Mod. Notice Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP

Discussion in 'AFL - The Australian Football League' started by The_Wookie, Dec 24, 2015.

Put it out there
  1. Richter

    Richter All Australian

    St Kilda
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Mar 07
    Posts:
    912
    One of the main practitioners in the world is a guy called Russ Harris. Although he's an Aussie, a psychologist friend of mine in the U.K. put me on to him. He wrote a best selling book called 'The Happiness Trap' a few years ago... here's a link to its first 30 pages from Russ' own website for anyone who is interested...

    http://thehappinesstrap.com/wp-cont...iness_Trap_-_Introduction_and_Chapter_one.pdf
     
    Matt Stevic likes this.

    (Log in to remove this ad.)

  2. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 07
    Posts:
    21,869
    Location:
    Melbourne
    :thumbsu:

    I have the happiness trap, and his phone app. I would say his work has had the post positive effect on my journey with mental health. I genuinely believe his books should be read by everyone, whether they have struggles or not.

    The founder of ACT was Steve Hayes, who is also excellent to listen to. Here is one of his Ted talks
     
    kozi and Abyss like this.
  3. Nugett

    Nugett Club Legend

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Apr 17
    Posts:
    1,307
    Thank you. I think 30 + years of suppressing emotion is finally catching up with me
     
    dan_tiger likes this.
  4. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    This
    I spent a whole lot of time and huge amounts of energy convincing myself and others I was ok
    Then when I collapsed everything came out in a flood
    With that flood came a lot of anger because I wanted others to understand how much I was struggling, and when they didn't get it I got angrier at myself for collapsing
    It becomes very hurtful cycle
     
    dan_tiger and Nugett like this.
  5. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    Where is the support for men in our society?
    Everyday we hear horror stories of emotional and physical abuse in relationships perpetrated by men and for good reason
    But where is the support for men in the same situation?
    Men like me who have been emotionally and physically abused by their partners
    I'll tell you where that support is
    Nowhere
    It doesn't exist
    I use Mensline and my own psychologist to fall back on but when it comes to finding help with my rights as a parent and a man by **** it's hard
    As many on here may relate to, it's so hard for a guy to actually be honest with themselves that they are a victim and takes so long, that when we actually get brave enough to say enough enough, any power or will or self confidence we had had been stripped from us
     
  6. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 07
    Posts:
    21,869
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Have you seen or heard of the movie the red pill? Has aspects of this i beleive. The Australian media didnt want a bar of it unfortunately
     
  7. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 07
    Posts:
    21,869
    Location:
    Melbourne
    maybe these might give you some support:
    https://www.facebook.com/DadsInDistress/?hc_location=ufi

    http://www.theadvocate.com.au/story/4944174/health-worker-helps-men/
     
  8. vmasco

    vmasco Team Captain

    Richmond
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 12
    Posts:
    356
    Location:
    Thereabouts
    Hang in there mate stay brave. We are here for each other. It takes a colossal effort to change your mindset to be kind to yourself when those around you who are supposed to love you have been so cruel, and sucked you dry. To recognise you are need of help, to learn how to find those you can trust to help you and to then enact positive change with that help is proof enough of your inner strength.
     
  9. vmasco

    vmasco Team Captain

    Richmond
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 12
    Posts:
    356
    Location:
    Thereabouts
    I caught up with a life long friend recently, also a Tiger supporter, who is going through similar issues as me and we both agreed that our relationships with our fathers is basically non-existent. It was incredibly difficult to comprehend when Dusty gave his Brownlow speech and he spoke about the love between him and his old man (which I do not begrudge him of in any way). Sadly it just isn't the case for many of us.

    Today has really driven it home for me: my old man just can't stand to see me experience any joy whatsoever. I only saw him for the second time this year (only lives two hours away) when he came down for my daughters birthday last weekend and all he wanted to do was talk up his own team's finals history and the usual "ha ha Richmond supporters life time of pain" crap. Today not even a text message of congratulations.
     
