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[PhatBoy]

Hard to take. All hard to take. I’ve often wondered about just living alone and not talking to a soul. It’d be so much easier. I am really hating people and withdrawing more and more.

Partners, wives and husbands are all goddam horrible.

Absolutely.

I have hurt this person a lot over time, especially early on when we were trying to establish a relationship after I split with my wife. I broke her trust many times as I wrestled with the idea of my marriage ending. So I understand why she had issues with trusting me now but I thought we had moved past it and I have genuinely not put a foot wrong for years and have adjusted every time she has shifted the goalposts and have gotten up every time life has knocked me over with some other challenge be it my epilepsy, my ex-wife moving away and leaving the kids with me virtually full time, my son crashing my car into someone’s house and costing me a fortune, beating a gambling addiction, I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve basically given up every obstacle that could ever get in the way of having a meaningful relationship with this person and none of it has been enough to prove that I can be good to my word or that I can keep a promise.

And you’re dead right I just feel like if it were possible I would be happy to just stay at home and never leave and never talk to anyone.

Right now my life consists of waking up, reluctantly going to coffee a couple of times a week with a mate who just can’t get the message that I need time to myself, coming back home to work from home, going to the gym, on a Wednesday i spend 3 hours preparing for a trivia night I host at a local pub then I go to the gym, on Thursday I host trivia and go to the gym after, on Fridays or Saturdays I might get a gig singing at the pub so that could mean driving 2 hours to get there and back again afterwards. Rinse and repeat.

All while trying to move house to another town. A move id planned long ago for this girlfriend I no longer have.


I feel no desire to interact with anyone. I get messages from friends sharing pages and jokes and memes etc and just role my ****ing eyes and think ‘would you just ****ing leave me alone’. The list of people in my life I genuinely want to interact with has shrunk to probably single figures.

And the one person I want to hear from - even though realistically she’s probably terrible for me - I can’t even speak to anyway

 

[demondavey]

Absolutely.

I have hurt this person a lot over time, especially early on when we were trying to establish a relationship after I split with my wife. I broke her trust many times as I wrestled with the idea of my marriage ending. So I understand why she had issues with trusting me now but I thought we had moved past it and I have genuinely not put a foot wrong for years and have adjusted every time she has shifted the goalposts and have gotten up every time life has knocked me over with some other challenge be it my epilepsy, my ex-wife moving away and leaving the kids with me virtually full time, my son crashing my car into someone’s house and costing me a fortune, beating a gambling addiction, I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve basically given up every obstacle that could ever get in the way of having a meaningful relationship with this person and none of it has been enough to prove that I can be good to my word or that I can keep a promise.

And you’re dead right I just feel like if it were possible I would be happy to just stay at home and never leave and never talk to anyone.

Right now my life consists of waking up, reluctantly going to coffee a couple of times a week with a mate who just can’t get the message that I need time to myself, coming back home to work from home, going to the gym, on a Wednesday i spend 3 hours preparing for a trivia night I host at a local pub then I go to the gym, on Thursday I host trivia and go to the gym after, on Fridays or Saturdays I might get a gig singing at the pub so that could mean driving 2 hours to get there and back again afterwards. Rinse and repeat.

All while trying to move house to another town. A move id planned long ago for this girlfriend I no longer have.


I feel no desire to interact with anyone. I get messages from friends sharing pages and jokes and memes etc and just role my ****ing eyes and think ‘would you just ****ing leave me alone’. The list of people in my life I genuinely want to interact with has shrunk to probably single figures.

And the one person I want to hear from - even though realistically she’s probably terrible for me - I can’t even speak to anyway

I get it. It’s really hard. I am not going to pretend and say my life sounds like yours, but it’s simply a realisation that people are just generally awfully painful and my tolerance for their lives and self indulgences / interests is waning.

Mate, my advice, make your life all about you. Everyone else can get stuffed, women included.

 

[PhatBoy]

I get it. It’s really hard. I am not going to pretend and say my life sounds like yours, but it’s simply a realisation that people are just generally awfully painful and my tolerance for their lives and self indulgences / interests is waning.

