Media BNN Special Update - Earthquake rocks Mount Buller

[The Filth Wizard]

The lava is more believable. Mobbs can't replicate people getting boiled in hot springs.

Gotcha. A Tommy Lee Jones man. I concur.

 

[Mobbs]

Gotcha. A Tommy Lee Jones man. I concur.

I think I can replicate a hot springs death, and I did prefer Dante's Peak.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Reports are emanating out of Las Vegas as to the cause of this morning's magnitude 6.9 earthquake, where a radical fringe of anti-quakers are spreading reports of an "alternative" theory.

Don’t worry everyone it wasn’t an earthquake, Cap just fell over

The epicentre of that earthquake was Mansfield, the entrance to Mount Buller.

Are you trying to tell us about someone changing clubs?

Na Cap missed the team bus after the game last week and hasn’t been able to leave that sh*t hole yet (unconfirmed reports that we went out on a bender after a tough loss)

tony has been working with local transport contractors to ensure he makes it home safe

Today’s events will only hasten the process

I tried rolling down the hill, didn't work

Sources close to the group tell me that they're merely shitposting, but could there be something more nefarious in what they're saying? Could it just be an unsteady South Australian who's festively plump? And what of the calls to ban bear-worming medication?

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

 

[Muddiemoose]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Reports are emanating out of Las Vegas as to the cause of this morning's magnitude 6.9 earthquake, where a radical fringe of anti-quakers are spreading reports of an "alternative" theory.







Sources close to the group tell me that they're merely shitposting, but could there be something more nefarious in what they're saying? Could it just be an unsteady South Australian who's festively plump? And what of the calls to ban bear-worming medication?

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

The Bears will not be making any official statements to fake news services like yours

Follow our live streams on QootBook and Quitter to get the real story

 

[Tonga Bob]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

We now cross to the Mayor of Mount Buller manangatang to get an update from the epicentre of this morning's earthquake.

Mayor manangatang: I was in my cheese room at the time, admiring the Mt. Buller collection, you see.

As I was discussing Keynesian economics with a cheeky white-rind cheese, the floor shook as though a fell beast were roiling beneath the very foundations of the Snow Dome.

Before I knew what was happening, the 12-year old Comte that we think of as a child rolled off its velvet footing and fell onto the floor from a devastating height. I’ve been laying on the floor beside its shattered corpse ever since.

Unnamed sources close to the Mayor have also reported that manangatang started "shooting at the earthquake" in a vain attempt to extract revenge for the fallen Comte.

​

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

 

[Muddiemoose]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

We now cross to the Mayor of Mount Buller manangatang to get an update from the epicentre of this morning's earthquake.

Mayor manangatang: I was in my cheese room at the time, admiring the Mt. Buller collection, you see.

As I was discussing Keynesian economics with a cheeky white-rind cheese, the floor shook as though a fell beast were roiling beneath the very foundations of the Snow Dome.

Before I knew what was happening, the 12-year old Comte that we think of as a child rolled off its velvet footing and fell onto the floor from a devastating height. I’ve been laying on the floor beside its shattered corpse ever since.

Unnamed sources close to the Mayor have also reported that manangatang started "shooting at the earthquake" in a vain attempt to extract revenge for the fallen Comte.

View attachment 1242981​

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

Fake news

 

[Tonga Bob]

Fake news

OK Donald.

 

[I Dont Care]

View attachment 1242889

9:30am SST (Sweet Standard Time): Reports are coming in of a magnitude 6.9 earthquake, with the epicentre close to the borough of Mount Buller.

More to come...

It wasn't a natural earthquake. pantskyle just broke wind with his arse pointing to the ground is all

 

[pantskyle]

It wasn't a natural earthquake. pantskyle just broke wind with his arse pointing to the ground is all

That's false.

 

[manangatang]

Fake news

Stop trying to diminish my very real pain.

 

[Dav]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Joining us now is Sweet Town Planner Mobbs to provide an update as to any structural impact this morning's earthquake had.

View attachment 1242945

Town Planner Mobbs : The Municipal Emergency Response Team surrounded Mt Buller in the wee hours and faced off with a chanting mountain. The team were prepared for violence, but operatives quickly defused the threat through mediation.

The mountain remains in a lighhearted but unstable condition, as qualified staff keep close watch.

All nearby residents are recommended to wear masks protecting their airways today, as recent events may have stirred up a higher ratio of qoots in the lower atmosphere.

It is predicted that the region will be clear of any further surprises by the end of the week, at which time Mt Buller will be going down.

Thanks Mobbs for your insights. Please keep us posted with any further developments.

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

“Mr Mobbs, tear down this mountain!”

 

[Muddiemoose]

Stop trying to diminish my very real pain.

Think that might be angina mage

 

[manangatang]

Think that might be angina mage

Mage

 

[I Dont Care]

That's false.

It's true. It was on FB and all

 

[pantskyle]

It's true. It was on FB and all

Hmm well if FB is stating it's true I'll concede.

 

[Bluelegs]

Hmm well if FB is stating it's true I'll concede.

In high school my teachers always told me Wikipedia wasn't a reliable source. They didn't say anything about Facebook though.

 

[NaturalDisaster]

In high school my teachers always told me Wikipedia wasn't a reliable source. They didn't say anything about Facebook though.

That was always just rubbish sprouted by Boomers who had no idea of how wikipedia works.

Misinformation on there is typically edited straight away.

 

[I Dont Care]

That was always just rubbish sprouted by Boomers who had no idea of how wikipedia works.

Misinformation on there is typically edited straight away.

I like how you always seem to know how boomers think, Boomer

 

[Tonga Bob]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.



