Best Footy Sledges!! (and replies!)

[Aussiegod]

glenn james, last of the decent field umpires. does a lot for aboriginal disadvantaged kids now.

I was at a game he umpired and "I" felt he was having a bad day and I yelled out."James......you out to be whitewashed"

The crowd around burst out laughing, while I went crimson.

True story.

 

[Sir_Adrian84]

he told Aguna that 'You dont get a runner for being a fat ****'

When he captained Qld against the Poms in a tour match he also asked a player on the boundary to come in under Hussain's nose.....the player steped 5 steps foward and Heals goes 'That will do'

1996 World Series Cup 2nd Final: Australia vs Sri Lanka
That summer had Muttiah called for chucking and the final just became more controversial with SL needing 168 off 25 overs to win after it was rain interrupted. Classic Match. Same night the Scud beat Sampras in 3 straight sets at the Oz Open.

 

[pazza]

Did hear one whilst umpiring one day.

"I slept with your sister last night"
"Oh yeah - how was she?"
"Not bad"
"Well i heard different - see she rang me this morning about it and she reckons you came in 20 seconds whilst it took her 3 hours to do the same"

 

[Dusky]

Cant remember who but i think it involved botham

Player A- How's your wife and my kids

Player B- the wife is fine the kids are *ed

Oh Gosh, the first part was great but the reply was brilliant

 

[iameviljez]

The sledge that heals supposedly said to arjuna ranatunga was the one involving putting a mars bar on a good length but that was actually said to the south african kossie ventor

Apparently that one was by Warney to an English-speaking player, who replied that he would have no chance as Boonie was fielding at short-leg!

All-time favourite comes from the Swerve. Swervin' Mervyn was being belted all over the ground by Sir Vivian Richards - at which point he jumped halfway down the pitch, farted, and yelled "Hit that for six!".

 

[TheBigUnit]

Cant remember who but i think it involved botham

Player A- How's your wife and my kids

Player B- the wife is fine the kids are *ed

A: Rod Marsh
B: Ian Botham

My favourite cricket sledge

England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment later on, Frank Tyson managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball went right through the hands of Raman Subba Rao who was standing in first slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and says, “Sorry Frank, I should’ve closed my legs.” Frank Tyson, who didn’t find any of this amusing, quipped back, “No, you bastard, your mother should have.”

There's a whole list of them over here: http://www.orkneycricket.co.uk/Cricketing Funnies.html

I somehow don't think footballers have anywhere near the wits of some of these cricketers...

 

[Phil McCreviss]

Buddy Franklin in his second or third game against Brisbane Lions. Justin Leppitsch is playing on him and Buddy is giving him a merry dance running him up and down the MCG. Leppitsch gets p***d off and starts an altercation at which point Buddy grabs his jumper and says "Id rather be dead than red."

Gold!

 

[dylan101]

one of my favourite is when javed miandad called merv hughes a fat bus conductor and merv hughes got him out soon after and ran down the pitch yelling tickets please

 

[EB&W Pieman]

My favourite.

Australia playing New Zealand at Rugby Union. Night match, Christchurch (NZ South Island), two degrees, howling gale, wind chill minus forty!!

The All Blacks are leading by about thirty at half time.

The crowd heads to the toilets to make room. One bloke in a Wallaby jumper is standing, doing his business, and a Kiwi shouts across the room "How are you feeling now, aussie???"

The Australian doesn't even look up; he just says "Pretty good, actually. I'm going back to Sydney in the morning"

To their eternal credit, the hundreds of Kiwis in the loo, gave him a standing (well.. some were sitting) ovation.

 

[GoalSneak38]

Windies were playing a tour match at Ballarat and some young country quick had Viv Richards playing and missing. The country lad had a crack and said 'it's red and has stitches in it. Try and hit it'. Next ball Viv lierally put it out of the ground and said 'it's red and has stitches in it. Go find it'. These are classic sledges the are above the belt. Might fire a few people up and put a guy off is game but most blokes have a chuckle about them. Selwood on the other hand was well below the best and if guilty deserves all the hell he gets. Some people think sledging is sledging but there is a line and Selwood crossed it

 

[zero]

Apparently that one was by Warney to an English-speaking player, who replied that he would have no chance as Boonie was fielding at short-leg!

