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PerfectFooty

Perfect Cell
Apr 23, 2013
12,978
12,560
Benalla
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Williamstown Seagulls
I'm sorry, this is just me being an attention seeking asshole. Listen i don't see anything on the horizon for me if i must be honest, i appreciate everyones advice and help, but i've been there and done a lot of that. i couldn't keep going to the psychologist because i didn't have the intial money to be rebated by medicare. It's best for me not to seek help, all it'll do is lift me up for a week and i'll be back here in a year, i don't want to crash again. I see the world as it is anyway, it's a shithhole and i see the truth, there are no good things out there no matter what anyone tells me. I won't ever have a dream job or the ideal partner so there is no need to try. Besides i've done nothing redeemable to justify being happier, pure happiness is an illusion. Yes i know it's unhealthy but i'm only here to fill space in this world. There is so much to hate about me anyway, yes i know it's f’ed and unhealthy to say that, but i get everything that's coming to me, i'll just live with it like i've done for the other 20 odd years of being miserable
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,095
12,738
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I'm sorry, this is just me being an attention seeking asshole. Listen i don't see anything on the horizon for me if i must be honest, i appreciate everyones advice and help, but i've been there and done a lot of that. i couldn't keep going to the psychologist because i didn't have the intial money to be rebated by medicare. It's best for me not to seek help, all it'll do is lift me up for a week and i'll be back here in a year, i don't want to crash again. I see the world as it is anyway, it's a shithhole and i see the truth, there are no good things out there no matter what anyone tells me. I won't ever have a dream job or the ideal partner so there is no need to try. Besides i've done nothing redeemable to justify being happier, pure happiness is an illusion. Yes i know it's unhealthy but i'm only here to fill space in this world. There is so much to hate about me anyway, yes i know it's f’ed and unhealthy to say that, but i get everything that's coming to me, i'll just live with it like i've done for the other 20 odd years of being miserable
You're definitely a specialist "you-criticiser" - you're a sterling example of it, in fact. Just so you know, I used to be like that. Things can, and do, shift - sometimes even when you don't put in a huge ton of effort, although effort certainly shifts the odds in your favour. At some point you'll get tired of this attitude towards yourself, and you'll start making efforts to shift it. I don't see you doing this for the next 20 years. I think there's more to you than this huge self-take-down. I've seen you on the Dees board for years - you're a good bloke. You won't agree with that, but I have one thing you don't have: the benefit of perspective. When you're in the thick of this, you don't know sh*t - your brain is literally disabled at present from seeing possibilities and positives, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. Life can surprise even a committed career self-flagellator. We've all got a mix of good and bad, but nobody is just bad. See if you can think of half a dozen character traits or talents you have which don't suck. Let us know what they are. Seriously do it, or I'll be forced to do it myself - and you're not going to like me saying nice sh*t about you! Take care, mate.
 

PerfectFooty

Perfect Cell
Apr 23, 2013
12,978
12,560
Benalla
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Williamstown Seagulls
You're definitely a specialist "you-criticiser" - you're a sterling example of it, in fact. Just so you know, I used to be like that. Things can, and do, shift - sometimes even when you don't put in a huge ton of effort, although effort certainly shifts the odds in your favour. At some point you'll get tired of this attitude towards yourself, and you'll start making efforts to shift it. I don't see you doing this for the next 20 years. I think there's more to you than this huge self-take-down. I've seen you on the Dees board for years - you're a good bloke. You won't agree with that, but I have one thing you don't have: the benefit of perspective. When you're in the thick of this, you don't know sh*t - your brain is literally disabled at present from seeing possibilities and positives, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. Life can surprise even a committed career self-flagellator. We've all got a mix of good and bad, but nobody is just bad. See if you can think of half a dozen character traits or talents you have which don't suck. Let us know what they are. Seriously do it, or I'll be forced to do it myself - and you're not going to like me saying nice sh*t about you! Take care, mate.
It's nothing but a big act, has been for years. I've never been a happy person and i've never been a good person. I know you have perspective, sure i don't know sh*t, but we're all different people. I've already been doing this for the last 20 years, so i don't see why it wouldn't draw out another 20. I can think of some positives, but they're all half positives because everything has a negative to it. Sure i might be loyal, but that's also made me guliable and too trusting. There is nothing more to me, self hating me is the only thing i ******* exceled at in life. There's nothing else next to my name despite how much i've applied myself in the past. I tried to draw, i can't. I tried to learn guitar, but i have sh*t motorskills. Everything, literally every single thing i've applied myself too has been met with failure wether it be hobbies, games, relations or jobs. Yeah i know, i should set my sights higher but how can i when the track record is consistent as it is? I'm only here to fill space. So i should just accept mediocary and live with it. With me, there is no positive, there is no good, period
 

