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sammm

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My father died in September. I knew he didn't like me or my brother. I now know this for a fact as his will was nasty, mean and mischievous.

It has now been a difficult few months. I have had to read 3 different versions of his will all of which emphasized his feelings towards us.

We have lawyers involved and we have no idea of the outcome and what in the end we will feel.

Very few people or friends are interested in listening.
 

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Glacier

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My father died in September. I knew he didn't like me or my brother. I now know this for a fact as his will was nasty, mean and mischievous.

It has now been a difficult few months. I have had to read 3 different versions of his will all of which emphasized his feelings towards us.

We have lawyers involved and we have no idea of the outcome and what in the end we will feel.

Very few people or friends are interested in listening.
I’m so sorry to hear this mate

I’ve been on this thread a few times over the journey and it does help to come here

I came on tonight coz I’m not doing so well either, just really emotional the last couple of days
Just a bad spot at the moment
 

mxett

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My father died in September. I knew he didn't like me or my brother. I now know this for a fact as his will was nasty, mean and mischievous.

It has now been a difficult few months. I have had to read 3 different versions of his will all of which emphasized his feelings towards us.

We have lawyers involved and we have no idea of the outcome and what in the end we will feel.

Very few people or friends are interested in listening.
I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very difficult to face. Can you talk to your brother about it, or any other close relative?
 

mxett

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I’m so sorry to hear this mate

I’ve been on this thread a few times over the journey and it does help to come here

I came on tonight coz I’m not doing so well either, just really emotional the last couple of days
Just a bad spot at the moment
been wondering how you've been going. Hope it's just a quick little dip for you
 
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Been in a dark place lately. Stupid thoughts. Feelings of being anxiois. Feeling so bad can't even
Hey David,
Life can be a bitch, I wont sugar coat it. Our thoughts can often have a remarkable influence over how we perceive life, our feelings towards it and the people around us. It's important to remember however that you are more than your thoughts, they're only one part of the being that's you. Often anxiety can be a pain to deal with, and it's helpful to think of it like a fire that's burning in our mind. The more we think about it, or the feelings it causes us, the more we stoke the fire and make it worse, some people even think so much that they become anxious about being anxious! That's not going to help at all.

Here's some things I'd recommend you do, they help a lot (I've been through this myself):

1) Get enough sleep. You need at least 7 hours and 45 minutes of sleep for your brain to properly 'reset' and relax. You have a bunch of chemicals swirling around up there and when they get out of wack it can often cause the feelings you are feeling. Sleep is the bedrock on which we build good health both physically and mentally, don't neglect it.

2) Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. You wouldn't skip giving your family members/close friends if their medication or treatment if they are sick,so why would you do it for yourself? Take on board the meaning to take positive steps to get out of this dark place, you need to go for it and take the steps on board. What do you have to lose?

3) Exercise, daily. You evolved from peoples designed to hunt. That involves running, and strenuous activity. Modern society means that we often don't have to exercise particularly often or hard, a good chunk of people don't exercise at all. This isn't good for you, your body is designed to get exercise. It releases chemicals that make you feel better about yourself, so much that moderate to heavy exercise has the same effects as anti-depressants in individuals with mild-moderate depression. Get out the house, even if it's for a small walk in the sun, you'll feel the decrease in anxiety almost immediately.

4) Make your bed. I mean every morning, don't leave your room until it's done. Even if you accomplish nothing else for the rest of the day and you come home you've at least accomplished that one task, your day hasn't been a complete waste. Once you're doing that everyday, add in maintaining a clean room. Your surroundings often reflect your mental state. Don't live in filth, you're better than that.

5) Get off social media, especially Instagram and your Facebook feed. These are highlights of other peoples social lives. They don't reflect reality, no one has it that good. You'll only fuel anxiety and negative thoughts through this. These two things are among the most negative things for their mental health people expose themselves to daily. They're engineered to be addictive, reduce your time on it.

Chin up mate, it will get better. Trust me, I've been through it myself. Sling me a message if you need.

Cheers,
Chookie.
 

John Who

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i heard a quote a while back that went along the lines of:-

"Life is beautiful. Its brutal. But its beautiful."

