Cuban

[Dingster]

lol..

Cuban Joins Fastbreak; Gets Slam Dunked
By Gig Murdoch
A fired-up Mark Cuban leapt out of the stands during a home game last night to join his Dallas Mavericks players on a fast break against the Los Angeles Lakers, leading to an on-court melee and a new record fine for the controversial owner.

gThey just looked like they were having so much fun,h said the irrepressible Cuban from a downtown Dallas hospital bed, where hefs recovering from two broken legs, a collapsed lung and a cracked skull received in the fight.

gI figured if I can run a major sports franchise and pull a shift at a Dairy Queen, I can sure as hell fill a lane on an NBA fast break. Plus, Ifve always wanted to jam on Shaq.h

Cuban got jammed instead. After receiving a bounce pass from Mavs guard Steve Nash, Cuban tried to leap over OfNeal for a tomahawk dunk. Instead, he banged his head into OfNealfs chest, knocking himself unconscious.

OfNeal began to laugh. But after recognizing Cuban, he attacked him, picking up the billionaire and body-slamming him back to the American Airlines Center floor.

Several other Lakers intervened to separate the two. But after recognizing Cuban, they also attacked him.

gLife doesnft throw you too many hanging curves,h chortled Lakers forward Karl Malone, who performed a swinging neckbreaker on the Mavs owner and a belly-to-belly suplex that sent Cuban crashing through the Spanish announcers' table at courtside.

gYou gotta take a big swing and hit it over the fence when you do get one.h

OfNeal and Malone were tossed out of the game for fighting, until the referees recognized Cuban. Head official Leon Wood quickly reinstated the two Lakers, then attacked Cuban, battering him with a steel chair and a TV monitor.

gWhatfs the league gonna do,h smiled Wood, the target of several anti-referee rants by Cuban last season. gAssess me with a flagrant foul? Fine me? Hell, Commissioner Stern called me this morning to congratulate me for my quick thinking.h

Stern also called Cuban to notify him that the league had levied another record fine against him for his actions. gInciting an on-court riot -- that should be worth at least two million,h smiled Stern, who in the past year alone has purchased an official league yacht, two Lear jets and adjunct office in Aruba with proceeds from Cubanfs fines.

gHefll pay, of course -- but, you know, itfs a damn shame,h continued Stern. gWe were counting on fine revenue from Mark Cuban to buoy the leaguefs budget for the next decade. gBut after talking to him on the phone this morning, I think hefs finally learned his lesson, damnit!h

Stern said he plans to visit Cuban in the hospital and attack him. gIfm hoping I can knock some sense out of his head,h he said.

 

[Portmanteau]

Mmmm.... hyeroglyphics.

 

[thehardaway]

Time to go hunting for translation software

 

[jod23]

I actually like Cuban but I still found it funny.

 

[you_idiot]

Great piece of satire... assuming, of course, that it is satirical.

Originally posted by Dingster
Stern also called Cuban to notify him that the league had levied another record fine against him for his actions. gInciting an on-court riot -- that should be worth at least two million,h smiled Stern, who in the past year alone has purchased an official league yacht, two Lear jets and adjunct office in Aruba with proceeds from Cubanfs fines.

gHefll pay, of course -- but, you know, itfs a damn shame,h continued Stern. gWe were counting on fine revenue from Mark Cuban to buoy the leaguefs budget for the next decade. gBut after talking to him on the phone this morning, I think hefs finally learned his lesson, damnit!h

Best part of the piece, for me.... words to the effect of "financing the league's budget for the next decade with Mark Cuban's fines."

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Dingster.

 

[Showbag]

Cuban is the ****.