Mod. Notice Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP

[The_Wookie]

Thank you all for the outlet and thanks for this thread, Wookie

Stay safe everyone

Its what we're here for mate. Any time.

 

[Ando727]

The best advice I can give to people who feel like they have a life-sentence regarding depression is to remember that the brain is a trainable organ. It becomes good at what it does the most. People who spend most of their time indulging dark thoughts and pessimistic attitudes will become more and more specialised at doing that - to the point that positive thoughts and constructive ideas may be filtered out entirely as irrelevant, incorrect or just white noise. The only way out of this spiral is to train the brain to think more positively and realistically. In the beginning, a depressed brain will not accept the world as positive, so it starts with awareness. You must learn to recognise when you are trotting out your typical negative scripting without even challenging it. So challenging your own negativity becomes the first step. You have to be your own personal scientist - ask yourself "do I have any actual evidence for thinking this way?". If you don't, you park the thought as unhelpful and unproven. If you think there is evidence, you examine it further and see if there is anything you can do to improve the situation. This is more about damage limitation, but it's a powerful step in recalibrating your brain away from automated thoughts of negativity.

Once you have your brain under a bit more control, there should be some feeling of relief from the fierce pressure you are used to. If that's the case, you are probably ready to advance to expanding your thoughts: by that I mean deliberately looking for a range of options you have in any given situation. If it's a problem, you can think of as many different solutions you can think of, and try to take the one that seems the least defeatist and negative, and the one that reduces your anxiety the most. As I said, this is brain training - you don't train a pessimistic brain to be positive overnight. It's a gradual process where you have to gain conscious control over your attitudes and thinking. Life doesn't owe us a balanced brain - you have to claim it yourself. As thought competency grows, so does optimism, and eventually the world is less of a place filled with negative outcomes and no hope. It becomes a place where opportunities to grow and feel satisfaction can be found everywhere. Those people we can't stand who always seem so engaged, positive and proactive - they actually inhabit the same world we do. They have simply trained their brain to interpret what's around them from a different perspective. Of course, they probably had a life where they felt supported and encouraged to do so by the significant people in their lives, but it amounts to the same thing - brains become good at what they do the most.

I often feel that the mental health profession doesn't really aspire to very much for its patients. They seem happy if somebody stops wanting to kill themselves. But we have a lot more potential than this. I am a living example of this. It's not that I don't still have remnants of my past when I was more negative and automatically thought the worst in certain situations, but I have actually trained my brain to intercept the automatic negative impulses that it used to be so swift to deploy. Even if I do have a negative impulse, I can recognise it for what it is, challenge it, find alternatives, and come up with a better alternative. I was in a serious state of clinical depression for almost 8 years - and grew up in a mostly depressive environment. If I can train my brain out of that, I think that's pretty compelling evidence that anybody's brain can be retrained and retooled for different thoughts. It takes work though - you have to be utterly ruthless in identifying when you are slipping into old habits. You have to pretty much tell yourself off and say "Stop that negative bullshit! I see what you're trying to do there, brain!" There is an aspect of "fake it till you make it" because after so long specialising in your old thought patterns, you won't really believe it on an emotional level. You have to get your inner-scientist going and remind yourself "It doesn't matter if I really believe it yet, I just have to practice it so that my neural pathways become capable of different ways of thinking. Belief will come later when my brain is more specialised".

This is essentially what CBT is supposed to do for us, but most people don't take it far enough, and their therapist often fails to take it beyond reducing unbearable symptoms and just coping. This is a real shame because our aim should be to take this all the way, not just to stay alive. Don't accept that you are just one of those unlucky people who got a sad brain. You can retrain it! It's a choice we make. Once you are aware that the brain can be retrained, the responsibility falls on us to follow through. So to anyone who has managed to read up to this point in this very long post - the responsibility is now on you to pursue it. I'm here for anybody who needs support and advice on how to go about it. But make no mistake, you have the power to change your thinking if you want it badly enough. Now that you know the brain is capable of change, how could you choose anything else?

