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nobbyiscool

Brownlow Medallist
Aug 11, 2006
14,133
15,872
Democratic People's Republic of Victoria
AFL Club
West Coast
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Raiders/TasTigers/MV/Iggles
15 to 20 grand if I want to see my kids again. The legal system is a joke.
May I ask about this? Sorry if it's inappropriate, and it's totally fine if you don't answer. But I have a mate currently going through Family Court, he doesn't trust his lawyer and, as his "smart friend", he keeps asking me about a system I know nothing about.

The only thing I could think of was unpaid child maintenance? But surely they don't hold your own children over you as a bargaining tool?
 

Jack The Godfather

07, 09, 11
Feb 16, 2007
71,790
77,589
On Top Of The World
AFL Club
Geelong
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Syd FC, Pelicans, Saints
May I ask about this? Sorry if it's inappropriate, and it's totally fine if you don't answer. But I have a mate currently going through Family Court, he doesn't trust his lawyer and, as his "smart friend", he keeps asking me about a system I know nothing about.

The only thing I could think of was unpaid child maintenance? But surely they don't hold your own children over you as a bargaining tool?
Yes, correct
 

nobbyiscool

Brownlow Medallist
Aug 11, 2006
14,133
15,872
Democratic People's Republic of Victoria
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Raiders/TasTigers/MV/Iggles
Yes, correct
Wow. Nuts. That's extremely depressing that kids can be used as a bargaining chip if you're otherwise a good father and a good influence.

I grew up poor because of an absent father, and certainly believe your kids' mother should be able to garner from pay cheques and tax returns if you're just being a campaigner about court-ordered child support (I draw the line at garnering welfare, cos being on welfare means poverty already) - but man, I'm really sorry that a court puts a dollar value on the influence you can and should have on your children. That's not how the system should work. Nor is it how anyone should want it to work.

I hope you can find some sort of resolution.
 

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Jack The Godfather

07, 09, 11
Feb 16, 2007
71,790
77,589
On Top Of The World
AFL Club
Geelong
Other Teams
Syd FC, Pelicans, Saints
Wow. Nuts. That's extremely depressing that kids can be used as a bargaining chip if you're otherwise a good father and a good influence.

I grew up poor because of an absent father, and certainly believe your kids' mother should be able to garner from pay cheques and tax returns if you're just being a campaigner about court-ordered child support (I draw the line at garnering welfare, cos being on welfare means poverty already) - but man, I'm really sorry that a court puts a dollar value on the influence you can and should have on your children. That's not how the system should work. Nor is it how anyone should want it to work.

I hope you can find some sort of resolution.
It's sad but I'm not giving up.
 

PhatBoy

Brownlow Medallist
May 5, 2016
25,643
26,866
AFL Club
Geelong
What's going on, mate?
Long story. Issues with my wife that just never ever stop. I’ve been single for the best part of 6 months, just trying to get my head together and work out whether I can fix my marriage or start a relationship with the girl I originally left her for etc. I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve simply been trying to get better mentally and be a good dad.

turns out my missus is still stalking my phone bills and feeding the kids’ heads full of garbage and trying to control everything that I do. She has publicly shamed me, sat and listened on speaker while I told my parents what I did, bashed me, and recently when I met this other person for coffee, went and picked up the kids and dropped them off where I was to try and make a point. I don’t feel equal or like I’ve got a voice anymore and when I stand up for myself it just goes to sh*t. I love my kids but I am so tired of the pain and hurt. It is exhausting
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,268
13,109
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Long story. Issues with my wife that just never ever stop. I’ve been single for the best part of 6 months, just trying to get my head together and work out whether I can fix my marriage or start a relationship with the girl I originally left her for etc. I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve simply been trying to get better mentally and be a good dad.

turns out my missus is still stalking my phone bills and feeding the kids’ heads full of garbage and trying to control everything that I do. She has publicly shamed me, sat and listened on speaker while I told my parents what I did, bashed me, and recently when I met this other person for coffee, went and picked up the kids and dropped them off where I was to try and make a point. I don’t feel equal or like I’ve got a voice anymore and when I stand up for myself it just goes to sh*t. I love my kids but I am so tired of the pain and hurt. It is exhausting
Sounds rough mate. What's your heart telling you? Do you want to be with your wife still? Or the other girl? Is fixing your marriage an actual option at this point, based on what she's saying? Or are you feeling not quite right about either of them? It definitely sounds like you shouldn't put yourself through any drastic changes at the moment. You need time to stabilise so you can work out your next move. Make sure you aren't spending too much time alone - try to hang out with friends or even just your parents. When you're on the edge, isolation is the worst strategy.

