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- Oct 30, 2017
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Broome Bears 2018: Inaugural Year
Motto: Esset similis ad hoc occasionem dare veniam ad te ut nullus omnino
Squad:
Dustin Martin: The first player picked in the Pre-Draft was Dusty, who had what Leigh Matthews called the most dominant year by any one player ever. However, after picking him, I discovered later on that the scoring system seems not to overly suit him as apparently Dayne Zorko (a star but not on the same level) scored 10 points higher than him on average last year in the utility position. Anyhow, it is likely he will spend more time in the forward line this year, hopefully increasing his output in utility, or alternatively as a BM. At least his seemingly nightly "counselling sessions" with Swanny, his midfield coach, seem to ensure he has loved his time at the club so far.
Shakespeare: Michael Hibberd, since being recruited, has insisted on being called Shakespeare due to his surname sounding very slightly similar to The Bard. Don't worry, I don't get it either. However, his love for a froffy and very good game-style for LFFL scoring ensures he will regularly captain the Bears.
Toby Greene: Greene was picked up as a forward option due to his high ceiling and knack for turning up when his side needs him the most. While his indiscretions in the past may have put others off picking the previous All-Australian, the Bears are focussed on winning at all costs, and therefore will not care if he karate kicks more people in the face if it helps the team cause.
Rory Lobb: The Lobbster was a speculative pick, given him only this year being able to assume the number 1 ruck position, and having limited experience in the role other than two finals against the two worst "rucking" ruck men of 2016 in Nank the Tank and Petrie. However, his dominant height and a full pre-season of ruck work could result in all 207cm of the Lobbster turning up and becoming the highest scoring ruck in the LFFL.
Luke Parker: The "safe" pick at number 1 in the Official Draft, Luke Parker is an outstanding citizen. He genuinely looks like he would be the sort of bloke that helps old people across the road. However, a very poor start to last year means that he may be slightly undervalued and is a good option at IM, BM or even utility if Dusty goes down.
Dayne Beams: Beams was a risky pick, where his injury history has been significant, and has probably cost many a coach a game of LFFL in the past where he goes down early in a game. However, he reliably informed me prior to the draft that it was simply to ensure that he got some time off to have some beers with the old rat-pack back in Melbourne, meaning it shouldn't happen this year given I've brought some of his mates up with him to Broome. Remarkably, averaged the same as Dusty in the utility position last year despite his injuries, and a Rockliff-less midfield and Zorko just asking to be tagged means that his output could increase even further. Will be used in rotation with Dusty as a Utility or BM.
Steele Sidebottom: Sidebottom slots straight into the OM position given his penchant for running around on the outside of stoppages and using his clean skills to pick out targets. However, with the arrival of Stephenson and Wells potentially getting more game-time, a more forward role could beckon for Steele, who kicked 10 in the TAC Cup Granny a few years back, making him a potential swingman.
Jamie Elliot: Elliot was selected as a complement to Greene in the forward line. Injuries permitting, he may be a very good option as a second, lead up forward. However, a recurrence of an old injury has limited his pre-season, meaning his season may be impacted, however it is hoped that he doesn't piss in too many bins while he has some time off.
Nathan Wilson: The man with probably the best long kick since Fletcher was recruited as a high-rebounding option. His disposal count has increased steadily in previous years, and he should be the chief distributor at the Dockers, hopefully resulting in a higher average than past years.
Jack Graham: Somehow Australia's answer to Dwayne Johnson made it through to the Bears' pick in this round. A tackling specialist, with a full pre-season under his belt, midfield time (and more tackles) beckon. However, his professional preparation has meant that the former Larke Medallist did not immediately fit in with the playing group, however, after a few bevvies with Dusty and Swanny, he seems to have started to get along with everyone.
Christian Petracca: Petracca was selected solely for his friendship with Ben Simmons, who came down from Philly to shoot some hoops with the boys. Petracca's potential to be anything this year did not come into consideration at all.
Nick Vlastuin: Vlastuin's role in the Bears' team is uncertain, however a move into becoming a permanent intercepting defender in recent months has meant that his ceiling is quite high, making him a potential first XI option. Also, his beard is magnificent.
Jake Stringer: Stringer was brought in to be a backup forward option, partly due to his extremely high potential given his new role as a 3rd forward/mid, rather than the number one target inside 50. Also, his ability to pick out 17 year olds meant that he will also be a part-time recruiter when not training.