 

[The_torpedo]

Posted this on the RCT on the FJGD board but decided to crosspost it here:

So today i found out that my grandmother has reached the end and will pass away very soon. Just arrived at the hospital and she isn't concious. Broke down when I saw her and I find it really hard to look at her without crying.

Apologies for the semi rant i just needed to get that off my chest

 

[mxett]

Posted this on the RCT on the FJGD board but decided to crosspost it here:

So today i found out that my grandmother has reached the end and will pass away very soon. Just arrived at the hospital and she isn't concious. Broke down when I saw her and I find it really hard to look at her without crying.

Apologies for the semi rant i just needed to get that off my chest

fair enough too. I hope you can find some peace in this difficult time.

 

[gordo2016]

The best advice I can give to people who feel like they have a life-sentence regarding depression is to remember that the brain is a trainable organ. It becomes good at what it does the most. People who spend most of their time indulging dark thoughts and pessimistic attitudes will become more and more specialised at doing that - to the point that positive thoughts and constructive ideas may be filtered out entirely as irrelevant, incorrect or just white noise. The only way out of this spiral is to train the brain to think more positively and realistically. In the beginning, a depressed brain will not accept the world as positive, so it starts with awareness. You must learn to recognise when you are trotting out your typical negative scripting without even challenging it. So challenging your own negativity becomes the first step. You have to be your own personal scientist - ask yourself "do I have any actual evidence for thinking this way?". If you don't, you park the thought as unhelpful and unproven. If you think there is evidence, you examine it further and see if there is anything you can do to improve the situation. This is more about damage limitation, but it's a powerful step in recalibrating your brain away from automated thoughts of negativity.

Once you have your brain under a bit more control, there should be some feeling of relief from the fierce pressure you are used to. If that's the case, you are probably ready to advance to expanding your thoughts: by that I mean deliberately looking for a range of options you have in any given situation. If it's a problem, you can think of as many different solutions you can think of, and try to take the one that seems the least defeatist and negative, and the one that reduces your anxiety the most. As I said, this is brain training - you don't train a pessimistic brain to be positive overnight. It's a gradual process where you have to gain conscious control over your attitudes and thinking. Life doesn't owe us a balanced brain - you have to claim it yourself. As thought competency grows, so does optimism, and eventually the world is less of a place filled with negative outcomes and no hope. It becomes a place where opportunities to grow and feel satisfaction can be found everywhere. Those people we can't stand who always seem so engaged, positive and proactive - they actually inhabit the same world we do. They have simply trained their brain to interpret what's around them from a different perspective. Of course, they probably had a life where they felt supported and encouraged to do so by the significant people in their lives, but it amounts to the same thing - brains become good at what they do the most.

I often feel that the mental health profession doesn't really aspire to very much for its patients. They seem happy if somebody stops wanting to kill themselves. But we have a lot more potential than this. I am a living example of this. It's not that I don't still have remnants of my past when I was more negative and automatically thought the worst in certain situations, but I have actually trained my brain to intercept the automatic negative impulses that it used to be so swift to deploy. Even if I do have a negative impulse, I can recognise it for what it is, challenge it, find alternatives, and come up with a better alternative. I was in a serious state of clinical depression for almost 8 years - and grew up in a mostly depressive environment. If I can train my brain out of that, I think that's pretty compelling evidence that anybody's brain can be retrained and retooled for different thoughts. It takes work though - you have to be utterly ruthless in identifying when you are slipping into old habits. You have to pretty much tell yourself off and say "Stop that negative bullshit! I see what you're trying to do there, brain!" There is an aspect of "fake it till you make it" because after so long specialising in your old thought patterns, you won't really believe it on an emotional level. You have to get your inner-scientist going and remind yourself "It doesn't matter if I really believe it yet, I just have to practice it so that my neural pathways become capable of different ways of thinking. Belief will come later when my brain is more specialised".