One suggestion: the best way to neutralise the issue of children being poisoned against one parent is to take the next opportunity you are all together (yourself, your wife, and the kids) is to make a brief statement of the variety "ok, I just want to say that I know things have been rocky lately and there has been a lot of upset and anger. I just want to promise you that I'm really going to work hard on our problems so we can be happier and less upset. I don't want you kids caught in the middle and we are going to try to sort this out so you don't have to see us fighting anymore. I love you all and we'll get through this".

I think it's an important statement to make because it reminds the kids of your commitment to them, and that this tension won't last forever. It also reminds them that you aren't wanting to put them through this, but you are also taking responsibility for it. It reduces the demonisation factor that your wife may have been employing with them. Kids aren't stupid, they know your wife is biased, but a courageous statement in front of everybody shows leadership and commitment to your collective well-being. I'm not sure how possible it would be in your situation to do this, but if you can, I would do it. It brings things out into the open rather than sneaky backroom talk. It also shows leadership and maturity to your wife that you're not wanting to be part of the sniping and tit-for-tat stuff anymore. You'll need that whether you choose to reconcile with her or whether you're just going to be co-parents.

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here - feel free to disregard what I've said if it irritates you. Unsolicited advice can be a PITA, I know! Anyway, keep posting here - it's a good non-judgemental place, with some great people and support.
 

BattlerGM

Team Captain
Jun 16, 2016
404
485
AFL Club
Essendon
Hey all.

Depression is pretty much all I've ever known throughout my adult life. There was no trigger. I have a terrific family and face no financial troubles. I suspect my condition is largely genetic or perhaps more nature rather than nurture. I've been trying to get on top of it all my entire adult life. A GP will go down the whole 'try meds, therapy and CBD' path. If I hear that rehearsed bullshit anymore I'll do me fu**in' narna. I've tried many things and symptoms persist. TMS didn't work. Naturopathy didn't work. My most recent attempt at treatment involved CBD oil which has also proven fruitless.

Anyone have any suggestions?
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,268
13,109
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Hey all.

Depression is pretty much all I've ever known throughout my adult life. There was no trigger. I have a terrific family and face no financial troubles. I suspect my condition is largely genetic or perhaps more nature rather than nurture. I've been trying to get on top of it all my entire adult life. A GP will go down the whole 'try meds, therapy and CBD' path. If I hear that rehearsed bullshit anymore I'll do me fu**in' narna. I've tried many things and symptoms persist. TMS didn't work. Naturopathy didn't work. My most recent attempt at treatment involved CBD oil which has also proven fruitless.

Anyone have any suggestions?
This might sound a bit out there, but have you ever tried fasting? A lot of people report that regular fasting provides a massive benefit in terms of depression. It's something I do myself for health reasons, and I have noticed that I'm basically incapable of feeling depressed when I'm on a fast. Of course, you have to make sure you're eating well in conjunction with that, but I think it's something you could look into. Another thing you might want to consider is your diet in general. Giving up sugar is very important - swings in blood sugar are very destabilising on mood. If you think you could manage a keto diet, that can help a lot. I could launch into reasons why, but if you're interested in exploring that, give me a PM.
 

BattlerGM

Team Captain
Jun 16, 2016
404
485
AFL Club
Essendon
I've tried changes in diet. Fasting isn't really an option because I'm trying to put weight on (weight training). I've done a keto diet before. Didn't notice much of a difference and found it too difficult to stick to.

Besides, I think it would take more than a change in diet. Something is, and always has been, wrong. Would love to know how to treat it.
 

