Game Day Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

Remove this Banner Ad

Cuzz09

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 21, 2004
24,897
11,213
Adel - SA - Aust - Earth
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Norwood & Liverpool.
A friend rented a limo for $1000 as it was his daughter's year 12 social but it turns out that didn't include a driver.

Imagine paying that much money and getting nothing to chauffeur it.
can soneone explain this? is it a joke or a comment

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,519
67,472
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
While golfing late one afternoon, an elderly gentleman accidentally overturns his golf cart. A very attractive young female golfer, who lives on her own in a villa on the course, hears the noise, and calls out, "Are you OK?"

"I'm OK", he replies, as he pulls himself out of the twisted cart.

She says in a really sexy voice, "Come up to my villa and rest a while - I'll help you get the cart up later." The old fella notices that her silky bathrobe is partially open, revealing what appears to be a very nice figure.

"That's very nice of you", he says, "but I really don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh come on now." She's insistent, stunningly pretty and very, very persuasive. He's weak, ponders for a moment, and then says, "OK."

After a couple of scotch and sodas, he thanks her and says, "Thank you - I do feel a lot better now. But you know, my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly", she says with a sensual smile, as her bathrobe falls open slightly further. "Stay a while", she purrs, "Your wife won't know anything. After all, where is she?"

The old man says, "At a guess, I'd say she's still under the golf cart."
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,519
67,472
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
A man is sitting at the bar, having a quiet drink, when a giant cockroach comes up behind him and gets him in a headlock. After a short struggle, the cockroach lets go and leaves the building. The next day, the man is sitting at the same bar, when the same cockroach comes in and slaps him across the face. The man is knocked off his stool, but by the time he gets up to confront the cockroach, it had scurried off.

The following day, the man is having a drink at the bar, when the cockroach comes up behind him and stabs him 5 times in the back before fleeing. The man is rushed to hospital, and when he wakes up after surgery, the doctor asks him what happened. Mournfully, the man recounts the sequence of events, "The other day, I was drinking at the bar, when this giant cockroach comes in and puts me in a headlock. Then yesterday he knocks me off my stool, and today he stabs me in the back."

"Ah yes", says the doctor, "I heard there was a nasty bug going around."
 

Duck Farmer

Est. 1820
Jul 7, 2007
9,161
21,397
Ziggurat City
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
LUFC, Patriots, Mitchelton-Scott
A man is sitting at the bar, having a quiet drink, when a giant cockroach comes up behind him and gets him in a headlock. After a short struggle, the cockroach lets go and leaves the building. The next day, the man is sitting at the same bar, when the same cockroach comes in and slaps him across the face. The man is knocked off his stool, but by the time he gets up to confront the cockroach, it had scurried off.

The following day, the man is having a drink at the bar, when the cockroach comes up behind him and stabs him 5 times in the back before fleeing. The man is rushed to hospital, and when he wakes up after surgery, the doctor asks him what happened. Mournfully, the man recounts the sequence of events, "The other day, I was drinking at the bar, when this giant cockroach comes in and puts me in a headlock. Then yesterday he knocks me off my stool, and today he stabs me in the back."

"Ah yes", says the doctor, "I heard there was a nasty bug going around."
Inb4 Butters Made Me Do It asks if the man's name was Gregor Samsa.
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,519
67,472
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Woman goes to her local chemist and says to the guy behind the counter, "I'd like you to sell me some strichnine poison."

The man is horrified, "I can't believe you just asked me that."

Without saying a word, the woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with his wife. The man says, "Well why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,519
67,472
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
A teacher is explaining biology to her grade 4 students, "Humans are the only creatures that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty cat that stuttered", she says.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories can be, asks her to describe the incident.

"Well", she begins, "I was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our front yard."

*That must have been scary ", says the teacher."

"It sure was", says the little girl. "My kitty raised his back and said, 'Ffffff Ffffff fffff", and before he could say '*** off', the Rottweiler ate him. "
 

philreich

Hall of Famer
Mar 2, 2014
32,519
67,472
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Listened to a YouTube clip last night of an actual 911 call - it went something like this:

911 - what is your emergency?

My wife has been attacked and injured by a wild boar - I need assistance in getting her to hospital.

Very good sir - what is your address?

1825 Eucalyptus Street.

How do you spell that?

(momentary silence) I'll drag her to Oak Street, and you can pick her up from there.
 

Top Bottom