Dad jokes - add yours

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SonofSamsquanch

00W0W1 1030W0 000W00 W0W200 (Scott Boland)
Mar 31, 2016
9,585
20,341
Victoria
AFL Club
North Melbourne
The comma could save lives:

Let’s eat, Grandma

or

Let’s eat Grandma.
1640587262344.png
 

SonofSamsquanch

00W0W1 1030W0 000W00 W0W200 (Scott Boland)
Mar 31, 2016
9,585
20,341
Victoria
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Drove from Ballarat to Melbourne today in my old car. At Bachus Marsh my son asked how hot it was, and I said I didn't know but we weren't far from Melton.
Well your son may freak out when he hears that in every country around the world with no exceptions, today is the hottest day of the year so far.
 

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SonofSamsquanch

00W0W1 1030W0 000W00 W0W200 (Scott Boland)
Mar 31, 2016
9,585
20,341
Victoria
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Barnaby Joyce is on 7:30 Report.
Leigh Sales asks: “Mr Joyce, why are you wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe?”

“Yes,” Joyce answers, “I noticed this myself.”

Sales: “Why didn’t you change them?”

Joyce: “I was going to, but when I looked in the bottom of the wardrobe, there was just another odd pair of black and brown shoes.”
 

krakouers

#Nepotism
Sep 13, 2011
9,722
19,427
People's Independent Republic of Perth
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Claremont
When Bigfooty Thread becomes mainstream:


12.10 restart if there's no more rain.

Craig: "What's the third umpire's advice for a first date? DRS to impress"

James: "Why can no one drink wine in England at the moment? They haven't got any openers."

Max Power: "What does an English cricketer put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball? A bat!!" -- His name sounds good in your ear...

11.30am: Both teams are out there warming up, with the pitch fully uncovered. Joe Root is in the middle doing some visualisation and the groundstaff are in the middle of the mop-up operation.

Gordon: "Watching the sides warm up there is no doubt that the English are better …. at football"

Dan: "What's the difference between the English ashes team in Australia and a pyromaniac? A pyromaniac would never lose their last 14 matches."

nes: "What's the difference between Cinderella and a batsman who keeps nicking off? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball."

Dan: "This rain has held on for longer than the England batting lineup"

11.20am: Covers coming off.

Bod: "Adam Gilchrist and Allan Border walked into a bar. Impossible - Border never walked"

11.10am: "Maybe I spoke too soon..." Gnasher reports. "It's brightened up and the groundstaff (decked out in pink for Jane McGrath day) are coming out."

Geoff Waddell: "Best one wins a Brisbane Heat call-up for their next game? Second best one wins a Brisbane Heat call-up for their next TWO games!"

Andrew Evans: "I went to the doctor with a cricket ball stuck up my backside. The doctor said "How's that?" I said, "Don't you start.""

Ryan M: "When I opened up Cricinfo this morning I was expecting something to be falling at a steady rate, but rain was not my preferred option."

11.00am: Cheers Alan. David is on fine form in the mailbag, below, so feel free to offer him some competition with your best one-liners in the feedback section. Best one wins a Brisbane Heat call-up for their next game...

David: "Weather for ducks?? Pretty much every day was weather for ducks in English cricket 2021."

10.40am: Still persistently pluvial at the SCG, from the sounds of it. But grab the popcorn, because Shane Warne is passing the downtime by engaging in some green-on-green warfare on Twitter:

"England's openers could survive a full session yet, just need to hope the rain keeps up for another couple of hours," chuckles Corey. C'mon, we've all thought it
 

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