Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

[Janech]

Always stop at a particular oval on the way to footy training to use their facilities.
One particular day about a month and a half ago, I'd been feeling pretty dodgy all day but hadn't been able to really 'relieve' myself (sister cooked dinner the night before), and was tossing up whether to train.
Anyway, I fell asleep on the lounge and woke up about the time I usually leave... mad rush to get changed and on my way, so ignored the pulsating in my stomach. Anyway, about 10 mins from our training ground/5 mins from my regular toilet stop, I get the sudden urge to 'go'. What's worse, I've left later than usual and, as such, the traffic is quite a bit heavier. I manage to hold it through red light after red light, and then, just when the end of my journey is near.........

I hear the unmistakable clanging from ahead to signal a train. NOT GOOD.

In a state of panic, I look around desperately for a place to unload the contents of my bowels. Nothing. Traffic is at a complete standstill. Another train. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Well, that's when it happened. I just couldn't hold it any longer. And once it started, it wasn't showing any signs of stopping. I had to crack a window. The smell was horrible. I have no doubt the look on my face would've been worse.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the clanging of the trains subsided and I was on my way again... albeit no longer in possession of my dignity.

Reached my usual stop a few minutes later; disposed of the undies, cleaned myself up, spent another 10 mins on the loo, and emerged about 4kg lighter than when I'd left home an hour beforehand.
Yes, I still went to training... sans undies. Trained well too. Just thankful I'd had the foresight to wear black shorts that night...

Went to the doc a couple of days later and he pretty much confirmed it: my sister had given me food poisoning. Put me off chicken for a month.


Things like these build character... right?

 

[dajesmac]

I was playing soccer at school here in 50 degree heat in heavy, dark clothes (which was pretty stupid, I know) right before I had to get on the bus home. I was seriously dehydrated and being that heat-****ed I got a massively upet stomach and with it the worst stomach pains I'd ever had in my life. I started letting out some epic farts. You know the silent, burny ones?

I had my best friend sitting next to me on the back seat of the bus as I lay down in the foetal position wishing the pain would go away. Sensing another epic fart, I started grinning and threw my legs onto his lap so he couldn't flee as I let it out. It was silent, and I swear it was literally still coming out of my arse as the last back three rows started to smell it, and STRONG. My best mate started screaming, and one by one the rows ahead of me started joining. It was literally the strongest and most fast-acting fart I've ever smelled, let alone emitted. Anyway the bus driver ended up putting tissues on his nose as he drove, and when that wasn't enough he literally pulled over and got out of ths bus while the bus conductor gave me a lecture as I lay there writing in pain and yet crying with laughter.

Anyway, I thought it was funny until I got out to walk 100m to my house and realised I'd shat myself pretty bad.

 

[dajesmac]

Also got drunk and shat on the ground of a public basketball court here.

And in my friend's stepbrothers midwakh* bag.

*Midwakh is an arabic style pipe that people use to smoke Dokha here. His bag is a pouch about the size of a normal dump. So it was perfect.

 

[La Vache]

I've just had 5 days of gastro including a "romantic" weekend in the mountains. Having never done it before imagine my surprise when I shit in the bed, the car, on the couch and coated the entire back of the toilet.

My bowel confidence is shattered, to say the least

 

[Prem87]

It's horrible when you have no control over it.

 

[THRILLHO]

Always stop at a particular oval on the way to footy training to use their facilities.
One particular day about a month and a half ago, I'd been feeling pretty dodgy all day but hadn't been able to really 'relieve' myself (sister cooked dinner the night before), and was tossing up whether to train.
Anyway, I fell asleep on the lounge and woke up about the time I usually leave... mad rush to get changed and on my way, so ignored the pulsating in my stomach. Anyway, about 10 mins from our training ground/5 mins from my regular toilet stop, I get the sudden urge to 'go'. What's worse, I've left later than usual and, as such, the traffic is quite a bit heavier. I manage to hold it through red light after red light, and then, just when the end of my journey is near.........

I hear the unmistakable clanging from ahead to signal a train. NOT GOOD.

