Ashes

[StFly]

What's that;

Rudi - 5
Australia - 0

All we need is another 200 odd today, leaving tomorrow with 250ish to get. The spirit of the Dizz be with Mussey and Punter, douvble hundreds to the both of them as they dispatch the Bangladeshi attack!

 

[CHBench]

Do we even play Bangladesh anymore?
Who's our next test series against, surely we're due to play some minnows by now.

Rookie Australian opener Phillip Hughes was fingered out by umpire Rudi Koertzen,

Poor guy.

We need big Gus Worland to rescue us. (Yes i watched it. Once. ) He's got the midas touch.

 

[TassieSaint]

We need some big changes

Out: Haddin, Hauritz, Johnson, North
In: Paine, Krejza, Geeves, Bailey

but seriously though I can't watch

 

[StFly]

Do we even play Bangladesh anymore?
Who's our next test series against, surely we're due to play some minnows by now.

They're over in England for a fair while with these 5 tests, 2 T20 matches and then about 5 ODI matches, I think it's scheduled to keep them over there in England until the start of September. And yeah unfortunately we don't play Bangladesh or Zimbabwe or any of the minnows nearly as much as any of the other nations do.

I would hazard a guess that our next test opponent will be Pakistan though, simply because Australia A are currently playing them.

 

[CHBench]

Those were the days when we played Zimbabwe in ODI's.
Even Kasprowicz could rip through the top order.

Another wrong decision. LOL. As much as this is sad, it's pure hilarity.
Time to whip out the "*".

 

[StFly]

We could always just piss England off and refuse to face every delivery left today.

"England never completed their over rates, fine them fine them!"

 

[CHBench]

Since Pup and Haddin have raised the hopes of a nation to an almost orgasmic level, it's almost a certainity that tonight will be anti-climax.

We'll start off solidly, you know, leave the good balls, smack the crap ones. Nations hopes raise even further. Pup will start to get a bit too comfy, go for one over the top, top edge it and get fingered out by Rudi. All in the first 5 overs. (Might as well bookmark it now, we WILL lose an early wicket) Haddin will stick phat, trying to maintain most of the strike, but eventually run out of partners, thanks to cheap/not so great shot selections, and we'll lose by a good 100 runs.

The end.

 

[CHBench]

**** it, im too good.
There goes Australia's wicket already, 6 minutes in.

 

[TassieSaint]

hilfenhaus dominating once again, but it's all for nothing, no chance of a result this test.

hilfy and punter will lead us to a 2-1 series victory though.

 

[CHBench]

hilfenhaus dominating once again

Rudi says hai.

Im seriously sick of playing douchebaggy nations. India, South Africa, India, South Africa, England.
In all seriousness though it's good to see our bowlers get their mojo back, better late than never.

So if we were to tie the series 1-1, and the last test gets drawn, do we win since we're the current holders of the Ashes?

 

[TassieSaint]

yeah drawn series means we retain the ashes

agree about the amount of countries we play who are full of absolute cokheads. why can't there be more cool countries like the west indies and new zealand?

 

[StFly]

Pakistan

"Beardo reaches his ton just after the artist formerly known as Hassan and the player now known as Hassan.. oh wait, they've fired yet another coach, to be replaced with Ileftmepickleinajar! RIVETING STUFF BARRY!"

 

[CHBench]

Pakistan i can handle, just not "some" of their shithead supporters. The kiwis i normally hate just because of that trans-tasman rivalry, but because they're pretty hopeless atm they're on my good side. Only the SriLankans, Windies and Deshi's i can handle.

Can anyone see us getting completely rolled tonight?

Whatever happens, i want Clark back in.

And maybe Hussey out.

 

[StFly]

I can see us capitulating before lunch. But realistically it'll probaby end with rain.

 

[Squizz]

What part of Ian "Sherminator" Bell being plumb LBW early on did I miss? Nice of Rude-One to finally give him out in identical fashion.

Poor old Mitch can't take a trick - his LB looked pretty darn high even on the first reaction.

Would also be nice if the ball wasn't black on one side - what is the Paul "designated ball polisher" Collingwood eating? Liquorice?

 

[StFly]

Chewing tobacco while he writes his thesis on technical bat strokes and playing at nothing unless you have to.

 

[HoldenMCaulfield]

He got an MBE, right ?

For scoring seven at the Oval ?

I miss Warnie !

 

[TassieSaint]

He got an MBE, right ?

For scoring seven at the Oval ?

yeah mate

I wonder if they win this time, will they make the physio and 12th man MBE for their efforts in Cardiff?

