Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[wannabejack]

View attachment 1088550

My daughter sent me that. I asked her to fill it out as well, with me in mind.
She added this one that I use,"Rock and or Roll", a modified "Let's rock and roll".

 

[Grave Danger]

Look, there's no one/ a kid driving that car.
(When seeing no one/ a kid in the front passenger seat of a left hand drive car).

When someone comes into the room with their hair dripping wet from the shower:

"That's not a hairdo, it's a hair don't!"

 

[philreich]

It's November 2053, and it's an emotional day for John - he's just started the last toilet roll that his parents bought in 2020.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Garibaldi Red]

Heard on the radio this morning that a petition is up and running to ban the name Fairy bread--a protest march is being scheduled and organizers are expecting hundreds and thousands.

 

[bomberclifford]

I met a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I expected.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Tredz]

Last Tuesday was National Procrastinators Day.

Time to celebrate

 

[Contested Marx]

I don't normally tell dad jokes.














He doesn't find them funny

 

[Moses01]

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I did. We had some drinks.

Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

 

[Tredz]

Yesterday my wife asked me to pass her lipstick - I passed her a glue stick by mistake.
She's still not talking to me.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

What do pr0n star vaginas and the Gaza strip have in common?




They've both been pummeled so hard that no child is going to crawl out alive

 

[philreich]

When we're young, we often try to sneak out of home to go to parties. When we're old, we often try to sneak out of parties and go home.

 

[Grave Danger]

I watched a documentary on mushrooms last night.

That's probably how I'll watch all documentaries from now on.

 

[pastmyprimus]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Contested Marx]

Was at the library looking for a book about turtles.

"Hardback?" The librarian asked.

"Yes," I said, "and small head with flippers."

 

[philreich]

News just in about a new virus that's doing the rounds. It's called the Peekaboo Virus - so called, because the majority of those who catch it end up in ICU.

 

[Igavemyloveachicken]

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? I'm the one she's gonna eat!"

 

[Contested Marx]

So I got a new job as a street cleaner

Not much training required, you just pick things up as you go along

 

[raman]

 

[Alberton Proud]

What happened to Woolies after it burnt down ?

In turned into Coles !

 

[Contested Marx]

A bloke goes for a job interview at the circus.

"So what do you do?" asks the owner.

"I do really good bird impressions." he says.

"Well," says the owner, "we already have someone who does that."

"Oh," he replies, "thank you anyway."

And he gets up, and flies out the tent.

 

[sobrave]

What do pr0n star vaginas and the Gaza strip have in common?




They've both been pummeled so hard that no child is going to crawl out alive

Too Soon

 

[Schulzenfest]