I'm back on the streets of Sweet asking Mount Buller residents how this morning's earthquake affected them. This is is what they had to say:

Youngster Bluelegs had this to say: "Yes I am fortunately okay. As you know the Demons are currently enjoying a winning streak and are the envy of the SFA. We have become accustomed to burying our opponents in goals and decided we wanted to take this tactic to the next level by producing an avalanche to literally bury the opposition. We're pretty excited to try this tactic out this weekend against the Roys".

Not-so-young Van_Dyke tells: "I was still sleeping after extensive training last night with sausageroll and cooney at the pub when the quake happened. Thankfully I’m ok, but there’s some significant damage to cats2rise ’s bunk bed that he shares with Tarkyn_24 and I’ve heard unconfirmed reports that Smartys Power and Headless bench may have collapsed which is obviously very distressing."

Tarkyn_24 tells a different story: "Yeah my bad. I enthusiastically jumped out of bed this morning and I think that might’ve caused the tremor. God Victorians are prima-donnas though."

And pantskyle reports that "I'm marked as safe, luckily I don't actually reside in Mount Buller. I still live in my penthouse suite in Vegas. After all I am the King of Vegas still."

I've also checked in with cooney who I'm pleased to say is fine and reports no damage over at Little Anfield which shook like a European night, although he was woken up by the earthquake.

Headless on the other hand had quite the story to tell...

​

"Well I woke up to get me a cold pop, and then I thought somebody was demonstrating. I said "oh lord Jesus it’s a riot!" Then I ran out, I didn’t grab no shoes or nothin’ Jesus, I ran for my life. And then the shaking got me, I got vertigo... ain’t nobody got time for that!!"

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Shameful scenes on the streets of Mount Buller this afternoon. Despite retracting earlier comments from Croweating Fatass Cap, the Las Vegas Bears have been implicated in causing the magnitude 6.9 earthquake which struck Sweet earlier today. Addressing a crowd of disgruntled Las Vegans today after their loss to the Mount Buller Demons, union kingpin tony had this to say:



"Yeah nah f*ck the cheese-loving hill people, aye"

Along with anti-quakers and other assorted radical fringe elements looking for a fight, the crowd of feral Bears have since marched to the city where they plan to protest at the offices of league admin NaturalDisaster in a move whi-

*can hitting head noises*



Well this is the lowest act that has ever happened to me in my tens of hours as a reporter. A can of what looks like Emu Bitter has hit me in the back of the head, having been hurled from a pack of Bear flogs. One of them just shouted out at me "suck sh*t ya campaignery coconut head!" Well Sir, if you think a can of warm beer is going to stop me from uncovering to seedy underbelly of this League, then you're probably right.

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

 

[philreich]

Damn I was hoping for destruction

I heard the quake caused several thousand dollars worth of good.

 

[Cap]

Who you calling fat.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Who you calling fat.

View attachment 1243330

Sorry mate, looks like you’ve lost a few kilos.

 

[tony]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Shameful scenes on the streets of Mount Buller this afternoon. Despite retracting earlier comments from Croweating Fatass Cap, the Las Vegas Bears have been implicated in causing the magnitude 6.9 earthquake which struck Sweet earlier today. Addressing a crowd of disgruntled Las Vegans today after their loss to the Mount Buller Demons, union kingpin tony had this to say:

View attachment 1243307

"Yeah nah f*ck the cheese-loving hill people, aye"

Along with anti-quakers and other assorted radical fringe elements looking for a fight, the crowd of feral Bears have since marched to the city where they plan to protest at the offices of league admin NaturalDisaster in a move whi-

*can hitting head noises*

View attachment 1243309

Well this is the lowest act that has ever happened to me in my tens of hours as a reporter. A can of what looks like Emu Bitter has hit me in the back of the head, having been hurled from a pack of Bear flogs. One of them just shouted out at me "suck sh*t ya campaignery coconut head!" Well Sir, if you think a can of warm beer is going to stop me from uncovering to seedy underbelly of this League, then you're probably right.

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.

We are already planning for our protest for tomorrow and it won't be a can of beer we throw at you.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Welcome back to our rolling coverage of the Great Mount Buller Earthquake of 2021, I'm BNN's Tonga Bob.

Not long after I gave my previous update, I lost consciousness due to the head injury sustained by the can of Emu Bitter lobbed in my direction in the post-earthquake protests. When I woke up, I was lying in a bed in a hospital ward. Lying next to me in adjacent beds were a couple of victims of the Mount Buller earthquake, Yakker and sausageroll



Despite my head still ringing from the after-effects of the concussion, my journalistic instincts kicked in and I asked both victims to tell their stories from that fateful day.

Yakker was not shy in speaking up: "I was doing my usual Wednesday recovery training regime which consists of 6 bloody marys , a cheese platter washed down with a bottle of Grange followed by some light ski work on the double black diamond run, topped off with a “Sweedish” massage. Anywho, there I was shoosting down the pissed when that bastard quake hit and the earth erupted around me and my soft powder heaven was transformed into some macabre version of an Olympic moguls run. fu** me mate, I nearly died. Inga, my massooss had to work some OT to get my frazzled nerves back under control I can tell you. But all up no harm done it seems."

He then described himself doing some sort of aerial flip on his skis, which looked something like this:




I then asked sausageroll to describe their experience. "I had no idea there was an earthquake. I only just found out about it." I then asked why he was in a hospital, to which he replied that he slipped at home and fell on a toy horse which got wedged right up his arse. When I asked if he was OK, a nearby nurse chimed in and said that sausageroll was "in a stable condition".

Stay tuned for more from our continuing coverage of Bullerpalooza '21.