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Chief

Electric Boogaloo
Dec 1, 1999
87,430
60,833
Brisbane
AFL Club
Carlton
Can we just rename this the window dressing thread?

Where mods can hide uncomfortable discussions so people don't need to be confronted by reality.
This is a supportive thread and the discussions about “why isn’t there a march for men?” and the like are counterproductive and belong elsewhere.

And that’s the end of it.

Thank you for understanding.
 
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Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,055
12,645
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Can we just rename this the window dressing thread?

Where mods can hide uncomfortable discussions so people don't need to be confronted by reality.
It's been operating perfectly well without your input. Not everything has to run to your hard-hitting narrative. Just steer clear if it's not your cup of tea, but as Chief said, it's a supportive thread.
 

Chief

Electric Boogaloo
Dec 1, 1999
87,430
60,833
Brisbane
AFL Club
Carlton
It's been operating perfectly well without your input. Not everything has to run to your hard-hitting narrative. Just steer clear if it's not your cup of tea, but as Chief said, it's a supportive thread.
Although I do have to point out that posts from another thread were put here which in hindsight was a bad place for them. They have been moved to their own thread now.
 

Cicatriz

All Australian
Sep 25, 2005
841
784
Melbourne
AFL Club
Geelong
My wife occasionally talks of suicide. Probably every three to six months. I know she doesn't talk with me about it all of the time.
She is often anxious, most days it seems.
As a partner it can be really, really tough. I try to listen, I try to counsel. I try to talk of all the amazing things in our life. In the end I don't know for sure if I'm helping or just delaying.
 

Dogs_R_Us

Space Traveller
May 3, 2001
12,894
13,041
Sirius - the Dogstar
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
My wife occasionally talks of suicide. Probably every three to six months. I know she doesn't talk with me about it all of the time.
She is often anxious, most days it seems.
As a partner it can be really, really tough. I try to listen, I try to counsel. I try to talk of all the amazing things in our life. In the end I don't know for sure if I'm helping or just delaying.
Can you steer her towards getting professional help? Does she like/trust her GP?
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,569
10,266
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
My wife occasionally talks of suicide. Probably every three to six months. I know she doesn't talk with me about it all of the time.
She is often anxious, most days it seems.
As a partner it can be really, really tough. I try to listen, I try to counsel. I try to talk of all the amazing things in our life. In the end I don't know for sure if I'm helping or just delaying.
oh Im so sorry you are going through this. That must be so tough to witness and feel like nothing you do can help. When I have a period of intense anxiety, occasionally with depression, I can find it really hard to get out of my head and find perspective. I can lose interest or pleasure in the things I usually love very quickly, including spending time with loved ones. But I've learnt through professional help that these periods pass if I dont add to the anguish by worrying about worrying, or getting down about being down.

Other than the professional helpI've had, and things I do for myself, my wife helps me in these ways:
- she doesnt add to my worry by worrying about me (too much), especially when I say I'm struggling. She understands this is fairly normal for me and is happy to let me do what I need to do to find my way out. Sometimes that involves being on my own, other times I want us to go and do stuff.
- she is ready to listen when I want to talk, but also knows there are times when I dont want to. She shows lots of patience
- she remains encouraging
- she gets involved in the things I do to help myself, such as mindfulness and walking
- she knows some of my behaviour is based on how bad I feel. She doesnt take it personally or judge me for it

I'm sure you've already been very supportive without knowing how much. But I encourage you to continue to remain patient and encouraging, especially in her efforts to help herself.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,055
12,645
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
oh Im so sorry you are going through this. That must be so tough to witness and feel like nothing you do can help. When I have a period of intense anxiety, occasionally with depression, I can find it really hard to get out of my head and find perspective. I can lose interest or pleasure in the things I usually love very quickly, including spending time with loved ones. But I've learnt through professional help that these periods pass if I dont add to the anguish by worrying about worrying, or getting down about being down.

Other than the professional helpI've had, and things I do for myself, my wife helps me in these ways:
- she doesnt add to my worry by worrying about me (too much), especially when I say I'm struggling. She understands this is fairly normal for me and is happy to let me do what I need to do to find my way out. Sometimes that involves being on my own, other times I want us to go and do stuff.
- she is ready to listen when I want to talk, but also knows there are times when I dont want to. She shows lots of patience
- she remains encouraging
- she gets involved in the things I do to help myself, such as mindfulness and walking
- she knows some of my behaviour is based on how bad I feel. She doesnt take it personally or judge me for it