Mate, my advice, make your life all about you. Everyone else can get stuffed, women included.

Thank you mate, that’s pretty much what I am trying to do, my mum - she’s 81 but very ‘with it’ - has said the same thing.

My initial idea of moving (it’s to a town 35km away, and my now ex GF is 95km in that direction) was to make things easier for us both, but also to get out of where I live now and get a fresh start as I felt like I was suffocating a bit.

I feel that now more than ever so even aside from the GF stuff I feel I have to do this for me. The kids are understanding: their dad needs a change just to go and be in a new environment where he knows virtually no one.

I’ve lost 9kg in a month so that’s been one good distraction. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I get that 100 per cent I do but my faith gives me something at least.

But I’m done living for others and basing everything around them i have spent so much emotional energy doing it.

 

[demondavey]

Thank you mate, that’s pretty much what I am trying to do, my mum - she’s 81 but very ‘with it’ - has said the same thing.

My initial idea of moving (it’s to a town 35km away, and my now ex GF is 95km in that direction) was to make things easier for us both, but also to get out of where I live now and get a fresh start as I felt like I was suffocating a bit.

I feel that now more than ever so even aside from the GF stuff I feel I have to do this for me. The kids are understanding: their dad needs a change just to go and be in a new environment where he knows virtually no one.

I’ve lost 9kg in a month so that’s been one good distraction. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I get that 100 per cent I do but my faith gives me something at least.

But I’m done living for others and basing everything around them i have spent so much emotional energy doing it.

Excellent to hear.

Who cares about making it easier for your ex, she won’t do anything to make it easier for you. Other people get used to taking and will do it out of habit, it’s exhausting and you’re burned out after.

Just enjoy yourself and take a breath or two. People are grossly overrated.

 

[Ando727]

I get it. It’s really hard. I am not going to pretend and say my life sounds like yours, but it’s simply a realisation that people are just generally awfully painful and my tolerance for their lives and self indulgences / interests is waning.

Mate, my advice, make your life all about you. Everyone else can get stuffed, women included.

I get and sympathise with your attitude given the circumstance you find yourself in, but I would suggest that you might not be in the best frame of mind to make recommendations for others right now. You never know, something might shift in your life and then your advice for somebody else might be diametrically different. We all go through ups and downs in life, and everybody has their own rhythm - having their ups and downs at different moments. Maybe being alone is what you need right now, but if you advocate that for somebody else, but that person is in need of social connection and shouldn't be isolated, that can be potentially problematic.

I'm not saying this to bust your chops, more just a cautionary statement that you never know whether somebody might take words to a degree further than you intend. I would encourage people to look at themselves in terms of what they need and how they can get there more than whether people suck or not. I mean, people can and do frequently suck, but they don't all suck at the same time! One or two good people coming in your life can completely change everything for you. So for that reason, I think it's better to keep that door ajar rather than deciding that people are off the agenda completely. I hope you will keep that in mind for your own sake. By all means take time for yourself - give yourself what you need, but don't slam doors shut because that close avenues for potential improvement.

Maybe it's not all women that suck, maybe it's the relationship you have/had that needs work. Sometimes we can end up with the wrong person for where we are in life. What might have worked 20 years ago might not work now. I know that my criteria for a partner is a whole lot different now that I've turned 50 than it was when I was 30. The women I was with in my 30s would send me around the bend if I had to deal with them now. Some relationships grow, some don't. If yours can't grow, you're better off looking for somebody better suited to who you are now. It makes life look a whole lot different. I think life takes on a very dark character if you feel imprisoned in a relationship that will not improve or give you what you need.

I realise this post might miss the mark if you are in stuff-people-mode and not in the mood for discussion - if so, that's cool, feel free to disregard my unsolicited thoughts. Just trying to offer something if it's of any use.