Kind of makes sense to me and my own ongoing story and struggles. Life is bloody difficult sometimes, even alot of the times its an extremely harsh journey. But its beautiful and so worth it.

Im not religious or a new age nutter but i do believe, based on intuition and a bit of research, we are here for a reason and this life is a stepping stone. Live it well and do your best. From the harshest times comes the best opportunity for learning and growth. Nobody is perfect, in many ways we are flawed, but do your best.

ok ill end my rant there!
I want to add to the above quote. From my time on earth, I don't see life as beautiful but more this:
life is a journey, encompassing the good, the bad, the ugly, the shit, and the beautiful. There is no structure to which order it goes in, and there is no rule in which it has to lead with every twists and turns being different for every individual.

From the above, you can predict some will have it better than others. Most will have a good mix of the good and the bad. Others, and likely the participants of this thread, are likely to have more the shit than the good.

I guess when there are bad/shit times, hopefully we can somehow work a way through to reach to the next stage of the "good". I believe the key is to understand that the shit happens very frequently in life, and there is no real magic pill to escape the wrath of our destiny. Acceptance of our life path, and seeking the right counseling and environment is probably more important than any psychiatric meds.
 

Milang_Panthers

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Hey guys great thread just thought I would share my story.

Basically always been an anxious person even from quite a young age I just wouldn't want to leave the house or my hometown to go anywhere, but over the last 3-4 years I've begun to feel more and more down about myself and life in general. It began with feeling really bad about myself for doing even little things wrong and worked its way up to suicidal thoughts and even planning how I would do it...

Beyond Blue was a massive saviour for me their resources guided me through how to take the steps to get professional help and how to talk to my wife about what I was going through, luckily for me my wife is a nurse so I felt like I could talk to her (when I was finally ready to) and she at least would not be totally unable to cope with what I was saying and we could begin to work through it together.

When I got help I was formally diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety (and PTSD from some abuse I received as a child which we think is the main catalyst for the depression developing) my anxiety rate as very extreme on the scale and depression sits just below that at extreme. For my anxiety it normally is worst in terms of social situations as I try and predict how every conversation in my life is going to go so I can be ready to respond to what the other person is going to say with something that doesn't make me look silly. Even ordering a coffee is a highly stressful thing for me to do. My depression has its peaks and its troughs but basically I never felt like I did anything well at all, that can range from how I perform at work that to how well I take the trash out to the bin that night, I would beat myself up about everything.

I am now getting professional help and working through the problems week by week but the best thing I ever did was talk about it to other people as it just got that load off my chest and I felt like I could breathe again.

Because of the way Beyond Blue helped me in my time of need I am looking to give back by raising much needed funds and awareness for them by running from the MCG to Adelaide (726km) in 13 days this June. Going to be a massive undertaking but I've got a good team behind me just like when I am fighting the depression and anxiety.

If you want to donate the link is:
https://individual-fundraiser-ongoi...yond-the-border-for-beyondblue?utm_source=EDH

Or to follow the progress of what's happening here is the facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/beyondtheborder2019

Cheers guys! :D
 

Nugett

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Hey guys great thread just thought I would share my story.

Basically always been an anxious person even from quite a young age I just wouldn't want to leave the house or my hometown to go anywhere, but over the last 3-4 years I've begun to feel more and more down about myself and life in general. It began with feeling really bad about myself for doing even little things wrong and worked its way up to suicidal thoughts and even planning how I would do it...

Beyond Blue was a massive saviour for me their resources guided me through how to take the steps to get professional help and how to talk to my wife about what I was going through, luckily for me my wife is a nurse so I felt like I could talk to her (when I was finally ready to) and she at least would not be totally unable to cope with what I was saying and we could begin to work through it together.

When I got help I was formally diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety (and PTSD from some abuse I received as a child which we think is the main catalyst for the depression developing) my anxiety rate as very extreme on the scale and depression sits just below that at extreme. For my anxiety it normally is worst in terms of social situations as I try and predict how every conversation in my life is going to go so I can be ready to respond to what the other person is going to say with something that doesn't make me look silly. Even ordering a coffee is a highly stressful thing for me to do. My depression has its peaks and its troughs but basically I never felt like I did anything well at all, that can range from how I perform at work that to how well I take the trash out to the bin that night, I would beat myself up about everything.