Antzzz

Team Captain
Sep 26, 2018
355
857
AFL Club
Richmond
Long story. Issues with my wife that just never ever stop. I’ve been single for the best part of 6 months, just trying to get my head together and work out whether I can fix my marriage or start a relationship with the girl I originally left her for etc. I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve simply been trying to get better mentally and be a good dad.

turns out my missus is still stalking my phone bills and feeding the kids’ heads full of garbage and trying to control everything that I do. She has publicly shamed me, sat and listened on speaker while I told my parents what I did, bashed me, and recently when I met this other person for coffee, went and picked up the kids and dropped them off where I was to try and make a point. I don’t feel equal or like I’ve got a voice anymore and when I stand up for myself it just goes to sh*t. I love my kids but I am so tired of the pain and hurt. It is exhausting
I’m been through similar things and it does get better .... I thought I had lost my kids because of an affair but I’ve been seeing a therapist and it really does help .... my daughters are angry at what I did but they love me for trying to work things out with my therapist... but my ex was also supportive even with what I had done ... don’t give up Brother ... hang in there
 
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Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,268
13,109
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I've tried changes in diet. Fasting isn't really an option because I'm trying to put weight on (weight training). I've done a keto diet before. Didn't notice much of a difference and found it too difficult to stick to.

Besides, I think it would take more than a change in diet. Something is, and always has been, wrong. Would love to know how to treat it.
Fasting isn't the same as keto. You wouldn't know the effects of fasting unless you have tried it. Keto can be compatible with fasting though. It might take more than a diet change, yes, but I wouldn't be too quick to declare diet changes as just tinkering around the edges - nutrition and metabolism are at the very core of well-being.
 

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John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
7,236
5,144
AFL Club
Adelaide
I've tried changes in diet. Fasting isn't really an option because I'm trying to put weight on (weight training). I've done a keto diet before. Didn't notice much of a difference and found it too difficult to stick to.

Besides, I think it would take more than a change in diet. Something is, and always has been, wrong. Would love to know how to treat it.
Mental illness should be seen as a longterm chronic condition, such as diabetes or epilepsy. The aim in most cases is to control and manage the symptoms rather completely be cured from it. In other words, psychiatric medications are not aimed at “curing”. My general advice:
- acceptance of the condition is a critical aspect of management.
- healthy lifestyle (diet in moderation, regular exercise)
- focusing on things that you enjoy doing
- avoid dealing with people who continually bring you down, the key word being “continually”.
- have you done a genetic testing to see which medications might be more suitable for your condition?
 

John Who

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 16, 2017
7,236
5,144
AFL Club
Adelaide
Just wishing everyone who participated on this thread a happy new year! No doubt this has been a tough year for us all, so hope we all can stay strong and battle the tough fight. If the knees are buckling, hope you can find the right GP/psychologist/psychiatrist, to help you to a better road to mental wellbeing.

I’ll leave with this one thought, that I’ve come up with:
Are you weak for feeling frail and that the world feels like crumbling around you?
Or are you strong in a world that is crumbling, and you are still standing?
 

Dogs_R_Us

Space Traveller
May 3, 2001
14,600
15,199
Sirius - the Dogstar
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Recently read an article (ok on Facebook, but on Classic FM page) that listening to Beethoven's music is beneficial to the brain. People swear it has eased their depression. Well hey, it's worth a try, and pretty much free. Bach, also.
 

Fossie 32

Premium Platinum
Oct 6, 2002
22,930
13,389
1300GODOGS
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Melbourne..VICTORY, Leeds
I was feeling a bit sh*t about myself and gloomy about the new year and a relative sent me this in an email today which was good timing.
Never simple to put these things into practice but a nice concept!

PS Thanks to whoever said making your bed every day is a good thing. I always do that now and think of your advice :)
Best wishes to you all.


"Hard times are often blessings in disguise. Let go and let life strengthen you. No matter how much it hurts, hold your head up and keep going. This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a rough day, a bad month, or a crappy year. Truth be told, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most. Your past was never a mistake if you learned from it. So, take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in your heart labeled... Thank You!." ~ Artist ~ George D Smith


1609472073541.png
 

Nugett

Premiership Player
Apr 2, 2017
4,538
5,247
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Good for you, mate. Once there's no trust, there's no future. I do think she sees the worst because she has a secretive nature herself. Tranferance of guilt is quite possible, although it could also just be crippling self-doubt and associated paranoia. In any case, she's not working through these issues, and she's not letting you in on how to solve them. She's just escalating the problems, and calling you a liar. You can't do much with that. I hope you will feel relieved soon, once the grief of the breakup subsides a little. It's always hard, even when you know it needs to happen. But I think you are a straight up guy, and it not good for you have to hear your honesty and character being questioned all the time. That's no way to live. Just the fact that she had a relationship with somebody 15 years younger speaks to a certain adolescent level of maturity - which doesn't work if you're an adult and wanting things to make sense and be stable. Good luck with finding a new place and making a new start. Keep us posted!
Once again I’m at a cross roads. As I did believe that we got everything sorted out. I was able to see her point of view, she told me she could see it from mine. Since then, we have had our ups and downs. The same pattern always emerges though, sometimes I can see her point of view and I admit to that, such as me ignoring her on Xmas day, as I was in tassie with family, while she had to work. While I FaceTimed her that morning, I didn’t really make much more of an effort than that.

