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Shane Heard

Premiership Player
Mar 11, 2018
3,528
6,000
AFL Club
Essendon
I get the sentiment. And I thank you for trying. But I am just not sure how much stronger I need to be. I am tapped out, I have done psych, I have done an inpatient program, I have moved forward

But now I don’t have a job or a family. It just sucks. Why should I think it is better.? That this is an opportunity ? Etc etc .

I got past dad passing away knowing I had a family to care for. I got past the break up knowing I had a job to do to and the income would support my kids. Now I don’t even have that.

I’m done standing up. I’m done fighting. I’m done
take things day by day mate...you have kids.Your kids will always need you.
If it’s just for them alone, you have to go on and be there for them..always.

time will pass..things will get better
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,848
4,736
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Adelaide
Aaaaannnnd I am back!

Just got made redundant today.

2018 lose my dad
2019 lose my marriage
2020 lose my job

All in February. 2021 February I got fu** all left to lose
Hang in there mate. Believe in the faith that there is an invisible roller coaster for us all, the dips will eventually have an up.
Try using the tricks that have helped you overcome things in the past. Also, remember that what is happening to you is not at all uncommon in life. Just happens everything seems to hit you all at the same period. What's to say the next couple of years might turn out to be some of your best, if things can turn around?
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,489
10,200
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
I get the sentiment. And I thank you for trying. But I am just not sure how much stronger I need to be. I am tapped out, I have done psych, I have done an inpatient program, I have moved forward

But now I don’t have a job or a family. It just sucks. Why should I think it is better.? That this is an opportunity ? Etc etc .

I got past dad passing away knowing I had a family to care for. I got past the break up knowing I had a job to do to and the income would support my kids. Now I don’t even have that.

I’m done standing up. I’m done fighting. I’m done
Life has ups and downs, we simply can't avoid it. The only real choice we have is to accept the difficult times and enjoy the good things we have. No matter what our circumstances, there are always many who are worse off.

My Dad passed last year, now my mum is suffering I'll health. Its been a tough few years especially since I am their medical power of attorney.

But I know this tough time will pass so I enjoy the blessings in my life and accept the challenges.
 

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theprospect

Club Legend
Sep 26, 2016
2,753
10,501
Melbourne
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St Kilda
Had to say goodbye to my dog last night. He was my best mate for 15 years. He had been sick with lymphoma over the past 6 weeks or so and there was the inevitability but it was all pretty sudden the way it happened yesterday. Within 5 hours from getting home from work as normal, he was then gone. Has anyone been through something similar? Any advise on dealing with it? I'm at peace in the sense that I know we did what was right for him and was there right at the end by his side, but it's just so tough to deal with.
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,489
10,200
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
Had to say goodbye to my dog last night. He was my best mate for 15 years. He had been sick with lymphoma over the past 6 weeks or so and there was the inevitability but it was all pretty sudden the way it happened yesterday. Within 5 hours from getting home from work as normal, he was then gone. Has anyone been through something similar? Any advise on dealing with it? I'm at peace in the sense that I know we did what was right for him and was there right at the end by his side, but it's just so tough to deal with.
I feel for you mate, losing a dog is very hard. The last time I lost a dog was 14 years ago when I was forced to put my 15 yo golden retriever down. I found the grief difficult but the guilt of ending his life even harder, but it eventually eased up.

Are you planning to get another puppy sometime soon? The thought of starting another furry relationship can help ease the pain, even if it's just a plan for the future. For me, I said goodbye to my beautiful boy but not too long after met my current girl (another golden retriever) who has been the best dog I've ever owned. She is just a pleasure in every way.

Cherish the fond memories you had with your furry friend, but maybe prepare to start a new one soon.
 

