Mod. Notice Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP

Remove this Banner Ad

Electronic_Renaissance

Team Captain
Mar 25, 2021
328
406
East of the Sun, West of the Moon
AFL Club
Fremantle
Know that exact feeling.

I was asked by one of the counsellors during mediation last week if I was a safety risk and planning on hurting myself.

my response was thus:

‘I am not suicidal in that I am planning to end my life. My mood is suicidal in that I think it’s the only way I could ever be free of this feeling and if I was offered the chance to just fall asleep and never wake up I would find it hard to say no.’
You've described it perfectly. I really didn't realise there are so many like me. It's good to have a place to talk about these things. But it's sad that so many feel like this.
 

PhatBoy

Brownlow Medallist
May 5, 2016
26,016
27,505
AFL Club
Geelong
Adding to my current mental state is a peculiar run of what I believe is epilepsy related moments I’ve been having and they’re scaring the fu** out of me.

I get déjà vu regularly and it makes me nauseous and often I feel I need to vomit. This isn’t unheard of for epileptics - many of us get ‘auras’ before we have a seizure and these can often be related to déjà vu. That I know of, this has never happened to me but every time I have that feeling, I’m terrified I’m going to have a seizure. Last night I had an aura when I went to the work car park. It was followed by a hallucination where I swore blind that someone had put seat covers on my car seats and I literally had to check my plates to see if I’d gone to the wrong vehicle. It ******* terrified me. I’ve been worrying all day that I’m literally going crazy
 

Electronic_Renaissance

Team Captain
Mar 25, 2021
328
406
East of the Sun, West of the Moon
AFL Club
Fremantle
Adding to my current mental state is a peculiar run of what I believe is epilepsy related moments I’ve been having and they’re scaring the fu** out of me.

I get déjà vu regularly and it makes me nauseous and often I feel I need to vomit. This isn’t unheard of for epileptics - many of us get ‘auras’ before we have a seizure and these can often be related to déjà vu. That I know of, this has never happened to me but every time I have that feeling, I’m terrified I’m going to have a seizure. Last night I had an aura when I went to the work car park. It was followed by a hallucination where I swore blind that someone had put seat covers on my car seats and I literally had to check my plates to see if I’d gone to the wrong vehicle. It ******* terrified me. I’ve been worrying all day that I’m literally going crazy
Do you think it could be migraines? I get migraines myself. A migraine is not a headache, it is a whole nother level. Auras are a common sign of a migraine, I don't get them myself, but I know when I have a migraine and it is not a plain old headache. The auras can also cause hallucinations but I don't get them. Everyone is different.

Have you or are you seeing a Dr about it?
 

Log in to remove this ad.

Cotchins Hair Piece

Bouffant Flat Top
Suspended
Mar 6, 2019
3,021
7,106
AFL Club
Melbourne
I’m currently completely up and down, on Zoloft and Xanax and a couple of other things but don’t think they’re really working because it’s situational for me. I have my kids 50/50 but it’s still not enough for me,
I love them to death. I suppose I may have some PTSD and underlying issues from my previous jobs but I took a year off with each of my daughters and we have such a great bond, my ex cheated on me the second time around with her boss. For the sake of my girls I never raised my voice or became angry, just hurt. We’re amicable because it’s best for the girls but jeez I’m really struggling, I’m completely exhausted and recently had thoughts about ending it all and it makes me feel at peace.

I joined defence at 18 straight out of school, did 8 years, discharged from defence on a Friday and started with police on a Monday which has now been over 10 years, most of my time as a Detective. With the break up and pain of it all I’m simply exhausted.
 
Last edited:

LeverPuller

BigFooty Tanker
Jun 23, 2011
32,964
36,849
Q49, Olympic Stand
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Newcastle United Seattle Seahawks
I’m currently completely up and down, on Zoloft and Xanax and a couple of other things but don’t think they’re really working because it’s situational for me. I have my kids 50/50 but it’s still not enough for me,
I love them to death. I suppose I may have some PTSD and underlying issues from my previous jobs but I took a year off with each of my daughters and we have such a great bond, my ex cheated on me the second time around with her boss. For the sake of my girls I never raised my voice or became angry, just hurt. We’re amicable because it’s best for the girls but jeez I’m really struggling, I’m completely exhausted and recently had thoughts about ending it all and it makes me feel at peace.

I joined defence at 18 straight out of school, did 8 years, discharged from defence on a Friday and started with police on a Monday which has now been over 10 years, most of my time as a Detective. With the break up and pain of it all I’m simply exhausted.
Hope you’re going ok Cotch. Give your doc a call tomorrow yeah? And don’t be afraid to flick a message, we are all dealing with our stuff. Your girls need their dad, stick around for them
 

Cotchins Hair Piece

Bouffant Flat Top
Suspended
Mar 6, 2019
3,021
7,106
AFL Club
Melbourne
Hope you’re going ok Cotch. Give your doc a call tomorrow yeah? And don’t be afraid to flick a message, we are all dealing with our stuff. Your girls need their dad, stick around for them
Thanks mate, only reason why I’m here is because of my girls. I should have got help earlier but when you’re young you think you’re bullet proof. My last tour of the Middle East I broke my back. Since then had a couple of spinal fusions. Don’t mean to whinge but everything is just catching up with me. I’m 38 and feel like I’m going on 88. Exhausted. Appreciate your message bud. Hope you’re doing well.
 

Xtreme

Hall of Famer
Jul 21, 2006
39,631
32,951
Melbourne
AFL Club
Hawthorn
I’m currently completely up and down, on Zoloft and Xanax and a couple of other things but don’t think they’re really working because it’s situational for me. I have my kids 50/50 but it’s still not enough for me,
I love them to death. I suppose I may have some PTSD and underlying issues from my previous jobs but I took a year off with each of my daughters and we have such a great bond, my ex cheated on me the second time around with her boss. For the sake of my girls I never raised my voice or became angry, just hurt. We’re amicable because it’s best for the girls but jeez I’m really struggling, I’m completely exhausted and recently had thoughts about ending it all and it makes me feel at peace.

I joined defence at 18 straight out of school, did 8 years, discharged from defence on a Friday and started with police on a Monday which has now been over 10 years, most of my time as a Detective. With the break up and pain of it all I’m simply exhausted.
You can tell me to mind my own business, but you have a lot to live for and still so much to give (including advice and words of wisdom to your kids + seeing them grow into adults and eventually be a grandfather etc). Plus you've got to be around to see Melbourne finally have good fortune in footy for a change!!!!!
 

Deliverance

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 19, 2011
13,333
20,727
MCG
AFL Club
Hawthorn
I’m currently completely up and down, on Zoloft and Xanax and a couple of other things but don’t think they’re really working because it’s situational for me. I have my kids 50/50 but it’s still not enough for me,
I love them to death. I suppose I may have some PTSD and underlying issues from my previous jobs but I took a year off with each of my daughters and we have such a great bond, my ex cheated on me the second time around with her boss. For the sake of my girls I never raised my voice or became angry, just hurt. We’re amicable because it’s best for the girls but jeez I’m really struggling, I’m completely exhausted and recently had thoughts about ending it all and it makes me feel at peace.

I joined defence at 18 straight out of school, did 8 years, discharged from defence on a Friday and started with police on a Monday which has now been over 10 years, most of my time as a Detective. With the break up and pain of it all I’m simply exhausted.
Can you afford $$$ to change careers? Both of those jobs are high stress and have probably taken a massive toll on you and inadvertently your relationships
Either that or you need to date another cop.
 

Remove this Banner Ad