I'm sure you've already been very supportive without knowing how much. But I encourage you to continue to remain patient and encouraging, especially in her efforts to help herself.
Your wife sounds bloody brilliant, mate! What a difference that can make.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,055
12,645
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Thanks, she is. In fact I really dont have much to complain about which makes me feel guilty when I dont feel well. Funny how our mind can find negatives in pretty much any situation
I've mostly trained myself out of that habit now. I don't really have depressive episodes anymore like I did when I was younger. Anxiety, yes, at times, but not depression. I consider myself very lucky on that score - although I also know it is the outcome of a lot of hard work I did in terms of disciplining my mind. I won't ever be complacent about it though because well-being is something everyone needs to keep applying themselves to in order to maintain it. But certainly, some people face bigger challenges than other with respect to how hard it is to attain/maintain. One thing that has really helped me to level out is changing my diet. Since I got off carbs, my mind is so much clearer, my nervous system is more resilient, my blood sugar levels are more stable. I think it's the whole hormone stabilisation combined with metabolic stability that has helped enormously. There are also strong links with the low-carb diet and serotonin/dopamine levels being much more stable. I urge anyone who feels they have tried everything to try a low carb/ketogenic diet. It is a known anti-depressant for many people. It has a very good affect on neurotransmitter activity and nerve health. Keto diets also reduce inflammation and cortisol (stress hormone), which is obviously a good thing. Most depressed people don't eat that well, or are caught up in comfort eating routines that involve high sugar/carbs and a lot of inflammation. Getting that in order is a good platform for feeling a lot better when you consider that the mind is an extension of your physical body. Intermittent fasting is also great for mind and body. I have even done some prolonged fasts this year. I went 8 days without eating and felt brilliant! Your body enters a state of "autophagy" which is when your body does some serious housecleaning and removed a lot of toxic and dysfunctional crap out of your system. It also resensitises your brain to dopamine and serotonin - which has a great effect on mood. Possibly a bit out there for some of you, but I swear by it now, having done it 6 or 7 times this year.
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,848
4,738
AFL Club
Adelaide
My wife occasionally talks of suicide. Probably every three to six months. I know she doesn't talk with me about it all of the time.
She is often anxious, most days it seems.
As a partner it can be really, really tough. I try to listen, I try to counsel. I try to talk of all the amazing things in our life. In the end I don't know for sure if I'm helping or just delaying.
It’s never easy in this type of situation and all you can really do is do the best you can. Regarding the last sentence in the above, if you’re not sure whether you’re helping/delaying, then it should really be about you pointing her to the right direction eg. GP/psychologist/psychiatrist. Then it’s their job to hopefully lead her to the path of recovery.

Also please remember mental illness mixed with suicidal thoughts is a severe form of mental illness, and positive encouragement often isn’t enough. Your wife may need medications to get her through or perhaps even a psychiatric admission? This is why I strongly encourage you to get your wife to seek professional help. All the best!
 

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John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
6,848
4,738
AFL Club
Adelaide
I've mostly trained myself out of that habit now. I don't really have depressive episodes anymore like I did when I was younger. Anxiety, yes, at times, but not depression. I consider myself very lucky on that score - although I also know it is the outcome of a lot of hard work I did in terms of disciplining my mind. I won't ever be complacent about it though because well-being is something everyone needs to keep applying themselves to in order to maintain it. But certainly, some people face bigger challenges than other with respect to how hard it is to attain/maintain. One thing that has really helped me to level out is changing my diet. Since I got off carbs, my mind is so much clearer, my nervous system is more resilient, my blood sugar levels are more stable. I think it's the whole hormone stabilisation combined with metabolic stability that has helped enormously. There are also strong links with the low-carb diet and serotonin/dopamine levels being much more stable. I urge anyone who feels they have tried everything to try a low carb/ketogenic diet. It is a known anti-depressant for many people. It has a very good affect on neurotransmitter activity and nerve health. Keto diets also reduce inflammation and cortisol (stress hormone), which is obviously a good thing. Most depressed people don't eat that well, or are caught up in comfort eating routines that involve high sugar/carbs and a lot of inflammation. Getting that in order is a good platform for feeling a lot better when you consider that the mind is an extension of your physical body. Intermittent fasting is also great for mind and body. I have even done some prolonged fasts this year. I went 8 days without eating and felt brilliant! Your body enters a state of "autophagy" which is when your body does some serious housecleaning and removed a lot of toxic and dysfunctional crap out of your system. It also resensitises your brain to dopamine and serotonin - which has a great effect on mood. Possibly a bit out there for some of you, but I swear by it now, having done it 6 or 7 times this year.
Some good healthy tips in the above quote. Just would like to comment on the prolonged fasting sessions. I would err on the side of caution for new starters because they possibly might cause serious side effects for some individuals eg. hypoglycaemia, low salts; which in turn can lead to significant dizziness, fatigue, arrhythmia or faints.
Otherwise I’m in favour of your general mantra of “being proactive of prevention of mental illness”. :)
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,055
12,645
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Some good healthy tips in the above quote. Just would like to comment on the prolonged fasting sessions. I would err on the side of caution for new starters because they possibly might cause serious side effects for some individuals eg. hypoglycaemia, low salts; which in turn can lead to significant dizziness, fatigue, arrhythmia or faints.
Otherwise I’m in favour of your general mantra of “being proactive of prevention of mental illness”. :)
That's true, John, you have to work your way up to prolonged fasting. I started with intermittent fasting, eating once a day, then 2-3 day fasting, then regular 3 days, then 5 days, then up to 7-8 days. I take some electrolytes to guard against the symptoms of dizziness - 50/50 mix of sodium/potassium and some magnesium does the trick for me. My blood pressure has been fantastic since I started this new plan. You can't just dive into full on fasting if you're used to a carb rich diet. You have to get your reliance on carbs down first, if not outright keto. I found once I was fat adapted, I could fast with ease and I feel very sharp and vital while doing so. It's not for everyone, but I think it's something people could put some research into if they want to try a natural approach to managing their health and mood. It's certainly been the most potent thing I've ever tried. I think the constant rebounding of carbohydrates and insulin levels and blood sugar is quite destabilising to multiple aspects of one's health. If nothing else, i think all people should eliminate sugar and junk food from their diet - which is hard to do if you're addicted to it, but the benefits are enormous. Diet and health is essential for mental health.
 

