Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

Nate7

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Can vouch for this. A few years ago now I made an alarming post about my mental state on another board and disappeared from BF, and the North board actually went to the extent of finding my FB (even though no one knew me by name) and reaching out to see if I was alright.

If any of you are ever struggling, send me a PM. You'd be surprised how much talking about it helps, even if only online.
I remember being part of the background messages at the time and it was one of our mods who contacted administration for private contact details due to the nature of the post at the time.
Very good to have you back, even though you've been back a while now.
 

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Marstermind

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Mental health is a really fine line. A lot of people walk along it carefully and, with effort, can negotiate it well enough. But one false step, one unexpected nudge and it's all over.

My own story dates back to 2000 and I apologise for my self-indulgence. My mum passed away suddenly in October 2000. At the time I had been dating Mrs Marstermind for a year but she'd taken a job overseas. I'd taken a year's leave from my job to be with her but 3 weeks into that, mum died and I had to come home. In the aftermath I was torn between being O/S with my future wife, supporting my dad back here and my own personal grief. I chose to go back overseas for a few weeks and then come back home - a sort of compromise. A compromise that made no one happy - but most of all me. My dad was angry I went back overseas and so was my mum's family, he took up a new partner and whilst I accepted it, it caused anger among my mum's family and my sister - my family was in turmoil. Meanwhile, my future wife was stuck in her job and couldn't support me.

I was living alone at the time and one night - racked with my own grief, lonely without my partner and ostracised by my family, I went for a walk. I didn't plan it but the walk took me to a train track in the early AM. I remember the folly of walking on train track at such a stupid time and recall the realisation that should a train suddenly come then I had little escape. But, fully sober, I didn't care. I kept walking. Nowhere in particular but taking an awful risk. In hindsight, no train was going to come at that time in the morning, but as the years have passed I'm struck by how much I didn't care what could happen.

These days I'm fine. Mrs Marstermind came home and we've been married for 14 years. We have 2 awesome sons. Dad and I get along better than ever. My memories of Mum are mainly happy but not always, I still cry. But in terms of this stuff, I always feel alone. You guys are totally anonymous to me - I've never met any of you - so I can write this. But I've never told my wife or family that for one night, being alive wasn't that important. But it's never far away - last year I applied to renew my job contract and failed. I'm not overly ambitious so I surprised myself that it hurt me so much. Without going into details, I've sacrificed my own career for my family - I get no recognition from anyone and stay silent for fear of raining on my loved ones' parades. I do it because I want to, but I'd like it acknowledged every now and again.

Now, I'm not about to drive to the Bolte - far from it. I'm happy. But silently and consciously I have to work on keeping it together. The results are mixed but no one can tell. I've always been the smart one, practical, questionable sense of humour, dependable albeit mostly invisible. But my experience from 18 years ago has made me totally aware that one unexpected shot to my bow could sink me and if it did then "He always seemed so level headed," "He seemed so laid back," "I thought he was in control." etc. I'm always walking a tightrope but no one is watching my act. I don't mean this as I slight against my wife - she amazes me every day but it's just my thing to bear.

Maybe Maj had it all together too, but one nudge, one misstep and sadly his train happened to come down the track at that one moment.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
 
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Val Keating

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Mental health is a really fine line. A lot of people walk along it carefully and, with effort, can negotiate it well enough. But one false step, one unexpected nudge and it's all over.

My own story dates back to 2000 and I apologise for my self-indulgence. My mum passed away suddenly in October 2000. At the time I had been dating Mrs Marstermind for a year but she'd taken a job overseas. I'd taken a year's leave from my job to be with her but 3 weeks into that, mum died and I had to come home. In the aftermath I was torn between being O/S with my future wife, supporting my dad back here and my own personal grief. I chose to go back overseas for a few weeks and then come back home - a sort of compromise. A compromise that made no one happy - but most of all me. My dad was angry I went back overseas and so was my mum's family, he took up a new partner and whilst I accepted it, it caused anger among my mum's family and my sister - my family was in turmoil. Meanwhile, my future wife was stuck in her job and couldn't support me.