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skilts

Brownlow Medallist
Feb 14, 2002
17,771
6,755
South-West Gippsland
AFL Club
Brisbane Lions
Other Teams
Lexton, Northcote Park
Yeah i know, i should set my sights higher but how can i when the track record is consistent as it is? I'm only here to fill space. So i should just accept mediocary and live with it. With me, there is no positive, there is no good, period
Was it realistic to expect your life to be any different?

I've rarely read on these boards the writings of one who understands the self so well. Surely, that understanding counts for something. In fact, the level of understanding you display of the human project, useless and all as that may seem to you, is quite astounding. You were bound to suffer from acute introspection. For the majority of the population, the depth of thinking you endure would never occur to them. Surely, that in itself is enough of a contribution to make to your life, and that of others, which makes the continued pursuit of your project eminently worthwhile.
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,873
4,803
AFL Club
Adelaide
It's nothing but a big act, has been for years. I've never been a happy person and i've never been a good person. I know you have perspective, sure i don't know sh*t, but we're all different people. I've already been doing this for the last 20 years, so i don't see why it wouldn't draw out another 20. I can think of some positives, but they're all half positives because everything has a negative to it. Sure i might be loyal, but that's also made me guliable and too trusting. There is nothing more to me, self hating me is the only thing i ******* exceled at in life. There's nothing else next to my name despite how much i've applied myself in the past. I tried to draw, i can't. I tried to learn guitar, but i have sh*t motorskills. Everything, literally every single thing i've applied myself too has been met with failure wether it be hobbies, games, relations or jobs. Yeah i know, i should set my sights higher but how can i when the track record is consistent as it is? I'm only here to fill space. So i should just accept mediocary and live with it. With me, there is no positive, there is no good, period
A lot of us on this thread have been through these dark times. In fact, I would daresay it’s part of human nature itself for us all to go through it, and only a matter of how long the period(s) for each individual.

The truth is, life isn’t fair. Some will get a free ride in life, some will get nowhere in life, and most will be somewhere in between. The trick is not to aim for the “best life”, but to make do with the life/path you’ve been given and keep picking yourself up after every fall. The fact that you’ve been repeatedly picking yourself up for the past 20 odd years is already testament to your strength and character, and not a weakness.

“There is no positive, no good, period”. I think this is a false assumption just as much as me saying “there is no negative, no bad, period”.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,095
12,738
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
It's nothing but a big act, has been for years. I've never been a happy person and i've never been a good person. I know you have perspective, sure i don't know sh*t, but we're all different people. I've already been doing this for the last 20 years, so i don't see why it wouldn't draw out another 20. I can think of some positives, but they're all half positives because everything has a negative to it. Sure i might be loyal, but that's also made me guliable and too trusting. There is nothing more to me, self hating me is the only thing i ******* exceled at in life. There's nothing else next to my name despite how much i've applied myself in the past. I tried to draw, i can't. I tried to learn guitar, but i have sh*t motorskills. Everything, literally every single thing i've applied myself too has been met with failure wether it be hobbies, games, relations or jobs. Yeah i know, i should set my sights higher but how can i when the track record is consistent as it is? I'm only here to fill space. So i should just accept mediocary and live with it. With me, there is no positive, there is no good, period
I'm guessing you are in your late 30's early 40's? I didn't get out of my quagmire until I was 39. I only mention this because there tends to be a lot of "it's too late for things to change" thinking around this age - even for people who are not depressed. People tend to assume that whatever they've been doing for the past 10-20 years is all they are capable of and all they will ever get. It's nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy. We are limited by what we tell ourselves are our limits. I'm sure you've heard that before, but it bears repeating. Even for the sake of making the rest of your life more bearable, wouldn't you at least consider doing something about this, rather than just accepting it? I'd like to see how things go for you if you just spent 2 weeks conducting an experiment:

