Mod. Notice - Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP | Page 47 | BigFooty

Mod. Notice Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP

Discussion in 'AFL - The Australian Football League' started by The_Wookie, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. Matt Stevic

    Matt Stevic Privileged White Cis Male Scumbag

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Oct 12
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    4,563
    Location:
    Ballarat
    Other Teams:
    Parramatta Eels, Arsenal, The Exers
    Thanks mate. I really do need to vent. It was exactly a month ago when she dumped me and I told her to get out of my house and never to talk to me again. Right now I would do anything just to talk to her again.

    I am keeping busy working long days and weekends. But I still get crushed from time to time. I really do need to find another girl, but I just don’t feel like anyone could want me for any other reason than gold digging. I tried firing up Tinder the day she dumped me but I only matched with a few nineteen year olds who seemingly can’t even carry a conversation.

    I’m bloody well losing it. I spent the last half hour going through our old texts.
     

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  2. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,169
    I know how you feel. I’m still trying to get over someone myself. It felt as if it was expected that I be there for her, whenever she needed or wanted. When ever I tried reaching out, I was told how pathetic, what a loser I was and was quite often ignored.
    It Has made me more reluctant to trust another female. For a while, I looked at things I said and did, some of which were pretty nasty (Nothing physical, namely name calling, which I am ashamed of) blaming myself for the way things transpired, believing I was a victim. I’m slowly realising, that I’m only a victim if I allow myself to be one.
    I’m also of the understanding, that I was being emotionally manipulated. When she wanted to vent or there was a crisis, or couldn’t get her own way, she would open up, then she would get what she wanted, offer kind words, before ignoring me, until the next time. Very rare did she ever follow up on her words. I was raised that actions speak louder than words, she thought words of I’ll be there when you need me was enough. When I confronted her about that, I was insecure, nasty and horrible with a lot of issues.
    I’m someone that has bottled up their emotions, always preferred to use logic, over emotion. So while I knew I was being used logically, emotionally, I wanted to believe her kind words. I was no match for her, she kept beating me down, as I was ill equipped and lacked the comprehension of my feelings, to respond on her level.
    I’m no longer her victim, nor am I a victim of myself, I made mistakes, that’s part of life, from it I have learnt that I need to start to acknowledge my emotions, be more aware of other people’s emotions and to find a balance between logic and emotion.

    So maybe we both should feel the hurt of losing someone we both thought was important. Acknowledging the things we did wrong, learn from our mistakes, embrace the things we did right, and start moving forward, without looking back.
     
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  3. Ando727

    Ando727 Norm Smith Medallist

    Melbourne
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    Dec 09
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    Hobart
    Very wise words, mate. The irony of this situation is that your instincts will probably make you want to show less of your vulnerabilities because you got burned last time you showed them, but in fact, you need to show more of them, and much earlier in the relationship - just so you know if you've got somebody who has basic empathy and understanding, or whether you've got another mercenary b***h on your hands. Don't be afraid to test somebody's response to your real feelings - it's the only way you'll know who you're really dating. It's hard to do, yes, but it's a whole lot better than investing in somebody who doesn't have the qualities you're looking for, and then getting kicked in the guts again.
     
  4. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,169
    Thanks mate, much appreciated.

    *edit* also agree with showing my vulnerabilities a lot earlier.
     
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  5. Ando727

    Ando727 Norm Smith Medallist

    Melbourne
    Joined:
    Dec 09
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    5,498
    Location:
    Hobart
    Regarding that first bit, she would probably love nothing more than for you to call her up and beg to talk - then she'd shoot you down in flames. You really don't need that experience! Let it be, she isn't the girl for you - you already know that. Loneliness can make us forget very hard learned lessons - but you know that it's a mistake, so stand by your decision because you made it for a your own well-being.

    I'd say give yourself a bit more time. You want to clear your head of your ex a bit before going out with somebody new - it's the fair thing to do for you and for her. You don't want a new girl paying the price for you not having your head in the game. Or just wait until you meet somebody who really interests you - rather than going deliberately looking.
     
  6. Matt Stevic

    Matt Stevic Privileged White Cis Male Scumbag

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Oct 12
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    4,563
    Location:
    Ballarat
    Other Teams:
    Parramatta Eels, Arsenal, The Exers
    I appreciate your post mate. I feel your frustration - you try your hardest to be empathetic and kind to people in your life and you aren’t extended that courtesy. It can be crushing.

    I like what you say about taking ownership of everything. Seeing yourself as a victim is never going to be healthy.
     