  10. Ando727

    Ando727 Norm Smith Medallist

    Melbourne
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Dec 09
    Posts:
    5,036
    Location:
    Mill Park
    Yeah, dads can be crap. After 30 years, my old man suddenly ditched my team and went for my sister's husband's team instead (Geelong) when they started winning flags in 07. I asked him, what the hell? He just said, "your team is crap, they'll never win anything. I'm going for Geelong now." It sounds stupid, but I still feel pretty let down by that. It's a real statement to do such a thing. Speaks to loyalty and integrity. So much so that I don't talk about football anymore with him. It's not a fun topic when he doesn't give a crap about my team anymore.

    I won't say he's quite as bad as your dad, only because he's mellowed a bit in his old age and helped me out a few times in recent years. But basically he spent a lifetime disagreeing me about everything and putting down everything I did. He was a miserable bastard for most of my life, but as I got older, I called him on it several times and he's pulled his head in a fair bit. He's also very nice to my daughter, and I think he's realised he did a crap job just by watching me with my daughter. He knows what a committed dad looks like now and I think he does feel guilty about it. His example drives me to be a better dad.

    But there's no doubt that for a bloke to have a mean dad impacts your life in a big way. You're behind the 8-ball in many areas of life unless you can process it and move on. I can only put it down to them having a bitterness within in themselves that they try to deal with by putting down others to elevate themselves.
     
  11. Nugett

    Nugett Club Legend

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Apr 17
    Posts:
    1,307
    Only talk to my father 3 or 4 times a year. Lost the last ounce of respect for him, when he told me he got married 2 days after he got married. When I confronted him, his response was I thought your sister would let you know. He told her 2 days prior, while she was in another state on a business trip.
    It's not as if either my sister or I were unsupportive of his new wife, as she is a lovely person, have a lot of time for her. It's being denied the right to show support, that's the thing that hurt the most.
     
    vmasco likes this.

    (Log in to remove this ad.)

  12. vmasco

    vmasco Team Captain

    Richmond
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 12
    Posts:
    356
    Location:
    Thereabouts
    Thanks for the replies. Although I'm not always sure whether I or someone else needs to or can offer a helpful response, it is great this thread is here, to just get this stuff off our chest is therapy in itself so if anyone is reading this thread and wanting to contribute don't be afraid to add your thoughts it took me a long time.

    The difficulty for me has been my dad's behaviour has been covert and seemingly without malice so I just never really thought there was a problem. He has always provided for me materially and in my education, but he has a problem expressing his emotions - his outlet is via his religious faith. He never cried or showed any emotion at either of his own parents funerals preferring to remain stoic. I have almost never had any conversations with him about life stuff, emotions, birds and the bees etc, and I struggle to remember a time when he has told me or to others he was proud of me. When I had psychosis issues and ended up in a mental hospital for a few weeks he never came to see me. I'm sure he just wanted me to follow him in his faith and use that as a way to express myself.
    Whether he has narcissistic personality disorder I am yet to determine, but he certainly seems to always want to have one up on me.


    I think it is the past few generations of men before us, post war and baby-boomers that have been screwed up emotionally, whether it has been the rise of feminist attitudes or reinforcement of the traditional tough guy persona that our fathers and grand fathers have passed on to us, which has in turn left us screwed up in one way or another.

    For me now I am working to accept myself as I am, that I am not perfect, and rid the need for external validation.
     
    Nugett and Glacier like this.
  13. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    Looked forward so much to today to spend the day with my little ones
    But instead copped abuse because I stood up to her about something
    Ended up not going as I would have copped abuse all day
    I've been trying to get her to talk about proper arrangements but she always changes the subject
    She will abuse one day and then the next will say " hey we should take the kids on holiday, I saw this great deal "
    It's bewildering
    I don't think I have any alternative than to go down the official routes and court now
    I'm concerned about her but when I suggest she needs to get some help I get told I'm attacking and abusing her
    There is not a second that goes by I don't miss my little kids
     
    Daniel1812 and Nugett like this.
  14. Nugett

    Nugett Club Legend

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Apr 17
    Posts:
    1,307
    Hang in mate
     
    Glacier likes this.
  15. vmasco

    vmasco Team Captain

    Richmond
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 12
    Posts:
    356
    Location:
    Thereabouts
    Yep mine does the exact same thing. She takes anything I say, twists it around in her mind and then accuses me of saying something else.

    Do you know much about her childhood? Was she abused in any way? My mates wife had an alcoholic parent who abused her so she is afraid to make decisions for herself and relies on him to do everything but when he wants to something for himself it is always a drama.