1) do some exercise every day. 30-60 minutes. Any kind: walking, riding, swimming, etc. (gets endorphins flowing, clears the mind, clears stickiness)
2) catch yourself every time you're thinking something negative about yourself and just stop it. Do something active when those thoughts arise. If you're in a funk, go for a walk. (Behavioural change)
3) Talk to somebody every day - even if it's talking to your mum for 10 minutes. Doesn't have to be anything earth shattering, just make sure you have a chat every day. (maintains social skills, relieves loneliness)
4) Look into a short course that might interest you: craft, language, IT, workshop - something that can amuse you as well as build a new skill. (An occupied mind obsesses less)
5) When you go to the shops, or anywhere you go, ask people how they are going. Get used to taking an interest and caring about people around you. It's something that directly influences the care you take of yourself. If you don't care for others, you won't care for others. People often overlook this.
6) Have a shower at least every second day and put on fresh clothes.

One more question: does it irritate you when I and others on here engage you with suggestions? Or do you have some appreciation for it? If you do feel some level of appreciation, you probably haven't fully given up on making some changes. Sometimes we tell ourselves all the full-on negative stuff to make sure that we don't develop hope, and therefore have to find the energy to do something about the situation. As perverse as it sounds, it can seem easier to wallow in misery than try to recover.

Anyway, if you did those 5 things above for 2 weeks, I'd be astonished if you didn't notice some substantial change in your mood. In fact, I'd flat out say you didn't actually do them if you said that! These are some of the basics of well-being. There are others, but you don't want to feel overwhelmed when you first make changes. All well people are doing these things. It's illogical to think you can be well without them. Have a think about whether you could commit to a 2 week trial of this. I'd be happy to be your sounding board if you want to give it a go.
 

PerfectFooty

Perfect Cell
Apr 23, 2013
12,978
12,560
Benalla
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Williamstown Seagulls
I'm guessing you are in your late 30's early 40's? I didn't get out of my quagmire until I was 39. I only mention this because there tends to be a lot of "it's too late for things to change" thinking around this age - even for people who are not depressed. People tend to assume that whatever they've been doing for the past 10-20 years is all they are capable of and all they will ever get. It's nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy. We are limited by what we tell ourselves are our limits. I'm sure you've heard that before, but it bears repeating. Even for the sake of making the rest of your life more bearable, wouldn't you at least consider doing something about this, rather than just accepting it? I'd like to see how things go for you if you just spent 2 weeks conducting an experiment:

1) do some exercise every day. 30-60 minutes. Any kind: walking, riding, swimming, etc. (gets endorphins flowing, clears the mind, clears stickiness)
2) catch yourself every time you're thinking something negative about yourself and just stop it. Do something active when those thoughts arise. If you're in a funk, go for a walk. (Behavioural change)
3) Talk to somebody every day - even if it's talking to your mum for 10 minutes. Doesn't have to be anything earth shattering, just make sure you have a chat every day. (maintains social skills, relieves loneliness)
4) Look into a short course that might interest you: craft, language, IT, workshop - something that can amuse you as well as build a new skill. (An occupied mind obsesses less)
5) When you go to the shops, or anywhere you go, ask people how they are going. Get used to taking an interest and caring about people around you. It's something that directly influences the care you take of yourself. If you don't care for others, you won't care for others. People often overlook this.
6) Have a shower at least every second day and put on fresh clothes.

One more question: does it irritate you when I and others on here engage you with suggestions? Or do you have some appreciation for it? If you do feel some level of appreciation, you probably haven't fully given up on making some changes. Sometimes we tell ourselves all the full-on negative stuff to make sure that we don't develop hope, and therefore have to find the energy to do something about the situation. As perverse as it sounds, it can seem easier to wallow in misery than try to recover.

Anyway, if you did those 5 things above for 2 weeks, I'd be astonished if you didn't notice some substantial change in your mood. In fact, I'd flat out say you didn't actually do them if you said that! These are some of the basics of well-being. There are others, but you don't want to feel overwhelmed when you first make changes. All well people are doing these things. It's illogical to think you can be well without them. Have a think about whether you could commit to a 2 week trial of this. I'd be happy to be your sounding board if you want to give it a go.
25 is my age
idk how i feel about replies tbh. You can DM if you want, not sure if i'll be able to have a stable conersation with you though
 

SteppingTiger

All Australian
Feb 6, 2014
983
2,128
Brisbane
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
For all the single parents out there
Christmas wishes
If you are like me, it’s a very tough time and we just get through
This is my first Christmas separated from my wife.