however last night she was on her phone doing her thing, chatting to people, and the like. I was on my phone reading a Facebook article on the Capitol Hill riots and reading the comments section. Then all of a sudden I’m being accused of being in a Facebook group liking other girls photos. While we are still talking to each other, she does not believe me, as she has reason to doubt me.

I do firmly believe that I am being emotionally abused, in the sense that I feel that I cannot talk to my friends anymore, especially if they happen to be female. After a disagreement it’s usually it’s over it’s finished, pack your things ect. The blame somehow always shifts to being on my shoulders. She tells me to go and reconsider my feelings for other people(which I know I don’t have to do, as I already know that they are plutonic and are just friends) she has admitted that she does get jealous and doesn’t like that I do have single female friends.

my sister warned me that I will have to let her go for my own benefit. I know she is right. Despite my deep love for my partner, I also know my own self worth and self beliefs. Currently being in Queensland with a lockdown for the weekend, with it potentially being longer, it is going to make me leaving even more harder. I have mentioned counselling before, but she hates the idea. I would honestly love for us to reconnect and sort our crap out, but going by her actions, I don't know that I can keep doing it to myself.

In a way I am disappointed as she brought us tickets to an island thing at the end of April. I brought us tickets to Tasmania at Easter time so she could meet my family, now it appears that the money on these things has been wasted.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,268
13,109
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Once again I’m at a cross roads. As I did believe that we got everything sorted out. I was able to see her point of view, she told me she could see it from mine. Since then, we have had our ups and downs. The same pattern always emerges though, sometimes I can see her point of view and I admit to that, such as me ignoring her on Xmas day, as I was in tassie with family, while she had to work. While I FaceTimed her that morning, I didn’t really make much more of an effort than that.

however last night she was on her phone doing her thing, chatting to people, and the like. I was on my phone reading a Facebook article on the Capitol Hill riots and reading the comments section. Then all of a sudden I’m being accused of being in a Facebook group liking other girls photos. While we are still talking to each other, she does not believe me, as she has reason to doubt me.

I do firmly believe that I am being emotionally abused, in the sense that I feel that I cannot talk to my friends anymore, especially if they happen to be female. After a disagreement it’s usually it’s over it’s finished, pack your things ect. The blame somehow always shifts to being on my shoulders. She tells me to go and reconsider my feelings for other people(which I know I don’t have to do, as I already know that they are plutonic and are just friends) she has admitted that she does get jealous and doesn’t like that I do have single female friends.

my sister warned me that I will have to let her go for my own benefit. I know she is right. Despite my deep love for my partner, I also know my own self worth and self beliefs. Currently being in Queensland with a lockdown for the weekend, with it potentially being longer, it is going to make me leaving even more harder. I have mentioned counselling before, but she hates the idea. I would honestly love for us to reconnect and sort our crap out, but going by her actions, I don't know that I can keep doing it to myself.

In a way I am disappointed as she brought us tickets to an island thing at the end of April. I brought us tickets to Tasmania at Easter time so she could meet my family, now it appears that the money on these things has been wasted.
Yeah, that's disappointing that she's not open to sorting herself out or going to counselling. Without that desire and commitment to improve, how can things change? It's a strange thing that some people decide to double down and stick to what they know rather than sort themselves out. They tend to adopt a haughty "this is who I am, deal with it" attitude rather than embrace change. It's foreclosing on your future development - not a good thing. Once you go that route, the only thing that knocks you out of your complacency is something big like a breakdown or severe illness. What is it about our world that makes it so hard for most people to admit their failings?

I guess you could still come down to Tassie even if she isn't coming. Spending some time with family might be good for you - depending on how you get along with your family, of course!. If you're coming down south, we can meet up for a chat and a beer if you like.
 