Lemma

Premiership Player
Jun 4, 2010
4,185
1,227
Fogarty St
AFL Club
North Melbourne
(I'm in Melbourne)
Anyone else just a bit aimless at the moment? I'm lucky enough to still have a job, but when I get home- what do people do? I mostly just cook dinner and read and sleep. Just feeling pretty uninspired-is this what life is? Maybe I need a new hobby- can anyone suggest a good iso hobby?
Not knowing when the lockdown will end is really draining- anyway just felt like venting a little.

I hope everyone is doing OK :)
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,569
10,266
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
(I'm in Melbourne)
Anyone else just a bit aimless at the moment? I'm lucky enough to still have a job, but when I get home- what do people do? I mostly just cook dinner and read and sleep. Just feeling pretty uninspired-is this what life is? Maybe I need a new hobby- can anyone suggest a good iso hobby?
Not knowing when the lockdown will end is really draining- anyway just felt like venting a little.

I hope everyone is doing OK :)
I feel like this often at the moment. I don't think we are alone either. It'll pass, just make the most of it. Find something different to do. Jigsaw, learn an instrument, research and dive into a new hobby
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,055
12,645
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
(I'm in Melbourne)
Anyone else just a bit aimless at the moment? I'm lucky enough to still have a job, but when I get home- what do people do? I mostly just cook dinner and read and sleep. Just feeling pretty uninspired-is this what life is? Maybe I need a new hobby- can anyone suggest a good iso hobby?
Not knowing when the lockdown will end is really draining- anyway just felt like venting a little.

I hope everyone is doing OK :)
Go grab yourself a guitar and go for it!
 

LeverPuller

BigFooty Tanker
Jun 23, 2011
31,533
34,868
Q49, Olympic Stand
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Newcastle United Seattle Seahawks
Well it’s as good a time as any.
Two weeks ago I lost my job due to a shitty boss.
Today my housemate told me she’s moving out and my landlord said if I can’t scoped taking the lease solo I have to move out.

Got 4 weeks. With no proof of income to put on a rental form.

Had a panic attack this afternoon. The dark place is back.
 

Shane Heard

Premiership Player
Mar 11, 2018
3,579
6,094
AFL Club
Essendon
The best forum on the interwebs that’s full of never ending positive videos and pics that’ll make you smile...🙂

 

Chief

Electric Boogaloo
Dec 1, 1999
87,430
60,833
Brisbane
AFL Club
Carlton
Well it’s as good a time as any.
Two weeks ago I lost my job due to a shitty boss.
Today my housemate told me she’s moving out and my landlord said if I can’t scoped taking the lease solo I have to move out.

Got 4 weeks. With no proof of income to put on a rental form.

Had a panic attack this afternoon. The dark place is back.
Sorry to hear this mate.
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
24,569
10,266
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
Well it’s as good a time as any.
Two weeks ago I lost my job due to a shitty boss.
Today my housemate told me she’s moving out and my landlord said if I can’t scoped taking the lease solo I have to move out.

Got 4 weeks. With no proof of income to put on a rental form.

Had a panic attack this afternoon. The dark place is back.
bugger. Got family or friends you could stay with until you find your feet?
 

Deliverance

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 19, 2011
10,157
14,022
MCG
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Well it’s as good a time as any.
Two weeks ago I lost my job due to a shitty boss.
Today my housemate told me she’s moving out and my landlord said if I can’t scoped taking the lease solo I have to move out.

Got 4 weeks. With no proof of income to put on a rental form.

Had a panic attack this afternoon. The dark place is back.
That sucks mate. Any gov supports you can call on?
 

LeverPuller

BigFooty Tanker
Jun 23, 2011
31,533
34,868
Q49, Olympic Stand
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Newcastle United Seattle Seahawks
bugger. Got family or friends you could stay with until you find your feet?
A couple of mates but we’re in the height of a pandemic and I’m freaking out about not finding a job. White collar everything has evaporated with no end in sight.

That sucks mate. Any gov supports you can call on?
In the process of doing it but I’m so bloody worried that I won’t get a rental.
 

Deliverance

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 19, 2011
10,157
14,022
MCG
AFL Club
Hawthorn
A couple of mates but we’re in the height of a pandemic and I’m freaking out about not finding a job. White collar everything has evaporated with no end in sight.



In the process of doing it but I’m so bloody worried that I won’t get a rental.
You could potentially lowball a long term agreement with an air bnb'er? Not ideal obviously, but could buy some time. Or maybe rent a room off Gumtree. Just offer below what they're asking.
 

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