Christmas Eve morning I have been crying on the phone to my sister in law (my wife’s brother’s wife) who is hosting lunch for Christmas Day, telling her I can’t make it, I can’t cope with it all, despite being amicable with my wife and it being a plan for the last few weeks to be there, I just find myself not strong enough to be amongst all things being the same, until their not, until I am the one that has to move on for the day as I am no longer part of the family. Yes they all care, but my reason for being with them for the last 20+ years is because I was the boyfriend/husband of the youngest daughter.....now I am nothing.

Such a stupid thing but my mood was coming from being angry with my wife. Nothing we discussed or she did, but for the first time in my life I am genuinely annoyed that someone is not unhappy. I am no hero, but I have struggled to wish ill on anyone or be annoyed at them being happy.

Now I feel it so strongly towards a person I have loved for 22 years and I hate it. My mind goes on the loop wanting to see her struggle emotionally with the changes we have had. Why should I be the one to be strong, why should I have to deflect when the kids suggest that they are unhappy and it is because of the choices their mother has made?

For 22 years all I wanted to do, all
My focus was, was to see her smile (Bad English eat your heart out....reference for all those 35 or older). Now every smile is a dagger, a reminder she can be happy without me, that her life is better without me.

I don’t want to sleep because I know that waking will bring the hardest day of my life I think.....and I know it is ‘I think’ but what is going to be harder?

Sorry, I came on here to check in on PerfectFooty and but the day hasn’t gone as planned.

Anyhow mate, I came on to check on you, so clearly give a sh*t. Stay strong mate, this can and will pass and all the advice you have been given, if acted upon, will give you a platform to move forward on

(And there, ups and downs all in one post, just like life)
 

The_Wookie

Queenslander
Jul 2, 2010
33,362
31,084
Scamander
AFL Club
Carlton
This is my first Christmas separated from my wife.

Christmas Eve morning I have been crying on the phone to my sister in law (my wife’s brother’s wife) who is hosting lunch for Christmas Day, telling her I can’t make it, I can’t cope with it all, despite being amicable with my wife and it being a plan for the last few weeks to be there, I just find myself not strong enough to be amongst all things being the same, until their not, until I am the one that has to move on for the day as I am no longer part of the family. Yes they all care, but my reason for being with them for the last 20+ years is because I was the boyfriend/husband of the youngest daughter.....now I am nothing.

Such a stupid thing but my mood was coming from being angry with my wife. Nothing we discussed or she did, but for the first time in my life I am genuinely annoyed that someone is not unhappy. I am no hero, but I have struggled to wish ill on anyone or be annoyed at them being happy.

Now I feel it so strongly towards a person I have loved for 22 years and I hate it. My mind goes on the loop wanting to see her struggle emotionally with the changes we have had. Why should I be the one to be strong, why should I have to deflect when the kids suggest that they are unhappy and it is because of the choices their mother has made?

For 22 years all I wanted to do, all
My focus was, was to see her smile (Bad English eat your heart out....reference for all those 35 or older). Now every smile is a dagger, a reminder she can be happy without me, that her life is better without me.

I don’t want to sleep because I know that waking will bring the hardest day of my life I think.....and I know it is ‘I think’ but what is going to be harder?

Sorry, I came on here to check in on PerfectFooty and but the day hasn’t gone as planned.

Anyhow mate, I came on to check on you, so clearly give a sh*t. Stay strong mate, this can and will pass and all the advice you have been given, if acted upon, will give you a platform to move forward on

(And there, ups and downs all in one post, just like life)
Mate had my own divorce and was devastated by it - i was a lot younger and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Ive felt some of the pain you have today, and it makes the day harder for sure - especially if there are kids involved. I've dealt with with it mostly by working every Christmas Day for the last 15 years lol

To everyone who is having a hard day today for whatever reason you have - there are people you can talk to. Find those people you can trust or even reach out to family - or call the folks listed in the title or OP.

Ill be checking the thread during the day if anyone just wants to offload. Hoping you all have as good a Christmas as you can. J.
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,873
4,803
AFL Club
Adelaide
I’m fully aware Christmas/New Year holidays aren’t necessarily happy times, particularly for those living in isolation or have stress triggers surrounding this period.

