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Austoraisetheurn

Team Captain
Aug 25, 2019
394
695
AFL Club
Collingwood
Tell me Urnie do you ever go ‘church tongue’ on these lovely lasses?
Urban dictionaryed it.

No. I gauge the women's receptiveness at first.....clearly i have consent to kiss her....let me make that abundantly clear. Instead, what I am gauging is how receptive the women is to, what I like to call, 'deep tongue'.

At first I nibble her lip and lip kiss....after a few seconds of that I then gauge how open her mouth is and then i add a bit of tongue and see the response. Generally it is pretty positive and the kiss will then get deeper and more aggressive. It might progress to kissing down her neck and pulling her hair softly....so the nape of her neck is exposed and then i plant my lips around that.

Reminds me of the time i went on a bowling date with a medical doctor in her 30s....she was alright looking, nothing special....but the downside was she had 3 kids.

Im tall and handsome, but not in the most 'prestigious' job that would get women weak at the knees when they think of my bank balance. However, this bird was tall, so her market share was already reduced if she wished to date a guy that was taller than her...she would simply be taller than most guys...except me. Add to the fact she has 3 kids...and her fading, but still respectable looks, and you could see that perhaps she was, sadly it must be sad, on the wrong side of the dating market if she wished to name her price.

Fair play to her....i think she realised this but was still raging against it.....as she trawled the POF scene night after night.

Anyway, we go on a bowling date. It goes alright. I txt her after and she says, yes, lets meet again sometime.

Come Saturday night...a few days later....she messages that she is town for a house warming party and shed like to see me and if i could drive her home. No sex at all it must be said. The babysitter was at home and this girl wasnt like that.

I ask via text, jokingly, if she wants to make out in the car before we leave for her house. She replies....'why not?'.

After i pick her up we drive to a secluded location and tear into each other.....full on tongue kiss for 45 minutes. At one point....I ask if she wants to go home...she looks at the clock on my car dash and says, 'not yet', as she drives her tongue deep into my mouth.

Anyway, a few days later she abuses me for some unrelated matter about my age....

Later this week i am off to see a doctor that works at the same practice she does....i will be wearing a cap and i will keep my head in a book just in case i see her in the waiting room.
 

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54Dogs

Premium Platinum
Feb 18, 2008
8,489
4,205
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Urban dictionaryed it.

No. I gauge the women's receptiveness at first.....clearly i have consent to kiss her....let me make that abundantly clear. Instead, what I am gauging is how receptive the women is to, what I like to call, 'deep tongue'.

At first I nibble her lip and lip kiss....after a few seconds of that I then gauge how open her mouth is and then i add a bit of tongue and see the response. Generally it is pretty positive and the kiss will then get deeper and more aggressive. It might progress to kissing down her neck and pulling her hair softly....so the nape of her neck is exposed and then i plant my lips around that.

Reminds me of the time i went on a bowling date with a medical doctor in her 30s....she was alright looking, nothing special....but the downside was she had 3 kids.

Im tall and handsome, but not in the most 'prestigious' job that would get women weak at the knees when they think of my bank balance. However, this bird was tall, so her market share was already reduced if she wished to date a guy that was taller than her...she would simply be taller than most guys...except me. Add to the fact she has 3 kids...and her fading, but still respectable looks, and you could see that perhaps she was, sadly it must be sad, on the wrong side of the dating market if she wished to name her price.

Fair play to her....i think she realised this but was still raging against it.....as she trawled the POF scene night after night.

Anyway, we go on a bowling date. It goes alright. I txt her after and she says, yes, lets meet again sometime.

Come Saturday night...a few days later....she messages that she is town for a house warming party and shed like to see me and if i could drive her home. No sex at all it must be said. The babysitter was at home and this girl wasnt like that.

I ask via text, jokingly, if she wants to make out in the car before we leave for her house. She replies....'why not?'.