In a state of panic, I look around desperately for a place to unload the contents of my bowels. Nothing. Traffic is at a complete standstill. Another train. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Well, that's when it happened. I just couldn't hold it any longer. And once it started, it wasn't showing any signs of stopping. I had to crack a window. The smell was horrible. I have no doubt the look on my face would've been worse.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the clanging of the trains subsided and I was on my way again... albeit no longer in possession of my dignity.

Reached my usual stop a few minutes later; disposed of the undies, cleaned myself up, spent another 10 mins on the loo, and emerged about 4kg lighter than when I'd left home an hour beforehand.
Yes, I still went to training... sans undies. Trained well too. Just thankful I'd had the foresight to wear black shorts that night...

Went to the doc a couple of days later and he pretty much confirmed it: my sister had given me food poisoning. Put me off chicken for a month.


Things like these build character... right?

Lol.

Just wondering why you leave the comfort of your own home facilities to crap in a public toilet?

 

[Janech]

Lol.

Just wondering why you leave the comfort of your own home facilities to crap in a public toilet?

Superstition Had to stop off there a couple of times on the way to training when running late from work... then one week went straight to training and did an LCL. It's stupid but I don't want to risk changing the routine again

 

[woopedazz]

So you risk getting r*ped instead? Rapes happen.

 

[Shemp 54]

Gold thread LOL

I had a couple of minor poop accidents with episodes of gastro, one at uni when bravely tried to maintain daily jogging routine while afflicted but luckily it happened as just setting off so was able to excuse myself to jogging mate and clean up.

I had poor bladder control as a youngster and peed myself a few times in unfortunate places - inc in a car, in class, in a shop and while horse riding with a friend.

One time recently I went to visit a cousin in Britain and with the change in routine hadn't had a crap for a week. Finally got the urge to go at her place and she informed me the plumbing wasn't very functional - had to flush by bucketing water out of the bath into the dunny. Naturally it got blocked up which required quite an effort with hand covered in a rubbish bag I had luckily packed for dirty laundry.

I saw a short movie years ago where a woman had a similar problem while out on a date at a restuarant [sp??] but picked up the **** with some tissues and stuffed it into her handbag. Then she is confronted by a mugger who takes her handbag, races off and opens it up to inspect his loot - instant karma!

 

[Xtreme]

I just remembered an incident i had in year 10, let out a whopper of a fart before the first class of the morning, i could have kept to my usual school routine. But i actually opted to go home and change (advantage of living a few minutes away from the school), however the daggy and more embarrassing part was i informed my level co-ordinator of my embarrassment error of judgment in the power of the fart that took place and my intention of going home to change. The most amusing part of it was that i got a lift to my house and back to school, despite only living minutes away .

 

[THRILLHO]

I saw a short movie years ago where a woman had a similar problem while out on a date at a restuarant [sp??] but picked up the **** with some tissues and stuffed it into her handbag. Then she is confronted by a mugger who takes her handbag, races off and opens it up to inspect his loot - instant karma!

Sounds crap.

 

[woopedazz]

Sounds crap.

It was pretty shit.

 

[Prem87]

I just remembered an incident i had in year 10, let out a whopper of a fart before the first class of the morning, i could have kept to my usual school routine. But i actually opted to go home and change (advantage of living a few minutes away from the school), however the daggy and more embarrassing part was i informed my level co-ordinator of my embarrassment error of judgment in the power of the fart that took place and my intention of going home to change. The most amusing part of it was that i got a lift to my house and back to school, despite only living minutes away .

Lol you would expect that to happen at primary school not in year 10! haha

 

[HARPSichord]

I shit in Hungry Jack's playground when I was 2.

 

[couchgrinder]

had a bad expereince in Spain when i was about 22.was on a contiki tour with a mate and we were in barcelona.. too many cervezas and hot and spicy food.one day our tour guide is taking us to see that freaky looking cathedral and my guts were absolutley churning.i walked around with my friend trying to find a public toilet or a maccas or something i couldnt find a freaking toilet anywhere so i ran into a department store and in my best spanish yelled at a woman for a sh itter i think she could tell by the look on my face and the howls of laughter from my buddy.i was shown to a toilet and made it to the cubicle when i forgot that i had a bumbag full of all my stuff as barcelona is fullk of thieves it was at that point that my mind gave up the fight and my sphincter unleashed a horrible browny yellowy jet of shit down my pants and the back of my legs.i cried out in agony to my mate, seeing as we were in the spanish equivalent of myers he kindly bought me a new pair of shorts , jocks and a t shirt.
it has forever tarnished my memory of spain.

