Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

Nate7

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Can vouch for this. A few years ago now I made an alarming post about my mental state on another board and disappeared from BF, and the North board actually went to the extent of finding my FB (even though no one knew me by name) and reaching out to see if I was alright.

If any of you are ever struggling, send me a PM. You'd be surprised how much talking about it helps, even if only online.
I remember being part of the background messages at the time and it was one of our mods who contacted administration for private contact details due to the nature of the post at the time.
Very good to have you back, even though you've been back a while now.
 

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Marstermind

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Mental health is a really fine line. A lot of people walk along it carefully and, with effort, can negotiate it well enough. But one false step, one unexpected nudge and it's all over.

My own story dates back to 2000 and I apologise for my self-indulgence. My mum passed away suddenly in October 2000. At the time I had been dating Mrs Marstermind for a year but she'd taken a job overseas. I'd taken a year's leave from my job to be with her but 3 weeks into that, mum died and I had to come home. In the aftermath I was torn between being O/S with my future wife, supporting my dad back here and my own personal grief. I chose to go back overseas for a few weeks and then come back home - a sort of compromise. A compromise that made no one happy - but most of all me. My dad was angry I went back overseas and so was my mum's family, he took up a new partner and whilst I accepted it, it caused anger among my mum's family and my sister - my family was in turmoil. Meanwhile, my future wife was stuck in her job and couldn't support me.

I was living alone at the time and one night - racked with my own grief, lonely without my partner and ostracised by my family, I went for a walk. I didn't plan it but the walk took me to a train track in the early AM. I remember the folly of walking on train track at such a stupid time and recall the realisation that should a train suddenly come then I had little escape. But, fully sober, I didn't care. I kept walking. Nowhere in particular but taking an awful risk. In hindsight, no train was going to come at that time in the morning, but as the years have passed I'm struck by how much I didn't care what could happen.

These days I'm fine. Mrs Marstermind came home and we've been married for 14 years. We have 2 awesome sons. Dad and I get along better than ever. My memories of Mum are mainly happy but not always, I still cry. But in terms of this stuff, I always feel alone. You guys are totally anonymous to me - I've never met any of you - so I can write this. But I've never told my wife or family that for one night, being alive wasn't that important. But it's never far away - last year I applied to renew my job contract and failed. I'm not overly ambitious so I surprised myself that it hurt me so much. Without going into details, I've sacrificed my own career for my family - I get no recognition from anyone and stay silent for fear of raining on my loved ones' parades. I do it because I want to, but I'd like it acknowledged every now and again.

Now, I'm not about to drive to the Bolte - far from it. I'm happy. But silently and consciously I have to work on keeping it together. The results are mixed but no one can tell. I've always been the smart one, practical, questionable sense of humour, dependable albeit mostly invisible. But my experience from 18 years ago has made me totally aware that one unexpected shot to my bow could sink me and if it did then "He always seemed so level headed," "He seemed so laid back," "I thought he was in control." etc. I'm always walking a tightrope but no one is watching my act. I don't mean this as I slight against my wife - she amazes me every day but it's just my thing to bear.

Maybe Maj had it all together too, but one nudge, one misstep and sadly his train happened to come down the track at that one moment.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
 
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Mental health is a really fine line. A lot of people walk along it carefully and, with effort, can negotiate it well enough. But one false step, one unexpected nudge and it's all over.

My own story dates back to 2000 and I apologise for my self-indulgence. My mum passed away suddenly in October 2000. At the time I had been dating Mrs Marstermind for a year but she'd taken a job overseas. I'd taken a year's leave from my job to be with her but 3 weeks into that, mum died and I had to come home. In the aftermath I was torn between being O/S with my future wife, supporting my dad back here and my own personal grief. I chose to go back overseas for a few weeks and then come back home - a sort of compromise. A compromise that made no one happy - but most of all me. My dad was angry I went back overseas and so was my mum's family, he took up a new partner and whilst I accepted it, it caused anger among my mum's family and my sister - my family was in turmoil. Meanwhile, my future wife was stuck in her job and couldn't support me.

I was living alone at the time and one night - racked with my own grief, lonely without my partner and ostracised by my family, I went for a walk. I didn't plan it but the walk took me to a train track in the early AM. I remember the folly of walking on train track at such a stupid time and recall the realisation that should a train suddenly come then I had little escape. But, fully sober, I didn't care. I kept walking. Nowhere in particular but taking an awful risk. In hindsight, no train was going to come at that time in the morning, but as the years have passed I'm struck by how much I didn't care what could happen.

These days I'm fine. Mrs Marstermind came home and we've been married for 14 years. We have 2 awesome sons. Dad and I get along better than ever. My memories of Mum are mainly happy but not always, I still cry. But in terms of this stuff, I always feel alone. You guys are totally anonymous to me - I've never met any of you - so I can write this. But I've never told my wife or family that for one night, being alive wasn't that important. But it's never far away - last year I applied to renew my job contract and failed. I'm not overly ambitious so I surprised myself that it hurt me so much. Without going into details, I've sacrificed my own career for my family - I get no recognition from anyone and stay silent for fear of raining on my loved ones' parades. I do it because I want to, but I'd like it acknowledged every now and again.

