Game Day Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

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philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,517
67,464
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
At the end of the tax year, the ATO sends a tax inspector to audit the books of the local hospital. While the taxman is auditing the books, he turns to the executive of the hospital and says, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little to be of any use?"

"Good question", says the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage factory, and every now and again, they send us a free roll."

"Oh", says the taxman - somewhat disappointed that his unusual question resulted in a practical answer. However he is now firmly mounted on his favourite hobby horse, and ready to be critical. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over, after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah yes", replies the executive, who actually didn't have a clue, but rising to the challenge, he says, "We save that too, and send it back to the manufacturer: every now and again they send us a free bag of plaster."

"My, my - an answer for everything", responds the auditor, who also fancies himself as a bit of a sharp wit. "So what do you do with all the remains from circumcision surgeries?"

Without batting an eyelid, the executive says, "Here also, we have no wastage. What we do is, we save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."
 

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Smithy7

Premium Platinum
Mar 1, 2014
13,113
18,926
South of Scotland
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
A man kills a deer, and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both the man and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what type of meat it is, but they'll give them a clue and let them guess what it is.

The kids are keen to know what they're eating, so they beg their father for the clue. Their father says, "It's what your mother calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams and says, "Don't eat it - it's a f***ing ****hole!!!!"
 

raman

Premium Platinum
Apr 8, 2005
23,500
67,625
Enemy terriroty
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Adolf goes into a country service station to pay for his petrol.

He approaches the counter and says “Pump number 3, thanks. Can I also get a Deluxe car wash, a footlong meatball sub, and a dozen Krispy Kremes?”

The guy behind the counter says “Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler, if you think we’re On The Run?”
 

Laugh Laugh

Schrodinkley's Cat
Jun 21, 2014
8,758
18,633
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
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Maggies, Spurs, Raiders?
Adolf goes into a country service station to pay for his petrol.

He approaches the counter and says “Pump number 3, thanks. Can I also get a Deluxe car wash, a footlong meatball sub, and a dozen Krispy Kremes?”

The guy behind the counter says “Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler, if you think we’re On The Run?”
Welcome back from your holiday
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,517
67,464
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Rumours abound that a Crows loving husband and wife drove to the debacle against Gold Coast, but left their membership cards in the car. To their horror, when they returned to the vehicle, they discovered that it had been broken into, and there were now 6 Crows membership cards on the front seat.
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,517
67,464
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Whilst many of the guests at a wedding reception were having fun dancing, the groom interrupted proceedings by grabbing the microphone. He began by stating how ecstatic he was to have met such a loving and compassionate partner with whom he could spend the rest of his life. Overcome with romantic inspiration, the groom then felt it his duty to encourage every man in the room to embrace the feelings he was currently experiencing. He thus made the following statement, "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.
 

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Grave Danger

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 6, 2000
21,369
36,474
West Perth
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
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Woomera Centrals, Jazza

Pear1870

Section 301
Aug 25, 2018
597
1,453
South Australia
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
A man was explaining to his friend about a work team building exercise that required everyone to do a parachute jump from a plane. He explained how petrified he was and asked to be last person to jump. As each person jumped, he became more and more nervous until it was his turn and he just couldn't do it. The instructed them told him if he didn't jump, he was going to f*** him up the a***. He mate asked "did you jump? ". The guy responded, " yeah, a little at first".
.
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,517
67,464
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Stan Laurel, commenting just after breaking up with his second wife, "I'm not getting married again. From now on, I'm just gonna find a woman I don't like, and buy her a house."
 

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