Catsnlakers

The World needs more Hank Moody’s.
Oct 2, 2016
5,621
7,330
AFL Club
Geelong
Other Teams
L.A Angels, Anaheim Ducks & M.Stars
Dealing with depression has been something extremely difficult for me to admit, but through the help of my psychologist I have understood it’s not a weakness to talk openly about it....It’s something I hope in time I can deal with without the help of medication ( pristiq ), but I am honestly full of admiration for all you guys talking about this how you have, BF actually is like a little family & I am proud to be apart of it....This site remains the only social media I have, as I really like to converse with likeminded people. Eg massive sports fans. Thank you again. 👍
 

Dogs_R_Us

Space Traveller
May 3, 2001
14,600
15,199
Sirius - the Dogstar
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Dealing with depression has been something extremely difficult for me to admit, but through the help of my psychologist I have understood it’s not a weakness to talk openly about it....It’s something I hope in time I can deal with without the help of medication ( pristiq ), but I am honestly full of admiration for all you guys talking about this how you have, BF actually is like a little family & I am proud to be apart of it....This site remains the only social media I have, as I really like to converse with likeminded people. Eg massive sports fans. Thank you again. 👍
Always know that you are NOT alone. Even if you think you are. Many are on the same journey. Pooling information and experiences is valuable.
 

mouncey2franklin

Norm Smith Medallist
Jun 16, 2018
5,495
7,984
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Fasting isn't really an option because I'm trying to put weight on (weight training).
There's an idea out there, I used to believe it, that fasting will halt or hinder gainz.

It simply isn't true.

I found this out for myself when I tried it back in 2013. It changed my life.

For a beginning point, I recommend leangains.

I know from personal experience that you can fast, lose weight, and put on muscle, all at the same time.

It sounds crazy when you've been fed a lot of disinformation for years.

The only way to undo the disinfo in your mind is to try the counter argument for yourself.

And good on you for using weightlifting to combat depression.

For men, it one of the best and most sensible methods to improve mental health.

I know when I lose my exercise discipline, it is only a matter of time until my mind starts going to bad places.

It sounds too simple, but it is real: healthy body, healthy mind. No coincidence.
 

nobbyiscool

Brownlow Medallist
Aug 11, 2006
14,133
15,872
Democratic People's Republic of Victoria
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Raiders/TasTigers/MV/Iggles
I posted a couple of months ago about how I was nearly at rock bottom, and how badly I was being failed by the health system.

I guess I kind of wanted to deliver a message of hope. I mean, I'm still not better, or even close to it - but I knew that something was wrong, I had a GP who was on my side and prepared to advocate for me and research different services for me, and I kept banging against the different doors.

And I finally found the free service that I needed.

2 weeks ago I finally got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist (paid for by the government) that's been explained to me over the last couple of weeks, and that I've done my own research on, and it makes total sense.

So we're re-doing all my medication; in managing my expectations, my therapist has said expect it to take at least a year of fortnightly sessions before I might be back to say, 50% again. But for me it was important to have a diagnosis that I could research, and that they could put together a definitive plan of medication and therapy for.


I hope it works. For anyone else out there in a similar boat, the help is there - it's much harder to find than it should be if COVID bombed your bank account and you can't afford care (which gives you such an insight into how people fall through those gaps), but it's there.
 

mxett

Brownlow Medallist
Jul 1, 2007
25,190
11,326
Melbourne
AFL Club
Essendon
I posted a couple of months ago about how I was nearly at rock bottom, and how badly I was being failed by the health system.

I guess I kind of wanted to deliver a message of hope. I mean, I'm still not better, or even close to it - but I knew that something was wrong, I had a GP who was on my side and prepared to advocate for me and research different services for me, and I kept banging against the different doors.

And I finally found the free service that I needed.

2 weeks ago I finally got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist (paid for by the government) that's been explained to me over the last couple of weeks, and that I've done my own research on, and it makes total sense.

So we're re-doing all my medication; in managing my expectations, my therapist has said expect it to take at least a year of fortnightly sessions before I might be back to say, 50% again. But for me it was important to have a diagnosis that I could research, and that they could put together a definitive plan of medication and therapy for.


I hope it works. For anyone else out there in a similar boat, the help is there - it's much harder to find than it should be if COVID bombed your bank account and you can't afford care (which gives you such an insight into how people fall through those gaps), but it's there.
great to hear you've seen some progress. Thanks so much for sharing and encouraging others
 

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