After i pick her up we drive to a secluded location and tear into each other.....full on tongue kiss for 45 minutes. At one point....I ask if she wants to go home...she looks at the clock on my car dash and says, 'not yet', as she drives her tongue deep into my mouth.

Anyway, a few days later she abuses me for some unrelated matter about my age....

Later this week i am off to see a doctor that works at the same practice she does....i will be wearing a cap and i will keep my head in a book just in case i see her in the waiting room.
This thread is too good
 

Austoraisetheurn

Team Captain
Aug 25, 2019
394
695
AFL Club
Collingwood
This thread is too good
Fascinates me does markets.

The dating market has changed irrevocably since the mainstreaming of online dating.

Every women is on a combo of POF/Tinder/Bumble....often all 3.

I mean....even socially inept me has had the bed rocking and rolling on periodic occasions.

However, there is a dark side....nothing comes for free....when it does....it can leave just as quick as it came.

The fact that men and women can enter the dating market from the comfort of their toilet....or bed...or living room means that now women become too picky. Men do as well. Men are still willing to slam their appendage into anything that is above 37 degrees Celsius....on occasions i'm sure even the keyhole looks inviting. However, there is so much choice, people wont settle. The market is too easy to enter and exit.....there is no transaction costs.

In the day you'd have to spend a small fortune looking for a partner.

New hair cut and threads....time on the town....once you met a decent broad you were willing to settle down and wear a groove in the floor of the main bedroom as the bed rocks back and forth and proclamations of love are exchanged....and various orifices explored.

Online dating makes it easy to score the odd root......throw enough darts and sooner or later you hit a bullseye.
 

Austoraisetheurn

Team Captain
Aug 25, 2019
394
695
AFL Club
Collingwood
I've been around on both ends of it lads.

The virgin at 25 who hasn't tongue kissed a bird for 8 years.....

On the other end of the spectrum....I remember one glorious day....

Some bird I knew had taken some pics of me that got the lasses up and about....even them messaging me firsf on pof....which never happens.

Anyway...I'm at work on a Sunday and I'm chatting to some bird about 10 years older than me on pof. I'm at work and I wasn't finishing until 7 am the next morning....

She messages me the next morning at 6 am and gives me her hotel room number....it is a regional qld town....a recently divorced women. I basically run out of work and leg it to my car....her hotel is 5 mins away....she says the door is unlocked and to come in in a txt message.

I haven't made love in over a year....she was very respectable and tidy....I lie down next to her and we start to kiss....and we end up making love at 7 am in the morning....her moans interwhine with the garbage truck machinery as the garbos empty the hotel's bins.

Later that day...I meet another women....my age....respectable but she has recently lost weight....she is keen for a pash and she wants to do it in the restaurant....I'm not keen on that....back to the car and we steam it up with a heavy make out session.

In one day good pulled 2 different women.

It was like hitting a first 4 at the last at Sale.

Enjoy it.
 

ash_1050

Premiership Player
Nov 21, 2009
3,008
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I lie down next to her and we start to kiss....and we end up making love at 7 am in the morning....her moans interwhine with the garbage truck machinery as the garbos empty the hotel's bins.
This is without a doubt the best thing I've ever read on Bigfooty.
 

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Austoraisetheurn

Team Captain
Aug 25, 2019
394
695
AFL Club
Collingwood
Went to the doctor's today where the previously mentioned doctor was working.

No awkward encounters. Kept my back to the area where the doctor's come out to call the patients in. Thought i heard her voice call someone in but i had my cap on and my back to the area.

Ash Barty was on in the background on the TV.
 

iluvparis

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Apr 1, 2005
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Who is Brett?
Sit down children - and let Uncle Paris tell you about one of the greatest punting board stories of days gone by....


60 pages of pure gold
 

NonPhixion

Bookie Assassin
Mar 27, 2018
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Sit down children - and let Uncle Paris tell you about one of the greatest punting board stories of days gone by....


60 pages of pure gold
any chance of cliffs on thread ?
 

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