Roast Commentators

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I had a meltdown last night and took to Twitter to tell Ling, Darcy and Brayshaw what I thought about them cheering on Brisbane.

At one stage Ling stated that Grimes staging was the worst he has ever seen - I s**t you not! Then Darcy starts going on about how he agreed with the umpires crap decision against the Tigers. They all shut up once the result was beyond doubt but the consistent barracking was disgraceful all night.

You have to be joking to think this trio are anywhere near good enough to call any games.
 

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Crumpet_avenger said:
Ling and darcy were ******* disgraceful last night. Completely s**tful
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Darcy looked like he’d stepped out of an industrial freezer at the end of the broadcast. His face was grey and his lips were blue - he looked like he was suffering from hypothermia, which may explain his his disoriented state of mind.
 
It’s in the call. The subtle suggestions that it could be a free against us, or the constant implications we are doing wrong. They definitely call Richmond games differently.
 
Tiger4Ever said:
Correct and then we've got dear old Richo in there who is now too frightened to say anything positive towards Richmond for fear of being labelled biased by the muppets you mentioned, so he over compensates to appease them and comes off almost anti-Richmond as well.

C'mon big 'Cho grow a pair, reconnect with your true inner tiger and stick it up these whinging sycophants!
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Well said mate, read my ******* mind.

Need the Cho to come out and say "* you campaigners, EAD, tigers rah rah ******* rah
 

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Richie Benaud's 8 rules for commentating would go a long way in the 7 and foxtel boxes

  1. Never ask for a statement.
  2. Remember the value of a pause.
  3. There are no teams in the world called 'we' or 'they'.
  4. Avoid cliches and banalities, such as 'he's hit that to the boundary', 'he won't want to get out now', 'of course', 'as you can see on the screen'.
  5. The Titanic was a tragedy, the Ethiopian drought a disaster, and neither bears any relation to a dropped catch.
  6. Put your brain into gear before opening your mouth.
  7. Concentrate fiercely at all times.
  8. Above all, don't take yourself too seriously, and have fun.
 
Dunger said:
Richie Benaud's 8 rules for commentating would go a long way in the 7 and foxtel boxes

  1. Never ask for a statement.
  2. Remember the value of a pause.
  3. There are no teams in the world called 'we' or 'they'.
  4. Avoid cliches and banalities, such as 'he's hit that to the boundary', 'he won't want to get out now', 'of course', 'as you can see on the screen'.
  5. The Titanic was a tragedy, the Ethiopian drought a disaster, and neither bears any relation to a dropped catch.
  6. Put your brain into gear before opening your mouth.
  7. Concentrate fiercely at all times.
  8. Above all, don't take yourself too seriously, and have fun.
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And that's all we ask for, an impartial commentary of the game.
 
Power Play said:
Tim Watson and Jobe Watson.

No ticket for those campaigners ever.
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For a drug cheating feminist barista, I actually don't mind Jobe as a commentator. He and Bartel provide insight in to the game which is a lot more than Ling, Darcy, Carey or BT are capable of doing. These guys spend more time second-guessing and whingeing umpiring decisions than is needed. They sound like BF posters moaning like bitches instead of professional commentators sharing their knowledge.
 
Dunger said:
Richie Benaud's 8 rules for commentating would go a long way in the 7 and foxtel boxes

  1. Never ask for a statement.
  2. Remember the value of a pause.
  3. There are no teams in the world called 'we' or 'they'.
  4. Avoid cliches and banalities, such as 'he's hit that to the boundary', 'he won't want to get out now', 'of course', 'as you can see on the screen'.
  5. The Titanic was a tragedy, the Ethiopian drought a disaster, and neither bears any relation to a dropped catch.
  6. Put your brain into gear before opening your mouth.
  7. Concentrate fiercely at all times.
  8. Above all, don't take yourself too seriously, and have fun.
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Some would struggle seriously with no. 6 for obvious reasons. Looking at you Dermie you blobfish.
 
Sgt Bargearse said:
I'm waiting for the day Carey says something insightful. If he wasn't a legend they they wouldn't let him near a microphone. Same for a few other guys who were great to watch but add SFA on the box.
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This. It's not just a lack of intelligent insight. It's basic knowledge stuff that him and his colleagues can't even get right.

Just look at the last game lol He was having a giant sook about Dangerflog giving away that contact below the knees free kick. It was one of the clearest examples of the rule working. He completely took was it Brown's? knees out! He carried on for minutes.

Then there was one where a pies player had head over the ball and got a high free. He couldn't grasp it. Why isn't that contact below the knees? He kept asking it not realising that Dangerfields wasn't anywhere near his head so it literally couldn't be called for a high free. It was embarrassing.

Just because you are a physical god and can read the play instinctively with the required coordination....doesn't qualify you for talking about the game.

I don't excuse Richo from this either. He's just as awful.

Riewoldt and Judd are the only ones who have retired in the last 10 years that are qualified IMO Maybe NDS sneaks in.
 
I honestly never notice any bias against us and think you only would if you look for it.
All I hear is how amazing Dusty is, Grimes is, how good we are, Lunch, Rioli, Jack x2 and so on.
But Dwayne Russell I just can’t listen to him he’s just shithouse.
 
Rodney Dangerfield said:
I honestly never notice any bias against us and think you only would if you look for it.
All I hear is how amazing Dusty is, Grimes is, how good we are, Lunch, Rioli, Jack x2 and so on.
But Dwayne Russell I just can’t listen to him he’s just s**thouse.
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FROM THE PAINT
 
Dunger said:
Richie Benaud's 8 rules for commentating would go a long way in the 7 and foxtel boxes

  1. Never ask for a statement.
  2. Remember the value of a pause.
  3. There are no teams in the world called 'we' or 'they'.
  4. Avoid cliches and banalities, such as 'he's hit that to the boundary', 'he won't want to get out now', 'of course', 'as you can see on the screen'.
  5. The Titanic was a tragedy, the Ethiopian drought a disaster, and neither bears any relation to a dropped catch.
  6. Put your brain into gear before opening your mouth.
  7. Concentrate fiercely at all times.
  8. Above all, don't take yourself too seriously, and have fun.
Click to expand...
Thats why he was the goat.
 
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