 

[demondavey]

I get and sympathise with your attitude given the circumstance you find yourself in, but I would suggest that you might not be in the best frame of mind to make recommendations for others right now. You never know, something might shift in your life and then your advice for somebody else might be diametrically different. We all go through ups and downs in life, and everybody has their own rhythm - having their ups and downs at different moments. Maybe being alone is what you need right now, but if you advocate that for somebody else, but that person is in need of social connection and shouldn't be isolated, that can be potentially problematic.

I'm not saying this to bust your chops, more just a cautionary statement that you never know whether somebody might take words to a degree further than you intend. I would encourage people to look at themselves in terms of what they need and how they can get there more than whether people suck or not. I mean, people can and do frequently suck, but they don't all suck at the same time! One or two good people coming in your life can completely change everything for you. So for that reason, I think it's better to keep that door ajar rather than deciding that people are off the agenda completely. I hope you will keep that in mind for your own sake. By all means take time for yourself - give yourself what you need, but don't slam doors shut because that close avenues for potential improvement.

Maybe it's not all women that suck, maybe it's the relationship you have/had that needs work. Sometimes we can end up with the wrong person for where we are in life. What might have worked 20 years ago might not work now. I know that my criteria for a partner is a whole lot different now that I've turned 50 than it was when I was 30. The women I was with in my 30s would send me around the bend if I had to deal with them now. Some relationships grow, some don't. If yours can't grow, you're better off looking for somebody better suited to who you are now. It makes life look a whole lot different. I think life takes on a very dark character if you feel imprisoned in a relationship that will not improve or give you what you need.

I realise this post might miss the mark if you are in stuff-people-mode and not in the mood for discussion - if so, that's cool, feel free to disregard my unsolicited thoughts. Just trying to offer something if it's of any use.

Fair post.

PhatBoy - I guess review my prior post with diligence.

 

[demondavey]

I get and sympathise with your attitude given the circumstance you find yourself in, but I would suggest that you might not be in the best frame of mind to make recommendations for others right now. You never know, something might shift in your life and then your advice for somebody else might be diametrically different. We all go through ups and downs in life, and everybody has their own rhythm - having their ups and downs at different moments. Maybe being alone is what you need right now, but if you advocate that for somebody else, but that person is in need of social connection and shouldn't be isolated, that can be potentially problematic.

I'm not saying this to bust your chops, more just a cautionary statement that you never know whether somebody might take words to a degree further than you intend. I would encourage people to look at themselves in terms of what they need and how they can get there more than whether people suck or not. I mean, people can and do frequently suck, but they don't all suck at the same time! One or two good people coming in your life can completely change everything for you. So for that reason, I think it's better to keep that door ajar rather than deciding that people are off the agenda completely. I hope you will keep that in mind for your own sake. By all means take time for yourself - give yourself what you need, but don't slam doors shut because that close avenues for potential improvement.

Maybe it's not all women that suck, maybe it's the relationship you have/had that needs work. Sometimes we can end up with the wrong person for where we are in life. What might have worked 20 years ago might not work now. I know that my criteria for a partner is a whole lot different now that I've turned 50 than it was when I was 30. The women I was with in my 30s would send me around the bend if I had to deal with them now. Some relationships grow, some don't. If yours can't grow, you're better off looking for somebody better suited to who you are now. It makes life look a whole lot different. I think life takes on a very dark character if you feel imprisoned in a relationship that will not improve or give you what you need.

I realise this post might miss the mark if you are in stuff-people-mode and not in the mood for discussion - if so, that's cool, feel free to disregard my unsolicited thoughts. Just trying to offer something if it's of any use.

I meant people can get stuffed (women as well) in that focusing on yourself is the priority. I didn’t articulate it well.

 

[Proper Gander]

I meant people can get stuffed (women as well) in that focusing on yourself is the priority. I didn’t articulate it well.

Look after yourself demondavey. Somehow I know that it’s been tough on you for a few years. Reach out if you want to chat. I have no solutions but I can do some listening

 

[Ando727]

I meant people can get stuffed (women as well) in that focusing on yourself is the priority. I didn’t articulate it well.

