Pregnancy & Parenting Dad Jokes

[BILC]

Hands down the best type of joke, I need to know them all.

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

 

[Quivorir]

Humor board has a thread dedicated to these. That board needs more traffic.

 

[Kreuuuzeurns]

There was an AskReddit on this a few days ago (as there is every week or so!).

Favourite one was:

What do we want?
LOW FLYING AEROPLANES!
When do we want them?
NNNEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWwwwwww......

Easily amused

 

[Dont be a lemon]

https://twitter.com/baddadjokes

 

[I bleed Blue]

Hands down the best type of joke, I need to know them all.

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

Why does Snoop dogg carry un umberella?

For Drizzle!

 

[Gough]

Shakespeare walks into a pub, the landlord takes one look at him and says, "Oi, you, you're bard".
Stratton_Gun this thread was made for you I believe.

 

[Igloo]

A classic.

Kid: I'm hungry
Dad: Hi Hungry, i'm (insert name here).

 

[I bleed Blue]

Insert one of the below jokes ever time I drove past a cemetery with my Dad.

Did you know thats the dead centre of town?

Dad: Do you know I can't be buried there?
Me: Really? Why?
Dad: I'm not dead.

People are dying to get in there.

 

[skilts]

It is a little-known fact that dad jokes are invented during the time spent by fathers waiting in hospitals for their children to be born. FFS, what else is there to do over those interminable hours? Women (and children) are so inconsiderate.

 

[TubbsFarquhar]

Whenever I have a cold.

"Do you have a cold?"
"Yeah"
"That snot very good"

Hilarious stuff.

 

[The_Reaper]

"oh my god"
"That's okay. You can call me 'insert name'

 

[MoscowHawk]

"MH can you come here please?"
"Coming"
"So is Christmas" *hysterical laughter*

Fuuuuuuuuu....

 

[Gough]

Not a dad joke but one of my favourites and pretty terrible.
An Irishman is going for a job on a building site and the foreman wants to know how much he knows about the business. "So Paddy", he says, "tell me about thye difference between a girder and a joist?" Paddy looks at him for a minute and says, "That's easy, Geothe wrote Faust, Joyce wrote Ulyssus".

 

[Sebastian Balboa]

I walk by my son who is eating a piece of fruitcake.
Me: "Son, why you gone all cannibal?"
Son: "???"
Me:

 

[bresker]

Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Europe

Europe who?

I'm not a poo!

or.. If I'm Apu then who's minding the quik-e-mart?

Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Morp

Morp who?

More poo? Haven't you had enough yet?

 

[Shaucob_Burjan]

From a video game:

I spent all night waiting for the sun to arrive - and then it dawned on me.

I tripped over my sister's bra - it was a boobie trap.

 

[bresker]

My brother put two pieces of meat on a high shelf.

"I bet you can't reach those," he said.

"I can't," I replied "the steaks are too high."

 

[BILC]

Hey Dad, I'm gonna go out but leave the light on I'll be back later tonight.

Hi gonna go out but leave the light on I'll be back later tonight, I'm Dad.

 

[Rusty22]

What do you call a spanish guy that cant find his car?
Carlos

 

[I bleed Blue]

Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer?

He had loco motives!

 

[Herne Hill Hammer]

Mummy, mummy, I hate daddy's guts.

That's ok dear, push them aside and eat your vegetables.

 

[Plugger35]

Hey I just flew in from <insert city> and boy are my arms tired.

More a lame comedian's joke than a dad joke.

 

[JuddsABlue]

Dad: Do you know I can't be buried there?
Me: Really? Why?
Dad: I'm not dead.
.

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

genius lols

 

[Illinois Nazi]

What do you call a man with fifty rabbits up his bum?

Warren.

 

[Gough]

What do you call a man with fifty rabbits up his bum?

Warren.

God bless Spike Milligan.