Random Dad Jokes

[JackHiscoxWasFast]

I had an idea you were trying for humour so I tried to inject some humour back, just to leave a little wiggle room for both of us to back out quietly .

No apology necessary. If anyone should apologise c'est moi

Seriously ! You maths guys need to get a life. I recommend going on holidays to expand your horizons. Heard that Times Square is not a bad place to visit for mathematicians.

 

[RubbaDuck]

Seriously ! You maths guys need to get a life. I recommend going on holidays to expand your horizons. Heard that Times Square is not a bad place to visit for mathematicians

OK, based on that joke I decided to write a Statistical Love Story

I wandered Times square on New Years eve, an empty set, hopeful of finding my opposite number, an alternative hypothesis, perhaps a causal relationship with a random variable. What were the odds I would discover such an axiom of probability hidden among the large sample population?

Whether it was the law of large numbers, selection bias or a skewed distribution of the square root law, I'll never know. She was average, but within my margin of error, her bell curves nicely distributed around her mean. There were many equally likely outcomes but game theory suggested she was a fair bet.

With a high confidence level I hoped to avoid her rejection region and go straight to the payoff matrix, without needing a minimax strategy to limit my losses. I waited for a chance event and made a statistical inference regarding the regression of her lower quartile. It was acute angle. I almost expected a continuity correction, but Simpson's paradox held, she smiled and subjected me to a cross-sectional study.

Love is a double-blind experiment. She leaned in and whispered a discrete variable, affirming the consequent, suggesting an alternative hypothesis. I didn't care if she was bimodal, binomial or bivariate. We retired to my hotel as causation inexorably led to correlation. We converged, finding ourselves in an uncontrolled experiment, a unimodal union. In a fraction we subtracted, she divided, I intersected, we multiplied, feeling our cumulative probability as we moved invariably towards a critical value, trying every combination and permutation within standard deviations. The frequency ever increasing until we reached a joint distribution and finally exhausted the set.

The probability of us producing a dependent variable was low. She had a venn diagram fitted and I lacked both the means and the mode, my normal distribution being somewhat marginal.

Our probability sample demanded we intersect a few more times, but Bernoulli's inequality meant there was always a class boundary. We'd been drawn into a base rate fallacy but the endpoints were obvious. She was my complement but our relationship remained conditional. She said we were mutually exclusive and our association would always be non-linear. We had reached a breakdown point. Bayes rule suggested the outcome could only be a null hypothesis, a sampling error in the scatterplot of life.

 

[caesar88]

What do you say to encourage a struggling French city?

You've got nothing Toulouse

 

[sataris]

As a mathematician, I'm going to have to correct you.

The joke goes.... there are 3 types of mathematicians. Those who can count and those who can't.

It's a self depreciating joke.

Hey, I said i was a mathematician not a wordsmith.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?






He worked it out with a pencil .

 

[Crust]

A horse walked into a bar...
The barman was quite surprised and let out a startled "Hey!"
The horse looked at him, winked and said "You read my mind".

 

[philreich]

My mother in law is always complaining about the price of everything - $3.00 for a cup of coffee, and $4.50 for a couple of biscuits. I said to her, "You just dropped in - I didn't invite you."

 

[philreich]

What’s the difference between North Melb and a fireman ?

A fireman can climb a ladder.

Join in the chorus
And sing it one and all
Join in the chorus
We never touch the ball
Our club is lacking
In champions, you'll agree
North Melbourne won't be premiers
Till 2053.

 

[RubbaDuck]

A horse walked into a bar...
The barman was quite surprised and let out a startled "Hey!"
The horse looked at him, winked and said "You read my mind".

Barman says "Why the long face?"

 

[JackHiscoxWasFast]

2 Scotsmen at a grid iron match.

‘Get the quarterback’