Now, I'm not about to drive to the Bolte - far from it. I'm happy. But silently and consciously I have to work on keeping it together. The results are mixed but no one can tell. I've always been the smart one, practical, questionable sense of humour, dependable albeit mostly invisible. But my experience from 18 years ago has made me totally aware that one unexpected shot to my bow could sink me and if it did then "He always seemed so level headed," "He seemed so laid back," "I thought he was in control." etc. I'm always walking a tightrope but no one is watching my act. I don't mean this as I slight against my wife - she amazes me every day but it's just my thing to bear.

Maybe Maj had it all together too, but one nudge, one misstep and sadly his train happened to come down the track at that one moment.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
Great post. It is your thing to bear, but if you ever feel like you can’t take it anymore you need to give your family the chance to help you.
 

DarkPhoenix

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Thread starter #283
Annalise Braakensiek an R U OK ambassador has sadly passed away.

R.I.P. Annalise. A lady who struggled with her demons and became a spokesperson for many.
Read this yesterday, an absolutely massive blow.

RIP Annalise.
 

Kanga Glory

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arden st
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Mastermind,your post struck a cord with myself and something I can relate too. Sometimes we think we are ok but deep in your thoughts there is always moments when we consider if things would be better to give up.
I lost both my parents late 90’s and early 2000’s to illness. I was the first of my group of friends to ever lose a parent and here I have lost both in a matter of years. I was a fairly quite and reserved guy already and this knocked the shit out of me. I had a brother and sister who looked up to me as the stronger and one they could depend on even though I wasn’t the oldest.
After my dad died which was two weeks before Xmas my girlfriend decided she didn’t want to help me through this and sent me a text to tell me on Xmas day that she needed time to herself. Merry ‘bloody xmas’.
I tried to understand life but was now short tempered and impatient . I had issues at work due to this and was lucky enough the work place doctor liked me and counciled me and set up to see a physiologist which helped at the time except the piece of advice to go and visit ex girlfriend unannounced which went down like a lead balloon.
My way of coping was to drink too much which made the thoughts in mind exasperated and emotions would always come out. It was raw and I had no one to talk too. Men don’t cry was the way it was back then.
I was a fairly good runner so I numbed myself by running everyday for years.
I would run to work, swim at lunchtime and run home and then maybe do some gym. There were some weeks when I would do close too 100km a week.
It became my drug.
Then I got a serious illness and basically couldn’t run anymore, so I again turned back to drinking heavily which in turn made the illness worse but I thought I needed to occupy myself so I wouldn’t be idle.
I did this for at least a year until my specialist doctor said my blood results were not good and if it deteriorated I would need major surgery.
I didn’t want this and the potential outcome from surgery so I decided to join the local gym.
In 12 months I went from a 72kg man to 87 kgs as again I became obsessed with gym. It also gave me some confidence.
I had a good job through all this but never settled. In 2005 I quit my job to buy a cafe in the city (I had never done owned a business before)
I was working up to 80 hours a week. Sub consciously it was all occupying me and keeping me busy.
After 2.5 years I sold it as I was burnt out. In all this previous time I never had a permanent girlfriend, but in the cafe I meet the girl of my dreams which helped me understand life a lot better
A mate at the time got me a job in high rise construction , again I had never been in such an environment but thought I would give it a go. An accountant, cafe owner now employed as a labourer. I jumped into 100% but my mate told my boss ‘ Peter has brains’ some I began to set up a lot of his processes and price jobs . I was now the golden boy in their eyes as they had never had anyone who could do I what I could on a construction site. I was one of the boys but couldn’t ld go off to meetings to win multi million dollar jobs. Over 10 years the business went from turning over 2.5 million a year to over 15 million from my hard work and setting up a partnership with a Chinese company.
Then things started to change , I stopped going to meetings , I was back on site instead of office, I was seeing a lot of lies been told to me, I stopped going to China. At Xmas 2016 I was told over the phone that they couldn’t afford to keep me . I was shocked as I was told by the old boss I was his other son. I was now not needed as I had saved and grown their business and had called them out on their lies and they didn’t like it.
It hit hard and I made some silly decisions in a bad headspace and have my beautiful lady from saving me from been a statistic.
I promised her I would seek professional help and it has put me in a place where I am happy.
Along the way I unfortunately have alienated myself from all my friends as I never told them what I was going through and my sister who unfortunately thinks life is all about her.

We sold up from city life and now live down at lakes entrance which has also helped.
It’s never wrong to morn your loss no matter how long ago, but it is so wrong not to speak up. I just wish I had the confidence back years ago to continue with the help I was given but thought I was ok.
I shut up for so long as I never really grieved properly .
I still miss the days I went to the footy with my dad .
 
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Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
 

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ozzyoslo

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Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
Just sharing and opening is a start in the right direction.....small steps. :)
 
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