This is essentially what CBT is supposed to do for us, but most people don't take it far enough, and their therapist often fails to take it beyond reducing unbearable symptoms and just coping. This is a real shame because our aim should be to take this all the way, not just to stay alive. Don't accept that you are just one of those unlucky people who got a sad brain. You can retrain it! It's a choice we make. Once you are aware that the brain can be retrained, the responsibility falls on us to follow through. So to anyone who has managed to read up to this point in this very long post - the responsibility is now on you to pursue it. I'm here for anybody who needs support and advice on how to go about it. But make no mistake, you have the power to change your thinking if you want it badly enough. Now that you know the brain is capable of change, how could you choose anything else?

Well written mate. I have discovered a range of mindfulness exercises which have helped me when anxiety and negative thoughts take over. Everything takes time and it is still hard at times, but I am constantly reminding myself " everything has an answer, no problem is so bad that it can't be worked out." Positive self talk is really important for me.

 

[mxett]

https://www.theage.com.au/sport/afl...-on-mental-health-issues-20180724-p4zt7t.html

Panic attacks, however, started during the next pre-season before 2017 had even begun, and then as the season unfolded symptoms began to get worse, with insomnia setting in.

Boyd hardly slept for four to six weeks.


"[It] makes it difficult to function obviously. I think for me the main reason I took time away from the game was the fact that I couldn't sleep and I couldn't train and at the end of the day I really wasn't able to perform my job in the way that I wanted to," he said.

"That was a real turning point for me because for all the surgeries and injuries and stuff I have had, this is the one that definitely affected me the most."

Although he was still confident he could return to playing, managing Boyd's mental health became, for his friends, family, teammates and club, much more important than football.

The time away allowed him the opportunity to explore meditation and yoga and breathing techniques and also, most importantly, with the help of his friends, family and girlfriend Anna Von Moger, realign his outlook as he took steps towards recovery.

"It was all about making time to do the things you really love doing," Boyd said.


He found he loved other activities besides playing football, including hitting the surf and taking his dog Nala for walks.


"Now I can address everything realistically and say, 'You know what, I am not feeling great, let's go and do something enjoyable, let's take the dog for a walk, go surfing, take the camera out, do anything and just invest in enjoying life and trying to be yourself'," Boyd said

Great stuff Tom. By being so open with your story others may also find the courage to seek help before it's too late

 

[Nugett]

Posted this on the RCT on the FJGD board but decided to crosspost it here:

So today i found out that my grandmother has reached the end and will pass away very soon. Just arrived at the hospital and she isn't concious. Broke down when I saw her and I find it really hard to look at her without crying.

Apologies for the semi rant i just needed to get that off my chest

Not to take away from your pain. I went through a similar situation with my nan, where by the time I got to see her was in an unconscious state. It’s very hard seeing them like that, especially when they were close. I’m pleased that I made the effort to see her, that last time. It allowed me to say goodbye, to someone that I loved, and was a huge influence on my life. When she did pass away, I felt relief, relief that I knew she was no longer suffering, relief for my mother and her brothers and sisters, relief for my pop, relief for every family member including myself. It’s extremely hard waiting for that moment. If it’s easier for you, to rant here, or even private message, it’s perfectly fine, why I don’t personally know what your going through, I can sympathise, with what you are going through. I’m sure that others in this thread can also sympathise with what your going through. If you need an ear for you to vent to I’m fairly confident that you find people here with similar experiences that are willing to listen including myself.

 

[The_torpedo]

Not to take away from your pain. I went through a similar situation with my nan, where by the time I got to see her was in an unconscious state. It’s very hard seeing them like that, especially when they were close. I’m pleased that I made the effort to see her, that last time. It allowed me to say goodbye, to someone that I loved, and was a huge influence on my life. When she did pass away, I felt relief, relief that I knew she was no longer suffering, relief for my mother and her brothers and sisters, relief for my pop, relief for every family member including myself. It’s extremely hard waiting for that moment. If it’s easier for you, to rant here, or even private message, it’s perfectly fine, why I don’t personally know what your going through, I can sympathise, with what you are going through. I’m sure that others in this thread can also sympathise with what your going through. If you need an ear for you to vent to I’m fairly confident that you find people here with similar experiences that are willing to listen including myself.