I am now getting professional help and working through the problems week by week but the best thing I ever did was talk about it to other people as it just got that load off my chest and I felt like I could breathe again.

Because of the way Beyond Blue helped me in my time of need I am looking to give back by raising much needed funds and awareness for them by running from the MCG to Adelaide (726km) in 13 days this June. Going to be a massive undertaking but I've got a good team behind me just like when I am fighting the depression and anxiety.

If you want to donate the link is:
https://individual-fundraiser-ongoi...yond-the-border-for-beyondblue?utm_source=EDH

Or to follow the progress of what's happening here is the facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/beyondtheborder2019

Cheers guys! :D
Welcome. Most of us in here can understand your past struggles with depression and anxiety. Best of luck with the run. Hope to see you in here more often. It’s also great that you seem to have a great supporting wife to help you as well.
Best of luck
 

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Nugett

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I was saddened by the news of the recent passing of comedian #BrodyStevens. A funny and friendly guy who was usually very upbeat.

It’s a sad loss. Sometimes it’s the people you don’t suspect, that are suffering. Robin Williams was another tragic suicide that you wouldn’t suspect. It’s hard to know why they do it, because on the outside they appear to be bright, bubbly and full of light. It’s also the questions that they leave behind which is what makes it so difficult to comprehend. If they shared more of what they were feeling with family and loved ones would they still be alive?

Sadness is understandable in these situations, as is confusion, as to why they were so desperate to escape from their lives.
 

Shane Heard

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Hey guys great thread just thought I would share my story.

Basically always been an anxious person even from quite a young age I just wouldn't want to leave the house or my hometown to go anywhere, but over the last 3-4 years I've begun to feel more and more down about myself and life in general. It began with feeling really bad about myself for doing even little things wrong and worked its way up to suicidal thoughts and even planning how I would do it...

Beyond Blue was a massive saviour for me their resources guided me through how to take the steps to get professional help and how to talk to my wife about what I was going through, luckily for me my wife is a nurse so I felt like I could talk to her (when I was finally ready to) and she at least would not be totally unable to cope with what I was saying and we could begin to work through it together.

When I got help I was formally diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety (and PTSD from some abuse I received as a child which we think is the main catalyst for the depression developing) my anxiety rate as very extreme on the scale and depression sits just below that at extreme. For my anxiety it normally is worst in terms of social situations as I try and predict how every conversation in my life is going to go so I can be ready to respond to what the other person is going to say with something that doesn't make me look silly. Even ordering a coffee is a highly stressful thing for me to do. My depression has its peaks and its troughs but basically I never felt like I did anything well at all, that can range from how I perform at work that to how well I take the trash out to the bin that night, I would beat myself up about everything.

I am now getting professional help and working through the problems week by week but the best thing I ever did was talk about it to other people as it just got that load off my chest and I felt like I could breathe again.

Because of the way Beyond Blue helped me in my time of need I am looking to give back by raising much needed funds and awareness for them by running from the MCG to Adelaide (726km) in 13 days this June. Going to be a massive undertaking but I've got a good team behind me just like when I am fighting the depression and anxiety.

If you want to donate the link is:
https://individual-fundraiser-ongoi...yond-the-border-for-beyondblue?utm_source=EDH

Or to follow the progress of what's happening here is the facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/beyondtheborder2019

Cheers guys! :D
Takes a lot of courage to post that mate and it sounds like you’ve got control of things after a long time suffering.

Good luck on the run. Watch out for those trucks on the highway and maybe post a few thoughts in here along the way.

The only thing that’ll stop you is blisters so look after those feet ☝️😉
 

Shane Heard

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History tends to show that Stoicism is often popular during times of difficulty or uncertainty. We’re in a resurgence of Stoicism precisely for that reason. Times are tumultuous and obstacles and adversities are plenty. The Stoic philosophers struggled just the same, which is why they write extensively about dealing with adversity. The art of life, Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself in Meditations, is “more like the wrestler’s art than the dancer’s.” It teaches you to “stand ready and firm to meet sudden and unexpected onsets.”

