Best Jokes during Corona Lockdown

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The Buck

Senior List
Sep 23, 2013
252
695
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Western Bulldogs
From The Chaser:

Report: What The Fcuk Is It With These Failed Art Students?

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In the most predictable news to come out of the high-hedged mansions of Toorak today, Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt has written 1000 ten dollar words questioning the safety of face masks.

According to his latest widely-circulated opinion column, for which he is likely paid up to a couple dollars per word, the loudest perpetuator of the Australian ‘culture wars’ has today announced he no longer trusts the Victorian State Government’s handling of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Titled: ‘VICTORIA ORDERS FACE MASKS FOR ALL: IS THE POLITICS OR PUBLIC HEALTH’ – convicted racist, Andrew Bolt argues that the science of wearing face masks to prevent catching COVID-19 is unsound.

This pointless and hollow opinion mirrors the time he argued that the research being delivered by 98% of the world’s scientists who claim climate change was a factor in the unprecedented 2019/2020 summer bushfires is not sound.
 

The Buck

Senior List
Sep 23, 2013
252
695
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs

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The Buck

Senior List
Sep 23, 2013
252
695
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Betoota:

Bloke Sucking Back 16mg Winnie Reds On Smoko Reckons Those Masks Expose Ya To Carbon Monoxide


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Footscray-based bricklayer Craig Norton has never been one for the ‘mainstream media’ he reckons.

In fact, ever since Facebook came along, he hasn’t read one piece of so-called journalism from any of those pen-pushers at The Age or the ABC.

The only print newspaper he reads is the loose copy of the Herald Sun floating around at smoko, and he reads it from the back. This means he gets to their opinion columns before their ‘real’ news. Not that there is much difference between the two anymore.

However, after a butter chicken curry servo pie, a litre of double shot iced coffee and a couple 16 milligram Tina Turners – Craig usually has to vacate the premises to lay some cable in the portaloo.

It’s there, sitting on the tradesmen’s throne that this high-tax-bracket construction professional ingests some of the most dangerous misinformation regarding the Victorian state government’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

When you pair the grainy memes that accuse Premier Andrews of exerting fascist control over his constituents with a mandatory face mask law with the most recent Andrew Bolt article he read in the Sun, what you end up with is one angry Quiet Australian.

Craig returns from the shitter with some bold opinons

“This new mandatory mask law is a load of sh*t” he tells the entire worksite.

“Tell the cops to ******* fine me. I’m not wearing one”

When asked by one of his apprentices why he takes issue with this particular public health measure, Craig says its because he’s sick of being told what to do, and that these masks actually expose you to carbon monoxide.

“It makes you breathe in ya own carbon dioxide.”

“That’s why you’ve been feeling light-headed, Brucey. Your sleep apnea doctor is full of sh*t”

“I’d rather cop the fine then be made to wear one of those fu**en things”

“Look into it” he says, as he lights his fourth Winfield Red this smoko
 

LittleG

Norm Smith Medallist
Nov 18, 2015
6,284
6,874
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‘Karen’ is in Australia:


Well done to the Bunnings staff in this video. Should get a huge thank you from head office.

Note:
Bunnings is private property. IF they make wearing a mask a condition of entry.... you actually have to wear a mask or be refused entry.
 

jaxie1

Team Captain
Mar 19, 2011
407
362
Hamilton, Victoria
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Although nothing to do with COVID, I laughed heaps at this one and kind of winced!!

When the Lionesses are in heat, they have a lot of sex at once in a single day. 20 to 40 times, and the Lioness becomes the one who demands to mate. So if a man is tired and can't keep up with her

She bites his balls. 🦁💕

Johanna Kok is the photographer of this picture and she took it at Blijdorp, the Rotterdam Zoo 📸
 

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Bont2Bruce

At the Destination Club
Mar 15, 2012
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He has has sunk his state, so I doubt he’d get elected.
Of the hundred odd people who had tested positive yet were not at home when door-knocked yesterday, how many of those were the Premier's fault exactly? It is the extreme selfishness of individuals that has us in the mess, not our government.
 

TempletonTheRat

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Dec 21, 2014
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Of the hundred odd people who had tested positive yet were not at home when door-knocked yesterday, how many of those were the Premier's fault exactly? It is the extreme selfishness of individuals that has us in the mess, not our government.
I just read that 1 in 4 cases are not isolating - WTF - I'd still be pissed off it it was 1 in 10
 

Freshwater

Club Legend
Oct 30, 2014
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Of the hundred odd people who had tested positive yet were not at home when door-knocked yesterday, how many of those were the Premier's fault exactly? It is the extreme selfishness of individuals that has us in the mess, not our government.
So true, but we had this virus nuttered in April, then 200,000 Aussies returned home, and brought the virus with them. In every other state you couldn’t leave quarantine until you were clear of the virus, in Victoria you could just leave after 14days! Clear or not? Not to mention what they were doing during those 14days??
 

Dogs_r_barking

Premiers 2016
Mar 2, 2007
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Of the hundred odd people who had tested positive yet were not at home when door-knocked yesterday, how many of those were the Premier's fault exactly? It is the extreme selfishness of individuals that has us in the mess, not our government.
When the Feds took over Aged Care from the States and privatised it, just like all of the dodgey employment services when that was privatised, providers came out the woodwork thinking there was money to be made. The result is they employ cheap staff, trained through dodgey aged care trainers who also sprung up. Some of the ‘qualified‘ staff have never been inside an aged care facility and did all there training online.

Instead of employing some qualified nurses, these privatised facilities solely employ personal care workers, cheap casual workers who work in multiple aged care facilities.Often pushed into doing this training by dogey employment services to get them off the dole.

The result,inappropriate poorly trained casual staff working in multiple facilities, who inadvertently spread the virus.

The policies for this sits firmly on the Federal Coalition Government, not “Dictator Dan”.
 

Chicago1

I ain't got this flu thing!
Apr 19, 2001
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I have found another gem of a YouTube site to keep me amused. It's not devoted entirely to this little flu thing going around and wearing face masks, but rather to Karens, both female and male. However, this one I love. If ever I get like this, just shoot me, OK?

 

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