Glacier

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 28, 2007
5,142
7,181
close
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Hawthorn
Had to say goodbye to my dog last night. He was my best mate for 15 years. He had been sick with lymphoma over the past 6 weeks or so and there was the inevitability but it was all pretty sudden the way it happened yesterday. Within 5 hours from getting home from work as normal, he was then gone. Has anyone been through something similar? Any advise on dealing with it? I'm at peace in the sense that I know we did what was right for him and was there right at the end by his side, but it's just so tough to deal with.
It’s tough alright
I lost my old dog about a year ago now
She was 21,so did really well
She’d been with me through all the sh*t in my life, and still loved me unconditionally
I miss her
 

theprospect

Club Legend
Sep 26, 2016
2,753
10,501
Melbourne
AFL Club
St Kilda
I feel for you mate, losing a dog is very hard. The last time I lost a dog was 14 years ago when I was forced to put my 15 yo golden retriever down. I found the grief difficult but the guilt of ending his life even harder, but it eventually eased up.

Are you planning to get another puppy sometime soon? The thought of starting another furry relationship can help ease the pain, even if it's just a plan for the future. For me, I said goodbye to my beautiful boy but not too long after met my current girl (another golden retriever) who has been the best dog I've ever owned. She is just a pleasure in every way.

Cherish the fond memories you had with your furry friend, but maybe prepare to start a new one soon.
I'm not planning to, no. I just feel like there would be, not resentment, but it wouldn't feel right having another dog. It's still so raw though so over time that might change. A change of scenery might help though. I have been wanting to move places for a while and now there are certain parts of the house that are triggering emotions - again, it might heal over time but I feel like change could be good.
 

theprospect

Club Legend
Sep 26, 2016
2,753
10,501
Melbourne
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St Kilda
It’s tough alright
I lost my old dog about a year ago now
She was 21,so did really well
She’d been with me through all the sh*t in my life, and still loved me unconditionally
I miss her
I've been through some incredibly tough times in the last 5 years, he was always there. I don't know if or how I would have coped without my best mate there so the thought of going through that again without him by my side is very painful.
 

raymond35

Club Legend
Jan 5, 2004
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As mxett said, you will cherish the memories in years to come. We had a glorious boxer dog for 15 years, and although i am one for remembering the bad stuff from the past, have nothing but great memories of his antics and how much he loved us all.
You will probably have another dog soon even if you don't intend to. I was given my current one and although she's a handful and so dopey, she always listens to me ramble on about my problems.
Dogs are the best people.
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,489
10,200
Melbourne
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Essendon
As mxett said, you will cherish the memories in years to come. We had a glorious boxer dog for 15 years, and although i am one for remembering the bad stuff from the past, have nothing but great memories of his antics and how much he loved us all.
You will probably have another dog soon even if you don't intend to. I was given my current one and although she's a handful and so dopey, she always listens to me ramble on about my problems.
Dogs are the best people.
Yep, dogs are better than people at providing support. They are always happy to see you, never complain about hearing your problems, always want to spend time with you, and provide endless unconditional love
 

Niggles

custom title:
Jan 5, 2019
442
751
AFL Club
Richmond
Had to say goodbye to my dog last night. He was my best mate for 15 years. He had been sick with lymphoma over the past 6 weeks or so and there was the inevitability but it was all pretty sudden the way it happened yesterday. Within 5 hours from getting home from work as normal, he was then gone. Has anyone been through something similar? Any advise on dealing with it? I'm at peace in the sense that I know we did what was right for him and was there right at the end by his side, but it's just so tough to deal with.
Whilst i've never posted in this thread. I have read every post on it through a common interest but this above post really hit me so I'd thought I'll share my story. 10 years ago, me and my wife lost our beloved staffy in a very hard way. He was our first child together before we did have kids. He was the most gentle loving sole. Loved by all in the family and the the protector of the kids. At this point he was around 10 or so years old and the kids were 5 and 7. We'd also adopted a little fox terrier along the way for a companion when us humans were not home. He was as fit as a fiddle, walked daily with his little foxy mate.

The first incident happened on a Saturday arvo totally out of nowhere. He had a fit of some kind spinning around in circles. I tried to help but was powerless. Eventually it stopped but he had blood running out his nose. This same thing happened another 3-4 times over the weekend so Monday we rang the vets and was told it was some incurable condition and would be best to put him down at his age. When the kids were at school on the Monday, we had the vet come to our house to do it as the staffy was so scared of the vets. Would tremble and sulk as soon as we'd pull up at the vet building usually

10 minutes before the vet arrived, he had another of these fits and by far the worst and longest. Being upset over this anyway, I'll never forget the screams he made whilst holding him down as the vet struggled putting that bloody needle in him. But just a quick it was over. Traumatised, I buried him in our back yard and just had the one little foxy now.