That’s what Stoicism is all about: learning to live a good life by developing peace of mind through confidence of one’s ability to overcome adversity. Here are 20 quotes from the great ancient Stoics to help you stand ready against adversity:

https://dailystoic.com/20-stoic-adversity-quotes/
 

sammm

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I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very difficult to face. Can you talk to your brother about it, or any other close relative?
no we are both going through difficult times. it has been difficult to hear that your father dislikes you so much that he would go out of his way to try and make sure that we got nothing. Now it just looks like we are money hungry
 

Nugett

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no we are both going through difficult times. it has been difficult to hear that your father dislikes you so much that he would go out of his way to try and make sure that we got nothing. Now it just looks like we are money hungry
It’s sad to hear that your father had little love, compassion and empathy for his own children. His dislike, was his problem, his issue, the only advice I can give, is don’t make his problems and issues yours. Talk to people you trust(wether professional or personal) express how hurtful it was and is. Accept the fact it was who he was, and that neither you or your brother had no control over his perceptions. Acknowledge that you can control your own beliefs and perceptions about yourself.
 

Coaster2012

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I'm a long poster on BF, but the first time I have posted here. I want to start by saying that I am not a drug abuser of any kind, I have never done cocaine, marijuana, acid etc, i rarely drink, but at a bachelors party about 6 weeks ago, I did something while intoxicated that was incredibly stupid because "everyone was doing it" and it was offered to me. I did MDMA (escstacy).

It just made me anxious and I didn't enjoy it at all, after 3 hours of hating it I finally came down and felt relieved that it was over.

But that was just the beginning. My comedown was something out of a nightmare. I was disassociated, derealized, anxiety through the roof, couldn't sleep (still cant sleep long), depressed. It was just a nightmare.

About 4 weeks in, I came good. I had a weekend and I felt completely normal and that everything was okay. I even went out and watched UFC with my friends and felt great. I was so damn relieved. I was skipping as I walked. But then a few days later, I started to feel down again, and I panicked. Like, really panicked. And for the past 2 weeks I have been an emotional wreck. My mind is racing so fast that I cut shut it up, I have moments of being clear, but then my thoughts start racing again. I get moments of depression washing over me, but usually subside. And I'm just getting anxious all the time over the dumbest things.

7 weeks now, I know that the drug is gone. But my mind wont stop racing and I can't stop being anxious. And with the lack of sleep (I usually sleep for 2-3 hours wake up, awake for an hour, fall asleep) I'm starting to feel exhausted both mentally and physically. It's like I can't think properly or perceive me environment proper.y But my brain still won't shut up.

I have always been a hypochondriac. I have gone through periods of it in the past where I thought I had some serious disease, worried about it for months and months, then got it checked and it was okay. I would be fine for a year or so, then something else would crop up and I would worry again.

During the comedown, I had dark thoughts that I had ruined my brain for good. I was reading horror stories online of people who after abusing the drug had comedowns that lasted for years. This shook me to my core. I have only taken this thing once in my entire life. So I know it can't be the comedown still, but it has left my brain in a wreck as if all those crazy emotions I experienced, my brain just can't shake them. It's going non stop 24/7 just worrying and worrying and being anxious and anxious.

My wife has been amazing, and is there everyday. But she doesn't really know what I'm going through. I know if I can just shut up my brain and let it recover I will be okay, but it seems impossible right now.

I think I have decided to go to therapy and get this shit sorted. But it just sucks. I have always been a strong and calm dude and just one night on one drug freaking one time and this has happened? Man I feel regret


Not sure what I need from this post. Reassurance maybe?

What is annoying about this is that it comes and goes like a cloud. Anyone experience this? I will have like this warm shitty feeling in my head and body and it just feels like dread, dark, like nothing is good anymore and never will be again. And then it can just go POOF and vanish and im completely fine.
 
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mxett

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I'm a long poster on BF, but the first time I have posted here. I want to start by saying that I am not a drug abuser of any kind, I have never done cocaine, marijuana, acid etc, i rarely drink, but at a bachelors party about 6 weeks ago, I did something while intoxicated that was incredibly stupid because "everyone was doing it" and it was offered to me. I did MDMA (escstacy).

It just made me anxious and I didn't enjoy it at all, after 3 hours of hating it I finally came down and felt relieved that it was over.