All good mate. Take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly. We're all works in progress.

 

[demondavey]

Look after yourself demondavey. Somehow I know that it’s been tough on you for a few years. Reach out if you want to chat. I have no solutions but I can do some listening

I appreciate it.

I have the gym, it makes a big difference. We all need an outlet somewhere.

 

[Punts]

Anybody find it hard with getting tight the work/balance life?

I have run my own concreting business for 18 years now , expanded overtime etc

I just find it really hard to get the balance right , always comes down to the priority of being in bed early , not doing more things with the kids because I have to be on the phone , invoicing , quoting etc.

Cracking night in Melbourne, it’s a Sunday day of and I think about work all day. Should be taking the kids out etc but I’m in the mode I have work Monday

 

[Whats a Battle]

Anybody find it hard with getting tight the work/balance life?

I have run my own concreting business for 18 years now , expanded overtime etc

I just find it really hard to get the balance right , always comes down to the priority of being in bed early , not doing more things with the kids because I have to be on the phone , invoicing , quoting etc.

Cracking night in Melbourne, it’s a Sunday day of and I think about work all day. Should be taking the kids out etc but I’m in the mode I have work Monday

I'm a self employed dentist and all I think about - even when I'm not actually working - is work stuff. Staff, contractor dentists, costs of materials, overheads, equipment failures etc.

Bloody over it and would love a career change.

 

[Proper Gander]

Anybody find it hard with getting tight the work/balance life?

I have run my own concreting business for 18 years now , expanded overtime etc

I just find it really hard to get the balance right , always comes down to the priority of being in bed early , not doing more things with the kids because I have to be on the phone , invoicing , quoting etc.

Cracking night in Melbourne, it’s a Sunday day of and I think about work all day. Should be taking the kids out etc but I’m in the mode I have work Monday

Totally.

I’m not like you - I’m on a government contract at the moment. And of course they run us through work-life balance seminars every 6 months or so.

I’m so messed up by it now though. The work I’m given can’t be done well in the hours I’m given to it, and in my off hours I’m turning over the work in my head endlessly. I look forward to weekends but they get ruined because half way through I’m already worrying about Monday. I need to do something but I don’t know what.

I do feel your issue big time. You can check in for a chat anytime via PM. Or if you fine a solution then please get in touch before I balls up the rest of my life. It just shouldn’t be this way for so many

 

[Proper Gander]

I'm a self employed dentist and all I think about - even when I'm not actually working - is work stuff. Staff, contractor dentists, costs of materials, overheads, equipment failures etc.

Bloody over it and would love a career change.

I feel guilty now.

I’ve always wondered how the self employed find the time to not only work but do all the business stuff as well. I admire you for trying it and hope it improves. I’m a lazy slob who has worked in private for other businesses and government for various specialist crap. And I can’t handle it and I don’t know who to speak to.

Why the **** is life this hard?

 

[BlackGun1]

Anyone else here have trouble with the 'happiness trap' ?

Just always wanting more. Spent my early to mid 20's always 'excited for the future' and thinking 'ill be happier when Im in my full time career' 'Ill be happier when i have a wife and kids' etc etc.

Fast forward to my early 30s and here I am in a career that is not perfect but pays well. GOt a beautiful partner who is keen on kids, house etc. Life basically couldnt get any better but feeling myself getting unhappier and unhappier - almost like a trapped feeling that this is it. Obsessing over things like "well, maybe I could find a better looking partner/someone who gives me that lovers high sort of feeling" and "well, maybe i could find a career more exciting and fulfilling".

Basically just looking for all these excuses/fixes to how Im feeling. It sucks and it feels like a real trap. Constantly comparing to how I felt when I was younger and wondering why I was so much more excited about life then. Is this normal or what?

However, I do try to look after myself and I have the mental clarity to know that this is just a very unhealthy thinking pattern and now seeking professional help to try and break out of this. Trying out acceptance and committment therapy after reading the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Would love to hear of peoples experiences. Im doing okay but I feel like it could get worse the older I get and it scares the living daylight out of me.