Anyway, this was the beginning of my downfall. I was on painkillers anyway for a chronic neck injury, but now I started to abuse them to take away my mental pain. Then would go to the docs complaining they were not working so changed to a even heavier pill, one you need increased every few weeks to do the same job. I'm sure some of you will know it. I started mixing them with alcohol to get the required numbness to deal with it and now even life. Was a downhill spiral from then on and even though we got another staffy around 8 months later, I was still unable to cope with life without abusing substances.

I had mild depression anyway before the incident, but now was spiralling out of control. I was suicidal. Through my support network I had built along this downfall it has taken me this long to basically pick myself up and get off those awful meds and now the grog. I now attend AA 3 times a week. Through these meetings I can finally see a future for myself again. Luckily my wife put up with my sh*t for all those years and we are still together.

Anyway, the point of my rambling as you probably realise was to advise you to not go down the substance abuse path to cope as it is a temporary fix that actually made my life hell for around 8 years. I wanted out, all over a dog FFS, but thank god for AA. We now have the newer staffy and a dalmation and I just cherish every moment I get with them. Pets help children deal with sickness and death and are a must for every family I beleive.
 

rdhopkins2

Carpe Diem
Oct 1, 2002
17,450
9,520
Melbourne
AFL Club
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It has most certainly been a difficult summer for many with the bushfires and now we have the uncertainty regarding the Coronavirus global pandemic. A reminder to reach out for support if you are struggling. Never struggle alone.
 

theprospect

Club Legend
Sep 26, 2016
2,753
10,501
Melbourne
AFL Club
St Kilda
Whilst i've never posted in this thread. I have read every post on it through a common interest but this above post really hit me so I'd thought I'll share my story. 10 years ago, me and my wife lost our beloved staffy in a very hard way. He was our first child together before we did have kids. He was the most gentle loving sole. Loved by all in the family and the the protector of the kids. At this point he was around 10 or so years old and the kids were 5 and 7. We'd also adopted a little fox terrier along the way for a companion when us humans were not home. He was as fit as a fiddle, walked daily with his little foxy mate.

The first incident happened on a Saturday arvo totally out of nowhere. He had a fit of some kind spinning around in circles. I tried to help but was powerless. Eventually it stopped but he had blood running out his nose. This same thing happened another 3-4 times over the weekend so Monday we rang the vets and was told it was some incurable condition and would be best to put him down at his age. When the kids were at school on the Monday, we had the vet come to our house to do it as the staffy was so scared of the vets. Would tremble and sulk as soon as we'd pull up at the vet building usually

10 minutes before the vet arrived, he had another of these fits and by far the worst and longest. Being upset over this anyway, I'll never forget the screams he made whilst holding him down as the vet struggled putting that bloody needle in him. But just a quick it was over. Traumatised, I buried him in our back yard and just had the one little foxy now.

Anyway, this was the beginning of my downfall. I was on painkillers anyway for a chronic neck injury, but now I started to abuse them to take away my mental pain. Then would go to the docs complaining they were not working so changed to a even heavier pill, one you need increased every few weeks to do the same job. I'm sure some of you will know it. I started mixing them with alcohol to get the required numbness to deal with it and now even life. Was a downhill spiral from then on and even though we got another staffy around 8 months later, I was still unable to cope with life without abusing substances.

I had mild depression anyway before the incident, but now was spiralling out of control. I was suicidal. Through my support network I had built along this downfall it has taken me this long to basically pick myself up and get off those awful meds and now the grog. I now attend AA 3 times a week. Through these meetings I can finally see a future for myself again. Luckily my wife put up with my sh*t for all those years and we are still together.