No matter the circumstances, please:
- stay safe
- hang in there
- go out for walks, try and appreciate the basic miracles of life ie. fresh air and sunshine.
- realise there are a lot of emotional sufferers during this time. None more relevant right now than those involved in the bushfires, with property losses and losses to their loved ones.
- realise there are more than one avenue to move forward, it might just take some time to figure them out.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the usefulness you have been by offloading your troubles on here. I have learnt a lot from you guys. Thanks all for sharing your life troubles/shits!
 

SteppingTiger

All Australian
Feb 6, 2014
983
2,128
Brisbane
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
I’m fully aware Christmas/New Year holidays aren’t necessarily happy times, particularly for those living in isolation or have stress triggers surrounding this period.

No matter the circumstances, please:
- stay safe
- hang in there
- go out for walks, try and appreciate the basic miracles of life ie. fresh air and sunshine.
- realise there are a lot of emotional sufferers during this time. None more relevant right now than those involved in the bushfires, with property losses and losses to their loved ones.
- realise there are more than one avenue to move forward, it might just take some time to figure them out.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the usefulness you have been by offloading your troubles on here. I have learnt a lot from you guys. Thanks all for sharing your life troubles/shits!
Great post. And I am a port supporter visiting Adelaide and reminded why I dislike the Crows so much.

Goes to show this stuff transcends the tribal rivalries.

Stay safe people and stay here
 

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Stevolution

Club Legend
Jul 17, 2005
1,208
575
Hobart Hurricanes Central
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Sydney Thunder, Freo, GWS, Canes
I haven't posted on here in a long time, it may of been a similar thread. Normally I'm pushing through thick and thin hanging in there. My ex fiancee, who I was pretty much back together with passed away a week ago. She has had health battles her whole life and we only knew each other 3 years. The split hit hard early this year as her mother got between us, it was the two of them and her daughter in Sydney recovering 2 months until March. I was sneaking up and back from Hobart to Sydney in November until 4 weeks prior to her passing. She spent more of her life in hospital than out of it. She was afraid she wouldn't survive her 3rd transplant but she did. But infections from a post surgical development became too much for her weakened body and she went peacefully after barely being awake for a week and a half. I'm not coping too well, part of me thought this may change my fear of death, she is there, my grandparents pets and a few friends have passed, then part of me is freaking out over and over and I'm fearing it even more. I don't want it to happen to anyone, I know that's impossible but it is really getting to me. My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is not the worst but it has taken a back seat. A small part of me thinks why am I even here, I'm a burden, on centrelink struggling with my mental health, some of my physical health, cant seem to land a good job apart from occasional contract work, living back at my parents and I'm 30. I thought I'd at least have a stable job or something by now but life is again at the cross rosds. I know some people have it a lot worse, I know some have it a lot better, but life feels like it has just crumbled right now and I need to get over this fear.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,095
12,738
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I haven't posted on here in a long time, it may of been a similar thread. Normally I'm pushing through thick and thin hanging in there. My ex fiancee, who I was pretty much back together with passed away a week ago. She has had health battles her whole life and we only knew each other 3 years. The split hit hard early this year as her mother got between us, it was the two of them and her daughter in Sydney recovering 2 months until March. I was sneaking up and back from Hobart to Sydney in November until 4 weeks prior to her passing. She spent more of her life in hospital than out of it. She was afraid she wouldn't survive her 3rd transplant but she did. But infections from a post surgical development became too much for her weakened body and she went peacefully after barely being awake for a week and a half. I'm not coping too well, part of me thought this may change my fear of death, she is there, my grandparents pets and a few friends have passed, then part of me is freaking out over and over and I'm fearing it even more. I don't want it to happen to anyone, I know that's impossible but it is really getting to me. My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is not the worst but it has taken a back seat. A small part of me thinks why am I even here, I'm a burden, on centrelink struggling with my mental health, some of my physical health, cant seem to land a good job apart from occasional contract work, living back at my parents and I'm 30. I thought I'd at least have a stable job or something by now but life is again at the cross rosds. I know some people have it a lot worse, I know some have it a lot better, but life feels like it has just crumbled right now and I need to get over this fear.
I'm really sorry to hear that, man. That's a terrible loss.

