Best Jokes during Corona Lockdown

[Fossie 32]

 

[Optimistic Dog]

Heard this one the other day. What do you call the wife of a hippie?


A Misseshippie

 

[Dogs Rule]

I don't find Jim Carey funny but other people think he is hilarious

 

[NBates]

 

[Triple Baileys]

Dan Andrews is up late at night in his office writing an important speech he has to give the next day.

He feels a massive fart building up and figuring that no-one else is there raises his left cheek and lets it rip.

Incredibly, it is dead silent and there is no smell.

"That's interesting," he says to himself.

So, he lets another even bigger one out. Again, dead silent and no smell.

"That's fantastic," he says to himself, "I don't have worry about farting in public anymore."

So the next day he gives his important 1 hour speech live on all TV and radio stations with live streaming to the internet too.

"My fellow Victorians...," he begins and as he says it he can feel a mega fart building up. No problem, he just lets it go and, sure enough, it is dead silent and doesn't smell.

"Together, we can beat this virus...," he continues. At that point the teleprompter indicates he is to emphatically slam his fist on the table. So he does that and it causes another giant fart that has been building up to be unleashed. But again, no problem, it is dead silent and does not smell.

And so his speech continues for the rest of the hour.

Afterwards, he turns to his coterie of cronies and back slappers that he calls advisors. "Well, how did that go?" he asks them.

The Chief Medical Officer of Victoria stands up and says, "Mr Premier, I recommend strongly that you immediately have a COVID-19 test."

"Why's that?" says Dan.

"Because COVID-19 can cause a loss of your sense of smell and hearing..."

 

[Optimistic Dog]

After more than 6 months and 155k of views the Coronavirus thread has suffered fatigue and has not had a new thread since Friday how long can it last. It is even on the second page of the bulldogs posts

 

[megadeth92]

In breaking news, it is reported that police removed a packet of frozen fish fingers from a supermarket and issued the owner with a $1,000 fine. The fish fingers were apparently too close to one another inside the packet.

 

[Bodicifer]

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down a use a lubricant

 

[Optimistic Dog]

Is 24 coronas called a slab or a cluster.

 

[TempletonTheRat]

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down a use a lubricant

I was once asked if I smoked after sex

I replied "I don't know, I've never looked"

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Dystopian timeline 2022 - Dan Andrews bans elections in Victoria and declares himself premier for life. no-one objects.

2027 - Dan Andrews declares Victoria an independent country and himself as King Daniel the First. No-one objects.

2028 - Dan Andrews builds a ten-metre high concrete fence around Victoria. No-one objects.

2029 - The lockdown continues. Victoria's GDP per capita falls below Fiji and Vanuatu. No-one objects.

2041 - Daniel's son ascends to the Kingship. No-one objects.

2051 - Daniel's son announces that lockdown will remain in place until there are no Covid deaths within a 50-year period. No-one objects. By now, 80% of adult males work in the police, the military, the secret police and/or as private security guards. The GDP per capita falls below that of Nauru. No-one objects.

You're on the wrong board. The Politics Board is that way. Kindly **** off.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

 

[Freshwater]

 

[Triple Baileys]

You're on the wrong board. The Politics Board is that way. Kindly **** off.

Bont2Bruce you are wasted here. You need to get onto the comments section on Daily Mail. Dan needs all the help he can get on there, it's a total bloodbath, let me tell you...I just survived to make it back...worse than going on the StKilda board.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Ok I think I've worked out how to post all of these at once

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Stop asking “What ELSE could go wrong?”
The universe doesn’t understand it’s a rhetorical question.

 

[King Harold]

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=5fc0943ca7&attid=0.1.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1676147904468143600&th=1742dfa374d6cdf0&view=att&disp=safe

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

To cheer everyone up...

 

[dogwatch]

From the thread discussing this morning's BF database rebuild:

 

[LittleG]

The BigFooty.com database is a joke all on its own.

 

[NBates]

'Dogs have the Bye this week, and the Bye Bye on Sunday

 

[Chicago1]

 

[Glaeken Oracle]

Off-shore grocery store?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Two dyslexics in a room.

One says, “Can you smell gas?”

The other replies, “Smell gas?! I can’t even smell my own name.“