But that was just the beginning. My comedown was something out of a nightmare. I was disassociated, derealized, anxiety through the roof, couldn't sleep (still cant sleep long), depressed. It was just a nightmare.

About 4 weeks in, I came good. I had a weekend and I felt completely normal and that everything was okay. I even went out and watched UFC with my friends and felt great. I was so damn relieved. I was skipping as I walked. But then a few days later, I started to feel down again, and I panicked. Like, really panicked. And for the past 2 weeks I have been an emotional wreck. My mind is racing so fast that I cut shut it up, I have moments of being clear, but then my thoughts start racing again. I get moments of depression washing over me, but usually subside. And I'm just getting anxious all the time over the dumbest things.

7 weeks now, I know that the drug is gone. But my mind wont stop racing and I can't stop being anxious. And with the lack of sleep (I usually sleep for 2-3 hours wake up, awake for an hour, fall asleep) I'm starting to feel exhausted both mentally and physically. It's like I can't think properly or perceive me environment proper.y But my brain still won't shut up.

I have always been a hypochondriac. I have gone through periods of it in the past where I thought I had some serious disease, worried about it for months and months, then got it checked and it was okay. I would be fine for a year or so, then something else would crop up and I would worry again.

During the comedown, I had dark thoughts that I had ruined my brain for good. I was reading horror stories online of people who after abusing the drug had comedowns that lasted for years. This shook me to my core. I have only taken this thing once in my entire life. So I know it can't be the comedown still, but it has left my brain in a wreck as if all those crazy emotions I experienced, my brain just can't shake them. It's going non stop 24/7 just worrying and worrying and being anxious and anxious.

My wife has been amazing, and is there everyday. But she doesn't really know what I'm going through. I know if I can just shut up my brain and let it recover I will be okay, but it seems impossible right now.

I think I have decided to go to therapy and get this shit sorted. But it just sucks. I have always been a strong and calm dude and just one night on one drug freaking one time and this has happened? Man I feel regret


Not sure what I need from this post. Reassurance maybe?

What is annoying about this is that it comes and goes like a cloud. Anyone experience this? I will have like this warm shitty feeling in my head and body and it just feels like dread, dark, like nothing is good anymore and never will be again. And then it can just go POOF and vanish and im completely fine.
Thanks for your honest post.

I can't speak from experience regarding the effects of illicit drugs. In fact I don't even drink alcohol. But from my experience it's pretty common to feel anxious about being anxious and depressed about being depressed once you have experienced one or both of these dreadful emotions to the level you have described, where it becomes physical. When it first happened to me I tried to approach it like any other difficult problem, work my way out of it or away from it, mainly by thinking. However, thinking about the problem is a major cause of the issue. It's a problem you cannot easily escape because it's inside your mind. Have you noticed when you think about your issue you become more anxious or more down, but when you are distracted with a task you dont feel as anxious?

My suggestion to you would be to:

- see your doctor for advice and potentially a referral to a psychologist. They won't judge you, your experience is common, especially these days.
- consider beginning mindfulness meditation which has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression in numerous studies
- look after yourself physically. Exercise and eat well. There is a clear link between nutrition, exercise and mental illness
- pm someone here if you need someone to vent to, or for some support.
- remember, you may feel alone but you're not. Mental illness effects most people at one stage in their life, and those who have experienced are usually more than happy to help someone in need.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk. Good luck.
 

Mootsy

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My depression is worked based. Low morale environment, understaffing, high stress. After a while you just feel numb and constantly tired. No lifestyle balance.
 
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Coaster2012

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Thanks for your honest post.

I can't speak from experience regarding the effects of illicit drugs. In fact I don't even drink alcohol. But from my experience it's pretty common to feel anxious about being anxious and depressed about being depressed once you have experienced one or both of these dreadful emotions to the level you have described, where it becomes physical. When it first happened to me I tried to approach it like any other difficult problem, work my way out of it or away from it, mainly by thinking. However, thinking about the problem is a major cause of the issue. It's a problem you cannot easily escape because it's inside your mind. Have you noticed when you think about your issue you become more anxious or more down, but when you are distracted with a task you dont feel as anxious?

