Dad jokes - add yours

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SonofSamsquanch

Rebuilding
Mar 31, 2016
9,121
19,258
Deep South
AFL Club
North Melbourne
A party trick I saw a drunk bloke do one time.... He asked if anyone had seen him play the bagpipes?

He picked up the family cat and slung it up to his shoulder with all four legs in the air, then grabbed and bit the tip of the cats tail.

The cat let out a meeooowww that was a great bagpipe impression before it lashed four claws down his cheek.

His bagpipe impression was even more realistic than the cat's!!!
 

big_e

Existential crisis management consultant
Apr 28, 2008
8,178
24,118
Hermit Kingdom of Western Australia
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Wycombe Wanderers
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

"Okay," says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed-Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"
 

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Twinkletoes

Moderator
Jan 28, 2004
40,217
68,779
Tender Touch
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
MVFC, Storm, Everton, Socceroos
Heard this one on the wireless this morning:

“Last night my wife and I celebrated the end of lockdown by heading to a fancy dress party.

I went dressed as a chicken.

My wife went dressed as an egg.

Once home later in the night we discovered the answer to an age old question……”
 

The Jesus

What Could Go Wrong?
Oct 22, 2014
19,037
33,914
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Leeds United, East Side Hawks
Heard this one on the wireless this morning:

“Last night my wife and I celebrated the end of lockdown by heading to a fancy dress party.

I went dressed as a chicken.

My wife went dressed as an egg.

Once home later in the night we discovered the answer to an age old question……”
I just brought a chicken on Amazon and an egg from Ebay.

I'll let you know...
 

darko

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 28, 2016
10,379
16,415
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I prefer one line jokes but this one always made me laugh. Forgive me if someone already mentioned it lol.


Young bloke in his early 20s hits the town and sees an older woman looking at him. Normally he goes for women his age but says fu** it and goes to chat up the older lady who happens to be in her 50s. Things are going great and she invites him back to her house. He's thinking how good is this. On the way there she asks him if he ever had a mother-daughter 3some. Now he's thinking this is going to be greatest night of his life and quickly agrees to it. They walk in through the front door when the older woman yells "mum wake up ... we gonna have a 3some".
 

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