Media Cloud Cover: GLOAT

[Kennedy Parker]

​

September 10, 2017
Lucine Streke

Six weeks into Season 24, another inept final quarter display where the Gumbies slam on six goals to two at Alberton in Heritage Round saw the Swamprats collapse to their sixth straight loss to begin the season. Winless after a third of the home and away season, this is the worst start to a season for any team since the Geelong Wolves began Season 20 with seven straight losses. As finals chances are quickly slipping away, the question must be raised - could the Season 24 Swamprats be the worst Qooty team the Sweet FA has witnessed?

Sure, there is still a long way to go this season and we've seen the 0-7 Wolves turn it around to make finals in Season 20, but the signs are increasingly worrying as the Swamprats leadership look completely lost for answers. This most recent round Ant Bear resorted to the classic desperation move of moving every player to random positions on the field hoping it would work out okay.

CHANGES:
Louis Slungpue INT -> Out
Macca19 Out -> BP
bergholt FP -> FB
NEGAN INT -> BP
Power Raid HFF -> HBF
Cloud_ FF -> FP
sportsmaniac89 C -> HBF
katmanblue BP -> HFF
ShaunDuggan W -> C
Quadzilla HBF -> W
Grav HBF -> HFF
Dingster W -> CHF
gaskin CHB -> W
Gray Day FP -> FF
Fizzler BP -> CHB
Christophaha FB -> FP
MaxMinch CHF -> Ruck
philreich R -> RR
drazah HFF -> R
Butler Ruck -> INT
Ant Bear RR -> INT
​

After 7 losses in a row, the sim clearly doesn't like any of the Swamprats in their current positions, so we will switch it around until we find a combination that works. Butler and myself will sit on the bench getting drunk, while the rest of the team belt the Gumbies around.

To add to the tactical senselessness, the Swamprat outfit over the first six weeks of Season 24 has shown no capacity to hold onto a lead, squandering leads of 33, 26, 18, and 24 in their losses between Round 2 and 5. Why exactly is this the case? Part of the issue could be the underperforming midfield starving the forwards of supply as none of their midfielders make the top 25 for disposals.

During the Round 5 game, forward MaxMinch can be seen sleeping on the field in the second half as the Royals midfield ran rampant
​

Reporters were hoping to find some answers from Dingster, the Las Vegas Bears premiership captain who crossed over to Sin City in the offseason. But as they came into his view with questions of 'Why are Swamprats so shit this season?' and 'Do you regret leaving Las Vegas?' the Swamprat recruit ran towards the car park away quickly without any comment.

Dingster makes a swift getaway to avoid the cameras and questions.
​

To add to the troubles, there is possible instability amongst the ranks as ruckman Butler is ruoured to be planning a coup to replace Ant Bear as captain, gradually gathering support amongst the playing group as the season progresses and the losses pile up. With already some unwanted history made this season:
- worst start to a season in club history (6 consecutive losses to begin the season)
- worst overall losing streak in currently happening (8 consecutive losses)
The Swamprats sit bottom of the ladder and travel to face the 11th placed Las Vegas Bears next week. A win is a must or we may indeed be witnessing the Greatest Losers Of All Time.

Comparison between W/L Ratio of All Wooden Spoon Winners and S24 Swamprats (updated as at Round 6)


Where do you think the Swamprats will finish on this table?​

 

[HaroLad]

This post is irrelevant to the thread, just wanted to maintain my relevance.

 

[Dennis Trumpet]

Cloud_ with a chance of meltballs

100% chance

 

[McEvoy]

In my defence, those Royals wore me out. I was Royally ****** if you will

 

[Kennedy Parker]

Cloud_ with a chance of meltballs

100% chance

I never melt

 

[Paddles_]

Come where you belong Cloud_

 

[McEvoy]

Come where you belong Cloud_

Hey, you...



...get off my Cloud

 

[Paddles_]

Hey, you...



...get off my Cloud

You can come too Maxy, don't tell the others though

 

[Grav]

 

[Dingster]

We potentially have three wins to look forward to. Better than Christmas.

 

[Grav]

We potentially have three wins to look forward to. Better than Christmas.

 

[Noobz0r]

Suck shit

 

[Golumless]

Nice to do the qooty gods can dish out some karma after the assassination of poor millky95.

 

[Damp Squarie]

The Bears will keep the losses coming this week as a reminder to Dingster 'you can run but you cant hide'.

 

[Kennedy Parker]

The Bears will keep the losses coming this week as a reminder to Dingster 'you can run but you cant hide'.

As good as it would be to continue on our history making run I have a feeling the Swamprats' losing streak will be Broken soon.

 

[This Is Anfield]

This post is irrelevant to the thread, just wanted to maintain my relevance.

Swamprats need to schedule a game at Kardinia Park.

 

[Dingster]

The Bears will keep the losses coming this week as a reminder to Dingster 'you can run but you cant hide'.

Ant Bear's instructions are to wear you like a glove this week. Looks like this is going to get intimate.

 

[sportsmaniac89]

Ant Bear's instructions are to wear you like a glove this week. Looks like this is going to get intimate.

Could you fellas kindly keep it in your pants thanks?

I know it's going to be intimate but for goodness sake....this could get a bit much!

 

[Dingster]

Could you fellas kindly keep it in your pants thanks?

I know it's going to be intimate but for goodness sake....this could get a bit much!

Ava is no fella. Nuff said....

It may end up a menage et tois. Doctor Gero will want in.

 

[sportsmaniac89]

Ava is no fella. Nuff said....

It may end up a menage et tois. Doctor Gero will want in.

Ah, my mistake!

Directed by the captains of the Bears and Swamprats, produced by the SFA, a special that transcends all before it!

It's got potential to be a better film than the 50 Shades series

 

[Broken]

As good as it would be to continue on our history making run I have a feeling the Swamprats' losing streak will be Broken soon.

As soon as this week? I'd be wagering on a winning percentage of 14% at the end of this round.

 

[Kennedy Parker]

As soon as this week? I'd be wagering on a winning percentage of 14% at the end of this round.

We are playing intra-club match during the week. At least half of us have to come out of it as non-losers.

 

[Ant Bear]

We are playing intra-club match during the week. At least half of us have to come out of it as non-losers.

It will be a draw, with no ****ing overtime!

 

[philreich]

Every Cloud_ has a silver lining - we're the most consistent team in the SFA...........

 

[spookism]

It's because I took the Swamprats lucky stick when I left...

And by 'lucky' stick, I mean the piece of trash that lead the Swamprats to many seasons of undeserved mediocrity.