Dad jokes - add yours

[andana]

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Sent from my SM-A908B using Tapatalk

Another math question.

How many times does 64 go into 23?

 

[ferball]

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That guy's name is jeff not joe.

 

[kool kangas]

A husband a wife have been married for 35 years and the husband has told his wife that she is not allowed to look in his safe. One day while the husband was out the wife opened the safe an found $40,000 and 3 eggs. When the husband return his wife told him she opened the safe and wanted to know what the 3 eggs were for. The husband said that for every women he has had sex with during their marrage he put an egg in his safe then sold it later. She said "that isnt so bad as we have been married for 35 years". She then said where did you get $40,000 from. To which he said "from selling the eggs"

 

[krakouers]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[kool kangas]

When l get to work , l hide...

Because good employees are hard to find...

 

[TazHawk15]

What do you call a midget, clairvoyant who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

 

[ferball]

What do you call a midget, clairvoyant who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

i think that one is already in here. Bring more tho.

 

[Samsquanch]

I had just checked in and was trying to work out which lift would take me to my floor. I went over to a group of lifts which were labelled A, B, C, D, F, and E.

I was about to step into lift F when one of the concierge staff intercepted me. "I'm sorry sir", he said, "but you can't take lift F. It's out of order."

 

[krakouers]

What do you call a midget, clairvoyant who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[gokangas]

90% of bald men still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

 

[gokangas]

The difference between an old bus station and a lobster with breast implants is one's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.​

 

[gokangas]

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Sunshine.

 

[gokangas]

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

 

[gokangas]

So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.

 

[gokangas]

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids, but when I got home the little 5hits were still there.

 

[Rod Stroker]

 

[big_e]

Why was the tennis website down?

There were problems with the server.

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Bertie22]

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Sunshine.

PS I gave this a like because Mrs Bertie is from Sunshine. Courting her was one of the bravest things I ever did!

 

[gokangas]

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $6.30 now.

 

[gokangas]

A blind man walked into a bar… And a table… And a chair…

 

[gokangas]

My wife said - look, after 25 years this still fits me. I said, darling, its a friggin scarf.