Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Quadzilla]

"The boss gets upset when i shorten his name to Dick"

"Why" I asked

"Coz his name is Dan"

 

[Grave Danger]

"The boss gets upset when i shorten his name to Dick"

"Why" I asked

"Coz his name is Dan"

Chances are that only happened once.

 

[Portwon]

"The boss gets upset when i shorten his name to Dick"

"Why" I asked

"Coz his name is Dan"

Had an area manager in old job that everybody called "The Count".

Was so widespread he picked up and used it himself.

Asked an old timer what it refered to and he said originaly it was the count without the O

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Quadzilla]

Pam: "My dog ate a whole ball of wool."
Sam: "And what happened?"
Pam: "Her puppies were all born wearing sweaters."
Sam: "That's some yarn."

 

[Quadzilla]

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode.

I asked “Are you two an item?”

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[wannabejack]

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[philreich]

My wife reckons I'm really nosey. At least, that's what her diary says.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Quadzilla]

My wife was scammed by a woman named Anna. She got her to invest in an Indian snake farm

Anna conned her

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Quadzilla]

A mother gives her dyslexic son $50 and says go to Cox's clothing company to buy a seersucker suit. He went to Seers and the staff weren't happy with his request!

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[EskimoPAFC]

View attachment 1408807

This took me way too long

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[sobrave]

View attachment 1396170

When was Noel Fielding a stock photo model?

I guess it was before his noir period

 

[GremioPower]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

Who was the last coach to get Carlton into the finals? James Hird.

 

[Grave Danger]

A new monk shows up at a monastery where the monks spend their time making copies of ancient books. The new monk goes to the basement of the monastery saying he wants to make copies of the originals rather than of others' copies, so as to avoid duplicating errors they might have made.

Several hours later the monks, wondering where their new friend is, find him crying in the basement. They ask him what is wrong and he says "the word is CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!"

 

[philreich]