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  7. Matt Stevic

    Matt Stevic Privileged White Cis Male Scumbag

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Oct 12
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    4,563
    Location:
    Ballarat
    Other Teams:
    Parramatta Eels, Arsenal, The Exers
    Thank you. Yes I may be emotionally hurting but I hope I have the good sense to never talk to her again. To be honest I am glad that I kicked her out the moment she broke up with me - her crocodile tears disgusted me and I just didn’t need to see them. And I am also glad that I never once raised my voice to her or did anything that compromised my principles.

    I will give it time, see how I go. It’s all pretty recent, and pretty raw. It really hurts knowing that she’s not cut up about this at all. Found her on Tinder too during my aforementioned swiping. Ouch.
     
  8. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
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    Apr 17
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    It still hurts. Although I’m starting to accept that it is what it was, a learning curve. I think the next time I have feelings for someone, that I will be more willing earlier to take the risk, rather than try to suppress. It may work, or it may turn out to be another lesson.
     
  9. newcastlefalcon

    newcastlefalcon Team Captain

    Melbourne
    Joined:
    Oct 09
    Posts:
    362
    Location:
    Brisbane
    Yes that boss was so "in the wrong line of work" he has the national rather than Qld job now!
     
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  10. Ando727

    Ando727 Norm Smith Medallist

    Melbourne
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    Yeah, you get those: mercenary types who work in social services not because they care about the service, but because they're on a path to personal advancement.
     
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  11. DarkPhoenix

    DarkPhoenix Cont-Roo-Versial

    North Melbourne
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    Hobart, Tasmania
    Other Teams:
    ManCity, Cardinals, Avalanche
    Discussion came up on the North Board and it reminded me of the following video, which I found a really interesting take on depression and how it can affect people who aren't classically "susceptible" to depression, or those who you least expect.

    From memory the discussion carries on into the next episode as well.

     

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  12. Simbatheking21

    Simbatheking21 All Australian

    Brisbane Lions
    Joined:
    Sep 13
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    789
    Had a f$&king horrible weekend.

    My wife and I are in a really bad place and she’s been a yo-yo for a little while now, I also lost my job and scatted my dads ashes all in 3 weeks. I didn’t really deal with and just took the “everything will be fine approach”

    My wife went away with her family on Friday and is gone for a week. I was looking after her brothers dog and as a terrible accident, the dog got to my pet bird and killed him.

    I know some people will say it was only a bird or a pet but that little guy was the only thing that made me laugh and smile when I’ve been down, depressed, upset etc etc. even when my wife was upset with me and staying at her mums, I always had him to make me laugh.

    I guess the death of him really brought out all the bad shit that’s happened to me recently, and I totally had a really bad break. I broke a door by punching it, and all I’ve done is cried all weekend.

    Just wish my wife was more supportive of me, she just puts so much pressure on me and all she said about the bird was “why did you have the cage open??” .... I really didn’t need to hear that.

    Not expecting anyone to write back but just needed to vent and get this off my chest. Just feel so rock bottom at the moment with my life.

    Hate being depressed
     
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  13. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
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    How did your mediation go?
    All good I hope?
     
  14. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
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    close
    Been pushed back to the 24th
     
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  15. Glacier

    Glacier Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
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    close
    Hope you are ok
    This thread is awesome for support mate
    Pm anytime
     
  16. Cicatriz

    Cicatriz All Australian

    Geelong
    Joined:
    Sep 05
    Posts:
    776
    Location:
    Melbourne
    It's never nice when people just don't get it. I'm sorry to hear about your bad run. I'm not on my best run at the moment, however it's important that I stay positive. I hope you do as well.
     
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  17. Simbatheking21

    Simbatheking21 All Australian

    Brisbane Lions
    Joined:
    Sep 13
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    789
    Cheers mate. Just a shit run and I know I’ll get out of it.. just awesome to vent on this page. Also sucks when you don’t live near family and friends. But, I’ll always try to remain positive. Thanks for the comment mate. Hope all is working with you
     
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  18. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,169
    Remaining positive is the key. I was told last Friday night after having a beer with work colleagues after work and being told see you Monday, that my services are no longer required.
    Managed to pick up 2-3 days of work this week. Have 3 job interviews today, for something a little bit more permanent. I’m confident that I’ll be offered all 3 positions.
    After hearing the news, instead of feeling sorry for myself and allowing the negative thoughts to dictate, I was more proactive by applying for 30 odd positions on line.
    While my situation wasn’t ideal, I do see the positives in it. I can look at various things, I can get something closer to home, I might get a pay rise. Learn new skills. Ect. So not the end of the world!
     
  19. John Who

    John Who Premiership Player

    Adelaide
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,979
    I don't have any current wise words to share. Just want to rant a little and hoping others can see that bad luck is everywhere if you look hard enough..