My suggestion to you would be to:

- see your doctor for advice and potentially a referral to a psychologist. They won't judge you, your experience is common, especially these days.
- consider beginning mindfulness meditation which has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression in numerous studies
- look after yourself physically. Exercise and eat well. There is a clear link between nutrition, exercise and mental illness
- pm someone here if you need someone to vent to, or for some support.
- remember, you may feel alone but you're not. Mental illness effects most people at one stage in their life, and those who have experienced are usually more than happy to help someone in need.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk. Good luck.
I have been running everyday, doing meditation, eating healthy, completely cut out alcohol or caffeine. And it's true that when im not focused on it, it does fade away. My sleep is getting better, and I usually wake up feeling pretty good but as I'm getting ready for work I start to get nervous. (Will it be better today? Will it get worse? Is today the day I finally have a panic attack?) And I end up getting to work a nervous wreck because of it. I think most of it may be in my head but its hard to tell. I keep waking up thinking "Is it gone yet?" and waiting for that magical moment where its all over.

I really think going through such a bout of negative emotions when I have never really had a disorder or never tried drugs like this so had no idea what a comedown was, really knocked me off kilter. Perhaps I have developed sensitization and need to work my through it.

Has anyone here been sensitized and how did you work through it?
 
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mxett

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osity
I have been running everyday, doing meditation, eating healthy, completely cut out alcohol or caffeine. And it's true that when im not focused on it, it does fade away. My sleep is getting better, and I usually wake up feeling pretty good but as I'm getting ready for work I start to get nervous. (Will it be better today? Will it get worse? Is today the day I finally have a panic attack?) And I end up getting to work a nervous wreck because of it. I think most of it may be in my head but its hard to tell. I keep waking up thinking "Is it gone yet?" and waiting for that magical moment where its all over.

I really think going through such a bout of negative emotions when I have never really had a disorder or never tried drugs like this so had no idea what a comedown was, really knocked me off kilter. Perhaps I have developed sensitization and need to work my through it.

Has anyone here been sensitized and how did you work through it?
Well you are doing many of the correct things which will help you move past this episode.

Yes, your body is sensitised, but dont just assume it's a reaction or result of the drug. Sensitisation is a very common part of anxiety. The anxiety makes you feel so physically dreadful you become hyper-aware or on the alert for any signs of it happening again. Even the mere thought of being anxious now or in the future makes you more anxious. You literally fear it. This sensitisation is essentially an over-active amygdala, which is the fight/flight/freeze centre of the primitive brain. Mindfulness, which is basically being mindful of the present, not stuck in thought, has been shown to calm the amygdala and return it to a normal state (shown on functional MRI scans).

With meditation, sometimes people don't understand it's real purpose. Sure, it can be really relaxing at the time, but that's only part of the benefit. The real benefit is it increases your ability to return to the present. even when you are not meditating. Essentially you are exercising your skill at identifying unnecessary, harmful or pointless thinking and returning back to the present, the task at hand. You are reprogramming your brain to return to now, not get stuck in thought. After a lot of practice, you can become very good at it.

Why is this important? Well for me I am so good at this now, when my mind inevitably wanders to worries or negative thoughts I am almost instantly aware of them, identify them as nothing more than thoughts, smile, and let them fade away. Then I'm back in the present where my immediate surroundings are not negative or scary. It's your thoughts that are negative or scary, not usually your present. That's what living in your mind can do, it puts you in a negative or anxious 'world' almost constantly, even when your circumstances are neither. When you are distracted by a task you forget about your negative or scary thoughts and your anxiety or depression symptoms lessen or stop.

One great meditation I use, which really set me on the right track, was identifying and naming my thoughts. I'd wait patiently with my eyes closed awaiting a thought. Eventually (sooner than later) one would come. When I eventually become aware of that thought (ie. remembered what I was doing) I would examine the thought with curiosity, name what it was in my mind or out loud, attach it to an imaginary cloud, or leaf on a stream, or bus on a road, then watch it drift away. Then I'd wait for the next thought. For example, a thought may come about how silly this meditation is. I would examine that thought like an object, without judgement and with curiosity. I'd say "I just had a judgmental thought of about this meditation", isn't that interesting. Then I'd imagine it drifting away like a cloud in the sky and wait quietly for the next thought.