 

[Ando727]

Wow, some really thought provoking posts here, people. I'm not able to write a decent length reply right now, hopefully soon, but off the bat I want to congratulate you all on being so open with what you're going through. That takes courage and I really feel for what you're all experiencing. I'm having my own health challenges right now (had a severe injury and its impacting on my chronic health condition), which has been tough. But I really want to come back and see if I can offer any new perspective on what you've posted. Til then, stay strong and take care.

 

[mouncey2franklin]

Anyone else here have trouble with the 'happiness trap' ?

Just always wanting more. Spent my early to mid 20's always 'excited for the future' and thinking 'ill be happier when Im in my full time career' 'Ill be happier when i have a wife and kids' etc etc.

Fast forward to my early 30s and here I am in a career that is not perfect but pays well. GOt a beautiful partner who is keen on kids, house etc. Life basically couldnt get any better but feeling myself getting unhappier and unhappier - almost like a trapped feeling that this is it. Obsessing over things like "well, maybe I could find a better looking partner/someone who gives me that lovers high sort of feeling" and "well, maybe i could find a career more exciting and fulfilling".

Basically just looking for all these excuses/fixes to how Im feeling. It sucks and it feels like a real trap. Constantly comparing to how I felt when I was younger and wondering why I was so much more excited about life then. Is this normal or what?

However, I do try to look after myself and I have the mental clarity to know that this is just a very unhealthy thinking pattern and now seeking professional help to try and break out of this. Trying out acceptance and committment therapy after reading the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Would love to hear of peoples experiences. Im doing okay but I feel like it could get worse the older I get and it scares the living daylight out of me.

Impressively honest and self-reflective comment.

I'm curious to know if the anxieties you feel about the future are constant, or do they go through peaks and troughs?

The reason I ask is because I know that my own anxieties peak when I am doing certain things and not doing others.

For example, if I am drinking regularly, and / or not getting outside during the day and exercising in sunshine, the troubles mount.

We tell ourselves that our problems are external and sometimes they are, but usually it's (largely if not entirely) all in our own minds.

 

[caloschwaby]

Anyone else here have trouble with the 'happiness trap' ?

Just always wanting more. Spent my early to mid 20's always 'excited for the future' and thinking 'ill be happier when Im in my full time career' 'Ill be happier when i have a wife and kids' etc etc.

Fast forward to my early 30s and here I am in a career that is not perfect but pays well. GOt a beautiful partner who is keen on kids, house etc. Life basically couldnt get any better but feeling myself getting unhappier and unhappier - almost like a trapped feeling that this is it. Obsessing over things like "well, maybe I could find a better looking partner/someone who gives me that lovers high sort of feeling" and "well, maybe i could find a career more exciting and fulfilling".

Basically just looking for all these excuses/fixes to how Im feeling. It sucks and it feels like a real trap. Constantly comparing to how I felt when I was younger and wondering why I was so much more excited about life then. Is this normal or what?

However, I do try to look after myself and I have the mental clarity to know that this is just a very unhealthy thinking pattern and now seeking professional help to try and break out of this. Trying out acceptance and committment therapy after reading the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Would love to hear of peoples experiences. Im doing okay but I feel like it could get worse the older I get and it scares the living daylight out of me.

I'm early 20s and somewhat experiencing this. Honestly once I realised life was a game of always getting to the next step it's become easier to think through when these periods of lacking purpose creep in. Sometimes that next step is something small and simple, then that next step after takes a lot of time or energy. But eventually you'll get to that next step.

Personally being a Christian it's a promise that life will not always be sunshine and roses, but in that to have assurance that you have all that you need right now for one step at a time (Pslam 119:105). Don't think too far about step 4, 5, 21, 345, etc, because you're not ready for that just yet.