    This last 2 months, I've hardly been out apart from the regular job. I usually play tennis every few weeks on the weekends, but haven't been able to do jack because:
    - accidentally kicked hard on left foot causing a whole toenail of the big toe to lift (painful and gradual slow lift). It's come off entirely, and a newer nail (slightly mutated) has grown in place of the old one.
    - kicked hard out of anger during an argument, and ended up bruising my right foot with swelling for a whole month. Had to hobble during that time with an obvious limp!

    Currently, I'm walking fine with no limp. Looking forward to getting more sunshine and Vitamin D by next month!
     
  20. Daniel1812

    Daniel1812 Brownlow Medallist

    Adelaide
    Joined:
    Aug 13
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    18,475
    Location:
    Adelaide
    Other Teams:
    Celtics , England FC
    In the last five to six weeks my anxiety has been getting worse, where it has been making me unenthusiastic and finding so difficult to come to class at uni.

    I'm thinking to make the decision of deferring until next year as i'm not in the correct headspace at the moment. I'm worried that since I'm on Centrelink that my payments will get stopped as I'm on youth allowance. However, I'm getting a doctor to write a letter to confirm on what's going on.

    At the present moment, I feel like such a failure on my current situations :(
     
  21. mxett

    mxett Brownlow Medallist

    Essendon
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    Melbourne
    If a friend came to you and they were having the same issues what advice would you give them? Would you call them a failure or judge them harshly? I know it can be difficult, but try to catch yourself when you have thoughts like "I'm a failure", they are self judgment, not helpful, and not even true. Try and treat yourself like you would treat a best friend. I know it's been posted on here before but watch this tedx talk on how harmful self judgment can be, and what a change being kind to yourself can make. Good luck and keep us posted.

     
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  22. Chronz

    Chronz Norm Smith Medallist

    Collingwood
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    Feb 11
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    6,570
    I have had 2 bouts of anxiety attacks both lasting for at least six months. The first time was brutal, it destroys you. I endured it and got through both times without any of those dangerous mind altering drugs. It's tough mate, but you can get through it.
     
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  23. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,169
    It’s good that your doctor is writing a letter.

    By deferring your uni, maybe talk to your doctor/counsellor to help make an informed decision.
    I agree with you on wanting to defer, because if your not mentally into it, your going to suffer for it. Which is unfair on you. However, just an idea, is it feasible for you to do a part time course, either through the net or Tafe? It might be a bit less stressful, and your still learning.
     
  24. Nugett

    Nugett Premiership Player

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Apr 17
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    3,169
    In the course I’m doing, it’s based on emotional intelligence. Some of the questions are a bit personal, where I need feed back from other people regarding my empathy levels (which are low). The feedback I receive from both myself and others is that I am too critical.

    I had the belief that in order to succeed in life you had to be hard, hence being critical.

    What I’m realising is, by being too critical, I have ended up pushing people away and alienating myself because of it.

    I still believe, that self critism can be a positive, as it can help set up goals and helps to drive you towards them goals, as well as it helps you to learn from your mistakes through critical self analysis of your self.

    My mistake has been, in not allowing compassion or empathy, when I don’t achieve what I set out to do. Also interpersonally I need to stop judging others on what I perceive to be there failures, and show more empathy towards them.

    Out of all the challenges that I have set myself, changing my train of thought and belief system, it’s going to be hard.

    I quoted you, as you was saying something which was similar to what I was thinking. Then I went off on a tangent!
     
    John Who likes this.
  25. Kavliaris69

    Kavliaris69 Club Legend

    Hawthorn
    Joined:
    Sep 11
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    1,267
    Location:
    "A Little Left of Heaven"
    Hi all, just venting so don't feel you have to reply.

    My wife of 23yrs asked to seperate in March and I moved out in April. We have had issues but never believed it was at that stage.

    We are amicable and talking often. I see our sons 21/16 any time I want to. We still have a lot of respect and care for each other but not sure if we will find a way back. I love my wife very deeply as I always have.

    It has hit me extremely hard and in a very dark place at the moment. I am in a state of disbelief and consumed with severe grief and melancholy. I feel I have lost my identity as a husband, friend, lover, care giver, earner, confidant, etc. feels like I don't know who I am anymore.

    I don't have anything that I look forward to these days and nothing gives me any joy. It feels like the world has nothing to offer me and I have nothing to offer to the world.

    My feelings of complete displacement makes me wonder if I belong here anymore. The only thing keeping me going is that I do not want my boys to go through the pain of losing me.

    I hate feeling like this. But survive I must.
     
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