I was living alone at the time and one night - racked with my own grief, lonely without my partner and ostracised by my family, I went for a walk. I didn't plan it but the walk took me to a train track in the early AM. I remember the folly of walking on train track at such a stupid time and recall the realisation that should a train suddenly come then I had little escape. But, fully sober, I didn't care. I kept walking. Nowhere in particular but taking an awful risk. In hindsight, no train was going to come at that time in the morning, but as the years have passed I'm struck by how much I didn't care what could happen.

These days I'm fine. Mrs Marstermind came home and we've been married for 14 years. We have 2 awesome sons. Dad and I get along better than ever. My memories of Mum are mainly happy but not always, I still cry. But in terms of this stuff, I always feel alone. You guys are totally anonymous to me - I've never met any of you - so I can write this. But I've never told my wife or family that for one night, being alive wasn't that important. But it's never far away - last year I applied to renew my job contract and failed. I'm not overly ambitious so I surprised myself that it hurt me so much. Without going into details, I've sacrificed my own career for my family - I get no recognition from anyone and stay silent for fear of raining on my loved ones' parades. I do it because I want to, but I'd like it acknowledged every now and again.

Now, I'm not about to drive to the Bolte - far from it. I'm happy. But silently and consciously I have to work on keeping it together. The results are mixed but no one can tell. I've always been the smart one, practical, questionable sense of humour, dependable albeit mostly invisible. But my experience from 18 years ago has made me totally aware that one unexpected shot to my bow could sink me and if it did then "He always seemed so level headed," "He seemed so laid back," "I thought he was in control." etc. I'm always walking a tightrope but no one is watching my act. I don't mean this as I slight against my wife - she amazes me every day but it's just my thing to bear.

Maybe Maj had it all together too, but one nudge, one misstep and sadly his train happened to come down the track at that one moment.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
Great post. It is your thing to bear, but if you ever feel like you can’t take it anymore you need to give your family the chance to help you.
 

DarkPhoenix

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Annalise Braakensiek an R U OK ambassador has sadly passed away.

R.I.P. Annalise. A lady who struggled with her demons and became a spokesperson for many.
Read this yesterday, an absolutely massive blow.

RIP Annalise.
 

Kanga Glory

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Mastermind,your post struck a cord with myself and something I can relate too. Sometimes we think we are ok but deep in your thoughts there is always moments when we consider if things would be better to give up.
I lost both my parents late 90’s and early 2000’s to illness. I was the first of my group of friends to ever lose a parent and here I have lost both in a matter of years. I was a fairly quite and reserved guy already and this knocked the shit out of me. I had a brother and sister who looked up to me as the stronger and one they could depend on even though I wasn’t the oldest.
After my dad died which was two weeks before Xmas my girlfriend decided she didn’t want to help me through this and sent me a text to tell me on Xmas day that she needed time to herself. Merry ‘bloody xmas’.
I tried to understand life but was now short tempered and impatient . I had issues at work due to this and was lucky enough the work place doctor liked me and counciled me and set up to see a physiologist which helped at the time except the piece of advice to go and visit ex girlfriend unannounced which went down like a lead balloon.
My way of coping was to drink too much which made the thoughts in mind exasperated and emotions would always come out. It was raw and I had no one to talk too. Men don’t cry was the way it was back then.
I was a fairly good runner so I numbed myself by running everyday for years.
I would run to work, swim at lunchtime and run home and then maybe do some gym. There were some weeks when I would do close too 100km a week.
It became my drug.
Then I got a serious illness and basically couldn’t run anymore, so I again turned back to drinking heavily which in turn made the illness worse but I thought I needed to occupy myself so I wouldn’t be idle.
I did this for at least a year until my specialist doctor said my blood results were not good and if it deteriorated I would need major surgery.
I didn’t want this and the potential outcome from surgery so I decided to join the local gym.
In 12 months I went from a 72kg man to 87 kgs as again I became obsessed with gym. It also gave me some confidence.
I had a good job through all this but never settled. In 2005 I quit my job to buy a cafe in the city (I had never done owned a business before)
I was working up to 80 hours a week. Sub consciously it was all occupying me and keeping me busy.
After 2.5 years I sold it as I was burnt out. In all this previous time I never had a permanent girlfriend, but in the cafe I meet the girl of my dreams which helped me understand life a lot better
A mate at the time got me a job in high rise construction , again I had never been in such an environment but thought I would give it a go. An accountant, cafe owner now employed as a labourer. I jumped into 100% but my mate told my boss ‘ Peter has brains’ some I began to set up a lot of his processes and price jobs . I was now the golden boy in their eyes as they had never had anyone who could do I what I could on a construction site. I was one of the boys but couldn’t ld go off to meetings to win multi million dollar jobs. Over 10 years the business went from turning over 2.5 million a year to over 15 million from my hard work and setting up a partnership with a Chinese company.
Then things started to change , I stopped going to meetings , I was back on site instead of office, I was seeing a lot of lies been told to me, I stopped going to China. At Xmas 2016 I was told over the phone that they couldn’t afford to keep me . I was shocked as I was told by the old boss I was his other son. I was now not needed as I had saved and grown their business and had called them out on their lies and they didn’t like it.
It hit hard and I made some silly decisions in a bad headspace and have my beautiful lady from saving me from been a statistic.
I promised her I would seek professional help and it has put me in a place where I am happy.
Along the way I unfortunately have alienated myself from all my friends as I never told them what I was going through and my sister who unfortunately thinks life is all about her.