Toby McLean: Looking like a sickly child, at least for the first two years of playing AFL, McLean took a significant step forward last year, spending significant time in the middle of the ground. Hopefully he takes another step forward again this year and can be a reliable back-up mid or tackler.
Lachie Hunter: Hunter had a down season this year, and as such was selected. Possibly the most boring bloke in the AFL, so hopefully he can actually pull down a hanger this year to bring some interest to watching him play.
Eddie Betts: With Charlie Cameron leaving Eddie's forward line, and the Bears' forward options looking slight, everyone's favourite player was picked up as a back-up option. He has imparted significant wisdom upon younger options Greene and Elliot, who both rudely told him to "f*ck off Eddie". As such, Eddie will sit in the Reserves until called upon, as no one who gets alpha'd should be in the first team.
Beastmode: By this stage, draft prospects were looking thin, and so there was a significant consideration of some younger prospects, including Luke Dunstan and Rhys Mathieson. However, it was decided unanimously by all the staff that Mathieson was to be picked due to the meme potential, and Dunstan was subsequently picked up only 3 picks later.
Shannon Hurn: The burn man was selected after Big Shaq had a word to Nuggets, and after being told 17 times how "the ting goes", he was informed that (according to his "quick maffs"), if none of the younger blokes actually stepped up significantly, there was no valid option as a Coach's Choice in the starting XI. Therefore, the man who started receding at the age of 14 was picked up.
Daniel Howe: Howe, perhaps the least inspiring selection in draft history, was recruited because he offered to pay for the first round of beers at Revs after the first win of the season, most likely due to the fact he didn't believe anyone would bother going to Revs just for one night when the whole team is based in Broome. So naïve.
David Myers: Myers was picked next due to the gaping hole in Essendon's inside midfield left by Jobe Watson, and also for the fact that he's enjoys tackling his own teammates, making him an important part of the training regime at the Bears.
Dawson Simpson: Somehow, Simpson will actually be the number one ruckman at the Bears, due to the fact that if he gets a game, he will also play for the Bears. Therefore, Simpson is perhaps the value pick of the draft.
Shaun Burgoyne: Silk only seems to get better with age, and his versatility may be key if he is need to be called upon late in the season. However, it is hoped by the Bears that he spends his (most likely) last year of footy in the reserves.
Draft Review: 10/10, lock in the flag.
Motto: Esset similis ad hoc occasionem dare veniam ad te ut nullus omnino
Squad:
Dustin Martin: The first player picked in the Pre-Draft was Dusty, who had what Leigh Matthews called the most dominant year by any one player ever. However, after picking him, I discovered later on that the scoring system seems not to overly suit him as apparently Dayne Zorko (a star but not on the same level) scored 10 points higher than him on average last year in the utility position. Anyhow, it is likely he will spend more time in the forward line this year, hopefully increasing his output in utility, or alternatively as a BM. At least his seemingly nightly "counselling sessions" with Swanny, his midfield coach, seem to ensure he has loved his time at the club so far.
Shakespeare: Michael Hibberd, since being recruited, has insisted on being called Shakespeare due to his surname sounding very slightly similar to The Bard. Don't worry, I don't get it either. However, his love for a froffy and very good game-style for LFFL scoring ensures he will regularly captain the Bears.
Toby Greene: Greene was picked up as a forward option due to his high ceiling and knack for turning up when his side needs him the most. While his indiscretions in the past may have put others off picking the previous All-Australian, the Bears are focussed on winning at all costs, and therefore will not care if he karate kicks more people in the face if it helps the team cause.
Rory Lobb: The Lobbster was a speculative pick, given him only this year being able to assume the number 1 ruck position, and having limited experience in the role other than two finals against the two worst "rucking" ruck men of 2016 in Nank the Tank and Petrie. However, his dominant height and a full pre-season of ruck work could result in all 207cm of the Lobbster turning up and becoming the highest scoring ruck in the LFFL.
Luke Parker: The "safe" pick at number 1 in the Official Draft, Luke Parker is an outstanding citizen. He genuinely looks like he would be the sort of bloke that helps old people across the road. However, a very poor start to last year means that he may be slightly undervalued and is a good option at IM, BM or even utility if Dusty goes down.
Dayne Beams: Beams was a risky pick, where his injury history has been significant, and has probably cost many a coach a game of LFFL in the past where he goes down early in a game. However, he reliably informed me prior to the draft that it was simply to ensure that he got some time off to have some beers with the old rat-pack back in Melbourne, meaning it shouldn't happen this year given I've brought some of his mates up with him to Broome. Remarkably, averaged the same as Dusty in the utility position last year despite his injuries, and a Rockliff-less midfield and Zorko just asking to be tagged means that his output could increase even further. Will be used in rotation with Dusty as a Utility or BM.