Thanks man. Unfortunately she passed away just under a couple of hours after arriving at the hospital . At least she was a peace with it happening (she's had cancer on and off for about 13 years) and went peacefully - she just took her last breath and that was it - no gasping for air, just quietly passed away.

 

[Nugett]

Thanks man. Unfortunately she passed away just under a couple of hours after arriving at the hospital . At least she was a peace with it happening (she's had cancer on and off for about 13 years) and went peacefully - she just took her last breath and that was it - no gasping for air, just quietly passed away.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I’m pleased she went peacefully. Take care.

 

[Nugett]

Probably not the place to put this. Play my first AFL game in close to 30 years this Sunday!

 

[John Who]

Thanks man. Unfortunately she passed away just under a couple of hours after arriving at the hospital . At least she was a peace with it happening (she's had cancer on and off for about 13 years) and went peacefully - she just took her last breath and that was it - no gasping for air, just quietly passed away.

Our family had been looking after my grandmother for several years, in which she was bedbound and fed through a gastric feeding tube. It's never good to see your elderly loved-ones deteriorate in a terminal phase. Though from my personal experience, I would like to share a simple motto I've come up with:
Live as happy as you can.
Die as peaceful as you can.

The grieving process will take time. Try to think of the good times when she was healthier and happier, don't focus too much on her stage of deterioration. She would want you to remember of the good times.

 

[newcastlefalcon]

I worked for Lifeline in Queensland for many years, I got positive performance evaluations including additional pay increases each year.
I eventually shared my depression diagnosis with my boss and he got rid of me within 5 months. No negative performance feedback but out the door.
it is important to not only talk the talk but walk the walk!

 

[Ando727]

I worked for Lifeline in Queensland for many years, I got positive performance evaluations including additional pay increases each year.
I eventually shared my depression diagnosis with my boss and he got rid of me within 5 months. No negative performance feedback but out the door.
it is important to not only talk the talk but walk the walk!

Sacked from Lifeline for having depression?! Geez, your boss was in the wrong line of work...

 

[newcastlefalcon]

Sacked from Lifeline for having depression?! Geez, your boss was in the wrong line of work...

Yes based on my experience I could heartily recommend Beyond Blue!

 

[Aeglos]

Unfortunately it seems we’ve lost another young life to the Black Dog in snowboarder Ellie Soutter who took her own life on her 18th birthday.
As always the majority of comments from those who knew who are of disbelief as she was always bubbly, happy etc though she was close with her ex and a few things he spoke of hinted at some issues she had been having.
Hopefully one day we reach a point where people who are suffering from mental illness don’t feel the need to put on a facade, and that everyone is that little bit better at picking up the signs.

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www...r-death-final-photos-team-gb-snowboarder/amp/

 

[Matt Stevic]

I worked for Lifeline in Queensland for many years, I got positive performance evaluations including additional pay increases each year.
I eventually shared my depression diagnosis with my boss and he got rid of me within 5 months. No negative performance feedback but out the door.
it is important to not only talk the talk but walk the walk!

If you show weakness as a man you will be turfed. Tried opening up to my girlfriend about job issues and got dumped for the trouble - despite her doing exactly the same thing much more often.

 

[Matt Stevic]

Unfortunately it seems we’ve lost another young life to the Black Dog in snowboarder Ellie Soutter who took her own life on her 18th birthday.
As always the majority of comments from those who knew who are of disbelief as she was always bubbly, happy etc though she was close with her ex and a few things he spoke of hinted at some issues she had been having.
Hopefully one day we reach a point where people who are suffering from mental illness don’t feel the need to put on a facade, and that everyone is that little bit better at picking up the signs.

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www...r-death-final-photos-team-gb-snowboarder/amp/

That day won’t be coming any time soon...sadly. Mental illness is the last form of acceptable discrimination and unfortunately I don’t see that changing.