    My wife who I'm still with after nearly 14 years (We have 2 kids and I'm struggling to deal with leaving them) still refuses to acknowledge her problems and will not get help. I am unable to work out her history easily as her family is from overseas and they do not speak English apart from her brother who is hard to get in contact with.

    We used to argue a lot after we got married (before was great so it seemed) and since then she has either found it difficult or refused to show physical affection, not even hugs. I have learnt to approach her now in a more calm and mature manner until last week before the prelim game when in a tantrum, and screaming like a banshee, she started bashing the TV 5 minutes before the game was due to start over something she had imagined I said. I thought she had broken it. I lost my shit at her until I managed to get it working.

    Stay strong bud.
     
    Glacier likes this.
  16. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    She has a massive co dependency problem with her parents
    They live over the back fence and she has spent a total of ten months away from them on 38 years of her life
    They own her but she doesn't or doesn't want to see that
    She has had everything done for her for so long she thinks she is entitled
    I sometimes think if I could just get her away from that environment she could flourish And I could find the girl I fell in love with but maybe that girl never existed
     
    vmasco likes this.
  17. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    Thanks Nugett
     
  18. Nugett

    Nugett Club Legend

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Apr 17
    Posts:
    1,307
    No worries. Look after yourself.
    I remember an old saying my nan used to say"Smile and the world smiles with you, weep, and you weep alone."
    I realise now what a crock of crap that is, you should be able to reach out to get the help you need, without putting on the grave smile to be accepted.
     
    Eaglespur, vmasco and gordo2016 like this.
  19. gordo2016

    gordo2016 Team Captain

    Western Bulldogs
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Aug 17
    Posts:
    573
    I feel for you mate. Lost my father at a really young age and I have never really know what is like to have a father. Often wonder whether my life could have been so much better having a male role model around when I was a teenager. Hope you can rebuild some kind of relationship with your father before it is to late. Not having a relationship with a father is a really difficult thing to take.
     
    vmasco likes this.
  20. Daniel1812

    Daniel1812 Brownlow Medallist

    Adelaide
    Other teams:
    Philly Eagles, Celtics , England FC
    Joined:
    Aug 13
    Posts:
    16,300
    Location:
    Adelaide
    I had a nervous break down yesterday, it got so bad I had to go to the hospital. Yesterday it felt like I couldn't talk to my family , friends or my girlfriend. I felt completely alone and worthless, my girlfriend is always there for me and things happened on the weekend with her whilst she was away and I don't know how to express it to her. She means everything to me and I don't want to ruin the relationship (I'm probably overthinking. I think what happened on the weekend triggered one of my major events in my life.......
     
  21. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Sep 07
    Posts:
    4,309
    Location:
    close
    Pm if need to chat mate
     
  22. Frank Gallagher

    Frank Gallagher A Seasoned Campaigner.

    Collingwood
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Aug 16
    Posts:
    5,184
    I'm on Zoloft, anyone else who's on it feel like a slug?
     
  23. AusHorrorStory

    AusHorrorStory Norm Smith Medallist

    Port Adelaide
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Apr 14
    Posts:
    7,540
    Feel free to PM me too

    Same applies for anybody reading this, I'm here!
     
  24. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 07
    Posts:
    21,869
    Location:
    Melbourne
    your breakdown may become a real turning point for your life for the better, because hopefully it means you will find the help you need. Mental illness makes you feel alone, unusual, and like the only person struggling while everyone else has it all together. But this couldnt be further from the truth. There are so many people out there who have battled, or are battling mental illness. I spoke up to many of my colleagues about my struggles, and surprise surprise many of them had similar battles, even those I thought were near perfect. Feeling isolated is part of the lies that mental illness tells us. It says "look at you, you're the only abnormal one, everyone else is better, smarter, and more worthy than you". Dont believe it. It's all lies. You are worthy, you are normal in your struggles, you are loved, you are perfectly imperfect.

    All the best. Please keep us posted, we want to hear how you're going. We're all here for each other. That goes for everyone on here too.
     
    Daniel1812 and vmasco like this.
  25. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
    Other teams:
    Joined:
    Jul 07
    Posts:
    21,869
    Location:
    Melbourne
    bugger. Hope things improve for you soon.