Steele Sidebottom: Sidebottom slots straight into the OM position given his penchant for running around on the outside of stoppages and using his clean skills to pick out targets. However, with the arrival of Stephenson and Wells potentially getting more game-time, a more forward role could beckon for Steele, who kicked 10 in the TAC Cup Granny a few years back, making him a potential swingman.
Jamie Elliot: Elliot was selected as a complement to Greene in the forward line. Injuries permitting, he may be a very good option as a second, lead up forward. However, a recurrence of an old injury has limited his pre-season, meaning his season may be impacted, however it is hoped that he doesn't piss in too many bins while he has some time off.
Nathan Wilson: The man with probably the best long kick since Fletcher was recruited as a high-rebounding option. His disposal count has increased steadily in previous years, and he should be the chief distributor at the Dockers, hopefully resulting in a higher average than past years.
Jack Graham: Somehow Australia's answer to Dwayne Johnson made it through to the Bears' pick in this round. A tackling specialist, with a full pre-season under his belt, midfield time (and more tackles) beckon. However, his professional preparation has meant that the former Larke Medallist did not immediately fit in with the playing group, however, after a few bevvies with Dusty and Swanny, he seems to have started to get along with everyone.
Christian Petracca: Petracca was selected solely for his friendship with Ben Simmons, who came down from Philly to shoot some hoops with the boys. Petracca's potential to be anything this year did not come into consideration at all.
Nick Vlastuin: Vlastuin's role in the Bears' team is uncertain, however a move into becoming a permanent intercepting defender in recent months has meant that his ceiling is quite high, making him a potential first XI option. Also, his beard is magnificent.
Jake Stringer: Stringer was brought in to be a backup forward option, partly due to his extremely high potential given his new role as a 3rd forward/mid, rather than the number one target inside 50. Also, his ability to pick out 17 year olds meant that he will also be a part-time recruiter when not training.
Toby McLean: Looking like a sickly child, at least for the first two years of playing AFL, McLean took a significant step forward last year, spending significant time in the middle of the ground. Hopefully he takes another step forward again this year and can be a reliable back-up mid or tackler.
Lachie Hunter: Hunter had a down season this year, and as such was selected. Possibly the most boring bloke in the AFL, so hopefully he can actually pull down a hanger this year to bring some interest to watching him play.
Eddie Betts: With Charlie Cameron leaving Eddie's forward line, and the Bears' forward options looking slight, everyone's favourite player was picked up as a back-up option. He has imparted significant wisdom upon younger options Greene and Elliot, who both rudely told him to "f*ck off Eddie". As such, Eddie will sit in the Reserves until called upon, as no one who gets alpha'd should be in the first team.
Beastmode: By this stage, draft prospects were looking thin, and so there was a significant consideration of some younger prospects, including Luke Dunstan and Rhys Mathieson. However, it was decided unanimously by all the staff that Mathieson was to be picked due to the meme potential, and Dunstan was subsequently picked up only 3 picks later.
Shannon Hurn: The burn man was selected after Big Shaq had a word to Nuggets, and after being told 17 times how "the ting goes", he was informed that (according to his "quick maffs"), if none of the younger blokes actually stepped up significantly, there was no valid option as a Coach's Choice in the starting XI. Therefore, the man who started receding at the age of 14 was picked up.
Daniel Howe: Howe, perhaps the least inspiring selection in draft history, was recruited because he offered to pay for the first round of beers at Revs after the first win of the season, most likely due to the fact he didn't believe anyone would bother going to Revs just for one night when the whole team is based in Broome. So naïve.
David Myers: Myers was picked next due to the gaping hole in Essendon's inside midfield left by Jobe Watson, and also for the fact that he's enjoys tackling his own teammates, making him an important part of the training regime at the Bears.
Dawson Simpson: Somehow, Simpson will actually be the number one ruckman at the Bears, due to the fact that if he gets a game, he will also play for the Bears. Therefore, Simpson is perhaps the value pick of the draft.
Shaun Burgoyne: Silk only seems to get better with age, and his versatility may be key if he is need to be called upon late in the season. However, it is hoped by the Bears that he spends his (most likely) last year of footy in the reserves.
Draft Review: 10/10, lock in the flag.
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