Dad jokes - add yours

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Contra Mundum

To Know Nothing is the Happiest Life
Aug 1, 2002
22,595
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North Melbourne
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NMFC
I don't know if this tweet is actually from Baby John Burgess (is he still alive??) but I would like to think it is:

https://twitter.com/thejohnburgess
"The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot catch Covid 19 & don't need to be quarantined..To be clear....WHO let the dogs out!"
 

krakouers85

Premium Platinum
Sep 13, 2011
7,604
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People's Independent Republic of Perth
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I don't know if this tweet is actually from Baby John Burgess (is he still alive??) but I would like to think it is:

https://twitter.com/thejohnburgess
"The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot catch Covid 19 & don't need to be quarantined..To be clear....WHO let the dogs out!"
He has been seen around Crown Casino in Perth doing prizes
 

rickety

Premium Gold
Nov 3, 2007
7,676
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Postmans' Reef
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swfc, carrum cowboys
A new German radio control cadet in the coast guard get a call from an English speaking ship, the caller we are sinking, we are sinking, the cadet, say again please, we are sinking we are sinking; the cadet in with a German accent…There is no singing here !
Reminded me of this oldy ....
Nobody tells the British Royal Navy what to do... Except the Irish.
This is the transcript of the "actual" radio conversation between the British and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, October 98. Radio conversation released by the chief of Naval operations, 10-10-98:

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: Recommended you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of the British navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia! The second largest ship in the British Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees North, I say again, that is 15 degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
 

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rickety

Premium Gold
Nov 3, 2007
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I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
Remember that scene from The Commitments when 1 fella and his mate are going to meet up with the 1st fellas dad? The 1 fella tells his mate not to dick around when in front of his dad. When he introduces them, he gives it, "This is my father Neil". His mate obviously kneels .... farkin funny
 

rickety

Premium Gold
Nov 3, 2007
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Postmans' Reef
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Or this one quite often found on the back of the dunny door ......


Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving Mum



P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
 

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