necessary.

 

[CrippsonBlue]

Just explain the situation to her - she currently has no reason to think her actions and expectation of full payment as unreasonable, as she obviously believes full payment for the tickets was agreed upon.

When confronted with the situation from your point of view, I'm sure you will find her expectations will change if she truly is a friend and will be grateful if you are willing to contribute a portion of the costs.

 

[Sanders]

She could have sold them on eBay easily for ~face, so it's not like she was in a panic to get rid of them through such deceptive means.

The money is not a huge deal although no-one likes getting an unexpected $600 bill. I've been friends with this girl for years and have met her dad multiple times when I was younger. Neither are going to screw me for $600.

We also have a large amount of mutual friends so i think reaching a compromise is necessary.

Can I ask question when did you first find out they were $300 tickets and how far out from the event were you offered them?

what was the event btw?

 

[checkraiseulite]

I knew they would be expensive to buy when I was offered them without knowing exactly how much.

The tickets were emailed to me about 2 weeks before the event. If I would've checked the email the price was on the tickets.

What the event was is irrelevant and I don't really want to get into that.