Cutting ties with family

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Gigantic

Norm Smith Medallist
Joined
Aug 31, 2014
Posts
7,228
Likes
7,231
Location
Sydney
AFL Club
GWS
Other Teams
Rabbitohs, Liverpool, Phoenix Suns
#3
Yes. A cousin I grew up with and hung out not only as a relative but as a friend.

We were very close but there got to a point where his (then) partner at the time was driving a wedge between us. He had to make a marginal decision that essentially meant choosing her or me, and doing the right thing in the process. It probably shouldn't have escalated to the point it did but he chose her and I got pissed off about that and cut ties i.e. stopped hanging out, traveling, going to concerts, going out to drink etc. We still run into each other here and there but mainly because we have mutual friends and obviously family. The relationship hasn't been the same and it's such a shame.
 

nicky

Cancelled
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
27,653
Likes
3,955
Location
Melbourne
AFL Club
Sydney
Other Teams
Crystal palace, socceroos
#6
I have cut people off. A life changing event forced situations where i reevaluated my relationships.

It was the most amazing time in my life and i "restrucured" my whole friendship circle.

My friendships now are more real. I have categories for people and i am the best friend and most understanding friend when it comes to a decimated heart. I am not talking about r/ship heart ache. I am referring to soul crushing, heart nuclear bombing devastating pain like losing a sould mate or a child to death. I have been to this kind of hell and know how to sit in someone elses hell without trying to fix them or change them. This is rare because only a few had this ability when i was in the midsts if hell.

Anyway, fk yeah, i can cut people when i know we are not serving each other.
 
Joined
Oct 11, 2016
Posts
2,005
Likes
1,741
AFL Club
Richmond
Thread starter #7
I have cut people off. A life changing event forced situations where i reevaluated my relationships.

It was the most amazing time in my life and i "restrucured" my whole friendship circle.

My friendships now are more real. I have categories for people and i am the best friend and most understanding friend when it comes to a decimated heart. I am not talking about r/ship heart ache. I am referring to soul crushing, heart nuclear bombing devastating pain like losing a sould mate or a child to death. I have been to this kind of hell and know how to sit in someone elses hell without trying to fix them or change them. This is rare because only a few had this ability when i was in the midsts if hell.

Anyway, fk yeah, i can cut people when i know we are not serving each other.
what about, not just people, direct family, father mother brothers and sisters and so on
 

nicky

Cancelled
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
27,653
Likes
3,955
Location
Melbourne
AFL Club
Sydney
Other Teams
Crystal palace, socceroos
#8
what about, not just people, direct family, father mother brothers and sisters and so on
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I don't care how they are related to me or in my life, if they are no good for me i will cut them off.

Just take a break from whomever is doing your head in and reevaluate the relationship in 6 months.

If you are being scapegoated or have narcissistic parents there are endless blogs and vlogs with good info on how to navigate them.
 

Gough

Moderator
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Posts
40,409
Likes
65,771
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Moderator #10
When my parents divorced in 1994 we all sort of went our own way for the next ten or fifteen years and didn't have a lot to do with each other.
 

Off The Couch

Hall of Famer
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Posts
38,104
Likes
38,769
AFL Club
Hawthorn
#11
My father walked out on a pregnant wife, two kids and 9 siblings and never saw or spoke to them again. From that moment in time as much as I’m sure he had his reasons, I don’t think he ever had a moment where he didn’t have regrets.



My eldest daughter has recently done a nicky after a very traumatic period in her life after realising that she seemed to always be there for “friends” but the one time she desperately needed a friend quite a few went missing. She has done a massive cull and got rid of all the negative energy and those who disappeared - the change has been interesting to say the least.

I semi cut a half sister out of my life - I see her when I have to because of my mum but no longer feel obligated to invite her over or engage with her on a regular basis - I feel all the better for it.
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

nicky

Cancelled
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
27,653
Likes
3,955
Location
Melbourne
AFL Club
Sydney
Other Teams
Crystal palace, socceroos
#15
My eldest daughter has recently done a nicky after a very traumatic period in her life after realising that she seemed to always be there for “friends” but the one time she desperately needed a friend quite a few went missing. She has done a massive cull and got rid of all the negative energy and those who disappeared - the change has been interesting to say the least.

.
I hope it has been positive for her.

Some of my friends that wanted to be around thought a nice bottle of bubbles and expensive dinner and all would be fixed.

I have friends going through severe trauma that i can only grasp having gone through similar. People feel survival guilt and / or basically want you to get over it.