I think in your situation it's important to try to set goals of improvement, but not by using comparisons to other people you know, or where you think you ought to be by now. It's a fact that people are not all built the same. Not everybody is cut out to be a professional person, working 40+ hours a week and living the "perfect" life. A lot of people have reduced capacity in some way - even if they don't admit it to anybody. Our society tends to promote a specific type of life as "successful", but there is a huge subset of people that don't/can't operate that way. I'm not cut out for that either. It stresses the hell out of me to work 40 hours a week. I can't maintain it. So after years of experimenting, I found my magic number - working part time, on my own terms. I won't even quote the number because I don't think it's even important. It's not a competition.

So my advice to you would be to see if you can work on getting a few more contracts next year. Look at what you did this year and think about what you might be able to stretch it to next year - factoring in the local market, your health and capacity. Try to improve steadily and build on what you're doing now. It might even be a change of direction and some retraining - that's improvement too. Just try to get a bit more momentum than you had this year. Confidence comes out of gradual mastery - not sudden changes which usually result in feeling like an imposter and eventually crashing. You have to work with who you are, rather than an unrealistic idea of who you should be. It's ok to be you. You have great qualities that have nothing to do with your professional life, so don't just rank yourself by your job. You showed incredible effort, loyalty and support to your lady doing her struggles. I'm sure she treasured you being in her life for as long as she had it. Give yourself some credit for that - even if you do have some regrets to go along with it.
 

The_Wookie

Queenslander
Jul 2, 2010
33,362
31,084
Scamander
AFL Club
Carlton
I haven't posted on here in a long time, it may of been a similar thread. Normally I'm pushing through thick and thin hanging in there. My ex fiancee, who I was pretty much back together with passed away a week ago. She has had health battles her whole life and we only knew each other 3 years. The split hit hard early this year as her mother got between us, it was the two of them and her daughter in Sydney recovering 2 months until March. I was sneaking up and back from Hobart to Sydney in November until 4 weeks prior to her passing. She spent more of her life in hospital than out of it. She was afraid she wouldn't survive her 3rd transplant but she did. But infections from a post surgical development became too much for her weakened body and she went peacefully after barely being awake for a week and a half. I'm not coping too well, part of me thought this may change my fear of death, she is there, my grandparents pets and a few friends have passed, then part of me is freaking out over and over and I'm fearing it even more. I don't want it to happen to anyone, I know that's impossible but it is really getting to me. My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is not the worst but it has taken a back seat. A small part of me thinks why am I even here, I'm a burden, on centrelink struggling with my mental health, some of my physical health, cant seem to land a good job apart from occasional contract work, living back at my parents and I'm 30. I thought I'd at least have a stable job or something by now but life is again at the cross rosds. I know some people have it a lot worse, I know some have it a lot better, but life feels like it has just crumbled right now and I need to get over this fear.
Sorry to hear this mate. And my condolences on your loss.

Andos got some good advice above - work with who you are, not some idealistic version of what you should be - this is great advice. I note that I didnt have steady work until i was almost 30 myself and my current job i literally got into by accident because I couldnt stand the job network training and applied for the first job I saw in the paper that day (hotel night porter).
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,873
4,803
AFL Club
Adelaide
I haven't posted on here in a long time, it may of been a similar thread. Normally I'm pushing through thick and thin hanging in there. My ex fiancee, who I was pretty much back together with passed away a week ago. She has had health battles her whole life and we only knew each other 3 years. The split hit hard early this year as her mother got between us, it was the two of them and her daughter in Sydney recovering 2 months until March. I was sneaking up and back from Hobart to Sydney in November until 4 weeks prior to her passing. She spent more of her life in hospital than out of it. She was afraid she wouldn't survive her 3rd transplant but she did. But infections from a post surgical development became too much for her weakened body and she went peacefully after barely being awake for a week and a half. I'm not coping too well, part of me thought this may change my fear of death, she is there, my grandparents pets and a few friends have passed, then part of me is freaking out over and over and I'm fearing it even more. I don't want it to happen to anyone, I know that's impossible but it is really getting to me. My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is not the worst but it has taken a back seat. A small part of me thinks why am I even here, I'm a burden, on centrelink struggling with my mental health, some of my physical health, cant seem to land a good job apart from occasional contract work, living back at my parents and I'm 30. I thought I'd at least have a stable job or something by now but life is again at the cross rosds. I know some people have it a lot worse, I know some have it a lot better, but life feels like it has just crumbled right now and I need to get over this fear.
Condolences mate. It's doubly hard to go through grief with pre-existing anxieties/conditions. Try and not overthink too much. Maybe one step at a time eg. focus on the memories with your ex-fiancee, get through the grieving, and then you can start to think about future job prospects?
 