We sold up from city life and now live down at lakes entrance which has also helped.
It’s never wrong to morn your loss no matter how long ago, but it is so wrong not to speak up. I just wish I had the confidence back years ago to continue with the help I was given but thought I was ok.
I shut up for so long as I never really grieved properly .
I still miss the days I went to the footy with my dad .
 
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jimandphilbadge

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Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
 

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ozzyoslo

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Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
Just sharing and opening is a start in the right direction.....small steps. :)
 

LuvtheKangas

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Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
Mate, I've always considered you one of the good guys here. Hope it turns around for you quickly.
 

DarkPhoenix

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Thread starter #289
Thanks for all sharing their experiences.

Been in a rough patch for what is only 3 and a bit weeks, but feels like it's been several months. Pretty much the combination of a few kicks happening all at once: Had a parent fall very ill Christmas Eve, a person who I'd been seeing (and I thought it was going well) practically begin ghosting me the day before that, an ex bombard me with several hurtful texts that same day with shit that could have been said 2 years ago, as well as being the understanding ear for 2 mates who are are currently doing it very tough themselves. Then I have returned to work where everyone's attitude is pesimistic as we're in limbo as to whether we'll have jobs beyond this year.
The sum of all parts has made me feel constantly miserable, but I'm trying to do a few things. My diet the last 3 weeks has been the best it's been in years, I've been more active in exercise in a long time, and I think I've had the sum total of 5 beers in a month.
The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I know it'll pass and the few mates I've told have been supportive, but it ******* sucks. Even writing this I'm torn between sounding like a whiner or that it's ok to write it out to anonymous strangers.
One thing I am going to try is that work offers free service to psychologists. Basically just to hash it out, to feel ok leaving the house, and to get tips on concentrating at work because I've been useless there since January 1st.
Thanks for all the reads, it's given me the confidence to make the call 👍
Mate, this is exactly what this thread is about.

Never be ashamed to share here. It's anonymous, and those who click this thread are doing so to interact with others doing it tough.

You will never be judged here.

Taking that first step is the hardest, and you've done that.
 

DarkPhoenix

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Thread starter #290
In regard to myself, lasting issues with Social Anxiety much like JaPB is experiencing, I may have just found a job after 2 yrs of being off and looking for proper employment.

Smaller, quiet place doing something I can get my teeth stuck into. Just waiting to hear from their HR as to whether its a yes or no, but I'm crossing my everything.
 
