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My pop bought me a shaving kit when I was 10
Classic Old People Stories
- Thread starter TheLoungeLizard
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The_Reaper
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My old man's a cheap bastard and gave me his old crappy razor when I was 14 and said that shaving cream is a waste of money - just use soapy water and if you cut yourself just deal with it
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To my son Homer... ...and his entire family... ...I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J.D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going?
Anyway, about my washtub. I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as...
...a walking-bird. We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball...
Eh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Democrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello?
There are too many leaves in your walkway...
Anyway, about my washtub. I'd just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as...
...a walking-bird. We'd always have walking-bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball...
Eh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one. Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Democrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello?
There are too many leaves in your walkway...
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Mofra
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I used to love the exchanges he had with celebrities:
Celeb: "Hey, why don't you try using an electric shaver?"
NG: "I do!"
TheLoungeLizard
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That many old people out in my shopping center today!
What use do old people have in shops?
What use do old people have in shops?
TheLoungeLizard
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Should be sitting on a chair in their house with a cup of tea.
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One early December many years ago I was doing the weekly shopping for my mum, picking up a few extra things in readiness for Christmas. As neared the end of the shopping list, I found myself in the pet food aisle. After trying to decide which specific brand of cat food to buy, I grabbed a particular can off the shelf, and briefly stood looking at the label. Satisfied that it would fulfil what Mum was after, as I turned to put it into my trolley, an elderly man noticed what I had in my hand, and leaned forward to enquire, "You're buying your Christmas lunch too are you mate?"