Stevolution

Club Legend
Jul 17, 2005
1,208
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Hobart Hurricanes Central
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
Sydney Thunder, Freo, GWS, Canes
Condolences mate. It's doubly hard to go through grief with pre-existing anxieties/conditions. Try and not overthink too much. Maybe one step at a time eg. focus on the memories with your ex-fiancee, get through the grieving, and then you can start to think about future job prospects?
Yeah I think your spot on there mate. I was working on myself, my future, my career it this all has really hit hard and made me notice how short and precious life is and it has spooked me a bit. I am taking tiny steps like eating a little more, trying to get to bed a little earlier and doing a little more each day. It's a long road ahead but I have good support. I need to look after my mental health especially and come to terms with my own mortality when I'm ready to.
 

Aeglos

Premiership Player
Sep 27, 2016
3,464
2,627
Croydon station
AFL Club
Essendon
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Riverpigs
This quote from Kobe Bryant was posted on Instagram by a page I follow.
I’m not sure what others think of it but for me it perfectly echoes the way I learned how to deal with depression/anxiety (though I’d probably use the word accept in place of embrace).
1580171606680.jpeg
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,873
4,803
AFL Club
Adelaide
This quote from Kobe Bryant was posted on Instagram by a page I follow.
I’m not sure what others think of it but for me it perfectly echoes the way I learned how to deal with depression/anxiety (though I’d probably use the word accept in place of embrace).
View attachment 812395
Incredibly tragic loss of such a great superstar of sport as well as a child with a whole lot of potential. Rest In Peace Kobe and Gianna.

I agree also in the quote above, I’d also use “accept” instead of “embrace”. Though in a lot of stress circumstances, embracing it is what I apply also. How I see it nowadays, every time we can move on and deal with a stress situation, we become more resilient in the face of future adversity. Kind of like embracing the pain when we cramp up during gym training. With pain we can also gain.
 

Shane Heard

Premiership Player
Suspended
Mar 11, 2018
3,946
6,830
AFL Club
Essendon
Aaaaannnnd I am back!

Just got made redundant today.

2018 lose my dad
2019 lose my marriage
2020 lose my job

All in February. 2021 February I got fu** all left to lose
can’t change the first two but anyone can get another job.

think of those millions of Syrian refugees right this very minute who have no country to go back to and live in tents with nothing.

As long as we have something to eat, indoor plumbing and a roof over our heads instead of a tarp...we have #### all to complain about
 

SteppingTiger

All Australian
Feb 6, 2014
983
2,128
Brisbane
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
can’t change the first two but anyone can get another job.

think of those millions of Syrian refugees right this very minute who have no country to go back to and live in tents with nothing.

As long as we have something to eat, indoor plumbing and a roof over our heads instead of a tarp...we have #### all to complain about
I get the sentiment. And I thank you for trying. But I am just not sure how much stronger I need to be. I am tapped out, I have done psych, I have done an inpatient program, I have moved forward

But now I don’t have a job or a family. It just sucks. Why should I think it is better.? That this is an opportunity ? Etc etc .

I got past dad passing away knowing I had a family to care for. I got past the break up knowing I had a job to do to and the income would support my kids. Now I don’t even have that.

I’m done standing up. I’m done fighting. I’m done
 

Chief

Elastico Gomez
Dec 1, 1999
88,531
62,242
Brisbane
AFL Club
Carlton
I get the sentiment. And I thank you for trying. But I am just not sure how much stronger I need to be. I am tapped out, I have done psych, I have done an inpatient program, I have moved forward

But now I don’t have a job or a family. It just sucks. Why should I think it is better.? That this is an opportunity ? Etc etc .

I got past dad passing away knowing I had a family to care for. I got past the break up knowing I had a job to do to and the income would support my kids. Now I don’t even have that.

I’m done standing up. I’m done fighting. I’m done
It is probably easy for someone with energy and in good mental health to tell you to harden up or get over it.

I’ve got no advice but to keep getting help. Keep talking to professionals, help lines, anything.

If right now you don’t think you’re worth the effort to keep going, know that your kids are.

Call lifeline or whoever now. Just do that for now. The rest you deal with - or not - as it comes.
 

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