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Mastermind, thank you for writing this post. It is one of the most insightful and relatable things I have read in a long time, on this forum or elsewhere.

Now, I'm not about to drive to the Bolte - far from it. I'm happy. But silently and consciously I have to work on keeping it together. The results are mixed but no one can tell. I've always been the smart one, practical, questionable sense of humour, dependable albeit mostly invisible. But my experience from 18 years ago has made me totally aware that one unexpected shot to my bow could sink me and if it did then "He always seemed so level headed," "He seemed so laid back," "I thought he was in control." etc. I'm always walking a tightrope but no one is watching my act. I don't mean this as I slight against my wife - she amazes me every day but it's just my thing to bear.
I suspect there are a lot of men out there who feel much the same way. They battle their own thoughts, on their own, so as not to burden those around them.

People can call it 'gender stereotypes', or whatever other pseudo-scientific nonsense they like, but the reality is that the man of a household has to remain stoic, lest he upset (and possibly even lose) the ones he loves. There are some men who will tell you that their partners were there for them when things were grim. There are plenty more who can tell you that when they needed support the most, it vanished.

And so the smarter men try to remain stoic and battle through it. And who ever told us that life is not a battle against our own minds? Who convinced us that the downs are not every bit as much an essential part of life as the ups? Who told us that we could or should expect a smooth ride for 70 years? That isn't practical or realistic. I try to remind myself of this: the downs don't make me a victim. They make me a human. I'm not saying necessarily that I 'embrace' the downs, but I accept them. The worry goes away.

Thanks again for your post. I am sure there are dozens, even hundreds of people out there who have read it and gotten something valuable from it, even if they do not all leave comments or 'likes'.
 

Val Keating

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Had a pretty shit day today. Kept it together for the most part, apart from this post. In a strange way I come to this site to escape. Footy can change my line of thinking, stop obsessing over everything I do wrong or how I could’ve done it better. Isn’t it strange that big footy has a platform to reach out to but when you do you feel like there are campaigners rubbing their hands together..’we’ve got one’....Yeah I’m ******. Tomorrow I’ll be ok, probably the day after too but I know it will come back, and on that day I’ll have to try to keep it together. I’m not sure what’s worse, the bad days or the days when I feel ok but can’t stop thinking about when the next bad patch is coming and how long it will last next time?

Apologies for the rant.
 

Val Keating

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Counterpoint to my above post is that my immediate thought when I wake up the next day is to delete it. It’s ******* hard work putting on a facade.
 

The Other Dean

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Massive kudos to all that have shared your experiences.

I'm no expert on mental health matters. Just an average shitkicker who most of you only know via this forum. At the same time I like to think I'm pretty easy to talk to and can - on the rare occasion - offer up the odd life-learned nugget of wisdom. (I appreciate that there may be some folk who disagree with the previous sentence.)

To that end, I just want to extend an open PM invitation to anyone who might want someone to chat to. Hate to hear of anyone from my North Bigfooty family going through rough times and would love to do anything I can to help. I know that may not be worth a pinch of shit but just thought I'd put it out there. My PM door is always open.

Cheers.
 

Val Keating

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Massive kudos to all that have shared your experiences.

I'm no expert on mental health matters. Just an average shitkicker who most of you only know via this forum. At the same time I like to think I'm pretty easy to talk to and can - on the rare occasion - offer up the odd life-learned nugget of wisdom. (I appreciate that there may be some folk who disagree with the previous sentence.)

To that end, I just want to extend an open PM invitation to anyone who might want someone to chat to. Hate to hear of anyone from my North Bigfooty family going through rough times and would love to do anything I can to help. I know that may not be worth a pinch of shit but just thought I'd put it out there. My PM door is always open.

Cheers.
You’re a good human TOD.
 
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He is indeed.

