Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

How can you tell when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

She starts her sentence with, "A man once told me......"

 

[Schulzenfest]

How can you tell when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

She starts her sentence with, "A man once told me......"

Carn.

 

[GremioPower]

Literally, I would imagine

 

[DaTBird187]

What do you call a man with a small penis?


Justin

I always knew Eddie was an alias.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I always knew Eddie was an alias.

Hi Justin

 

[Marat]

How can you tell when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

She starts her sentence with, "A man once told me......"

I shouldn’t....but I like it

 

[crafty_bernardo]

 

[Jack_1870]

Whats brown and furry and rolls around New South Wales?
A baby covered with Funnel Web Spiders.

 

[philreich]

My grandmother used to believe that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her porridge each morning. She did this religiously, and lived to the age of 105. Last week she left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, 5 great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

 

[powerrrrrrrrrrrr]

I failed very early into this challenge
View attachment IMG_2409.MP4

 

[El Zorro]

I failed very early into this challenge
View attachment 852155

Gee those guys look smart!

 

[Contested Marx]

I went to the doctor because of a lettuce stuck up my bum

He didn't remove it, he just applied a dressing

 

[Grave Danger]

I went to the doctor because of a lettuce stuck up my bum

He didn't remove it, he just applied a dressing

Why did you stick a lettuce up your bum?

Cos.

 

[Tredz]

Definitely a dad joke:
Whenever driving past a cemetery my father would always say “There’s the dead centre of [Adelaide]”. Stopped being funny by the time I was about 6 but he kept saying it until he passed away at 85.

 

[Grave Danger]

Definitely a dad joke:
Whenever driving past a cemetery my father would always say “There’s the dead centre of [Adelaide]”. Stopped being funny by the time I was about 6 but he kept saying it until he passed away at 85.

Not far out of Port Augusta on the road heading north was a sign saying Yorkeys Crossing and every time as we were approaching it dad would say "Watch out for the Yorkeys!"

 

[HaroldOliver]

Driving past the Kadina cemetary at the end of a Wallaroo fishing weekend we were regaled with the same old line of.....it's a shame no one living in Kadina is allowed to be buried there.

 

[Contested Marx]

How many times do you reckon I've replied to my kids with "hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"





The answer is "lots"

 

[raman]

How many times do you reckon I've replied to my kids with "hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"





The answer is "lots"

They starved to death long ago but when you're onto a good gag you've got to commit.

 

[Contested Marx]

Also works with bored so it will be getting some mileage I reckon

 

[Power Girl]

Also works with bored so it will be getting some mileage I reckon

I hope you have great private health insurance for the retina damage they will do with all their eye rolling

 

[Doctor Feel]

Went to the NT.

Mate kept saying every Gorge we saw was "Gorgeous'

 

[Ford Fairlane]

Bill is a small business owner with two employees, Jack and Jill.

Due to the economic downturn Bill realises he will have to let one of them go. He decides to do a quick time and motion study to identify who is more productive.

During the morning he sees Jill make several trips to the water cooler while Jack works through the morning. He decides that Jill will have to go.

At lunchtime he calls Jill into his office and tells her he has some bad news. What is it asks Jill. Bill says I'm sorry but I will have to lay you or Jack off.

Jill replies I like you Bill but you better jack off because I have a headache.

 

[raman]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

View attachment 852594

I cackled.