Here is a guided meditation showing how to do this:

Your description of becoming anxious about the day ahead, and worrying if it will be an anxious day, is very typical. I use to do it every day. However, using the mindfulness technique described above, I would identify this as just a thought then let it pass. After all, it's only a thought about the day, it is not reality.

One counter-intuitive aspect of anxiety is the more you fear the physical feelings of anxiety the worse they can become. This pattern can eventually result in a full-blown panic attack. You get anxious thoughts about the physical symptoms of anxiety, which results in a release of stress hormones, which creates more physical symptoms, which results in more anxious thoughts, etc, etc. To break the cycle you accept the physical feelings as a natural physical reaction to a stressor or fear. Don't try to fight them or make them go away, let them happen knowing they are basically harmless. This acceptance lessens the thoughts of panic which lessens the symptoms, which lessens the worrying thoughts. This takes practice but does work.
 

Coaster2012

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Well you are doing many of the correct things which will help you move past this episode.

Yes, your body is sensitised, but dont just assume it's a reaction or result of the drug. Sensitisation is a very common part of anxiety. The anxiety makes you feel so physically dreadful you become hyper-aware or on the alert for any signs of it happening again. Even the mere thought of being anxious now or in the future makes you more anxious. You literally fear it. This sensitisation is essentially an over-active amygdala, which is the fight/flight/freeze centre of the primitive brain. Mindfulness, which is basically being mindful of the present, not stuck in thought, has been shown to calm the amygdala and return it to a normal state (shown on functional MRI scans).

With meditation, sometimes people don't understand it's real purpose. Sure, it can be really relaxing at the time, but that's only part of the benefit. The real benefit is it increases your ability to return to the present. even when you are not meditating. Essentially you are exercising your skill at identifying unnecessary, harmful or pointless thinking and returning back to the present, the task at hand. You are reprogramming your brain to return to now, not get stuck in thought. After a lot of practice, you can become very good at it.

Why is this important? Well for me I am so good at this now, when my mind inevitably wanders to worries or negative thoughts I am almost instantly aware of them, identify them as nothing more than thoughts, smile, and let them fade away. Then I'm back in the present where my immediate surroundings are not negative or scary. It's your thoughts that are negative or scary, not usually your present. That's what living in your mind can do, it puts you in a negative or anxious 'world' almost constantly, even when your circumstances are neither. When you are distracted by a task you forget about your negative or scary thoughts and your anxiety or depression symptoms lessen or stop.

One great meditation I use, which really set me on the right track, was identifying and naming my thoughts. I'd wait patiently with my eyes closed awaiting a thought. Eventually (sooner than later) one would come. When I eventually become aware of that thought (ie. remembered what I was doing) I would examine the thought with curiosity, name what it was in my mind or out loud, attach it to an imaginary cloud, or leaf on a stream, or bus on a road, then watch it drift away. Then I'd wait for the next thought. For example, a thought may come about how silly this meditation is. I would examine that thought like an object, without judgement and with curiosity. I'd say "I just had a judgmental thought of about this meditation", isn't that interesting. Then I'd imagine it drifting away like a cloud in the sky and wait quietly for the next thought.

Here is a guided meditation showing how to do this:

Your description of becoming anxious about the day ahead, and worrying if it will be an anxious day, is very typical. I use to do it every day. However, using the mindfulness technique described above, I would identify this as just a thought then let it pass. After all, it's only a thought about the day, it is not reality.

One counter-intuitive aspect of anxiety is the more you fear the physical feelings of anxiety the worse they can become. This pattern can eventually result in a full-blown panic attack. You get anxious thoughts about the physical symptoms of anxiety, which results in a release of stress hormones, which creates more physical symptoms, which results in more anxious thoughts, etc, etc. To break the cycle you accept the physical feelings as a natural physical reaction to a stressor or fear. Don't try to fight them or make them go away, let them happen knowing they are basically harmless. This acceptance lessens the thoughts of panic which lessens the symptoms, which lessens the worrying thoughts. This takes practice but does work.
Cheers for the detailed reply bro. Really appreciate it. I have started using these techniques today i.e just observing the emotion and letting it pass. Its funny. In the grips of it, it feels like it will never go away and that its always been this way. Even though 20 minutes earlier i was completely fine. I guess i just got to keep doing this and becoming aware until i dont fear it anymore.