Anyway, the point of my rambling as you probably realise was to advise you to not go down the substance abuse path to cope as it is a temporary fix that actually made my life hell for around 8 years. I wanted out, all over a dog FFS, but thank god for AA. We now have the newer staffy and a dalmation and I just cherish every moment I get with them. Pets help children deal with sickness and death and are a must for every family I beleive.
Sorry to hear man, that sounds awful. A testemant that you have been able to get through such a difficult time and overcome it. I'm not a huge drinker or anything like that, however it can be a path anyone can fall into in tough times. Thanks for the advice and for sharing that experience.
 

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Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,042
12,604
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
It’s tough alright
I lost my old dog about a year ago now
She was 21,so did really well
She’d been with me through all the sh*t in my life, and still loved me unconditionally
I miss her
21?! That's extraordinary! I've never had a dog that lived more than 13-14. My dog is now in the final years of his life. I find it's on my mind that I won't have him for much longer - it makes me give him a lot more pats and cuddles at random times. Pets are the most soothing presence in life, and they make you go walking when you'd otherwise sit on your ass. It's a mental health super-drug.
 

Glacier

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 28, 2007
5,142
7,181
close
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Hawthorn
21?! That's extraordinary! I've never had a dog that lived more than 13-14. My dog is now in the final years of his life. I find it's on my mind that I won't have him for much longer - it makes me give him a lot more pats and cuddles at random times. Pets are the most soothing presence in life, and they make you go walking when you'd otherwise sit on your ass. It's a mental health super-drug.
Yep 21
And that’s just a guess because she wasn’t a pup when I found her
She was very young but not a little puppy
 

Hank Scorpion

Premiership Player
Nov 17, 2013
3,252
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Victoria
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Anyone else absolutely dreading the mental drain of a coronavirus lockdown?

Have gotten myself into a much better state over the past few months, mostly through work. I'm lucky enough to be fairly secure in my job, which is more than many right now, but just in the short-term, being away from my workmates, living alone, no other close friends here - could be a very depressing 2+ weeks when it's called.
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,848
4,736
AFL Club
Adelaide
The Corona virus pandemic is certainly an interesting time. I'm seeing more cases of anxiety, but maybe it will lead to an overall increased in compassion to those who are suffering? Particularly in a time when everyone is likely to be suffering, directly or indirectly.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,042
12,604
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
The Corona virus pandemic is certainly an interesting time. I'm seeing more cases of anxiety, but maybe it will lead to an overall increased in compassion to those who are suffering? Particularly in a time when everyone is likely to be suffering, directly or indirectly.
The anxiety is palpable. It's something I've never seen in my lifetime. I do think it has done what you've said to some degree - although I think it's also exposed equally maladjusted behaviours like hoarding and selfish shopping. Humanity is being exposed for its strengths and weaknesses at the moment. Hopefully we learn from it so we handle the next crisis with more aplomb. Assume we survive this one, of course. :p
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,848
4,736
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Adelaide
The anxiety is palpable. It's something I've never seen in my lifetime. I do think it has done what you've said to some degree - although I think it's also exposed equally maladjusted behaviours like hoarding and selfish shopping. Humanity is being exposed for its strengths and weaknesses at the moment. Hopefully we learn from it so we handle the next crisis with more aplomb. Assume we survive this one, of course. :p
Stay calm, the situation is currently within our control. Assuming the majority are keeping good hygiene and social distancing measures. Thankfully, the majority appear to be sensible and understand that we need to all help each other. Hoarders be damned!
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,042
12,604
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Stay calm, the situation is currently within our control. Assuming the majority are keeping good hygiene and social distancing measures. Thankfully, the majority appear to be sensible and understand that we need to all help each other. Hoarders be damned!
Thanks John, I'm actually feeling pretty calm about it myself. But I've noticed a fair bit of unrest in the general population. People around me are scared for me because I'm diabetic. But I don't think I'm at particularly higher risk than those around me. I'm looking after my health very well with diet and exercise and keeping an eagle-eye on my sugars. Part of the societal anxiety is fear of the unknown. I think as we come to understand this situation better, the fear will die down and people will revert back to common sense and precautions.
 

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