 

[Fossie 32]

[YOUTUBE]XhG44kc4oI0&feature=player_embedded[/YOUTUBE]

 

[cammo84]

I spent a winter one year pruning grape vines, and I worked with this really enthusiastic storyteller. He was telling a few of us a story about sneaking up on someone during a party and farting on their head, and being such a showman he tried to squeeze out a fart during the pinnacle of his story for maximum comedic effect. It was a pretty decent fart and really topped the story off, but then he disappeared for a while and then took off in his ute. About half an hour later the supervisor got a phone call from the labour hire company informing him that Craig had shit his pants and wouldn't be coming back to work for the rest of the day.

 

[HarryTiger]

Just putting this on the correct thread

You know you're odd when you get excited realise your jeans are in the clothes drier, but almost dry, you'll get to put them on all warm and shit
__________________
Twitter - @mitho85

 

[gareth36]

I was out with some mates on a big bender of a night and i decided mexican and indian would be the food for the night (that was mistake number 1)and i like my indian as spicy as possible (mistake number 2).

I was down the pub stomach full of food smashing down lots of frothies and other varied drinks when i felt my stomach gurrgle and my colan rumble i knew it was time for a pit stop so off i went.

On my way to the toilet the impending amount of doom was knocking on the back door and i knew i needed to pick up the pace i got to the toilet and it was occupied and it was one of those stupid bathrooms that have one cubicle and one urinal anyway it was at this moment i realised that it was coming out.

I thought about backing one out in the urinal i decided not to and then i heard the toilet flush it was time as i went to unbutton my pants the first wave hit i knew i had destroyed my jocks but this wasnt my biggest worry.

As i got my pants off the second wave hit spraying over the bowl,the toilet seat and spraying a fine mist of ass water over the wall and floor the mix of indian and mexican made for a rusty water mix the stung like razor blades on the way out.

I think that was the last wave so i sit down and wait a minute and i am satisfied that was the last of it so now i have to find something to do with my shit stained undies luckily the door in the toilet has one of those hooks on the back of the door so i hang them up for the next unlucky soul to deal with if the smell after i was done in there didnt scare people off the sight of those dirty shitty undies would certainly do the trick.

So i clean up and plan on going back to the bar for a minute or two to keep up appearances with the mates so im at tbe bar abd my plan is to gave a beer and pretend to get a phonecall and go home and sterillise myself.

And someone must have ventured into the toilet because they came out yelling what dirty bastard sprayed ass paint all over the toilet and the floor and walls and at this moment i immediately looked at the guy who was in the shitter before me and he was staring at me with a disgusted look on his face he and i both kbew it was me who was the dirty bastard.

And then it happened knowing he knew it was me i got so worried about him saying something the third wave hit my jeans were now engulfed in shit it was running down my leg and filling my shoes at that point i left walked half way home threw my shit filled socks and shoes into someones backyard abd possibly on their roof and put my jeans into some poor souls letterbox.

And managed to walk the next hundred meters to my house without any socks shoes or pants so i just walked home essentialy naked just a shirt to get to my front door the house mates not home and i obviously have no keys so i waited out front for a couple of hours he comes home and to this day he hasnt asked for an explination and i havent offered to give him one.

 

[Ed_Gein]

gareth36. two words; absolute quality.

sitting here pissing myself in laughter over that one and dare i say, thread winner so far.

 

[Catfish Alley]

Hahaha Gareth, that was hilarious! Got to pick your restaurants more carefully

 

[cats81]

Im crying gareth that was an amazing read

 

[Power King]

I was out with some mates on a big bender of a night and i decided mexican and indian would be the food for the night (that was mistake number 1)and i like my indian as spicy as possible (mistake number 2).

I was down the pub stomach full of food smashing down lots of frothies and other varied drinks when i felt my stomach gurrgle and my colan rumble i knew it was time for a pit stop so off i went.

On my way to the toilet the impending amount of doom was knocking on the back door and i knew i needed to pick up the pace i got to the toilet and it was occupied and it was one of those stupid bathrooms that have one cubicle and one urinal anyway it was at this moment i realised that it was coming out.

