THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday.
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café.
12:45 Catch sight of husband's / boyfriend's ex and notice that she has gained 7 kg.
13:00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.
15:00 Nap.
16:00 3 dozen red roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer.
16:15 Light workout at club followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk that says that he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive, designer wardrobe. Parade in front of full-length mirror.
19:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners / dancers.
22:00 Hot shower (alone).
22:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp new white linen.
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
06:00 Alarm.
06:15 Blow job.
06:30 Massive, satisfying dump whilst reading the sports pages.
07:00 Breakfast. Rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by naked buxom wench.
07:30 Limo arrives.
07:45 Several whiskeys en-route to airport.
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet.
09:30 Limo to St. Andrew' s golf club (blow job en-route).
09:45 Play front nine (2 under).
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12:15 Blow job.
12:30 Play back nine (4 under).
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys).
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo.
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude).
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lb) on light tackle.
17:00 Fly home. Massage and hand job by Jennifer Hawkins.
18:45 Shit, shower and shave.
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalised.
19:45 Dinner. Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953); big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits.
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall-sized TV showing International Match of the Day. Scotland 0:England 12.
22:45 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies).
23:30 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.
00:15 Night-cap blow job.
00:30 In bed alone.
00:35 A 12-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.