 

[Squizz]

I miss Warnie !

Actually I'm quite enjoying him as a commentator - sorely missed when he was off playing poker early in the tour. Is "Bumble" their embarrassing version of Tony Greig?

And what was that chop Swann (Swansong - what a lamearse nickname) doing going off the ground after finishing his spell - I thought they had outlawed that shit?

As for Freddie - having a good series and all, but after the zillionth time you pull that stupid face like you almost just got a wicket (even though it passed to the keeper a foot wide of off stump) it tends to lose its effect.

Here's hoping we can put our shit together, and ball-tamper properly - WTF is Cooley doing with the boys (he should know what lollies to bung on the ball and who holds the sawdust).

 

[Squizz]

will they make the physio and 12th man MBE for their efforts in Cardiff?

Mate - Rude-One Koertzen is going all out to get a gong for services to the English.

 

[StFly]

Was it Bumble who made fun of Manous name during the commentary? The whole Graeme Manou doo doo dodo doo skit and the awkward silence that followed with the commentray box when he finished. because if so that man deserves some manner of MBE himself for actually shutting up the English box talking about Freddy again.

 

[Squizz]

Was it Bumble who made fun of Manous name during the commentary?

He did? What a douche

I didn't hear any gags about onions (even broad onions) or how Graeme Swann could be King of Portugul (the King of Spain is already taken).

Or maybe Freddy twisted his ankle to avoid bowling his 300th no-ball of the series (even though only 5 have been called so far).

Or what a great athlete James Anderson is, as he does his best London Bridge impression.

Or how Michael Holding speaks in that cool West Indian voice, but no-one can understand what the _uck he is saying?

Or how it's a shame Stuey McGill is making 50 blunders every 10 minutes he's on TV, but is still a better commentator than Bumble. Mind you, they're all better than the IPL commentators in South Africa. Talk about setting the bar low down!

 

[StFly]

He did? What a douche

During the tea break or just before with the team sheets, he did about 4 verses of "Graeme Manou doo doo dodo doo, Graeme Mano doo doo doodoo ooo.." and etc and then there was silence, nothing befor eyou heard a little bit of a giggle and they switched to the break.

I didn't hear any gags about onions (even broad onions) or how Graeme Swann could be King of Portugul (the King of Spain is already taken).

Or maybe Freddy twisted his ankle to avoid bowling his 300th no-ball of the series (even though only 5 have been called so far).

Or what a great athlete James Anderson is, as he does his best London Bridge impression.

Or how Michael Holding speaks in that cool West Indian voice, but no-one can understand what the _uck he is saying?

Or how it's a shame Stuey McGill is making 50 blunders every 10 minutes he's on TV, but is still a better commentator than Bumble. Mind you, they're all better than the IPL commentators in South Africa. Talk about setting the bar low down!

I swear to god if the English commentators pan to the crowd one more time and say "it take all sorts..." my remote is going to be embedded into my screen. Jimmy Anderson also had a sook to Rudi "Rudi, Rudi, we threw the ball at Clarkey and he kicked it away, he kicked my ball away Rudi, give him out Rudi, aww come on Rudi I'll be your fweeeind."

Swann could be king of the punchable faces, which could be typoed on a mug "King of feces" for some brilliantly smashing potty humour for the bucked tooth clown to giggle at.

Holding is a champion, you have all these Englishmen and Aussies sitting there looking pasty white with prissy little voices and then you see Holding who speaks like a man who has 99% of the balls in the room all to himself. "Now what I'm saying mon is that you need more flavour and gusto with that cracking delivery and dulcet tunes..."

Stuey is laughable, if his eyebrows aren't trying to leap off his face they're in a war with Martos eerie eyes trying to create a mesh of memes while Mo is sitting there for expert commentary.

 

[Squizz]

The missus isn't a huge fan of the head-butt, but she'd like to nut Swann - who's that tosser she asks (mind you, she said the same thing about Paul Harris and also asked whether Botha could chuck it any better if he tried).

I did laugh when Holding was talking about how Andy Roberts had about six different types of bouncers, and could use them all pretty much one after the other! Also got away with a comment that if Andy was digging them in, Botham would end up next to the umpire!

 

[StFly]

Botha could chuck better if he tried, but he probably couldn't disguise it to all those wonderous technitians, then again they'd just pull a Murali and change the rules anyway. I take it she didnt watch warnies mob in the IPL? 3 or so bowlers got done for chucking, all of them quickies, they then came back and started bowling again, and got reported for chucking again.

Rules are awesome when enforced eh?