All-time favourite comes from the Swerve. Swervin' Mervyn was being belted all over the ground by Sir Vivian Richards - at which point he jumped halfway down the pitch, farted, and yelled "Hit that for six!".

i heard a similar one about merv.

he was bowling against the pakis, and tensions were high in the match, specific aussies didnt like specific pakis and the feelings were mutual.

anyway, merv is bowling and he sort of goes down holding his back after a ball. he lying on the ground, and some of the aussies come over to make sure hes ok, the two pakistani batsmen and one of the umps. as soon as he is surrounded he stands straight up and lets rip with the biggest fart youve ever heard, then tells them all to smell his lunch.

everyone laughs, calls him a bastard and things lighten up for the rest of the tour.

 

[jacko57]

....

 

[Mero]

Wayne Carey upon getting his third opponent for the day calls his runner over and, within earshot of the new opponent, says "get a Footy Record and look up this bloke's name will ya? "

Johnny Ironmonger chased a ball over the line at Windy Hill near where the Little League kids were sitting.
A bloke yelled out "take off the mask Ironmonger, you're scaring the kids" and Leon Harris was nearly crying laughing.

 

[Ceanag]

this would be up there with Jencke and Selwoods (alleged) sledges..Not particularly funny and not very PC.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hvxtzepZQ0

 

[RustyG]

Am I allowed to Quote Sellwood??

 

[Mero]

Am I allowed to Quote Sellwood??

Has he figured out what he's going to tell them he said yet?

 

[BigFootyNews]

 

[Daniltchenko You Beauty]

Whatever Juddy's one to West Coast about carrying them for years is the best I've heard.

 

[RUNVS]

I guess I am particularly dense today but I don't get it.

 

[Mr_Moogle]

I guess I am particularly dense today but I don't get it.

Steve Johnson's manager is Jake Kelly's father. He was having a laugh about how Johnson has basically paid for his trips to Europe for the last 6 years. It's a pretty funny sledge but I would have thought there would be an easy comeback there. Kelly is clearly on s**t money if he needs his Dad to pay for his holidays.

 

[Ari]

Whatever Juddy's one to West Coast about carrying them for years is the best I've heard.

Yeah one of my favourites.

First season with Carlton someone from West Coast runs over to his team-mate playing on Juddy and says "get all over his shoulders, they're f***ed." To which Juddy responds "from carrying you pricks all those years!"

 

[Mero]

Steve Johnson's manager is Jake Kelly's father. He was having a laugh about how Johnson has basically paid for his trips to Europe for the last 6 years. It's a pretty funny sledge but I would have thought there would be an easy comeback there. Kelly is clearly on s**t money if he needs his Dad to pay for his holidays.

He's made his way up through the Rookie Draft.
I wouldn't expect he was on massive coin.
Good luck to him if his dad is covering the tickets to Europe.

 

[my name was taken]

Reiwoldt on the footy show just said Bob Murphy sent a pic of himself walking off the field after his acl last year...well played.

 

[Mero]

Best sledge I ever heard was at local footy.
One of the blokes had transferred from one local club to another, the main reason for his departure was he had been dating the president's daughter and they had broken up. He didn't want to stay at the club where her father and brothers were still involved.
The first time the two teams met their supporters were giving him heaps, and to be fair, the kid was having a shocker, giving them more and more ammunition.
By now the father had joined in and as the kid had one bounce off his leg and go out on the full they gave him an earful which included "that's why we got rid of you".
As they kicked the ball back into play our hero looked into the stands at the father and called out "your daughter only let me f*** her in the a*** because she wouldn't risk having a kid turn out to be anything like you".
And then there was silence.

 

[Unfazed]

Crackers Keenan once gave aboriginal umpire Glen James a stick and said "Here you have been umpiring llike a dog you might as well have it" to which James replied " Careful, I might point it at you".