This forum is a lot of things - most of them very good, and a lot of them great. One of the goods is that it provides a safe space, for communication and support where otherwise it might not be that easy. A place where you can lay down the facade, and rest from it for a moment. It's a place of temporary freedom. Thank you to all and anyone on here who has helped out one of our own. And to all the brave people who have posted in this thread, thank you for your courage. Keep fighting. Keep going. We're here for you.

ps - Val, don't delete your posts. They're great.
 

hilly

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The one thing I'm finding the hardest is to leave the house to socialise. I'm usually seldom home as I'm always up for something, but I find myself either making excuses not to leave, or if I do head out, excusing myself quickly and heading back home.
I'm far from an expert but I occasionally find it tempting to lock myself away for a period of time. The problem for me is that the longer I do that the harder it is to turn it around and do something outside the house or even a room in the house itself. Logically that shouldn't be the case and I pretty much always never regret

To everyone else, I applaud your contributions to this thread. I don't get too verbose on BigFooty as some of you may have noticed :)cool:) but I might come back with some more thoughts later.
 

ferball

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Counterpoint to my above post is that my immediate thought when I wake up the next day is to delete it. It’s ******* hard work putting on a facade.
FWIW its good you didn't.

Its alright to feel like shit sometimes.

It kind of pisses me off that we're expected to cope with depression and alienation and everything else (especially when so much of it is down to how we live in this world well actually this society/economy.) All the time.

Some of the time sure but all the time?

And look, if you know you are gonna go thru that stuff again then probably the best thing you can do is try and find some skills and techniques to get thru it when it hits you. Then you wont have to worry about what's gonna happen to the same extent when it does hit you. Its not as simple as those words make it sound but if you're prepared in any way then those things become less daunting even if you you know they are coming you aren't completely powerless.

You mentioned EMDR therapy. i've never done it but I read a psyche book years ago - a guide for therapists dealing with people talking about past trauma among other things and it did talk about people's eye movements when going from one trance state to another (from the framework that we're in one trance or another most of the time) or processing memories and how they were processed.

It got me thinking and watching myself, (disassociating a bit then watching myself and trying to learn about what drives me to act,) and I've done meditation like things and that sort of stuff on and off for years, so that was easier than it might have been otherwise. It helped me become aware of my thought processes and to be conscious about how I was conscious, if that makes sense. Tho its the sort of thing you stop I stopped doing and its easy to fall back into old patterns.

These days there is a lot of talk about mindfulness, self awareness and the like. Watching yourself and understanding triggers and all the rest. A lot of it is very similar to eastern "mystical" traditions, which are pretty similar. This was long before EDMR became a therapy so there's probably way more to it. anyway...

My understanding is that particular processes, especially memory related trauma, involve very specific eye movements. And that using conscious control and external stimulation - ie watching something consciously in a way that forces different eye movements while thinking about the traumatic thing - changes the way you process the trauma.

I'm no expert or qualified psychologist tho. So this is just my opinion.

And all i know about it is related to trauma and memory - its especially useful in PTSD from what i understand. Dunno if its any good for other things.



Using the idea of trances as normal states of consciousness is an interesting model of how your brain works.

There were two books I read at the time - Monsters and Magical Sticks: there's no such thing as hypnosis (by Stephen Heller and Terry Steele)
and the one i mentioned that i can't remember the name of.

I think it was Trances People Live by someone called Stephen Wolinsky. Pretty sure the PDfs are around somewhere online. i've got hard copies somewhere (it might take a while to find them) if you ever want to read them and can't find them online or easily.
 
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Ferbs, you're so on point, as usual - the idea that we are expected to be "on" every day or else there must be something wrong with us is something that I think puts incredible pressure on people. I've always been an "introvert" (as society would label me), even as a kid. I'd come home from school and climb up the tree in my back yard and read for hours instead of playing with friends. Or be up in my room, just drawing. I know my mum thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was 'anti-social", but that was just me. It IS just me. My coping mechanism is solitude, and I've come to think of it as just that - a way to feeling peace, and not a flaw at all. I completely understand people who need to have their own space, for whatever length of time. It's not something you can put parameters on that measure whether it's okay, or how much is okay, or think that you're weird if you feel like you need it. You're not. I think all it means is that you're a little more connected to your true self, that you are more able to listen to your own needs than those people who are more "social". I see it as being more intuitive and sensitive, and even though it often means you have to deal with the challenges that come with that, like anxiety or depression, I have come to see it as a gift. A more tuned-in way of being. No one ever said it would be easy though, and I feel for anyone who struggles with the challenges of the flip-side of it on a daily basis.