I thought about backing one out in the urinal i decided not to and then i heard the toilet flush it was time as i went to unbutton my pants the first wave hit i knew i had destroyed my jocks but this wasnt my biggest worry.

As i got my pants off the second wave hit spraying over the bowl,the toilet seat and spraying a fine mist of ass water over the wall and floor the mix of indian and mexican made for a rusty water mix the stung like razor blades on the way out.

I think that was the last wave so i sit down and wait a minute and i am satisfied that was the last of it so now i have to find something to do with my shit stained undies luckily the door in the toilet has one of those hooks on the back of the door so i hang them up for the next unlucky soul to deal with if the smell after i was done in there didnt scare people off the sight of those dirty shitty undies would certainly do the trick.

So i clean up and plan on going back to the bar for a minute or two to keep up appearances with the mates so im at tbe bar abd my plan is to gave a beer and pretend to get a phonecall and go home and sterillise myself.

And someone must have ventured into the toilet because they came out yelling what dirty bastard sprayed ass paint all over the toilet and the floor and walls and at this moment i immediately looked at the guy who was in the shitter before me and he was staring at me with a disgusted look on his face he and i both kbew it was me who was the dirty bastard.

And then it happened knowing he knew it was me i got so worried about him saying something the third wave hit my jeans were now engulfed in shit it was running down my leg and filling my shoes at that point i left walked half way home threw my shit filled socks and shoes into someones backyard abd possibly on their roof and put my jeans into some poor souls letterbox.

And managed to walk the next hundred meters to my house without any socks shoes or pants so i just walked home essentialy naked just a shirt to get to my front door the house mates not home and i obviously have no keys so i waited out front for a couple of hours he comes home and to this day he hasnt asked for an explination and i havent offered to give him one.

lost my shit at these two parts.

 

[dazman32]

lost my shit at these two parts.

Well then, you are in the right thread.

 

[Lance Uppercut]

I was out with some mates on a big bender of a night and i decided mexican and indian would be the food for the night (that was mistake number 1)and i like my indian as spicy as possible (mistake number 2).

I was down the pub stomach full of food smashing down lots of frothies and other varied drinks when i felt my stomach gurrgle and my colan rumble i knew it was time for a pit stop so off i went.

On my way to the toilet the impending amount of doom was knocking on the back door and i knew i needed to pick up the pace i got to the toilet and it was occupied and it was one of those stupid bathrooms that have one cubicle and one urinal anyway it was at this moment i realised that it was coming out.

I thought about backing one out in the urinal i decided not to and then i heard the toilet flush it was time as i went to unbutton my pants the first wave hit i knew i had destroyed my jocks but this wasnt my biggest worry.

As i got my pants off the second wave hit spraying over the bowl,the toilet seat and spraying a fine mist of ass water over the wall and floor the mix of indian and mexican made for a rusty water mix the stung like razor blades on the way out.

I think that was the last wave so i sit down and wait a minute and i am satisfied that was the last of it so now i have to find something to do with my shit stained undies luckily the door in the toilet has one of those hooks on the back of the door so i hang them up for the next unlucky soul to deal with if the smell after i was done in there didnt scare people off the sight of those dirty shitty undies would certainly do the trick.

So i clean up and plan on going back to the bar for a minute or two to keep up appearances with the mates so im at tbe bar abd my plan is to gave a beer and pretend to get a phonecall and go home and sterillise myself.

And someone must have ventured into the toilet because they came out yelling what dirty bastard sprayed ass paint all over the toilet and the floor and walls and at this moment i immediately looked at the guy who was in the shitter before me and he was staring at me with a disgusted look on his face he and i both kbew it was me who was the dirty bastard.

And then it happened knowing he knew it was me i got so worried about him saying something the third wave hit my jeans were now engulfed in shit it was running down my leg and filling my shoes at that point i left walked half way home threw my shit filled socks and shoes into someones backyard abd possibly on their roof and put my jeans into some poor souls letterbox.

And managed to walk the next hundred meters to my house without any socks shoes or pants so i just walked home essentialy naked just a shirt to get to my front door the house mates not home and i obviously have no keys so i waited out front for a couple of hours he comes home and to this day he hasnt asked for an explination and i havent offered to give him one.

jesus **** that's funny