 

[Aeglos]

That day won’t be coming any time soon...sadly. Mental illness is the last form of acceptable discrimination and unfortunately I don’t see that changing.

It already has, and is, changing.

 

[Matt Stevic]

It already has, and is, changing.

That’s excellent but unfortunately that has not been my experience at all.

 

[Lemma]

If you show weakness as a man you will be turfed. Tried opening up to my girlfriend about job issues and got dumped for the trouble - despite her doing exactly the same thing much more often.

You're better off without that negativity in your life- opening up like that is a sign of strength, not weakness.

 

[Matt Stevic]

You're better off without that negativity in your life- opening up like that is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Thank you. I’ve been trying to get my head around it for the past month but it just isn’t adding up.

She always used to send me long and gushing texts about how much she adored me. That stopped literally the day I got fired on the spot - being fired the way I was despite no misconduct was a really unusual situation and on the advice of my dad I talked it through with her. “I’m just not feeling it any more” starts coming out - despite not being financially affected at all! I found two better jobs within a week and am earning more than ever! Hence my frustration...I could semi understand it if it placed financial stress but it never did. I actually got bumped up a tax bracket.

I am truly scared to date again because of this. Yes, she was by no means an optimist but I never cared. I miss her and I’m scared that any other woman I open up to will do exactly the same as soon as she finds out that I’m not an infallible Adonis.

 

[Ando727]

I am truly scared to date again because of this. Yes, she was by no means an optimist but I never cared. I miss her and I’m scared that any other woman I open up to will do exactly the same as soon as she finds out that I’m not an infallible Adonis.

Nah, mate, they aren't all like that. I've had a few who were perfectly fine with me being emotional or vulnerable - including my current one. I think you just got unlucky - or maybe you are picking out certain types due to certain "qualities", but you are finding a downside to that type of girl: in that case, rethink your "type", if you have one. I think it's better not to have a type at all. The earlier you show your vulnerabilities (along with your strengths), the better. You don't want to be wasting your time with somebody who wants an illusion and can't handle reality - and that's what I think it is with these girls. They want some imagined archetypal male that doesn't actually exist, and these are the same girls who are single at 35 and are complaining that there are no decent men out there. Don't be afraid to be real - it's the best way to decide if you are wasting your time with somebody or if she's a keeper.

 

[smasha]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/...-stupid-destructive-lies-depression-tells-you

 

[Matt Stevic]

Nah, mate, they aren't all like that. I've had a few who were perfectly fine with me being emotional or vulnerable - including my current one. I think you just got unlucky - or maybe you are picking out certain types due to certain "qualities", but you are finding a downside to that type of girl: in that case, rethink your "type", if you have one. I think it's better not to have a type at all. The earlier you show your vulnerabilities (along with your strengths), the better. You don't want to be wasting your time with somebody who wants an illusion and can't handle reality - and that's what I think it is with these girls. They want some imagined archetypal male that doesn't actually exist, and these are the same girls who are single at 35 and are complaining that there are no decent men out there. Don't be afraid to be real - it's the best way to decide if you are wasting your time with somebody or if she's a keeper.

Thank you. I would say I do have a type - I prefer plain looking girls with fair skin who don’t wear make up. Rightly or wrongly I see them as less superficial. Maybe I should date someone completely out of my comfort zone. But then again, maybe that’s irrelevant because my type is mainly based on looks.

Right now, I’m grieving. Broken. It hurts to know that everything I ever did with her, all the time we spent together, all the nice things she said to me - all lies. And I just can’t put myself through that again.

 

[Ando727]

Right now, I’m grieving. Broken. It hurts to know that everything I ever did with her, all the time we spent together, all the nice things she said to me - all lies. And I just can’t put myself through that again.

Understandable mate. I remember well: when you're in it, it feels like your life is over. It's one of the biggest kicks in the guts life can throw at you. Things will turn when they are ready. Take your time getting over this and try to keep busy. It will pass. You can vent here, or PM me if you want to. Sorry you're going through this.