One of the things that has helped me more than anything else is reiki. I highly recommend anyone who has the means, and feels open to trying out energy work, seek out a good reiki practitioner. Don't be put off by the New Age woo-woo hocus pocus-ness of it. Or all the hipsters out there burning sage. In the hands of a good practitioner it's incredibly powerful stuff. Think of it as a guided meditation without words. It works along the body's meridians in a similar way to acupuncture, but it's really a whole different ball of wax, and very hard to describe. But take my word for it, and just try it. It will only help, I promise. And like ferbs was saying about past-trauma and stuff you're not even conscious of, it's a very good tool for bringing that up and releasing it.

Anyways, yeah. Anyone who's struggling, if you can, I really recommend giving it a try. It will do no harm, and at best it'll make you feel like you're incredibly supported. And from there, the battle only becomes easier.
 
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Val Keating

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FWIW its good you didn't.

Its alright to feel like shit sometimes.

It kind of pisses me off that we're expected to cope with depression and alienation and everything else (especially when so much of it is down to how we live in this world well actually this society/economy.) All the time.

Some of the time sure but all the time?

And look, if you know you are gonna go thru that stuff again then probably the best thing you can do is try and find some skills and techniques to get thru it when it hits you. Then you wont have to worry about what's gonna happen to the same extent when it does hit you. Its not as simple as those words make it sound but if you're prepared in any way then those things become less daunting even if you you know they are coming you aren't completely powerless.

You mentioned EMDR therapy. i've never done it but I read a psyche book years ago - a guide for therapists dealing with people talking about past trauma among other things and it did talk about people's eye movements when going from one trance state to another (from the framework that we're in one trance or another most of the time) or processing memories and how they were processed.

It got me thinking and watching myself, (disassociating a bit then watching myself and trying to learn about what drives me to act,) and I've done meditation like things and that sort of stuff on and off for years, so that was easier than it might have been otherwise. It helped me become aware of my thought processes and to be conscious about how I was conscious, if that makes sense. Tho its the sort of thing you stop I stopped doing and its easy to fall back into old patterns.

These days there is a lot of talk about mindfulness, self awareness and the like. Watching yourself and understanding triggers and all the rest. A lot of it is very similar to eastern "mystical" traditions, which are pretty similar. This was long before EDMR became a therapy so there's probably way more to it. anyway...

My understanding is that particular processes, especially memory related trauma, involve very specific eye movements. And that using conscious control and external stimulation - ie watching something consciously in a way that forces different eye movements while thinking about the traumatic thing - changes the way you process the trauma.

I'm no expert or qualified psychologist tho. So this is just my opinion.

And all i know about it is related to trauma and memory - its especially useful in PTSD from what i understand. Dunno if its any good for other things.



Using the idea of trances as normal states of consciousness is an interesting model of how your brain works.

There were two books I read at the time - Monsters and Magical Sticks: there's no such thing as hypnosis (by Stephen Heller and Terry Steele)
and the one i mentioned that i can't remember the name of.

I think it was Trances People Live by someone called Stephen Wolinsky. Pretty sure the PDfs are around somewhere online. i've got hard copies somewhere (it might take a while to find them) if you ever want to read them and can't find them online or easily.

Cheers mate. I’m booked in on the 27th of feb. I’m pretty sceptical to be honest. I’m just giving it a go. The problem is they tell me I have ptsd but I don’t think I do. It’s not like I have one event that I can think about that triggers me. In fact, when I think about bad stuff I don’t feel anything (no psyco lol) it’s every day mundane shit that gets me.
 
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