Best and Worst jokes ever heard...

[Marc Shmurf 3]

simple just post them if you like.

Ill start off with one of the worst jokes ive ever heard,

Ben Cousins is thinking about a move to Rugby League because there is white lines every 10 metres not 50.

 

[Jeremias]

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a playground.

 

[mike ockerts]

Q. whats the diffence between pink and purple?















A. the grip.
probably why my user name is so.

 

[BlueBelle]

How do you stop a Collingwood supporter from drowning?

Take your foot of their head!

 

[HBF]

What's red and looks like a bucket?



















A red Bucket

 

[Carlton.No.1]

What's Blue and looks like a bucket?












A undersized elephant that is blue and in the shape of a bucket

 

[HBF]

What's green, got 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you.



A pool table

 

[Salaryman]

What's green, got 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you.



A pool table

Can't wait for HBF's bad ones

 

[Silvagnis]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**t in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Mr Rabbit, do you ever have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no, Mr Bear!" So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

 

[Salaryman]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**t in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Mr Rabbit, do you ever have trouble with s**t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no, Mr Bear!" So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Isn't it past bedtime in the bin??

 

[Sublime]

What do you call a black man flying a plane?















A PILOT, you f'n racist!

 

[Bee]

What will they call Postman Pat when he retires?







Pat!

 

[Bee]

What did Tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants coming over the hill?

"Oh, look here comes 100 elephants over the hill."


What did Tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?

Nothing he didn't recognise them!

 

[Jeremias]

2 potatoes were cooking in an oven.
One potato turns to the other and says "Geez, it's hot in here!"
The other one says "WHOA!!! A talking potato!"

 

[Sticks 4]

2 cows are in a field. The first one says "MMMOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo...."

The second one says "Yeah, I was about to say that"

 

[C4[2]Yo`DooR]

Q: What's the difference between a Collingwood supporter and a park bench ?

A: A Park bench can support a family

 

[Bee]

What do you call a fly without wings?





A walk!

 

[Jeremias]

What do you call a bling Jahova's Witness?




Jahova.

 

[Sticks 4]

What's big, red and eats rocks?




A big, red rock eater

(thanks to my 6 year old nephew for that one!)

 

[Marc Shmurf 3]

Ok this is a good 1 to tell when you are around pissed people

Where's the $1????
3 men walk into a hotel to stay the night. The lady at the reception said that they have a special room for only $25 for the night.
So each of the men hand her $10 each.
The lady couldnt work out how she would be able to split the $5 of change into 3 so she thought i will give each of the men $1 each back and i will keep the other $2. (3 X 1 = 3 + 2 (she kept) = $5)

So lets work it out now...
She gave the men $1 each back (they gave her $10 at the start) so they actually paid $9 each for the room. 9 X 3 = $27 and the $2 that she kept =$29 so where the bloody hell is that other DOLLAR.

Gets people tripping. lol

 

[Thrawn]

Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other:

"Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron!"

The first atom replied, "Are you sure?"

The second atom replied, "Yes, I'm positive!"

 

[Jeremias]

Want to hear a dirty joke?

A boy fell in the mud...

 

[Jeremias]

Wamt to hear a clean joke?

The boy went home and had a bath...

 

[Thrawn]

Wamt to hear a clean joke?

The boy went home and had a bath...

Yes, sitting in his own filth and body fluids.

 

[Sticks 4]

3 men walk into a bar.

youd think one of them would have seen it.......