Like being told that going for a swim is a good strategy for fixing a bad day is so useless. Sometimes people should just know when they are out of their depth and say nothing. Somethings can only be repaired in their own slow time, as frustrating ad this can be sometimes.
 

Shell

Premium Platinum
Joined
Jul 2, 2005
Posts
88,125
Likes
53,019
Location
Melbourne
AFL Club
Geelong
#16
Years ago my cousin (daughter of my mums, sister) seriously cut ties with everyone- especially her immediate family and her dad.

They since made up and i see her every year.

But jesus it ******* kills me i've never found out the details of that- mum has never said one word to me. (i havent really asked tho)
 
Joined
Oct 11, 2016
Posts
2,005
Likes
1,741
AFL Club
Richmond
Thread starter #17
Years ago my cousin (daughter of my mums, sister) seriously cut ties with everyone- especially her immediate family and her dad.

They since made up and i see her every year.

But jesus it ******* kills me i've never found out the details of that- mum has never said one word to me. (i havent really asked tho)
to me cutting ties is something permanent. making up later is not cutting ties
 

raskolnikov

Brownlow Medallist
Joined
Apr 1, 2002
Posts
26,336
Likes
17,496
Location
Central Queensland
AFL Club
Essendon
Other Teams
Lions
#20
I've basically cut ties with my sister due to conflicting worldviews which came to a head with the plebiscite last year. We still see each other occasionally if we are both at mum's at the same time and we are civil to each other but I definitely don't go out of my way to spend time with her.
 
Joined
Oct 11, 2016
Posts
2,005
Likes
1,741
AFL Club
Richmond
Thread starter #21
I've basically cut ties with my sister due to conflicting worldviews which came to a head with the plebiscite last year. We still see each other occasionally if we are both at mum's at the same time and we are civil to each other but I definitely don't go out of my way to spend time with her.
Not good enough, you need to call mumma bear and make sure she isn't there when you visit
 
Joined
Oct 28, 2017
Posts
3,690
Likes
2,211
AFL Club
Adelaide
#22
The youngest in a dysfunction I cut ties for a number of years. The cycle of violence stops with me. When dad got sick I returned did everything. The rest of the family it was all about them. They used the opportunity to attack again. To protect their world.

My advice would be be prepared if you return under the circumstances I did.
 

akkaps

Hall of Famer
Joined
Mar 20, 2012
Posts
37,919
Likes
23,354
AFL Club
Carlton
#23
I got cut out of a Whatsapp group earlier this year, a group that I also played SPL Indoor cricket with this year. I realize they had done this a couple of week later when they started organizing things without me, and then asking if I wanted to attend hang outs. I kept up the act that I didn't know for a few months, as the cricket aspect was important to me. I gave up the cricket about two months ago because it started to get to me and I wasn't enjoying it as much as I used to. I gave them no noticed and just dropped out the group chat for the SPL cricket because I felt they didn't deserve an explanation.

Want hurt me the most was that the friend that I was the closest to (and one of only a handfull of RL people that know about my depression) wasn't very supportive. I met him for coffee a while back and he drilled me with questions. I also did ask him prior if there was another group chat up, and he didn't want to talk about it.

The reason they started a new whatsapp group was because I was too social with other people they knew and anyone we would meet at SPL. Though, I was caught out talking behind the groups back one time, in reference to one of the group members liking someone, talking about it to someone else. That whatsapp group aren't very social outside their own group and are very interested in keep what they discuss to themselves, while also wanting goss and news from other people we know.

Even though I cut off that friendship group, if I ever see them around I will be polite to them.

What's funny with that I have invited some people over to my place tonight. None of them were invited. But I did invite the cousin and the sister of that close mate that was part of the group.


As for cutting ties with family, could never do that. My father left when I was less that one. And my stepfather was killed in a workplace accident only after 2 months of marriage with my mother (I was 9). I could never leave my family under a good conscience, because I have seen the downsides of having missing family members, even though my family piss me off a lot of the time.
 

utility

Norm Smith Medallist
Joined
Sep 26, 2003
Posts
9,200
Likes
5,752
Location
Melbourne
AFL Club
North Melbourne
#24
I didn't see one side of my family for over 20 years. I didn't miss them. When there was a reunion I was just creeped out. They were total strangers to me as I had no memory of them. All except for one I never saw again.

I don't really cut ties with people, I just stop communicating with them.
 
Top Bottom