Ive never really had to deal with these kind of emotions before. I had a good childhood and a great early adult hood. Things have come fairly easy for me. Which im blessed and thankful for. So i haven't been equipped to deal with emotions like this. So they have really knocked me for 6. I think i made them worse than they actually were and now im paying the price.

Oh well. Time to get mindful
Cheers mate.
 

mxett

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Cheers for the detailed reply bro. Really appreciate it. I have started using these techniques today i.e just observing the emotion and letting it pass. Its funny. In the grips of it, it feels like it will never go away and that its always been this way. Even though 20 minutes earlier i was completely fine. I guess i just got to keep doing this and becoming aware until i dont fear it anymore.

Ive never really had to deal with these kind of emotions before. I had a good childhood and a great early adult hood. Things have come fairly easy for me. Which im blessed and thankful for. So i haven't been equipped to deal with emotions like this. So they have really knocked me for 6. I think i made them worse than they actually were and now im paying the price.

Oh well. Time to get mindful
Cheers mate.
My 'event' occurred when I was in my forties and I had never struggled with anything like it before. It did take time to get better but it was well worth it because I feel so much stronger and happier now. When I look back I was oblivious to the struggles I had in my life in various areas. They were there but I didn't know it, I just assumed it was normal. Now I know myself and my thoughts so much better, and I'm so much better off.

Here's one more 'tip' from my experiences which goes hand in hand with mindfulness. Cognitive (or thought) fusion and defusion. Thought fusion is where you have a thought, usually a self-judgment or worry, and you 'fuse' with it, ie. believe it as truth without question. "I'm no good at this". "I'm an imposter". "No one likes me". "everyone can see I'm a failure". These thoughts are destructive and can lead toward depression and anxiety if we believe them without challenging them. The question is, are they true? Do we believe them because of the way we feel at the time? Mindfulness of thought helps us observe our thoughts objectively and without judgement. When you practice mindfulness you can identify when you think things like "Look at me. Everyone must think I'm a moron" and identify it as just a thought. By observing it objectively as merely a thought you don't need to fuse with it so it doesn't have the same impact on you. You seperate yourself from the thought which is defusion. For someone who is anxious you may think "I'm going to have an anxious day, I won't be able to cope". But that's just a thought. Identify it as a thought, name it as a worry. This defuses the thought from you. You dont automatically accept it as truth.


You're doing the right things, you'll get there!
 

Coaster2012

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My 'event' occurred when I was in my forties and I had never struggled with anything like it before. It did take time to get better but it was well worth it because I feel so much stronger and happier now. When I look back I was oblivious to the struggles I had in my life in various areas. They were there but I didn't know it, I just assumed it was normal. Now I know myself and my thoughts so much better, and I'm so much better off.

Here's one more 'tip' from my experiences which goes hand in hand with mindfulness. Cognitive (or thought) fusion and defusion. Thought fusion is where you have a thought, usually a self-judgment or worry, and you 'fuse' with it, ie. believe it as truth without question. "I'm no good at this". "I'm an imposter". "No one likes me". "everyone can see I'm a failure". These thoughts are destructive and can lead toward depression and anxiety if we believe them without challenging them. The question is, are they true? Do we believe them because of the way we feel at the time? Mindfulness of thought helps us observe our thoughts objectively and without judgement. When you practice mindfulness you can identify when you think things like "Look at me. Everyone must think I'm a moron" and identify it as just a thought. By observing it objectively as merely a thought you don't need to fuse with it so it doesn't have the same impact on you. You seperate yourself from the thought which is defusion. For someone who is anxious you may think "I'm going to have an anxious day, I won't be able to cope". But that's just a thought. Identify it as a thought, name it as a worry. This defuses the thought from you. You dont automatically accept it as truth.


You're doing the right things, you'll get there!
Im 32 now. Now that you mention it, i have dealt with health anxiety my entire life but never really noticed before now. I was really shy until my 20s too where i came out of my shell. Perhaps i have had anxiety my entire life and didnt know it and this situaion has brought it to light. I have also had a high fear of death. But perhaps it was more on the unhealthy side.

I will practise the noting emotion or thinking thing. I have already started and already seen it have some effect. Thanks alot.
 
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