Bean Breeder

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Bush_Chook

Cancelled
BeanCoiNFT Investor A Star Wars Fan
Oct 30, 2017
140
686
AFL Club
Fremantle
Whenever I get a tin of mixed beans, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the beans as a species. To this end, I hold bean duels.

Taking two beans between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them smooshes and squishes. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red beans are tougher, and that the pale ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the pale beans as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern supermarket.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a bean that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the bean extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the tin, I am left with one bean, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to Coles, A Division of Westfarmers, Inc., 123 St Georges Terrace, Perth WA 6000., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this bean for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for 5 free tins of mixed beans. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
 

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