 

[King Huskii]

I'm struggling with my mental health since my operation just recently

I can't lift weights and it's been a real struggle for me as weight lifting gives my mental health some massive benefits

I should be able to go.back to.it soon but at the moment I'm struggling to feel good about my self

At least I'm cleared of cancer

 

[Hoop1888]

What resources, if any, are folk using to deal with their issues? One thing I would say, in my experience, is never think you won't get out of that black hole. There is always a solution, just a matter of finding what works for you. Giving it time & being patient.

 

[Proper Gander]

What resources, if any, are folk using to deal with their issues? One thing I would say, in my experience, is never think you won't get out of that black hole. There is always a solution, just a matter of finding what works for you. Giving it time & being patient.

I have a good psychiatrist who I’ve been with for over 25 years. He is a specialist in what I’ve got, but more importantly I feel that he is truthful, even blunt. I don’t want false reassurance. And he knows me now so I don’t have to go through my story over again.

But those doctors are in demand, hard to get an initial appointment and you have to understand they are treatment-focussed, which is medications mostly or if needed the blunter treatments like ECT. If you need talking therapies and life strategies, a psychiatrist might not be your best bet.

I know many people who have had good experiences with a psychologist, or a good, insightful and intelligent GP.

My advice for what it is would be to back yourself in and shop around. If you’re in a bad place, it’s easy to start thinking that therapy that doesn’t work is your fault. Most times it’s nobody’s fault. Well intentioned or not, these things are very personal and you need to find someone in whom you have some confidence, and who you believe to be truthful.

 

[King Huskii]

I need to completely stop drinking

Even just a little males me depressed

I actually hate it yet i slip up occasionally

 

[Hoop1888]

I have a good psychiatrist who I’ve been with for over 25 years. He is a specialist in what I’ve got, but more importantly I feel that he is truthful, even blunt. I don’t want false reassurance. And he knows me now so I don’t have to go through my story over again.

But those doctors are in demand, hard to get an initial appointment and you have to understand they are treatment-focussed, which is medications mostly or if needed the blunter treatments like ECT. If you need talking therapies and life strategies, a psychiatrist might not be your best bet.

I know many people who have had good experiences with a psychologist, or a good, insightful and intelligent GP.

My advice for what it is would be to back yourself in and shop around. If you’re in a bad place, it’s easy to start thinking that therapy that doesn’t work is your fault. Most times it’s nobody’s fault. Well intentioned or not, these things are very personal and you need to find someone in whom you have some confidence, and who you believe to be truthful.

Great to read, man. Think you highlighted 2 important things: when it comes to your relationship with your psychologist, there can't be no beating about the bush - being honest gives them a quicker understanding of what you may or may not be suffering & they can diagnos & get to the root of your issue without wasting time not being open with them - though I do understand it is difficult opening up to a stranger. Also, trust is vitally important, imo. It seems like you've got the right set-up there & 25 years of going is testament to that.

I've known some people who have gone to psychiatrists/psychologists & just didn't give it a chance & after 2 or 3 visits. I think it's hugely important for a good professional to detail what they do & don't do. One of my pals who has being referred multiple times did no more than 5 sessions & felt he was being judged, chastised & that his psychologist felt he just 'needed to get on with it' Very frustrating to hear at the time & gives the profession a bad name.

My own issues have revolved around depression. I feel like the root of it came from an alcoholic for a Father, my Mother who was affected by it, looking after a man child, & trying to manage a house with 7 kids. She would, understandably (in some ways) vent her frustrations at us, though at the time we hadn't a clue why. It felt like walking on egg shells around her at times & more so when my Father would go on massive binges, especially at Christmas which I hated as a child & even more so now. I'm sure most people are aware of this - but cannot emphasize how a lot of us are moulded as adults from our upbringing.

I had a huge breakdown in 2012 - lost a childhood friend around that time. I did not want to live nor die, a weird sentiment(s) to have, but I started developing horrible anxiety. Nothing I've ever experienced before, nor would wish in my worst enemy. It got to the point my body would shake uncontrollably, my mind would begin to race more & I would be restless 24/7. Done lots of tests, CAT scan, general health check ups, admissions to pshychiatric wards, visits to psychiatrists & psychologists & different medications but nothing worked. As the years went on I just became numb, disinterested in everything I liked doing before & genuinely felt like I was living in a nightmare of sorts.

Early this year I had a bad panic attack - I was sat at trafffic lights & nearly drove into oncoming traffic. I decided, ****ed if I'm living like this & started to get curious about other treatments & seen something called somatic therapy (I'd urge anyone who feels stuck to look it up) I've being doing it for 6/7 weeks now & can already notice a slight shift in feeling connected again, in a way. Sleep has improved. And appetite has come back. It's very much a take one day at a time thing as you do suffer set backs & you can revert back to your old way of thinking. If you find a good somatic therapist, they can give you a detailed program to suit you & for your specific condition. But there are other treatments out there if that is not the right one for you.

 

[John Who]

Thank you mate, that’s pretty much what I am trying to do, my mum - she’s 81 but very ‘with it’ - has said the same thing.

My initial idea of moving (it’s to a town 35km away, and my now ex GF is 95km in that direction) was to make things easier for us both, but also to get out of where I live now and get a fresh start as I felt like I was suffocating a bit.

I feel that now more than ever so even aside from the GF stuff I feel I have to do this for me. The kids are understanding: their dad needs a change just to go and be in a new environment where he knows virtually no one.

I’ve lost 9kg in a month so that’s been one good distraction. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I get that 100 per cent I do but my faith gives me something at least.

But I’m done living for others and basing everything around them i have spent so much emotional energy doing it.

The key to mental health is to live for yourself, but also knowing who to appreciate that deserves appreciation.

Taking some time alone will help you to reflect on who you are and what you truly want to do with your life. But by the same token, we all need to interact with others whether with family or with work, so knowing how much effort to give to those around us is actually quite crucial to our wellbeing.

Putting it another way, try to deal less with the toxic people and focus more with those who improve our spiritual self. An example is Bigfooty itself, which has plenty of toxic people that will attack you if you don’t go along with their narrative. Spend less time with these sorts and focus more on the people who don’t belittle you for having differing opinions, and encourage you to find your genuine self.

Better judgment on who the toxic types are and who the one that deserves appreciation is half the battle to overcoming mental health, that’s my utmost genuine belief.

 

[John Who]

Anyone else here have trouble with the 'happiness trap' ?

Just always wanting more. Spent my early to mid 20's always 'excited for the future' and thinking 'ill be happier when Im in my full time career' 'Ill be happier when i have a wife and kids' etc etc.

Fast forward to my early 30s and here I am in a career that is not perfect but pays well. GOt a beautiful partner who is keen on kids, house etc. Life basically couldnt get any better but feeling myself getting unhappier and unhappier - almost like a trapped feeling that this is it. Obsessing over things like "well, maybe I could find a better looking partner/someone who gives me that lovers high sort of feeling" and "well, maybe i could find a career more exciting and fulfilling".

Basically just looking for all these excuses/fixes to how Im feeling. It sucks and it feels like a real trap. Constantly comparing to how I felt when I was younger and wondering why I was so much more excited about life then. Is this normal or what?

However, I do try to look after myself and I have the mental clarity to know that this is just a very unhealthy thinking pattern and now seeking professional help to try and break out of this. Trying out acceptance and committment therapy after reading the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

Would love to hear of peoples experiences. Im doing okay but I feel like it could get worse the older I get and it scares the living daylight out of me.

I think there are 2 layers to life:
1. Aim for what you want in life.
2. Just because you aim, doesn’t mean you’ll get.

I’ve come to the realisation about 5 years ago that not everyone will get a “happily ever after”, and that life can be really unfair. But once I’ve come to accept I’m never going to be as lucky as some with minimal life obstacles, I now just focus on living the best life I can. In a nutshell, my perspective has shifted from “I want ultimate happiness” to “I’m satisfied with what I’ve got with the life I’ve got given”. I’m seeking for inner peace rather than ultimate happiness. Hope that helps you in some ways!